tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92198033510750305772024-03-13T06:04:17.189-04:00The Upbeat Dad!Welcome! We're all about empowering dads, supporting families!Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.comBlogger231125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-66691983082847094782016-09-20T13:25:00.000-04:002016-10-13T11:07:54.511-04:00An Appeal to Fathers in Unintended Pregnancies<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I traveled to Jamaica recently to speak at a convention.
While I was there, I met a single mother whose story touched my heart, to the
point that, when I returned from the trip, I shared with my wife that I think
we should help to play our part to help her dreams become a reality.</div>
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Her story, sadly, isn’t altogether uncommon. She is relatively young and like many others,
she had dreams of becoming a success in life, of meeting her Prince Charming
and then riding off into the sunset to live happily ever after, as tends to
happen in fairy tale stories. </div>
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Things seemed to be going according to plan. She was on her
way to live the life of her dreams when her story took an unexpected turn. She
met a young man who she thought was her Prince Charming – her knight in shining
armor. They talked of a future together. Well one day, about 4 years ago, she
found out that she was pregnant with their child. And that day revealed to her
just how charming her prince was.<br />
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She said that literally, that was the very last day that she
has seen or corresponded with him. This wasn’t part of the plan but when he
found out what a pregnancy meant, he wanted no part of it so he opted to walk
away altogether from a situation that he helped to create. </div>
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So there she was – left to go through the pregnancy all
alone. She did so despite not having the means to support herself or the child
that she was carrying. However, she had an optimistic outlook, knowing that,
despite the challenging scenario presented to her, she could turn her lemons
into lemonade. </div>
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She has come a long way; she has a son – now 3 years old and
she is getting her life on track. She has aspirations of becoming a business
owner. She’s filled with optimism for the future and having spoken with her, I
have no doubt that she will be successful. Though she is overseas, my wife and
I plan to support her in her business and life pursuits, as best as we can. She
had a tough situation to deal with and has opted to make the best of it. She is
working hard now and is giving her all to help her son have a bright and
promising future.</div>
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Her story reminds me a sub-plot of the classic musical <b><i>Les
Miserables</i></b>. A young lady named Fantine found herself in a similar
state. Like many others, she had great dreams of having a Prince Charming type
of a man to come into her life and sweep her off her feet so that they could live
happily ever after. </div>
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But her reality was that the man who swept her off her feet,
the one who she thought was Prince Charming, was only along for the ride long
enough to get her pregnant. And by the time she realized all that happened, she
found herself destitute, as a young, single mother, wondering why her dream
became a nightmare. </div>
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She became a single mother who could not afford to raise her
daughter on her own so she ended up becoming a prostitute. It was not quite her
intent to sell her body for a living but out of desperation, she found herself
living a life she hated, just to try to make ends meet.</div>
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In one of the more touching scenes from that musical, Fantine
sings the song, <b><i>I Dreamed a Dream</i></b>. Look at the lyrics of this song and see if
you can imagine the emotions as she pours her heart into it:</div>
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<b><i><a href="http://youtu.be/WzNVmZfNoa8">I Dreamed a Dream</a><o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
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There was a time when men were kind<br />
When their voices were soft<br />
And their words inviting<br />
There was a time when love was blind<br />
And the world was a song<br />
And the song was exciting<br />
There was a time<br />
Then it all went wrong<br />
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I dreamed a dream in time gone by<br />
When hope was high<br />
And life worth living<br />
I dreamed that love would never die<br />
I dreamed that God would be forgiving<br />
Then I was young and unafraid<br />
And dreams were made and used and wasted<br />
There was no ransom to be paid<br />
No song unsung, no wine untasted<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA0dx2lXvORodLbpNu63AQ8SMilYJ4uRyY3CYWMvHXAHhzv68GRXvgfruM0I6cnjKIRCxYXuZ52NRSXwlzXfZcJ9OX3bSyAej_H5unLFIWuOSKaAeOJAl-vIPsez4XAPF30XasttonQ_y6/s1600/les-mis-fantine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA0dx2lXvORodLbpNu63AQ8SMilYJ4uRyY3CYWMvHXAHhzv68GRXvgfruM0I6cnjKIRCxYXuZ52NRSXwlzXfZcJ9OX3bSyAej_H5unLFIWuOSKaAeOJAl-vIPsez4XAPF30XasttonQ_y6/s320/les-mis-fantine.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Anne Hathaway as <a href="http://youtu.be/WzNVmZfNoa8">Fantine</a> (Les Miserables)</td></tr>
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But the tigers come at night<br />
With their voices soft as thunder<br />
As they tear your hope apart<br />
As they turn your dream to shame</div>
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He slept a summer by my side<br />
He filled my days with endless wonder<br />
He took my childhood in his stride<br />
But he was gone when autumn came<o:p></o:p></div>
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And still I dream he'll come to
me<br />
That we will live the years together<br />
But there are dreams that cannot be<br />
And there are storms we cannot weather<br />
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I had a dream my life would be<br />
So different from this hell I'm living<br />
So different now from what it seemed<br />
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The sad reality of Fantine’s life is that she became
extremely ill. And before she could be cured, she died. The rest of the story
is one of hope and optimism because her daughter, Cosette, was lovingly raised
by the main character of the musical, Jean Valjean and she grew up and
met and married her loving, Prince Charming named Marius. Cosette lived the
charmed life that her mother could have only dreamed of. For Fantine, her story
was a sad one but fortunately, a beautiful story ensued for her daughter. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCOk2iOxO5wt9xvl1Zzg7ddJTOt8IrOaVaNOHjqTTjb_ylLNFkZIXDjfvbd2Gs45g48Jr9XMGBoJUlSMyoMBq3ifweXmpPlOmundJjG4L6n8JFmGIw49W3shXrTp-bCjfkse_i3BamMlGx/s1600/mother-and-baby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCOk2iOxO5wt9xvl1Zzg7ddJTOt8IrOaVaNOHjqTTjb_ylLNFkZIXDjfvbd2Gs45g48Jr9XMGBoJUlSMyoMBq3ifweXmpPlOmundJjG4L6n8JFmGIw49W3shXrTp-bCjfkse_i3BamMlGx/s320/mother-and-baby.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Why do I share this story – both about Fantine and the young
lady I met in Jamaica? Well, it’s a plea – an appeal, if you will, for us as
men to realize the responsibility of fatherhood. I recognize that not every
pregnancy occurs under the ideal circumstances. Certainly many pregnancies are unwanted and unwelcome – both by the would-be
mother and/or the would-be father. But the simple fact is that no child has
ever asked to be conceived. They come into the world with no choice of their
own.</div>
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This appeal is to my fellow fathers. I believe that far too
often, women are left to raise the children that we helped to create without
our aid. It’s not always easy, I know – especially when the relationships with
the mothers have soured. Still, at a minimum, these children deserve our
financial and emotional support. I recognize that the family law system can be
unfair to men in many ways. I have experienced that personally. But I also know
that our children deserve our love and support; therefore, I believe that so we
ought to step up to the plate – to use the baseball analogy – and do the right
thing for our kids.</div>
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If you have read this post and need to take some corrective
action, I encourage you to do so. You will find a sense of fulfillment, knowing
that you are contributing to the needs of a child that you have helped to bring
into this world. Perhaps you have been missing in action and need to make that
phone call or send that text message to begin making things right. The process
all begins with the decision to make things right and step by step, you can
become the type of father that your child deserves.</div>
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Making the investment in our children, although difficult,
at times, pays dividends for a lifetime. Let’s accept the responsibility that
comes with fatherhood. Generations of children are counting on us!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQdpRXPf7rBZuOcPTxQpPb1P-aoV4y4RSryisl7gkC3UQy28QjMc9Rxou-Dtpcs5a5RIqU7f3zrSnpZv6yT0KRNCxXO2gM9NgvweHnye28dbcZ8mwQqaoMC65_BgAuZtSevd7zYrxSC5Yp/s1600/smiling-happy-family-3d5501.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQdpRXPf7rBZuOcPTxQpPb1P-aoV4y4RSryisl7gkC3UQy28QjMc9Rxou-Dtpcs5a5RIqU7f3zrSnpZv6yT0KRNCxXO2gM9NgvweHnye28dbcZ8mwQqaoMC65_BgAuZtSevd7zYrxSC5Yp/s400/smiling-happy-family-3d5501.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Enjoy your day,</div>
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The Upbeat Dad<br />
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-81684832008518235392016-07-11T09:55:00.000-04:002016-10-13T11:51:12.097-04:00The Company You Keep: Helping Your Kids to Develop the Right Friendships<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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One of the life experiences that I consider so valuable is
becoming a parent after having been parented by my dad and mom. I learned their
approach in dealing with my siblings and me and now I have the privilege of
instilling in my own kids the values that I believe will guide them to have
successful lives. I was given life lessons in a loving way by my parents and now
I seek to do the same as a parent.<br />
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During my childhood, I recall both my mother and father, at different times, warning me about “keeping bad company.” By that, they meant that I should be careful of the associations I had with other people. As a child who felt he knew what was best for him, I didn’t really care to hear what they had to say. Who were they to tell me who I could or couldn’t talk to? I can make my own choices, right?
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Well today, I can look in the rear view mirror and truly thank them for knowing what was best for me. So many years later, I have come to the realization that they were wise beyond words. Indeed, you are known by the company you keep.
