The Upbeat Dad: More Than a Blog, It's a Mission and a Movement

Would you believe that we're closing in on another year since we launched the Upbeat Dad blog? It was the first week of October 2010 that we hit the "air waves.". And what a thrilling ride it's been since then!


The most significant part of the experience for me has been connecting with you, our readers. This is because, despite all that I write about, without you, the matters that I share wouldn't be quite the same. I treasure the privilege of sharing thoughts that make a difference in the lives of others. That's what this whole thing is about.

As we close in on another year since our launch, it has become increasingly clear to me that our vision is expanding daily. As time goes on, new components to the vision become evident and that's a thrill to know. In my view, our kids are the ultimate beneficiaries of the work that we're doing so to me, it's the job of a lifetime.

Anyone who's close to me can tell you that since the mid '90s I've had a vision to make a difference in the world through the mediums of speaking and writing. When divorce hit my home in 2001, for a while I thought my dream was over. It was just too much to deal with. 


Little did I know that the very difficult period of adjusting to life after that marriage was my audition for the job I have now - particularly as it relates to my role as a dad. To me, recovering from the divorce was a lesson in survival. But the lesson was well learned and I've recovered just fine.

As I began sharing our message through the blog, I quickly knew we were on to something. The need for this message is evidenced in so many ways. Here in the United States, there's a crisis in the home - our fathers are missing. And as a consequence, children become vulnerable in innumerable ways. Statistics show us that these kids are at a significant disadvantage compared to kids who have loving, involved dads present in their lives.

On this blog, I've shared different posts that are geared towards helping dads of all types to learn how to become upbeat dads. And I think that this medium is quite effective. At the same time, I've also come to realize that the Upbeat Dad is not a blog but rather a movement.

The message is clear - kids need their dads. So how do we share the message? The answer to that question is the journey of my life.


I've heard it said that the reward for hard work is more hard work. And believe me, hard work is what we're doing. It's quite fulfilling; so in a sense, it's not work to me. But it's very involved - more than I could really say here. Suffice it to say, it consumes me - and I love every minute of it!

Here's what we've accomplished thus far. We've successfully launched the blog. As I write this, we're over 60,000 hits. Readers all over the globe are engaged in what we're sharing. On social media - Facebook and Twitter, we've made a number of connections as we share the message. Interacting with others through these mediums is something that I thoroughly enjoy. I've connected with many of you through these innovative tools.

Then we successfully launched the Upbeat Dad Community Forum. We've had 2 such events thus far. And there's much more to come in this area. Bringing together experts such as family attorneys and family therapists with members of the general public to address matters on fatherhood is very much needed and quite effective.

As we carry out these tasks, other windows of opportunity are opening up. I've had a number of radio interviews thus far - including on BBC radio. And I've had a number of speaking engagements, particularly as of late. I recently spoke at a conference in Miami to close to 300 county officials and employees on the subject: The Importance of a Father's Influence on a Child's Life. I anticipate doing more such engagements as time goes on.

Now here's the highlight of this post: Behind the scenes, we have assembled a team of highly skilled professionals to take our vision to the next level. We've invested much time, money and effort to ensure that we continually "package" the message to share through different mediums.

And it's not just about sharing the message - it's about actively being a part of the solution to the fatherhood crisis. I learned early in my career as an accountant that whenever I identify a problem, instead of running to my boss to tell of the problem, I should think of a solution even before uttering a word. So now, I try to think of solutions instead of just talking about the problems. In my view, this is key as we carry out our vision.

In the coming weeks and months you'll hear more about what we're now doing behind the scenes. So stay tuned because, believe me, it's all about making a difference in a significant way.

And let me add this here: I'm based in the United States but the more I get into this work, the more I recognize the global nature of what we're doing. A friend of mine from the UK was here visiting this weekend and he shared with me that one of the root causes of what we saw with the recent riots and fires was partly due to the fact that many of the kids who were involved in the chaos do not have fathers or father figures. So for some, they display their frustration with issues they encounter in life in counterproductive ways. And one of those ways is disregard for authority and the potential consequences for their actions.