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<span style="background-color: white;">Each day, children all over the world meet other children –
at school, on the playground, at the mall, at places of worship, etc. Some of
these individuals just remain acquaintances. Some of them become friends. And
others become more than just friends – they become so close that a lifetime
bond is created.</span></div>
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As life goes on, the closer that individuals are as friends,
the more their lives tend to mirror each other. For instance, I met my best
friend during my university studies in the late 1980s. Looking back over the
years, it’s almost surreal just how much our lives mirror each other’s. We
studied in the business school and have gone on to different positions in the
finance and accounting field in the corporate world. We got married and started
families around the same time. Over the years, our lives have changed in
innumerable ways but our friendship has remained the same.</div>
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So how have we become such good friends? As I look back over
the 19 years that we lived prior to meeting each other, I see that our lives
were along parallel paths. We were both born in Jamaica – each as the 3<sup>rd</sup>
of 4 children. Both of our dads were school principals and lay preachers at
church. Both of our moms were teachers. In the early 1980s, our families
migrated from Jamaica to the state of Texas. We met in 1989 at the University
of Texas at Austin and have been just like brothers since. I believe that we
both have enhanced each other’s lives over the years.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rodrick (The Upbeat Dad) and college buddies</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="background-color: white;">So what point am I making in this? We both come from loving
homes with loving parents and siblings. When we went off to college, because of
the values instilled in us at home, we tended to gravitate towards people who
shared our similar values. We have a circle of friends – of different races and
cultures. But our common bond is that we come from loving homes and we tend to
share the same values.</span></div>
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We were fortunate, in that, our parents had a positive
influence on us and helped us to make the right choices when we went away to
school. There are so many others who we’ve met along the way who didn’t have
the type of influence that we had. Many came from homes without the presence of
a father. Others came from two parent households but the type of nurturing that was
necessary to help them become their best wasn’t given. And it was to their
detriment.</div>
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As parents, we have an obligation to guide our kids to make
the right choices in life. My daughter begins high school this coming fall. It
seems like only a few years ago I was there when she entered this world. Now
she’s about to embark on the last few years of schooling before she goes off to
college. She’s an honor roll student and quite personable. But the thing I’m
most proud about is the choices she has made in having friends. Those
individuals have a direct impact on her success in the classroom and ultimately
in life.</div>
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I heard several years ago that working adults tend to make
within $10,000 - $15,000 of their closest associates. And that makes perfect
sense. Like-minded individuals tend to read the same books, go to similar
social events, interact with the same type of people and so on. It’s just one of those things in life that
isn’t a mystery. You may have heard it said that we are known by the company we
keep. I’ve found it to be true.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">I wonder how many parents don’t know who their kids’ friends
are. I also wonder how many dads are so busy working, traveling, golfing and
climbing the corporate ladder that they don’t know the company that their kids
keep. If you don’t know, now may be a good time to begin the process of getting
to know. Here are some tips:</span></div>
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Talk to your kids' friends when they come over to your home and get to know them.</div>
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Offer to take your kids and their friends to a ball game or some other type of social setting. Have fun, but also observe the type of interaction that they have with each other. </div>
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Schedule conferences with your kids' school teachers and find out from them if they have any concern about influences that others have on your kid. </div>
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Share your own testimonials with your kids about your own lifelong friendships and the positive influences that you have had. This will speak volumes to them - as they will know you're not only saying it but you've lived it.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Those are just a few tips to help you get on the right track
in imparting wisdom to your kids.</span></div>
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As parents, we have 18 or so years to have an influence on
the daily lives of our children. When they go off to college or to face life’s
other challenges, they will be guided by the values and principles instilled in
them while they are under our care. It’s a huge responsibility that you and I
have. Let’s endeavor to demonstrate our love for our kids by helping them to
make the choices that will guide them into the future.</div>
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Enjoy your day,</div>
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The Upbeat Dad</div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-42062922998841744942016-06-24T12:52:00.000-04:002016-10-13T11:08:11.384-04:00Teaching Our Kids About Financial Responsibility<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFIbQDDmPuKZUUVZsHAxW3yZRQcJkCLLZ5ut9CBmzxo2PE54NdP8QlmJzK-HF7RqGL-RtUqJvHnSG6fNXpq2C7yksdnLQuDsNFyxY2oAali0TTQm6tnGA4bwRbg1lvulqy3Vr8L5uQiDnS/s1600/money-management.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFIbQDDmPuKZUUVZsHAxW3yZRQcJkCLLZ5ut9CBmzxo2PE54NdP8QlmJzK-HF7RqGL-RtUqJvHnSG6fNXpq2C7yksdnLQuDsNFyxY2oAali0TTQm6tnGA4bwRbg1lvulqy3Vr8L5uQiDnS/s320/money-management.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Recently I had a conversation with our 14 year old daughter
about money. It’s not the first one we’ve had but this time was different. Why?
Because I ended up getting upset with her. So what happened? Here goes:</div>
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She has been saving her allowance. And sometimes she gets
money from different relatives. So that day, I just casually asked how much money
she has saved. She said, “None.” I said, “Are you kidding? What happened?” Then
she started to explain. In frustration, I just cut her off and didn’t even
listen to all she had to say.</div>
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That’s probably not the best approach – to ask your child a
legitimate question, only to cut her off while she’s answering. But here’s my
issue: we have been talking about money – the do’s and don’ts - like budgeting,
saving, spending. And what did she do? She spent it all! </div>
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She just completed her freshman year in high school. Soon
she’ll be off to college. And after that, comes the real world. Unless we give her
the right lessons at this juncture, she might learn the hard way the importance
of managing money carefully. She told me a few months ago that she wants a bank
account with her own debit card. I promised her that, if she demonstrates that
she can handle the responsibility of managing the money she gets now, then we
can do that. The recent spending spree that she went on tells me that she’s not
quite ready yet. So back to the drawing board we go.</div>
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Now, I know as adults, sometimes we spend more money than we
should – more than we want to. I understand life situations arise. But she’s 14
and a fulltime student. She has no life real obligations that would cause her
to spend anything on a monthly basis. Any money she gets is purely for her
pleasure – a little shopping, a little eating or whatever she wants to do.</div>
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I eventually listened to her tell me she did some shopping
and got some things she’d been wanting to get for some time. I told her I have
no problem with her getting things she had wanted. But we had a deal and she
didn’t keep her end of the bargain.</div>
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You see, I have had my own financial issues and I am
determined to teach my 3 kids about money management from a theoretical
standpoint. Then I want to give them the opportunity to put these concepts into
practice as they grow. My wife and I have 2 young sons – a 2 ½ year old and a 7
month old. So for now, the lessons are all directed to our teen daughter.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIA_cUgfJZh-84QKUikfxmAfdpjRHX8nzLAiDp6Cn_HeVdCmWA8RRbliV7TaZ1t6qkiT8djNXkhCTM7z6f0IIIJI3x-ISryIAwnxHhdcjY49qdIrAdxRMQ2GLKk6lO51p4TkfDnUFXl_19/s1600/teen+and+money.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIA_cUgfJZh-84QKUikfxmAfdpjRHX8nzLAiDp6Cn_HeVdCmWA8RRbliV7TaZ1t6qkiT8djNXkhCTM7z6f0IIIJI3x-ISryIAwnxHhdcjY49qdIrAdxRMQ2GLKk6lO51p4TkfDnUFXl_19/s1600/teen+and+money.jpg" /></a>When I was growing up, my parents did speak with my siblings
and me about money but more in a general sense. As I became an adult, I began
to realize that I needed a bit more. I started working and earning my own money
while in high school and that continued through college. I spent what I earned
on things I wanted; my needs were taken care of by my parents.</div>
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When I graduated from my university studies and became a
professional, I started earning much more money than before. At the same time,
I became an independent, working adult, responsible for paying his own bills.
That’s a whole new ballgame altogether.</div>
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It’s one thing to earn spending money when your parents are
responsible for your care; it’s a different thing when you are responsible for
every penny that comes into or goes out of your household. I learned, in a
hurry, that a nice paycheck can come and go in a flash. I didn’t go about
spending money unnecessarily; I just didn’t live by a budget. I figured that,
as long as I could pay my rent, car note, credit card bills, college loans,
grocery bills and other monthly obligations, I was fine. </div>
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I didn’t think about doing a bank reconciliation to ensure
that I know what checks are outstanding at a given time. I didn’t think about
saving. There was little thought about planning for tomorrow because I was so
busy trying to live for each day.</div>
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Before I knew it, a few years went by and, for the most
part, I was like a runner on a treadmill – doing a lot of activity but not
really going anywhere. If I wanted to buy something and didn’t have the money
readily available, I’d put it on a credit card and voila – I had it! No thought
about whether or not I could afford it. That was just my approach.</div>
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There came a point where I realized that instead of managing
money and putting it to work for me, it was managing me. Without employing a
proactive approach to handling finances, I seemed to always find myself with
too much month left after the money I earned that month was gone. Without going
too much into the details of that chapter of my life, I’ll just say that I
learned some tough lessons about the importance of handling finances. I set out
to change my situation so that I could begin seeing different results. </div>
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Establishing a budget was one of the first things I did.