In my view, this is another opportunity to share the message and become a part of the solution. That's what our work is all about - even in unpleasant circumstances.

The platform that I have to share this message is something I'll never take for granted. The lives of many are impacted by what we do and that, to me, is an awesome responsibility. I'm all for doing what needs to be done to ensure that others benefit. And when I think of the innocent kids whose lives are affected by the different issues that we identify, I'm driven even more to do something meaningful on their behalf.

Thanks for tuning in and for sharing our work with others. We're doing meaningful work together and believe me when I say that our labor is not in vain. Stay tuned for more - we're going somewhere good with this.

All the very best to you and yours.

The Upbeat Dad

Why We're Postponing Our Son's First Birthday Party

Rodrick's son

Earlier this month our son turned 1 year old. Now if you ask me how it happened so fast, I'd say I have no idea. It's really so true when people say that time flies when you're having fun. I also have a tween - a 12 year old who officially becomes a teenager next month. She's the only child from my first marriage. She resides with my wife and me. During the summertime and holidays she goes to her mom - my ex - who relocated to her home state after the divorce.

My wife and I were excited to see our not so newborn little son reach his first major milestone by turning 1. It's really a cause for celebration. So we thought that a party was in order.

Now here's the kicker - and the basis for me writing this post. We made a decision together to postpone his birthday party until our daughter returns from her summer break. Although that would be at least 3 to 4 weeks after his birthday, we very much wanted her to be a part of it. So on his birthday, we just went out for a very informal dinner - just the 3 of us.

Here's why we made this decision: We're a closely knit family so while our daughter spends a lot of time with her mother, she's also a vital part of our household. Without her, our blended family isn't quite complete.

I wrote about The Story of My Blended Family to share how I went from being a divorced/single father to a happily married father of 2. My wife and daughter, in my view, are the model of how a stepparent/stepchild relationship should be. They genuinely love and respect each other and have a bond that is so close that many people mistakenly believe that they're biologically related. They're that close.

Whenever our daughter's away, to my wife and me, her presence is missed. But still, we love the fact that she has 2 homes where she's loved and always welcome. I'm sure that to my ex, the sentiments are the same; our daughter really has the gift to light up a home.

While she's been away for the summer, her brother has become an expert at creeping. And now he's in the last part of that phase as he's trying to graduate to the walking phase. He's developing so fast that it's amazing to think that not too long ago, he was a little 5 lb 8 oz newborn bundle of joy.

When he was born last year, his big sister was also away. I ensured that she was kept abreast of the whole process - especially the very long labor. And when he was born, she was the first person who was not in the delivery room to hear the news that he was born.


So now that he's 1 year old, I also believe it's important that she's a key part of his birthday celebration. She told me that she wants to help plan his party. So now that she has returned, the planning has begun.

Why do I share this post? Well, I believe that embedded within it is something that all families - particularly blended families - can learn from. Kids are wonderful and special. They love to know that they're treasured in every way.

With the 2 scenarios that I just described - the birth and first birthday of our son - quite easily, if we handled them differently, our daughter could have felt left out of a major occurrence in the family. She could have felt like an outsider looking in on a happy celebration. But she's at the core of it all, so in my view, those two very significant events wouldn't be quite the same without demonstrating to her that she's a part of it all.

I wonder how many parents in a similar situation would take the same approach. In particular, I wonder how many stepmothers would postpone their firstborn's first birthday party so that their stepdaughter can be a part of it. Believe me, children know when their well-being is at the forefront of their parents' minds. So kudos to my wife for her role in this. It really speaks volumes about her.

If you're a part of a blended family, I encourage you to think through situations like this that present themselves all the time. Sibling rivalry can be an issue. And especially when siblings don't share both parents, if not handled properly, a lot of resentment and animosity can develop.

Please ensure that every decision you make, you think about what message is being sent to the kids. They know more than we give them credit for at times.