It’s good to put on paper what you earn and what you’re obligated to spend and
what you can exercise discretion in spending. Learning to save and invest is
also an important part of this process. It’s something I have learned and am
still learning. But more importantly, I have been putting what I have learned
into practice and I’m finding more and more, that the principles of managing
finances do work.</div>
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My kids mean the world to me. As they grow and develop I
want them to learn the importance of handling finances. I teach our daughter
that, when she gets money, she is to set some aside for savings; then she is to
give some away – in our case, to church. Then she can buy things that she needs
or even wants. But all of this is to be done with a well-thought out, proactive
approach.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijsQ7yza3JF1ZA4HtmesUUIeWKqel_teuSwli3g2o-4gCKt1AnA9jJTlPOdBiJcO6YSsDUkUuh8cnQivpWNIEIH55O9ZzJdF18A9gt2kxoNvJvfBwYxh-xi6rqpfIwFiHggaCqULbg5Cun/s1600/teens+and+shopping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijsQ7yza3JF1ZA4HtmesUUIeWKqel_teuSwli3g2o-4gCKt1AnA9jJTlPOdBiJcO6YSsDUkUuh8cnQivpWNIEIH55O9ZzJdF18A9gt2kxoNvJvfBwYxh-xi6rqpfIwFiHggaCqULbg5Cun/s1600/teens+and+shopping.jpg" /></a>I know that the weekend before our conversation I referred
to above, she went out with her cousins and they did a little shopping – well,
a lot of shopping. She ended up getting things she didn’t plan to get, paying
more than she planned to pay and when all was said and done, she came home with
some nice things, but the money was gone – no savings, nothing given away. And
I’m sure that if I was to look at what she paid for the things she got, I would
see that she overpaid for some items. Or at the very least, she got items that,
though they may have been good buys, were out of her budget.</div>
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I believe that we live in a society that encourages us to be
impulsive spenders. We’re bombarded with ads for items that we don’t really
need; we’re encouraged to get credit cards to get items that we want, just to
satisfy some desire that was initiated in crafty ways by advertisers. And of
course there’s the peer-pressure issue that causes our kids to think they need
to have what everyone else has. </div>
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So as responsible parents, I believe that we have the
obligation to counteract what our kids might hear from their friends or from
advertisers. The truth is that they can accomplish just about anything they
desire. And they can acquire things that they dream about. But it takes
planning, discipline and self-control to make it happen.</div>
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Parenting is no walk in the park. But we’re preparing the
next generation to take over the world as we get older. Money management is a
key lesson for them to learn in order to live accomplished, balanced lives. Let
us encourage them to be wise in how they handle this precious resource so that
they can see their goals and dreams come to fruition.</div>
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Do enjoy your day.</div>
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The Upbeat Dad</div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-77268607890425892582016-03-06T11:26:00.000-05:002016-10-13T11:08:31.467-04:00Disciplinarian Parenting Style? Or Fun Parenting? Which is Better?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Just over 10 years ago when my former wife relocated to the northeast US, I was really distraught that the judge signed off on the move. You see, she was taking our 4 year old daughter with her, much to my dismay. I thought it would have been detrimental to the father / daughter bond that had been developed up to that point. The judge said that my daughter should be with her mom throughout the school year but during breaks from school – summertime, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring Break, etc – she would be with me.<u></u><u></u></div>
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In trying to encourage me, my attorney said, “Think of it this way – you’ll get to be the fun parent!” I started thinking about that. When my daughter’s with me, I could do all the fun things like take her shopping or to Chuck E. Cheese’s or to places like Disney World. Doing the fun things and creating more wonderful childhood memories. Meanwhile my former wife would have to deal with the hard tasks of getting her to school daily and picking her up. Then she’d have to go to teachers’ conferences and do all the things required to help our little one to be successful in school – homework, especially. Then came the music lessons and Girl Scouts meetings and sports practices. That level of parenting isn’t always fun – it can be real exhausting.<u></u><u></u></div>
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But then I reflected on the situation and began thinking – do I really want to be a fun parent? Or do I want to be a parent who deals with every aspect of the parenting experience – the good, the bad and the ugly? I recall, during my childhood, that both my mom and dad had their hands full with my 3 siblings and me. We had our fair share of fun but it certainly wasn’t all fun and games. They taught us valuable life lessons that still guide us to this day. And these lessons often came disguised in the form of discipline.</div>
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After a while I began to realize that I didn’t want to be the fun parent. As glamorous as it might be to be the dad to create such fond memories with my daughter, the fact is that parenting, just like real life, has the glamour as well as the grime. I believe that the ultimate responsibility of parenthood is to lovingly train children in such a way that they grow up to be productive members of society. And that training doesn’t always come with fun and games; sometimes it might entail dealing with things our kids don’t like but which are in their best interest.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Whenever my daughter came to me, we certainly did do the fun things but I also tried to share with her lessons that she may not have wanted to hear. And I made a concerted effort not to just give her the things she wanted all the time. In other words, I was determined to do for her, not just what she wanted but also what she needed.</div>
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After a few years of having my daughter with me in relatively short spurts, just about 6 years ago, she came to live with me primarily – with her mom still living up north. Now my parenting style was to be put to the ultimate test. A single dad living on his own with his daughter coming to visit for the summer is one thing; it’s another thing to be a fulltime single dad dealing with school, homework, chores and everything that it takes to care for a child. This was a whole different ballgame.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Before long I began to realize that I’d been missing out on much of her development. Her learning style is the classroom environment is one of the first things that I noticed. I had always done my part from a distance, checking in with her teachers but seeing it up close gave me additional insight. I thought of some of my own challenges as I was growing up and how I overcame them. I was determined to help her strengthen the areas in which she was already strong and improve the areas of weakness. I learned of things I could do to help her learn and achieve better grades. Before long I got her a tutor and that was quite helpful. This was the beginning of a new phase for me. Being a fun parent is easy; doing some of the things that your child might not like too much is a bit harder.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Four years ago, I got remarried. My wife and I now have 2 sons – a 2 ½ year old and a 3 month old. And my daughter is an integral part of our household. We couldn’t be happier because our home is built on love and mutual respect for each family member. Fortunately, both my wife and I realize that the responsibility of raising 3 young persons with unique and distinct personalities is an awesome one. We have loads of fun with them but we also know that if we are to be successful, discipline is required on our part.<u></u><u></u><br />
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My daughter is now 14 years old and a high school freshman. As most parents of teenagers will tell you, inevitably there will be conflict. Teens love to push their boundaries to see what they can get away with. Sometimes she speaks as if she and I are the same age and she can do as she pleases. But overall, she’s well mannered and quite respectable and I’m quite proud of her. She’s on the honor roll at an extremely competitive high school. Now we have conversations about what career she would like to pursue. I get to challenge her in ways that, though not comfortable at times, cause her to think of the vast possibilities that may be accomplished as she seeks to make her mark on the world.</div>
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For our 2 young sons, we sure have our share of fun with them. But we have the right perspective – fun is great but for them to develop as they ought to, we have to be well-rounded parents who discipline and guide them while enjoying their growth and development.<u></u><u></u></div>
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I hope that this post has been helpful to you. Parenting entails having fun and playing games but it also entails doing the hard things that sometimes might not feel so good but are quite necessary. We all desire for our kids to grow up and become mannerly, well-adjusted, goal-oriented persons who make a positive contribution to society. Let’s keep the entire process of parenting in perspective. With the right mindset, we can enjoy them while preparing them to become all that we desire for them to be.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Enjoy your day.<u></u><u></u></div>
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The Upbeat Dad</div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-4615639001128188602016-01-23T13:53:00.000-05:002016-10-13T11:08:58.142-04:00An Appeal to Expectant Fathers: Your Presence is Needed!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">My wife and I recently
welcomed a new baby boy to our family. We're now a family of 5 and we couldn't
be happier! We already had a 14 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. Now
this new addition just seems to make the picture complete! When we learned
that a new little one was on the way, we had a great degree of anticipation.
Along the journey, we knew that we couldn't take anything for granted. As many
women will tell you, each pregnancy is different. Some may be pretty smooth
while others can be physically and emotionally exhausting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">With all of this in mind, I wanted to ensure that I played my part, as best as I could, throughout
the 9-month process. I couldn't physically carry the child but I could be
supportive enough to make the challenge of carrying him as light as possible. I
wanted my wife to know that, just as before, I would be there, right beside
her, throughout each phase of the pregnancy and beyond. This brings me to the
purpose of this blog post. I share it because I believe it's a message that
each of us as dads can learn from. I write, not knowing the specifics of each
person’s situation. I only know my personal observation and I thought I’d share
a concern I have as a result.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Here is the issue:
throughout the pregnancy, when we went to Ob Gyn (doctor) appointments, I
observed that, for the most part, I was the only father/expectant father
present. So time after time, week after week, regardless of the time of day, or
day of the week, generally speaking, I saw no other men accompanying their
wives or expectant mothers of their children. I made a similar observation when
my 2 other children were born – the men were missing, at least at the doctor’s
offices.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">So I began thinking –
why are these women alone? Where are the men? Is this the norm? Is it to be
expected? Some of these women struggled into the office, as they were in the
last phase of their pregnancies. Some came with their other kids and had to
deal with them in the waiting room before seeing the doctor. Some were clearly
stressed because of all they had to deal with physically and emotionally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Just from the small talk
that my wife and I made with them as we sat in the waiting area, we learned
that, for the most part, these were happily married women. Certainly there were
those who weren't married. And some who, without really saying much, didn’t
have the ideal scenario in which to welcome a new child. All of these women,
with their varying circumstances, were being seen by the doctor without the
men. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Still puzzled about this
observation, I decided to ask some people why the men didn’t generally
accompany the expectant mothers of their children. I asked verbally and via social media –
Facebook and Twitter. Here’s a synopsis of the responses that I got:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">- </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">They have to go to work and their employers
would not give them the time off<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">- </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">It is not necessary for them to be there<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">- </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">In the culture of the United States, it’s not
something that men do<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">- </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The women do not have a problem with it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">- </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The men only need to be there when there is a
major issue with the pregnancy and their input is needed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVp9ktgYBT5IOo-7tAe8o8pY-NVlz0STC8WCVmzfgRVhn9i2qxrxKRtxfdStQc6fJYj4NsC_ePokrhohp9GsCqnN4e_qzYZEZAKkPjx7UqOaxz1evm3RnlHIbOn9KU2IFZWQH4KVMQhh2R/s1600/pregnant_woman_laying_in_doctors_office.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVp9ktgYBT5IOo-7tAe8o8pY-NVlz0STC8WCVmzfgRVhn9i2qxrxKRtxfdStQc6fJYj4NsC_ePokrhohp9GsCqnN4e_qzYZEZAKkPjx7UqOaxz1evm3RnlHIbOn9KU2IFZWQH4KVMQhh2R/s320/pregnant_woman_laying_in_doctors_office.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">There was more that I
heard but these are the major reasons. The consistent theme in the responses
was that the presence of the men at these appointments was not a major
priority. It’s doesn’t necessarily mean that the women are not loved and cared
for; it’s just not something that was thought to be necessary and, for
the most part, both men and women are okay with that. I know I didn’t take a
scientific poll as they do in the political world. I’m sure there’s more to it
than just this. Still, I believe that my observation might be indicative of
what is commonplace – at least here in the US.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I won’t address each of
the reasons above specifically, but let me just touch on the one I heard the
most – work. I recognize that these doctor’s appointments are usually during
normal business hours – Monday through Friday, 9 to 5. I also recognize that
most people work during these hours so any visit to a doctor’s office – or any
other place, for that matter – requires taking time from work. Some employers
are inflexible and would not readily embrace one’s absence from work even for a
couple of hours. I really do understand this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">At the same time, I also
know that many of these women work outside the home. So they miss time from
work for these appointments. I also know that some men are self-employed or
have schedules flexible enough for them to go to the doctor to learn firsthand
how the process is going. Maybe it might entail giving up one’s lunch hour or
working late to make up the time. It might entail making a sacrifice. So the
question becomes – is it worth the sacrifice?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I cannot imagine not
being there at all for any of these appointments. The anticipation of each new
milestone was something that excited me. At 6 weeks we heard the heartbeat. At
20 weeks we saw him on the ultrasound and found out we were having another boy.