I hope that this post has spoken to your hearts. And if it encourages you to make some changes in your approach to parenting, please implement those changes quickly. Your kids will know and appreciate the effort on your part.

Do enjoy your day.

Rodrick and his family

The Upbeat Dad

  

The Upbeat Dad: The Day in 2002 That Started It All

All this week we're doing special posts to celebrate reaching the 50,000 hits milestone on our blog. Today's post is one that's literally been almost 10 years in the making. You see, long before I even thought of the name "The Upbeat Dad," there was a turbulent period that I went through that set in motion a series of events that has now resulted in the formation of this organization.


Anyone who's known me well for the past 10 to 15 years can attest to the fact that I've had the desire to impact the world with a positive message of hope from the mid '90s. Specifically, I wanted to become a motivational speaker and author - somewhat like Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar and Les Brown. This desire was in place long before I met and married my former wife.

I was just another Certified Public Accountant but I had an awakening of sorts about my life's purpose. I can assure you that my plan for successfully impacting the world didn't include this script: get married and have a child. Then when the child is 3 years old, get divorced and live the life of a single/divorced dad for 7 years. Then get remarried and have another child.Then start a blog about the whole experience. Such a plan wasn't in the cards. I’m a “family first” person and I thought that my first marriage was for a lifetime. But as the expression goes, I had to play the hand that I was dealt and that's that.


With this post, I won't take you through the entire story of what occurred during the difficult period of my divorce. I write about it enough on this blog. You can read The Story Behind The Upbeat Dad and How I Could Have Become a Deadbeat Dad for more information.


What I seek to do here is to open the window for a moment and show you the day that I decided to start this movement. We now call it the Upbeat Dad but at the time, I was just trying to make sense of all that happened and wanted to share some encouragement with others facing a similar plight.


It was shortly after the divorce was finalized in July 2002. I had been through the drama and trauma of a messy divorce. Literally, at least once a month for the previous 10 months, I had been in family court dealing with some issue. Then after that I had some post-divorce custody issues that had me again as a regular in the courthouse for a while longer.

I'll tell you here that I had some real heavy issues to sort through - no fun and games here. This was no routine divorce - it was messy from day one. But when the dust finally settled, there remained a wonderful 3 year old child – a daughter – who was loved by both her mom and dad.


For most of the time going through the process, I found myself perpetually behind the 8 ball - responding to different issues. I was determined not to let the moments of turmoil cause me to lose heart and give up. My daughter was the focal point of all of this experience and I had to keep that in mind.


One day in late that year, I found myself to be at a real low point. It seemed like not too long before, I had things going so well: a beautiful wife, wonderful daughter and a dream job with a multinational investment firm. We lived in a nice house on the lake in sunny South Florida. Life was good - it really was.


But here I now was: divorced and lonely; practically homeless - and I really would have been had it not been for my sister and her family. They housed me for 18 months during the divorce and its immediate aftereffects. I lost the house and everything in it. My credit was ruined. I even contemplated filing bankruptcy.

It was a really rough patch. My American dream was now a living nightmare and that was just the reality of it. I lost so much weight from the stress of it all. I wasn't clinically diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I suffered from depression for a while there.


With that as the backdrop, let me now share with you how this lemon of a situation became the refreshing lemonade we now call the Upbeat Dad organization.


As I had done a few times in my life before, I turned to paper and pen. I began writing down my thoughts about my plight. More than that, I began devising a plan to get myself out of that pit. That wasn't me - being down and depressed and lonely, even as I was surrounded by the love of family and friends. I’m better than that.


My sister and a friend from church had previously suggested that I start some type of support group for men who faced the horrors of the family court system. That thought was in the back of my mind as I began to write.

After a couple hours, when my writing was done, I had about 12 pages of stuff to sort through. After I reviewed it, here was my plan of action:


1. I'm going to get through this no matter what - and live a more meaningful life than I had before.


2. I have to forgive my ex and forgive myself for all that transpired. We didn't get married to end up in such a heated court battle. Neither of us was 100% to blame so I am prepared to shoulder my share.