And after all of these appointments came the delivery of a child who, only a
few months before, could barely have been seen under a microscope. Witnessing
yet another child come into the world was something I considered an absolute
privilege. The expression “the miracle of childbirth” is true indeed. These
moments were absolutely priceless and I would not have wanted to miss them for
the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM5Vu73_TKkbrsFJ3S8DB-j_Dzt_2wnU_jIRrpxT0tbcr04VTXqjhD2kQUrRvZtjg_tBmfW3ukfHZrCB8i2ITr6F4WZF5UTqWLsbNUJQlPCQOqwl8ybLxRgZ8iTF07si3zrIGJ1ct7g5Pr/s1600/Pregnant+woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM5Vu73_TKkbrsFJ3S8DB-j_Dzt_2wnU_jIRrpxT0tbcr04VTXqjhD2kQUrRvZtjg_tBmfW3ukfHZrCB8i2ITr6F4WZF5UTqWLsbNUJQlPCQOqwl8ybLxRgZ8iTF07si3zrIGJ1ct7g5Pr/s200/Pregnant+woman.jpg" width="197" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I often say that kids
really do need their dads. I believe that this need begins from the moment they
are conceived. Kids need constant care, love and devotion from both their moms
and dads from when they are in the womb. As our wives or the expectant mothers of
our children carry these little ones, I believe that we have an obligation, as
much as possible, to be a constant presence - at the doctor's office, at home,
wherever it may be. Our presence helps to lighten the load in what can
sometimes be a very trying, emotionally-exhausting experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I recognize that not
every pregnancy occurs under the ideal circumstances. I’m very much aware of
that. Still, I believe that if collectively, we put a greater emphasis on
prioritizing being there as constant sources of support, then the expectant
mothers of our children, along with the children, would feel our loving embrace
– both physically and emotionally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">My appeal is not simply
to encourage men to be present at doctors’ visits. It’s a call for a revolution
in our entire mindset regarding the process of bringing children into the
world. You’ve probably seen or heard of the stereotypical emotionally-disconnected
dads whose only significant role in the delivery of their children is to hand
out cigars to celebrate the birth. I don’t know if those dads still exist but I
would like our involvement throughout the pregnancy process to be nothing like the
image that we’ve seen portrayed at times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuJaLc2xL6_oPBz7O8lL33_SbyBaP34paQs_KRgMutkecYf-RYlWexw_FNeXOoO3rDGugWtx4z_JLZaFstDpWum4lH1CeiK4p6bITHPkp2-RrcvfXFDVA95ecdYKNJbc8Y7-2RE1VU7HSx/s1600/12216992663zJ3rW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuJaLc2xL6_oPBz7O8lL33_SbyBaP34paQs_KRgMutkecYf-RYlWexw_FNeXOoO3rDGugWtx4z_JLZaFstDpWum4lH1CeiK4p6bITHPkp2-RrcvfXFDVA95ecdYKNJbc8Y7-2RE1VU7HSx/s320/12216992663zJ3rW.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Whether it’s keeping the
gas tank filled or doing the grocery shopping so our wives don’t have to stop
unnecessarily or taking over the cooking duties – at least temporarily – or
making those late night runs to the convenient store to help them satisfy an
impulsive craving for some food they haven’t had in years, there’s more we can
do. Believe me, it’s not all a bed of roses when we make these sacrifices. But
it works wonders and helps to solidify our presence in our wives’ and kids’
lives. This, I know from personal experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I don’t expect that each
reader will agree with my viewpoint. That’s no problem at all. But I hope that
you understand my heart in all of this. Children have the biological makeup of
a mother and a father and I believe that both parents have a significant role
to play in their development – and that role begins when they are in the womb.
Certainly, men and women have different parts to play throughout a pregnancy. I
just strongly believe that as men, there is more that we can do to demonstrate
our unconditional love and support. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I’d love to hear your
thoughts on what I’ve shared here. Feel free to leave a comment on this post.
Or you can share via our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/theupbeatdad">Facebook</a> or <a href="https://twitter.com/theupbeatdad">Twitter</a> accounts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Childbirth is a true
miracle. Let us collectively commit to being more active participants in the
witnessing of this miracle!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Do enjoy your day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHTs3XpPO06zWo15crA7VduJp8_8H4kbSYlh11hL8suK05iqf4CU5o2TAvMtj5DICTgCasvYCxHDBYbRRVKS2vmwZpzr4GgMH6tNdeMaSJYD8uA3Wtpv08foZZDJnBIrlZiVWxvNOOpuJB/s1600/397468_10151447446618628_1756758794_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHTs3XpPO06zWo15crA7VduJp8_8H4kbSYlh11hL8suK05iqf4CU5o2TAvMtj5DICTgCasvYCxHDBYbRRVKS2vmwZpzr4GgMH6tNdeMaSJYD8uA3Wtpv08foZZDJnBIrlZiVWxvNOOpuJB/s400/397468_10151447446618628_1756758794_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick and his family</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The Upbeat Dad<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span>
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</div>
Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-29705763533824918312016-01-14T19:30:00.000-05:002016-10-13T11:09:50.276-04:00Responsible Fatherhood in an Age of Violence<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZUOMzY0cy5UdMClPItgdBvzmZKuwMO6Wv7c4zGhUdAd0i1uEoe65QkgZqJZBN2P0y_P_wbGJs10HwxOO3twWoQuNPzLutfv54O5nBY-GdTqRHPnq5p3QOaNoLR1md16MPSR-iqtaPWgQ_/s1600/Newtown+shooting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZUOMzY0cy5UdMClPItgdBvzmZKuwMO6Wv7c4zGhUdAd0i1uEoe65QkgZqJZBN2P0y_P_wbGJs10HwxOO3twWoQuNPzLutfv54O5nBY-GdTqRHPnq5p3QOaNoLR1md16MPSR-iqtaPWgQ_/s320/Newtown+shooting.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Over the past several years, here in the United States, we
have seen a spike in incidents of senseless violence. Random shootings
routinely make headlines and each time, the more senseless the acts appear to become.
Our hearts ache each time we hear of innocent lives being taken from us by a
troubled person who seems intent on causing harm to others.</div>
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Remember the shootings at Columbine High School in Columbine,
Colorado? Remember how much that incident shook us to the core? In hindsight,
it seems like that was the beginning of series of random shootings in which the
only “wrong” the victims did was being in a place where the shooters were. The
more we hear about these incidents, the more deplorable the acts seem. No place
seems safe – the workplace, places of worship, schools, shopping malls and
political events have all become crime scenes in the most senseless of ways.</div>
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Most recently, in the small community of Newtown,
Connecticut, at Sandy Hook Elementary School, 26 people were randomly shot and
killed by a lone gunman. Among the dead were 20 students – ages 6 and 7, the
school principal, the school psychologist and 4 teachers. </div>
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In the midst of “the most wonderful time of the year,” the nation
paused to mourn the tragic passing of these precious souls. For the families
however, there was no pause. Their lives came to screeching halt; instead of
planning Christmas dinner and how to decorate their homes for the holidays,
they were planning funerals. They probably have a difficult time going near
malls or restaurants or places where families gather. Their pain is very real
and being around happy, smiling families might be too much for them to handle
as they continue to mourn. Their joy turned into sorrow so suddenly and so
senselessly.</div>
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I often try to think about the relevance of current events
to the responsibilities of men. I think of how these issues affect our roles as
husbands and fathers and then I seek to share words that would spur us to
action, as we embrace our roles in our families. I’m very aware of the fact
that many kids do not live with their fathers due to a variety of reasons. That
might make implementing some of these guidelines I share here a challenge.
Still, I believe that whether our kids are physically with us all the time or
not, there are things that we can do – and ought to do – to help ensure that
their well-being is top priority.</div>
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As men, first and foremost, we have an obligation to protect
our families. Our wives and children depend on us to be providers and
protectors. Some might interpret this to mean that we ought to all go out and
purchase guns. That’s the least of what I’m saying. The gun-rights issue has
its place but that’s not a topic I believe ought to be highlighted on this
blog. The gun control debate can be controversial and divisive and I think I
can share a positive message on responsible fatherhood without getting into
that subject here.</div>
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I believe we ought to teach our kids that although most of
the people they know and love are warm, kind-hearted, genuine and caring, there
are some people in the world who are not that way. There are some who cause
severe harm to others and take pleasure in wreaking havoc in the lives of the
innocent. </div>
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It is important that we reinforce the message that many of
us tell our kids: don’t talk to strangers. Strangers can be warm and
kind-hearted but some can also be abductors and killers. Unfortunately, we have
gotten to the point where we have to teach kids, whose natural instinct is to
trust, not to trust certain others because it could be to their detriment.</div>
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Another area in which I think we can help our kids is in
helping them to recognize potentially dangerous situations. This is
particularly important for parents of teens and young adults. I remember how,
as a teen I yearned for the freedom to make my own rules and do as I please.
When I went off to college, I did just that – made my own rules and did
whatever I pleased. I admit that I drank alcohol before reaching the legal drinking
age. I partied and had myself a ball. I stayed out late at night – sometimes
into the “wee” hours of the morning, not thinking of any potential negative
consequences.</div>
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Now, as a 40 something year old father of a teen daughter
and 2 young boys, my perspective is so much different. Did you know that a
disproportionate number of fatalities occur in those late hours? If we think
about it, it makes logical sense. People are more prone to party, drink and
drive at night, particularly on Fridays and Saturdays. Parents of teens and
young adults probably spend many a night worrying because of their kids being
out because a lot of bad things happen at night.</div>
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Although many of the shootings we have heard about on the
news occurred in the daytime, acts of violence generally occur more at night. I
remember during my late teen/early adult years growing up in Houston, Texas,
I’d routinely go to night clubs. At many of those clubs there were shootings at
different points. I remember one such shooting occurred at a concert that I
attended. It’s hard to imagine that I was so passionate about being in that
atmosphere that I really didn’t think I could have been a victim – whether
being hit by a stray bullet or otherwise.</div>
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I believe it’s wise to educate our kids about these issues
that are so very real. Perhaps as you read this you can think of different
incidents in your own life where you exercised bad judgment and put yourself at
risk of also being an innocent victim. The types of incidents that make
headlines are like what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary but far more common
are the ones that occur every day that we might only hear about in our local
markets, if at all. We owe it to our kids to educate them about the dangers of
the world we live in so that they can be cautious as they go about their daily
lives.</div>
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Having said all of this, I recognize that tragedies, such as
those that we have become all too familiar with, will occur. The children of
Sandy Hook simply went to school – one that had security measures in place –
and still that incident took place. People go to work or to the movie theatre
or to the mall or to their places of worship and while minding their own
business, they still become innocent victims. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC_P_TVtqd1AeNtoSNy4DLNSdrc4G4I3b4b0dhLuXxjHMspxsX0g_OJmfPebO1JQkVkOrbwAcKKQ3tDVXauCey7csTVYgnDYAlQVYwP7TKlYBCaTLaPXVpE4Vcy3oG4XCxlzQZ6buYcqXT/s1600/parents-talking-with-teenager.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC_P_TVtqd1AeNtoSNy4DLNSdrc4G4I3b4b0dhLuXxjHMspxsX0g_OJmfPebO1JQkVkOrbwAcKKQ3tDVXauCey7csTVYgnDYAlQVYwP7TKlYBCaTLaPXVpE4Vcy3oG4XCxlzQZ6buYcqXT/s1600/parents-talking-with-teenager.jpg" /></a>As much as we might not like to think about it, each day we
put ourselves and our kids in the way of potential harm by simply living normal
lives. We cannot entirely eliminate the possibility of being victims of
violence. I believe, however, that there are steps we can take to decrease the
likelihood of being among those who are either victims or family members of
victims of such violence.</div>
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Collectively we mourn with the families affected by the many
incidents of violence that we have become so familiar with. There are things we can control and others we
simply can’t. I believe a wise approach is to teach our kids about the dangers
of the world we live in and encourage them to avoid situations in which they
become more vulnerable to such awful acts. One thing I often say is, “All you
can do is all you can do.” Beyond that, we just trust and hope that the steps
we take keep us and our families, out of harm’s way as much as possible.</div>
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I’ll close this post with the words of singer, James Taylor.
The words are simply:</div>
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<i>Shower the people you love with love<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Show them the way you feel<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Things are gonna be just fine<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>If you only will<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Do shower your families with love. And do your best to
protect them in all instances. Such is the responsibility of a loving, caring
father.<br />
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The Upbeat Dad</div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-38421566186710261702015-12-23T15:19:00.000-05:002016-10-13T11:10:14.058-04:00A Holiday Season Appeal to Dads<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">At the Upbeat Dad Organization, the cornerstone of what we try
to do is build long-lasting family relationships – primarily focusing on the
father-child relationship. Based on our experience, when fathers are lovingly
engaged in the growth and development of their kids, family bonds are stronger
and kids tend to grow into well-adjusted persons who become positive influences
on society. When dads are disengaged and neglect the responsibility of helping
to raise the kids they help to bring into the world, the mothers have a greater
burden in giving them all they need to become productive members of society.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">While many of us celebrate the wonders of the family unit, I
readily recognize that many do not enjoy those same wonders. Some find this
season to be very difficult because of a variety of reasons. Many children do
not quite know what it’s like to celebrate the season with their dads. And
unfortunately, many of these dads just don’t get it – they don’t understand why
they need to be around for their kids.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, each night
24 million kids in the United States go to bed without their biological father
in the home. Without a doubt there are many reasons for this statistic.
Therefore, there is no one solution to fix the problem. In some cases, the
fathers are to blame; in other cases, it’s the mothers; in other cases, it’s
the family court system; and the reasons go on and on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">With this brief post, I’d like to challenge dads to make a
new commitment during this season. You may ask, “Why not address the moms? Or
the court system?” I do address these at different points on this blog. But by
nature, I believe that although there are forces that one cannot control, one
should focus on that which he can control. So I try to empower fellow dads to
work through the obstacles that do exist – with the family court system and
with other forces – so that through it all, the father-child relationship is
preserved. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqZ-sWba-EyF_fNFJbGIHqA8XOk0zQTc5D1jKsByld63-TItlu8o2kAumQLlKgKsHdlmagp6FbmSPJTUiHrD5Ys20NOWVdq-_CR5iftinOMaCRCmVvu0Jkaak7oo7O3CNXHNLFbK6kMqIS/s1600/divorced-mom-Christmas-alone-kids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqZ-sWba-EyF_fNFJbGIHqA8XOk0zQTc5D1jKsByld63-TItlu8o2kAumQLlKgKsHdlmagp6FbmSPJTUiHrD5Ys20NOWVdq-_CR5iftinOMaCRCmVvu0Jkaak7oo7O3CNXHNLFbK6kMqIS/s200/divorced-mom-Christmas-alone-kids.jpg" width="193" /></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Earlier this year, I met a single mother while at a speaking engagement and she shared that the moment she told her boyfriend that she was pregnant, he disappeared and she has not seen or heard from him since then. As extreme as that situation may be, I believe that many of us men become emotionally - if not physically - distant when it comes to raising our children. We do not see ourselves as vital contributors to their upbringing so we disengage and watch from the sidelines, figuratively speaking.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As men, we are driven by accomplishment – in our education,
our careers, in athletics, even in winning the heart of our favorite girl. We
get a feeling of euphoria when we get that much desired raise or promotion; a
sense of pride brings out that smile in us. We give each other high-fives when
our fantasy football team has a great weekend!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">When it comes to our roles as dads, however, far too many of
us do not embrace the thought of accomplishment that comes with being active
participants in the raising of our children. We willingly “burn the midnight
oil” to complete projects that helps us shine in our careers but do not have
the same zeal in helping our kids to complete their own projects.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">We want them to become straight-A students but quite often
we don’t have the patience to work with them along the way. My own daughter –
now a 15 year old – struggled quite a bit in her studies when she was younger.
I had a choice and I’m glad I chose to sit with her, then with her teachers,
then with her tutors to get her on the right track. Today she makes good grades
almost effortlessly. I believe it’s due in large part to the fact that she knew
I cared about her success scholastically.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It is easy to be passive in our approach to fatherhood but I
believe that such an approach inevitably yields undesired results. We set goals
in our careers; why not set goals in our roles as dads? Why not set goals to
spend more meaningful time with our kids? Why not set goals to be their
strongest advocates as they look to see what they want to be when they grow up?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As we enter this holiday season, let’s do some
self-examination and see what more we can do. Even as I write this, I know that
I can do more. There is always more that we can do. I often say that our
children are with us for a relatively short time; but that short time helps to
determine how they will live the rest of their time on earth. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">We cannot expect them to naturally gravitate towards success
when we ourselves didn’t gravitate towards success in our studies and our
professions. With hard work and determination, we succeeded. Let us now take
the same approach – hard work and determination – to play our part in the
success stories of our children.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">May you and your family enjoy a wonderful </span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">holiday season!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The Upbeat Dad</span></div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-61453014242522043942015-10-22T13:03:00.000-04:002016-10-13T11:11:09.155-04:00Helping Men Through the Pain of Divorce<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It seems that
recently, more and more, I've been meeting men who are going through the pain
and turmoil that comes with the divorce experience. Whether I'm at work,
church, traveling or just in social settings, increasingly I've been meeting
men who are hurting. Some have been married for years; others are relatively newlywed
- 2 years and under; some were actually never married but were in relationships
headed for marriage but somehow got derailed on the way to the altar.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">All of these situations seem to have a common thread - the pain is very real. And seemingly, because of certain societal expectations, many of these men have a difficult time dealing with their emotions. They have challenges trying to reconcile their true emotions with stereotypes such as "real men don't cry."</span><br style="color: #222222;" /><br style="color: #222222;" /><span style="color: #222222;">Perhaps, as you read this, you're a man dealing with the new normal - life without the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. And perhaps you think that your situation is unique and no one else is feeling the turmoil that you're experiencing now. It could very well be that as you read these words, you see this as your last glimmer of hope in your state of hurt. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 115%;">Maybe
you’ve seen your life savings and investments wiped out in a maze of attorney
fees, child support and alimony payments</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1f497d; line-height: 115%;">.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 115%;">And perhaps for the
first time in your life you find yourself sitting on a psychologist’s
couch sharing your innermost feelings.</span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">With all of this in mind, I've decided to share these words that I believe will
be an encouragement to you. You see, I can very much relate to the pain and
disappointment that comes with the ending of what I thought was the
relationship of a lifetime. If you should meet or speak with me, what you might
witness on the surface is lots and smiles and laughter. But if you look a bit
further, you'd see that beneath the outer surface are the battle scars from
past relationships gone wrong. The wounds have healed for years and I've come
through the storm just fine. I'm now happily married with 2 kids. But still, I
can very much relate to the present suffering of the hurting who I have the
privilege of meeting.</span><span style="color: #222222;"><br />
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I went through a divorce in the early 2000s. The marriage ended formally in
2002 but because we had a daughter - a 4 year old at the time - for the next
few years it seemed that I was always dealing with some new post-divorce issue