3. I'm going to focus 100% on our daughter - her well-being is the only thing of the marriage worth focusing on


4. I'm going to share the journey with others and encourage them - both men and women – to hang in there and stand up for their kids.

That was my personal "to do" list - written almost 9 years ago.

From that process, my first writing in this new mission was a poem of love written to my daughter. It was written a couple days after that moment of reflection. It's entitled My Child, My Love, My Angel. She had just turned 4 years old and certainly could not read it yet. But it's something that I acted out in my love and care for her.


I hope you enjoy reading these words because they were a source of healing for me and I believe that, if you're now in a similar plight, they will have a similar effect on you:

My Child, My Love, My Angel

By Rodrick Walters © 2002

My child, my love, my angel, my daughter, you’re the one,

Created in God’s image, you are a work well done,

I’ll never forget the day we met, that late mid-summer eve,

You made my day and how I prayed that you would never leave;

The joy is mine to see you grow and blossom every day,

Amazed to see you flourish, grow sweeter day by day,

To know you is a wonder, to father you, divine,

It’s such a thrill always know that you’re forever mine;

You’re smart, you’re sweet, intelligent – that is your claim to fame,

Just promise that you’ll never forget the means from which you came,

Humility, sincerity, integrity are best,

Hold on to these and never leave, and you’ll pass life’s great test;

I hate to know you suffered at the end of Mom and Dad,

I know it hurt to see you lose the happy home you had,

But one good thought that gives me peace and makes me sleep at night,

Is knowing that the birth of you is one thing we did right;

We can’t go back, my child, my love, to turn the hands of time,

Life must go on, and on, and on, it’ll somehow fall in line,

I’m here for you to care for you, to be your dad, your friend,

This precious love I have for you will never reach an end;

I’ll never find the words to say, just how you make me feel,

I’ve seen in you a dream come true; I know this love is real,

No matter where this life may lead, my love, just always know,

You’ve made my life much more complete than you will ever know.

And thus started the journey that we now know as the Upbeat Dad organization. If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t do a thing differently. That’s not a claim of perfection on my part but the experience has been worth every moment.

The struggles have made me stronger and I believe that the bond between my daughter and me has been more fortified as a result. She’s a happy, well-adjusted child who officially becomes a teen next month. She continues to have the love of her parents. Plus she now has a loving stepmother and a little baby brother.


Life is really a beautiful experience – even with the mountains and valleys. If you’re now at the stage where I was so many years ago, hang in there. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel because each person’s experience is unique to them. However, I can relate to the disappointment of a lost love. And when a child is caught in the middle of it, it really can be traumatic. But you know what? As my mom always says, “The darkest part of the night is just before the dawn.”


You can and you will make it through. Very soon your crying will become laughter and your mourning will become dancing. Life goes on and life does get better. I hope that these words find a resting place in your heart – a place where they encourage and empower you to bounce back like the champion you know that you are. Keep your head up because you’re destined for great things.


There’s no way I could share these words with you and our other readers had I not experienced the difficulties myself. If you’re going through a challenge now, how will you use the darkness of the moment to shine a light of hope so others can also be encouraged? These experiences are really your gift – as difficult as they may be. Embrace them and use them to inspire and empower others.


Do enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

Celebrating 50,000 Hits For The Cause of a Lifetime!

This past Friday, we reached a significant milestone on our blog - 50,000 hits! If you've followed our posts for any length of time, you'll probably know that we launched in early October of last year. So if you do the math, you'd see that this feat has been accomplished in less than 10 months. It's quite significant, in my view. All this week, our posts will commemorate this milestone in different ways. And at the end of the week, we'll do a giveaway of some items that are quite precious to me. 


When I started the Upbeat Dad blog, I wanted to share a message of hope with others. I don't believe that I've shared this before but this isn't the first blog I've had. A little over 3 years ago, I started another blog. The emphasis on that one was general motivation. I wrote about the timeless principles of success and tied those principles to current events to show how they can be applied to any situation. 