relating to her. On this blog, I've shared different posts about my own journey
- posts such as:<br />
<br /><a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2010/10/story-behind-upbeat-dad.html">The Story Behind the Upbeat Dad</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"><a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/10/awful-night-10-years-ago-that-led-me-to.html">The Awful Night 10 Years Ago That Led Me to Start The Upbeat Dad!</a></span></span></div>
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<div>
<a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/06/how-i-could-have-become-deadbeat-dad.html" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How I Could Have Become a Deadbeat Dad</a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span><span style="color: #222222;">The battle scars that I refer to go back to even before that marriage. In the mid-90s, I experienced the ending of the relationship with my college sweetheart. That might sound like no big deal today but at the time, it sent me into a tailspin because for 3 years we talked about the wonderful married life we would live together. And somehow it all seemed to fall apart overnight. As bad as that experience was, it paled in comparison to what came a few short years later - a messy divorce with a child involved.</span><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All of this preliminary information on this post has </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">brought me to the point of saying this: life goes on after relationships end. And if we take the right approach, we can come through the storm virtually unscathed, with an even better outlook on life.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />Each time that a relationship ends, I believe that we are left with 2 basic choices: yearn for the rekindling of that relationship or move on with the rest of our lives. As fundamental as that sounds, in practice, it's not always such an easy choice. When people don't recognize the simplicity of these choices, sometimes what results can be quite alarming - things such as:<br /><br />- depression<br />- domestic violence<br />- drug and alcohol abuse<br />- suicide<br />- murder<br />- murder suicide<br /><br />Extreme, though these may sound, believe me when I tell you that, under the right circumstances or wrong circumstances, I should say, even the most warm, gentle, kind-hearted person can be so negatively affected by a broken relationship that these issues become associated with them.<br /><br />Having had disappointing ends to a few relationships I can say with certainty that it's better to move on. The harsh reality is that we can't control other people so, regardless of how we may feel about the possible future of a relationship, it takes two people to make it work. And if one party is no longer interested, there's very little one can do to change them. We can wish and pray that there's a change of heart but unless there is such a change, we have to either move on or be stuck in a perpetual state of yearning for the past.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As men, we can be stubborn. And believe me when I say that I've dealt with some
stubborn men over the past few years. Their wives or girlfriends leave and they
are so determined to get them back that they adopt uncharacteristic behaviors
in that pursuit. In some cases, they win them back. In other cases, when they
are unsuccessful, they have a hard time moving on so they become bitter. As I
went through my own divorce, a gentleman who mentored me told me, "It is
better to become better than to remain bitter." (Read <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/01/to-become-bitter-or-better-choice-is.html">To Become Bitter or Better:The Choice is Yours for more</a> about this topic.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here's something that has worked wonders for me. Just like when a loved one dies, we go through a period of mourning. And then, in time, we recover and move on with our lives. In the same way, I believe that it's best that we mourn the death of our relationships. It's difficult and very painful to see the love fade to the point of death; that's why the period of mourning is so crucial. But after the death and burial, it is best to resume living, slow though the process may be.<br /><br />To become completely healed and whole after a broken relationship, I believe that forgiveness is necessary: forgiving the other person and forgiving yourself for any and all hurt. Forgiveness entails holding someone blameless, even if they can be blamed. Letting go and leaving them blameless is such a powerful tool because it releases us from the chains of bitterness. (Read <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/07/forgiveness-key-to-healing-after.html">Forgiveness: The Key to Healing After Divorce</a>)<br /><br />I know some people - both men and women - who are never quite the same after divorce. They live the rest of their lives thinking about the one that got away, rather than moving on and embracing the gift of life. I think it's best to move on, live your life and you'll be fine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">If you're a dad, keep in mind that divorce means you're no longer a husband but
you'll always be a dad. Issues of custody and child support can be overwhelming
but just know that through it all, you're always and forever a dad. That's one
of the things that kept me sane throughout the turmoil that ensued following my
divorce. That marriage ended 10 years ago - it's a distant memory. But our
daughter's a wonderful, well-adjusted 14 year old high school freshman who
still has the love and admiration of her mom and dad.</span><span style="color: #222222;"><br />
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Here is something that has kept me going - and I believe that it can work
wonders for you as well. After going through the ending of my marriage, I
thought how good it would be if, after the storm subsided, I could encourage
other men who experienced a similar plight. My experience wasn't for me alone -
it was for the hundreds and thousands or even millions of men and women who are
left with the choice of picking up the pieces and moving on or being forever
stuck in a rut because of the pain caused by divorce.<br />
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The vast array of family law issues that can really be a financial and
emotional drain on even the most optimistic person. So as you come through the
storm - as you certainly will - strengthen those who also deal with these
unique feelings.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">Today, I'm in a much better place. I've had custody of my daughter for the past 5 years. I'm happily married to a wonderful woman and we have a precious 2 year old son. I know all this would not have been possible had I not made the choice 10 years ago to let go of the pain and move on.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I would have never had the insight to start the Upbeat Dad Organization without some of the lessons that I learned in that very challenging chapter of my life. Perhaps you can do something similar after making it through your storm. Or maybe you have family members or friends or co-workers who experience the hurt that comes with divorce. You can help them to get back on the right track. My point in all this is that the experience isn't for you alone - it's meant for you to strengthen others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br style="color: #222222;" /><span style="color: #222222;">I hope that this post has been an encouragement to you. Life is a precious gift and although divorce is something that many of us experience, it doesn't have to mean doom and gloom. As you come through it all, devote yourself to making it through the storm and coming back stronger and better than ever. You can and you will, if you embrace the principle shared here. I'm pulling for you and so are many others throughout the world.</span><br style="color: #222222;" /><br style="color: #222222;" /><span style="color: #222222;">Enjoy the rest of your day.</span></span></div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-72014910736766498072015-07-26T10:14:00.000-04:002016-10-13T11:48:37.911-04:00With Low Funding For Education, How Can Our Kids Still Succeed?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4MkRBWrUPHFhG18a3AFK7S7vo8mUdIkqJRM7R0aXpUP5Mt4YpCEVWKaWwGpa1d5qEewYrIz_fsd16u102WvyUXIUMUMUfaAQHqMAry3ioelsT5E2EQES5PQLv5Mv1qMUtfNgNKdcPEBnA/s1600/Children+in+school.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4MkRBWrUPHFhG18a3AFK7S7vo8mUdIkqJRM7R0aXpUP5Mt4YpCEVWKaWwGpa1d5qEewYrIz_fsd16u102WvyUXIUMUMUfaAQHqMAry3ioelsT5E2EQES5PQLv5Mv1qMUtfNgNKdcPEBnA/s320/Children+in+school.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I recently learned on NBC Nightly News that here in the United
States, there have been significant cuts in the education budget in many
states. Beginning as early as pre-K, school funding has been on the decrease
and thus, kids in this country are at a disadvantage compared to their peers
around the world. </span></div>
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</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">I saw on the site</span> </span><a href="http://www.greatschools.org/students/academic-skills/1075-u-s-students-compare.gs"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">greatschools.org</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">that in a recent comparison of students in 57
industrialized nations, US students finished 16<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup> in science and 23<sup>rd</sup>
in math. Their peers, particularly in Asia, consistently scored higher on
standardized tests. US students start off behind and, as a whole, throughout
the entirety of their formal education, they remain behind.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don’t get much into politics, as I find it to be quite
divisive. However, I know that in political circles there are some who advocate
the dissolution of the Department of Education. I don’t quite know their
rationale but I think that this is one of the indicators that speak to a bigger
issue – there is an increasing cause for concern about the state of the educational
system. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpzNOMCVx7UY_I70DrZOINOQ9N5GZFkJSrP3PegQSlNQ-bnw5fM4kdvRfofqy-Ysj4MavLuVp7eb2UDTi5JEC7XAJEU0FesfrbajeEXDt_KMVLqw7oq19zrnlTTX_Zb4PLtr966ql5JRhH/s1600/Child+in+school.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpzNOMCVx7UY_I70DrZOINOQ9N5GZFkJSrP3PegQSlNQ-bnw5fM4kdvRfofqy-Ysj4MavLuVp7eb2UDTi5JEC7XAJEU0FesfrbajeEXDt_KMVLqw7oq19zrnlTTX_Zb4PLtr966ql5JRhH/s1600/Child+in+school.jpg" /></span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So where do things go from here? And why should there be
cause for concern? Well, I believe that the real consequences for these actions
will not become evident until the kids who are now in school become adults. I
strongly believe that the future of a nation can be traced to its emphasis on
the education of its youth. These youth will one day be the “movers and
shakers” in the “real world” – as doctors, lawyers, politicians, accountants,
etc.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have a 13 year old daughter who is about to enter high
school. I also have a son who will be 2 in a few weeks. So this is a subject
matter that’s very close to my heart; I have a great concern not just for the
nation and its citizens but also for my own children. It is an issue about
which we should all have concern because it’s only a matter of time before the consequences
are manifested.</span></div>
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</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now, in the perfect world, each of us as parents would get
our kids into the best institutions with the best resources and the best
teachers. And if any such school is found to be lacking, we could take our kids
out and put them into the right kind of school to help them to learn and become
high achievers. That’s what happens in a perfect world. But then we come back
to reality and realize that that utopia doesn’t really exist. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So what can we do today, as parents, in a world of limited educational
and household budgets? A lot more than we might think. I believe that this is
the perfect environment in which to demonstrate just what “love in action” can
do. When we love our kids and are willing to do everything in their best interest,
we begin to realize that we are not quite as powerless as some would have us to
think.</span><br />
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</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi13Ffdxo8kMXNYrzUw-XLLat-cgK_iQx3aDJt20D3UUhI9x9wBcWS5XnXing4GcgMZolQYfBEwMGQl-QvlqbHVEQRFP3OkRkcYfVMunMwFdcu2OaSyNDYdLHB2q6Wciqf1nUAzYLXDtDQA/s1600/Children-working-on-compu-008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi13Ffdxo8kMXNYrzUw-XLLat-cgK_iQx3aDJt20D3UUhI9x9wBcWS5XnXing4GcgMZolQYfBEwMGQl-QvlqbHVEQRFP3OkRkcYfVMunMwFdcu2OaSyNDYdLHB2q6Wciqf1nUAzYLXDtDQA/s320/Children-working-on-compu-008.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here’s something that should make you excited – in today’s
world, information is as free flowing as ever. At no point in all of human
history has there been such ease of access to information. The internet, as
well as social media tools such as Twitter and Facebook, has made ours “a small
world after all!” No matter the subject matter there are readily available
resources literally only a click away.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The personal computer has changed the way we live. I have
seen them slowly become everyday tools both in the home and in the workplace. In
recent times, we have seen a rise in popularity of smart phones and tablets.