I thought the concept was great. One little problem though: no one knew it was there. Every blog post was consistently read by only 3 people - yes, 3, and I was one of them! The other 2 were my then-girlfriend (who's now my wife) and a coworker friend of hers. How about that, huh?

I reflect on those days now with a smile. The concept of sharing general motivational messages is fine but the concept of the Upbeat Dad speaks to a deeper issue. Interestingly, I still write about the very same concepts and principles, however I share them in reference to the subject of fatherhood. Success principles such as persistence, determination and resilience are what helped me through some of the challenging experiences I’ve encountered on my fatherhood journey.


To me, there’s no greater cause than to stand up for children. This blog and the entire Upbeat Dad vision is the cause of a lifetime, in my view. Did you know that in the United States alone, 24 million kids go to sleep every night in a home without their biological father? There are consequences that result from such statistics. Specifically, 

•           71% of all high school dropout come from fatherless homes (National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools)
•           85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Center for Disease Control)
•           63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)
•          85% of all youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Fulton County Georgia jail populations & Texas Department of Corrections)

According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, children from fatherless homes are:

•           5 times more likely to commit suicide
•           32 times more likely to run away from home
•           20 times more likely to develop behavioral disorders
•           9 times more likely to drop out of school
•           10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances
•           9 times more likely to end up in a state operated institution
•           20 times more likely to end up in prison
•           5 times more likely to be poor

As I’ve considered the plight of children as a result of these issues, I’ve embarked on a journey – a campaign, if you will – to impact the lives of men, women and children with the message that kids need actively involved fathers in order to be the best that they can be. I’m not formally trained as a counselor or therapist. I’m not a psychologist or anything that would give me a degree. However I’ve had extensive experience being a dad – trained in the school of hard knocks. It hasn’t been all glamorous, trust me. Here’s a quick view of my fatherhood résumé:

• 1998 Became married father of a daughter
• 2001-2002 Had “eye-opening” experience with divorce and saw how the family law system functions to essentially isolate kids from their dads
• 2003 Became a distant parenting dad with my child living over 1,100 miles away and coming for “visits” during holidays and summers
• 2007 Became a full-time single dad of my child (then a 4^th grader)
• 2009 Got remarried
• 2010 Became dad for a 2^nd time – this time to a son.

So that’s my résumé. Do I get the job?

Really though, it’s been an interesting journey – one that has had many twists and turns. My blended family of 4 didn’t come together overnight. We’re a happy bunch but the journey to this point has been challenging. Through this blog, I seek to empower others with different posts that they can apply to their lives immediately. Fatherhood is an all-encompassing experience – one that affects men, women and kids. So I’m happy to share with others, knowing that they stand to benefit from the message.

As I started the blog, I expected to find an audience to hear the message. What I didn't anticipate was the overwhelming response from the general public. I believed that the message would appeal to a certain niche in our society but what has occurred is that it has not only reached that niche but it has reached into so many other areas. Both men and women, whether they're married or not, and whether they're parents or not, are active readers of our blog. 

The number one feedback I hear from others is that our message is so needed. It warms my heart to hear that we're making a difference through this medium. Every so often, I am asked the question, "How do you get so many readers?" My response is always, "Content is king." I even wrote a blog post about it - Content Is King. But that's the key.

I don't have the sophisticated tools that stack the numbers in my favor. I haven’t employed a huge PR firm to bombard media outlets with our message.  I simply write from the heart and share what I believe to be life-changing posts on matters that have impacted my life. Then through the use of social media tools - our Facebook page and our Twitter account, I share the message with the world.

Our message has been readily received all over the globe. We have readers on every continent except Antarctica. Do they have the internet there by the way? Our top 5 countries are: United States, France, Canada, United Kingdom and Russia. It’s really been awesome to know that families from every background are being impacted by this message. I’ve been interviewed twice by the BBC. I’ve had so many doors open – all as a result of this simple, yet profound message.

Another thing I find interesting is that 60% of our readers are female. How about that huh? I think that’s great because fatherhood affects us all. Having men and women involved in this vision is key, in my view. 