These brilliant inventions can be used for just fun and games. But they can also
be used as tools of education unlike any we have ever seen. They continue the
digital revolution started with computer.</span></div>
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</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When my teen daughter was a child, I recall buying different
electronic learning systems like LeapPad and Hooked on Phonics. They were great
tools and helped her tremendously. In today’s world, we have even more choices.
If we are able to invest in something like an iPad or other such tablet, that
investment can reap rewards for years. With such tools comes the ability to
access hundreds of thousands – if not millions - of applications or apps. Among
these are learning apps for just about every level. And many are free or
relatively inexpensive.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0y71DJUDo0R0py1vY_bJPs8r9UTquu0olt3g_igsTtCU2WcTIs0__8095BCKYvarm1Mo3lLhRPNyVcXwIUo4WtUPvnQXBfcKGEgL-hSbp8BSoe_fok7eAE9lk5xaVyDGJr-Lmx5tcOjK8/s1600/Toddler+with+tablet+pc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0y71DJUDo0R0py1vY_bJPs8r9UTquu0olt3g_igsTtCU2WcTIs0__8095BCKYvarm1Mo3lLhRPNyVcXwIUo4WtUPvnQXBfcKGEgL-hSbp8BSoe_fok7eAE9lk5xaVyDGJr-Lmx5tcOjK8/s1600/Toddler+with+tablet+pc.jpg" /></span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I mentioned, my son will be 2 soon – in less than 2 weeks
actually. My wife has developed a training schedule for him that is just
awesome. She has a tablet with some book and learning apps that have helped him
to learn so easily. Now he can identify and name colors, shapes, and parts of
the body. He can count up to 15. And he loves to be read to. He really has an
appetite for learning. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">My daughter begins the 9<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup> grade in less than a
month. Her first day of school is designated solely as “iPad Training Day.” Her
new school has incorporated the use of the iPad as a primary learning tool and
that first day is all about teaching her how to use it in her new environment. Her
textbooks, class assignments, schedule, school announcements and so much more
are on iPads specifically designated for her school. </span></span></span></div>
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</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My plan is to build on what the school is already doing to
ensure that we get the best bang for our buck, as the expression goes. The
learning environment of today is limitless and it’s all under our control. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The fact of the matter is this. There have been budget cuts
to education all around this country. But despite that fact, I think that this
is the best time in all of our lifetimes for our kids to learn. As parents, we
have so much at our disposal to help in the process.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I write this, it’s summertime for most of our kids. What
a good time to develop and implement some strategies to enable them to get a
head start when they begin school. We can ensure that they do some reading on a
weekly – if not a daily – basis. We can give them research assignments. They
can have “internet learning time”, when they browse the web to learn about
current events or about things of interest to them. Maybe they can research the
profession that they have an interest in and learn of all that it takes to be
successful in that profession.</span></div>
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</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRsjU33KPRnpYEQgtsvsxHDD3Imh2kphFuiqCBsxL5SxGu_0Kv-vkt7vC6Aenj5S3nEZIAOK2D0QCG459IK6xR4X6oovkVCGTG3jDkLGOQOTOS5xMnI7NBHBrhUfcQ4dglLhOKSCIlKvfH/s1600/mother_helping_son_with_homework.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRsjU33KPRnpYEQgtsvsxHDD3Imh2kphFuiqCBsxL5SxGu_0Kv-vkt7vC6Aenj5S3nEZIAOK2D0QCG459IK6xR4X6oovkVCGTG3jDkLGOQOTOS5xMnI7NBHBrhUfcQ4dglLhOKSCIlKvfH/s320/mother_helping_son_with_homework.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When they start school, we can be active participants in their learning. We can work with them to take on additional assignments to help master their different subjects. If it’s financially feasible, we can even consider getting tutors for them. How about taking them on field trips to places that help them to get a real life perspective on concepts that they learn in the classroom? We can challenge them to set goals and get certain grades; then we can reward them when they meet these goals. There’s just so much that we can do!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">The most important point that I can make in this post is this: our children’s education is primarily our responsibility. It’s not the school’s job solely to educate them. We have an important part to play in the process. My daughter just left middle school last year. And guess what? Her teachers – as wonderful as they were – have no more responsibility for her. Her time at that school is done and she’s moved on. But as her parents, my wife and I continue to carry out the responsibility we had even before she started at that school. Her education is in our hands.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I’m 100% for increased budgets for education. It is much
needed. But I also want my kids, regardless of the budget approved by the State
Legislature, to have the best opportunities to learn. I want them to develop an
appetite for what they are taught that they do much more than required to meet
the curriculum for each class. In other words, I want them to be motivated
learners so that regardless of the budget allotted to their education, they
will become the best in their chosen fields.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimlfrudmDXwDyvzToSP0c6UmAWOA9L7KB4R_NJRZlTcxKVX1PPIIoQm3G_69ZU8HPfxJuOlMkfZsvnLjMJ9IGNM3ZJq0krkwvAwtUFqN3CYva_5HWdrFLSu-RpVCxwFT1ayvQKVN3sledm/s1600/Malcolm-Forbes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimlfrudmDXwDyvzToSP0c6UmAWOA9L7KB4R_NJRZlTcxKVX1PPIIoQm3G_69ZU8HPfxJuOlMkfZsvnLjMJ9IGNM3ZJq0krkwvAwtUFqN3CYva_5HWdrFLSu-RpVCxwFT1ayvQKVN3sledm/s320/Malcolm-Forbes.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Malcolm Forbes</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I close this post, let me share a brief story with you. I
recall, in the early 90s, watching an interview with the late billionaire businessman
Malcolm Forbes. He’s the name behind Forbes Magazine. He was an older man at
the time in his last years. He was asked if he had any regrets about life. He
simply said that he wished he was born later. He said so because it was the
dawn of the internet age. He wanted to enjoying the thrill of running his
business empire in that environment. He had great success but he was fascinated
by the digital age into which we were headed. Not long after that interview, he
passed away. </span><br />
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</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">Today, your kids and mine are living in the age that Malcolm
Forbes foresaw and wished that he could witness. Our kids have the capacity to
learn so much and do so much in this new world. They can learn to thrive in a
world that Forbes could have only dreamed about. Everything is readily available
for them to fully take advantage of the opportunity that they have to learn and
to grow. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Let’s endeavor as parents to help them to take advantage of
the opportunity. Regardless of the constraints placed on us by limited
educational budgets, we have so much at our disposal to help our kids reach
great heights. What an accomplishment it would be to see them prosper despite
the forces that can potentially inhibit their growth. </span></div>
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</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Moms and dads, let’s help our young ones reach their
potential. It’s up to you and me to help them get there. Let’s cheer each other
on as they become the successes that they were born to become! </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Enjoy your day</span></div>
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</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Upbeat Dad</span></div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-2489872938611412922015-07-16T11:27:00.000-04:002016-10-13T11:50:10.562-04:00Teaching Your Kids the Importance of Community Service<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Over the past several years, I have engaged in different
forms of community service. Most recently - just under a year ago, to be
precise – I started doing some weekly volunteer work with my church. Each
Monday evening, we go to a homeless shelter and share some encouragement with
people who many in our society seem to have forgotten about. </div>
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When I’m there, I’m amazed at the different stories I hear.
Some of the individuals have had it rough for years. Many deal with substance
abuse issues; others deal with alcoholism; yet others are just there because
they hit a rough patch – bad economy, loss of income and before they knew it,
they ended up on the streets.</div>
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Each week as I arrive at the shelter, I am heartbroken when
I see the number of families that are affected by the epidemic of homelessness.
And it’s particularly troubling when I see single mothers who have the
responsibility of raising kids without the help of the men who helped to bring them
into the world. That’s particularly troubling to witness. </div>
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As you may know from the different posts I write on this
blog, the family is the primary focus of the work that I do. So when I see
displaced families at the shelter, it really does break my heart. Still, it
gives me renewed vigor to fight for those affected by the circumstances that
led them there. I have a certain sense of responsibility to work relentlessly to alleviate the pain that so many in our society deal with on a daily basis. It
helps me to fulfill my purpose as I seek to share words of encouragement with
them. </div>
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When I am there, I cannot help but reflect on my plight 10 years ago. I was
newly divorced and newly broke - bad credit, sky high legal bills and really
hurting. I lost the house in the divorce and I had no money to even rent an
apartment. You can read more about this in <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2010/10/story-behind-upbeat-dad.html">The Story Behind the Upbeat Dad. </a></div>
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I’m a professional – a Certified Public Accountant – but my
reality was that I was one step away from being homeless. Had I not had loving
family members to take me in while I tried to sort myself out, I really would
have been homeless and if only for a while, I could have been in that very same
shelter. </div>
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I recall once, during that dark period, going to feed the
homeless – this time, it was under a bridge where they slept. I stopped to get
some food for them and my then-4 year old daughter asked if she could have some
of the food. I told her she couldn’t because “we’re taking it to give to people
who don’t have a home.” She responded, “Then why can’t we eat it – we
don’t have a home.” That was a harsh dose of reality because it was
very true; we had no place of our own! But like I said, fortunately we had
family members who allowed us to live with them while we got back on our feet.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick and daughter at the homeless shelter</span></td></tr>
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Today my daughter is a well adjusted 13 year old – or as she
tells me, almost 14 (she’ll be 14 this coming September). She knows how
important serving at the shelter each week is for me. I generally make the trip
alone, driving directly from the office. But several months ago she asked if
she could come along one evening. I had never really thought of inviting her
along. I guess it’s because it’s somewhat out of the way for me to stop home,
pick her up and then get to the shelter on time. Plus I figured, as a student, she was occupied enough with homework and wouldn’t really have time to get
involved with something like volunteer work. But she really wanted to come
along to share in the work that we do. </div>
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I obliged and took her along with me. And, to my surprise
and delight, she absolutely loved it. The sense of joy she had in serving and just
being a part of the team providing hope and encouragement to those individuals
was just a blessing to witness. I didn’t have to instruct her about anything.