I cannot take sole credit for what's occurred. I have my wife to thank immensely for her involvement. I write the posts and tell her what I'd like to see in the finalized product. She then adds photos and presents the written words in what I consider to be a way that appeals to the eyes. It's inviting, in my view. So she's very much a part of this project. 

Most of all, I credit you with the spreading of our message. If you weren't reading, the journey wouldn't be quite as much fun. But as you read and share with others through social media or other means, you help to get the message to those who can benefit. And as you interact with us on our Facebook page and on Twitter and your comments on the blog, it's just gratifying. So I thank you for sharing and for caring. 

Not long ago, we celebrated 10,000 hits. Today, we celebrate 50,000. Before long, it’ll be 100,000. Then 1,000,000. The sky is the only limit. And as I always say, each hit represents a life that can be touched in a meaningful way. So that’s what keeps me going. It’s all about empowering others. Otherwise, it’s just useless chatter.

All this week, we’ll be sharing different posts to commemorate this significant milestone. But quite frankly, in my view, we've only just begun the journey. There's just so much we have planned with our organization. We've already started phase 2 of our vision with our Upbeat Dad Community Forum.

And let me tell you something exciting: behind the scenes, we're working on some initiatives that we believe will make a lasting impact on our world for years to come. We haven’t even scratched the surface yet, as I see it. Our blog is an important part of our vision and mission but it’s not the organization itself. There’s much more to come so stay tuned.

My greatest thrill is knowing that others are positively impacted by our message. So as you read and share and come back, I believe that lives are being enhanced. And that really adds fuel to my fire. It’s as fulfilling an experience as I could imagine. It’s all about you and your families.

Enjoy your day and do come back often. I believe that you’ll enjoy the journey with us.

The Upbeat Dad

A Life Lesson for Dads from a Dying Cell Phone Battery

Recently I noticed that my cell phone battery seemed to be getting drained quite easily. At full charge, it’s supposed to have 8 hours talk time and 22 hours of stand-by/idle time. But it’s gotten so bad lately that if I don’t keep it charged constantly, it gets drained and just shuts down the phone. So while at home or in the car or at work, I’ve had to constantly charge and monitor it.

As I called up the carrier to talk about my options, I had an “ah ha” moment – one that made me think of the perfect analogy. And that’s the subject of this post. I hope you get the point of it because it sends a powerful message in my view. Ok, here we go.

I got the new phone – a Blackberry Bold - over a year ago. It’s been my companion of sorts since then. I’m always on the go and it’s my way of keeping in touch since I use it to manage my life. Phone, email, internet, Facebook, Twitter, calendar and the list goes on and on. I’ve had some technical issues with the device itself but never the battery. It’s always powered up and lasted for the time it’s supposed to.

When I started having issues with it, it wasn’t quite the same. Sometimes I just picked up the phone and saw a blank screen – never even realizing that the battery had been fully drained. I use the alarm clock feature to wake me up in the mornings. I overslept a couple of times because, although the battery was fully charged before I went to sleep, it wasn’t plugged in so by the time the morning rolled around, there was no life in it.

I believe that this issue is the perfect analogy for dads and their kids. When our kids are born, we welcome them with open arms. They’re new and the whole feeling is exciting. I have a 12 year old daughter and I remember how wonderful it was when she was born. I got to relive that feeling 11 months ago when our son was born. It’s like nothing else I’ve experienced – just a thrill and a joy.

But while my pre-teen and toddler grow up, guess what? I have to continue living life. There’s work and all that that entails. There’s so much to do with what I envision from a business standpoint that I literally could work 24 hours a day – three 8 hour shifts; I really could. Then there are personal relationships with family and friends to maintain. There is so much going on that at times I just want to call timeout and get away – turning off the phone, the computer and everything. That’s very much needed sometimes.

In the midst of all of this, I have a wife and two wonderful kids who I care for deeply. They are my life – my pride and joy. It’s hard to recall a time when I didn’t have any of them in my life; it’s as if we’ve been together forever.