She came along and just fit right in, serving the people as if they were the
most important people on the planet. As a dad, I just beamed with pride seeing her so involved in the process.</div>
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Since then, each week she cannot wait to go again. I’ve
managed to take her along much of the time but there have been occasions on
which it wasn’t feasible. But she loves coming along and getting involved. It’s
not something I have taught her; I guess she has watched me and has developed a
passion for doing her part to make the burdens of life easier for others to bear.</div>
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As you read this, you’re likely in a comfortable situation. You’re
probably on your own computer. Or perhaps you’re on an iPad or an iPhone. Maybe
you’re at work and just came across this while surfing the internet during
lunch. Or maybe you’re in the comfort of your home. You probably don’t have to
worry about what you and your kids are going to eat today – or tomorrow or the
next day. Whatever the case, things are probably a bit better for you than they
are for those who we meet and serve at the shelter each week. </div>
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I feel that we owe it to our kids and ourselves to ensure
that we become involved in community service. It doesn’t have to be at a
homeless shelter. It could be anywhere really – just serving others and sharing
a heart of compassion with them. Maybe it’s going to a retirement home and
helping to brighten the day of some senior citizens. Maybe it’s helping to paint
homes in a not-so-glamorous part of town. The possibilities are endless.</div>
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We have a huge responsibility as parents to shape and to
mold the lives of our young ones. During childhood I was taught the saying,
“The boys and girls of today will become the men and women of tomorrow.” Before
we know it, our kids will be off to college or on to chart their own courses in
life. The lives that they live will be due, in large part, to the lessons that
we teach them while they are young.</div>
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When we teach them the value of serving in their
communities, such lessons add great meaning to their lives. The quality of
their existence is greatly enhanced when they learn the responsibility that
comes with being good citizens of this world that we share. And part of that
process is giving of themselves for the benefit of others.</div>
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In my home state of Florida, I love the fact that, in order
to graduate from high school, kids need to have a certain number of community
hours of service. These hours can be gotten by working at the shelter where I
serve. Or they can be done by some other means of community service. I applaud
the efforts by our state legislature to help to instill in our young people the
importance of such volunteer work. </div>
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For adults, however, there’s hardly a requirement. It’s
something that, for the most part, we choose to do. And unfortunately, many
don’t see the need to make that choice. Sometimes we hear of some who get into
trouble with the law and are sentenced to community service. How sad that some
only engage in such valuable service as punishment for breaking the law. To me,
community service is a requirement to live a successful life. As the old
proverb says, “In giving, we receive.” I have found that to be true. I’m
tremendously blessed when I know that through some service I render to someone
less fortunate, I help to brighten their day. These are the lessons that I seek
to convey to my children.</div>
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Life is a wonderful, precious gift. When we can teach our
kids the value in serving their communities then we can help them to live the
fulfilling lives that they deserve. If you’re a parent, please reflect on the
words I’ve shared here and if you need to get started in teaching these lessons
to your kids, please do so. And it’s not so much about what we say – it’s more
about what we do. Let them learn by watching us serve. </div>
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It’s never too late to teach them such valuable life lessons
so I strongly encourage you to get started today. Remember, our kids live what they learn from us.
Get started and they’ll be well on their way. This is what parenting is all
about – leading by example!</div>
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Do enjoy your day!</div>
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The Upbeat Dad</div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-15662532452060364712014-07-15T10:35:00.000-04:002016-10-13T11:15:34.161-04:00Forgiveness: The Key to Healing After Divorce<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Divorce is one of the great epidemics of our society. It’s an experience that tears families apart. Family members walk away wounded from its immediate effects when a marriage ends. And for many, it takes years to recover. Some actually never even get over it and move on. It’s a gut-wrenching, traumatic experience that can really make or break people.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you probably know that I went through a divorce over 10 years ago. I look back now with very little emotion about it. But at the time, every waking moment was like being tortured. That’s why I preferred to sleep during that time – my escape mechanism, if you will. I’d get up, go to work, come home and sleep. Not the healthiest approach, I know, but it was my way of coping.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dealing with the legal system, custody issues and all that came with the entire ordeal took so much out of me that I was of very little use elsewhere in my life. My work productivity declined. My appetite disappeared, resulting in my losing 30 pounds in the first month after the process started. What I’m saying here is that it was simply the worst experience of my entire life. And believe me, I’ve dealt with some difficult issues – including the death of close loved ones. Nothing quite compares to the experience of divorce, in my view.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_mitzey="274" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Today, I’m happily remarried to a really special and wonderful woman. My daughter, who was 3 at the time of the divorce, is now a well-adjusted pre-teen who lives with us. And the icing on the cake is that we have a handsome little bundle of joy – an 11 month old son. Things may not be 100% perfect but I can tell you that true love has turned our house into a home.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_mitzey="284" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How did this all happen? How did a nightmare become a beautiful dream? In this post, if you learn nothing else, please learn this: forgiveness is the key to a healthy recovery from divorce. It might sound like a cliché but really, that’s what it is. There’s no magical formula – just simply learning about the act of forgiveness and acting upon it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Shortly after my divorce, I was in such turmoil that I didn’t know what to do. I felt hurt and disappointed in the way things turned out. I lost everything – I mean everything. Well, I did get to keep my car, my clothes and college textbooks. But the entire house and all its effects were all gone. In addition, my credit was ruined. And seeing how the family court operated was a big eye opener. Through it all, I just remember thinking that, at least my daughter is ok because all else from that marriage was gone.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the midst of the turmoil, I reached out to a gentleman who had been through a similar experience. He shared with me that, in order for me to move on effectively, I needed to choose to become better instead of remaining bitter. That simple concept has guided my life since then. I even wrote two blog posts about it: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/01/to-become-bitter-or-better-choice-is.html">To Become Bitter or Better? The Choice is Yours</a> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;">and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/01/bitter-vs-better-part-2-how-to-become.html">Bitter vs. Better Part 2: How to Become Better</a>.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He told me that I needed to forgive my former wife and myself if I wanted to make a full recovery. And looking back at that conversation now, I can tell you that it was that brief chat the started me on the path that I’ve been on since then. It’s an inflection point to which I can trace the origins of the Upbeat Dad organization.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After that brief conversation, I knew there was some work to be done and I was determined to do it. I had lunch with my former wife shortly thereafter. Believe me, it wasn’t easy to initiate that contact but it was necessary. I told her that despite the fact that it was a messy divorce, we needed to come together for our daughter’s best interest and for our mutual benefit. Then I said, “For the wrong that I did during the marriage and throughout the divorce process, I’m asking you to forgive me.” It wasn’t easy for me to do so but I did.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I won’t even tell you her response but suffice it to say, it was less than favorable. But guess what? That was ok. I was trying to move on and, in my view, that was a necessary step. The next thing I did was forgive her for ways in which I felt I was wronged. I won’t even get into the discussion of “who did what” during the marriage and divorce. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The fact is that we were married and the marriage ended. No matter how right either of us may have felt, no one was 100% innocent and no one was 100% at fault. The demise of the marriage was a shared responsibility.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I had to acknowledge wrong-doing on my part and that’s what I did. I forgave her and asked that she forgive me. Regardless of her response, I was no longer held captive to the emotions of that chapter in our lives. I was now free to move on from the experience. The only remaining obligation I had from that relationship was to continue being a loving father to our daughter.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was so long ago, in hindsight, but I cannot emphasize to you enough how much healing took place after that conversation with her. I cried privately because I was so overcome with emotion. There was nothing that changed in an outward, tangible way after talking with her but I felt my heart becoming whole again. The sun was starting to shine in my life and I just had a new attitude. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The key to forgiveness is this: the power does not lie with the other person – it lies with you. By that I mean, the other person is free to forgive you or not. They’re also free to ask for forgiveness. But when you’re the one asking for forgiveness or actually forgiving the other person, you’re in total control. So then, you can be your own emancipator, if you will; you can be held captive by the wrong you feel was done against you, or you can choose to forgive and move on. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you make the choice to forgive, you remove the possible ill-effects of harboring a grudge. Did you know that refusing to forgive and holding on to the hurt can literally make you sick? Ask your doctor. It can lead to high blood pressure, ulcers and all kinds of diseases. It really can.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you find yourself at a crossroads today, dealing with a divorce or the ending of a relationship, I challenge you to put these words to the test. It doesn’t matter how bad things may be, forgiveness is the key to moving on and letting go of the hurt. If you’re dealing with heartbreaking issues such as domestic violence or infidelity, it doesn’t matter, it really works.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I can’t promise you that you’ll see tangible results overnight. A million dollars won’t necessarily appear in your bank account the next day. But what happens is that you become free of the baggage that comes with the bitterness that results when we don’t forgive. For me, it didn’t happen overnight but one thing that started almost immediately is that I learned to see my former wife in a different light. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Things got so messy when the divorce became a reality. But I learned to remember the good in her that caused me to want to marry her in the first place. And she was the mother of our beautiful daughter. So without her, our daughter would never have been born. That’s why, to this day, I am glad that we got married – a precious child still remains long after the marriage has faded.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hope that these words have spoken to your heart. If you need to make that special phone call to make amends, then please do so. If you need to shed some tears, then do so as well. All of these things are normal and dare I say, very necessary, if you are to move on from a past hurt.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Seeking and extending forgiveness and making apologies doesn’t indicate weakness. Rather, it’s a sign of strength. You become empowered by such acts. Now, I have to struggle to recall all that happened during our divorce. If I remained bitter and chose not to forgive my ex, I’d leap at any opportunity to say negative things about her. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But believe me, it’s much better the way it is now. She’s moved on and I’ve moved on and each of us is much better as a result. And more importantly, our daughter is just fine – a well adjusted, happy pre-teen.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now I have a wife who loves me unconditionally and I have 3 children that really light up my life. Life isn’t perfect with us but I can tell you honestly that it’s never been better. That didn’t happen overnight. When I made a conscious choice to forgive my ex and forgive myself, the wheels were set in motion for the life I live today. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I look forward to hearing of how things change for the better as you make