Now here’s the connection between the battery and my relationship with the kids. If I should allow my work and life responsibilities to so consume me that I don’t make time for them, that equates to me not charging the battery. Over time, as they grow up, their interests change. 

At age 12, our daughter’s interests are much different than they were a few years ago. She’s into texting and spending time with her cousins and friends now. Not too long ago, we could be together 24/7 and she’d be just fine. Now she has other things that interest her.

Just like with the battery, initially it was just fine. All I needed to do was charge it overnight and I knew that I could do anything I wanted to on the phone all day and never have to worry about it losing power. When our daughter goes to school and I go to work, we don’t see each other for most of the day. And if I’m traveling, I don’t see her for several days. 

If I don’t do my part and maintain that connection (remember, cell phone charging) over time, the relationship slowly fades. And eventually, she would be living her life while I live mine and we could really lose that connection and have to start all over – recharging the battery, if you will.

I wrote a few posts about maintaining a connection with our kids: Cats in the Cradle: A Life Lesson for Working Parents; The Absentee Dad Living at Home; 7 Words That Changed My Life: Daddy Are You Going to the Airport?; and Establishing a Bond Between Dads and Kids. I encourage you to read these because they further tell of the importance of keeping our kids a high priority while we climb the corporate ladder and go about our daily lives.

When there’s a divorce, in a sense, that’s like when the battery has gone bad. There’s no longer that natural bonding that takes place. Both dads and moms have to deal with the fact that the family unit is no longer intact. Generally, the kids live with the mom primarily while the dad gets “every other weekend.” 

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that without investing time and effort into maintaining the relationship with the kids, dads could easily lose that bond. As we continue the analogy, if the battery isn’t always plugged in, the relationship will fade – and then one day, it’ll come to a crashing halt.

When my daughter was three, her mom and I divorced. She lived with her mom primarily but she and I remained close. Then her mom relocated to the northeast US where she’s originally from while I remained here in the Miami area. I didn’t like it but, believe me, though I did everything possible to stop it, it happened anyway. That’s a different story that I can share at a different time.

But my concern with that move was that my daughter could have become alienated from me. So what did I do? Commit to being a loving dad from a distance. She was with her mom during school time but every holiday and summer, she came to me. I visited when I could. I called her teachers and introduced myself. I helped her with her homework over the telephone. I just embraced the fact that no matter what happens, she’s always my child – even if I’m parenting from a distance.

Now the situation I just referred to has totally reversed. She lives with me primarily and goes to see her mom during holidays and the summer. As I write this, she’s with her mom – and has been for over a month; she returns in a few weeks to start the eighth grade. If I let the summer pass without calling and texting her daily, very easily we could lose our connection. She has friends and family on her mom’s side who love and care for her deeply. So, unless I ensure we remain in contact, we could easily have an “out of sight, out of mind experience.”

I hope that you get the point I’m making with this post. We need to keep the connection to our kids as a top priority. They might be young now but before you know it, they’re off to live their lives. Then the bond that we establish with them early in life – and for the 18 or so years that they live with us – will last a lifetime. If we’re there for them through each stage of their development, it’s much easier to keep that bond when they’re older. Believe me, you don’t want to have an adult child and you’re left wondering why (s)he’s estranged from you.


As a fitting conclusion to this post, guess what? Last week I got a new phone – along with a new battery. Now everything is working like a charm - phone’s great; battery lasts as it should and all is well in that regard. The best analogy I can use to relate to this is that 2 ½ years ago, I got remarried. Everything is brand new! And when our little son was born last August, our blended family of four came together. Through it all, the connection – the tie that binds us – is what keeps us going. To maintain and even build on what we’ve got going, we must constantly keep “fully charged” by remaining engaged with each other in every aspect of our lives.

Let this post speak to your hearts. If you need to do some work on your end to build and maintain that connection with your kids, please do so. You’ll love it – and they’ll love it even more. Life is too short to live with regrets. Let’s stand up and play our part to ensure that we are perpetually connected and bonded with our kids.

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad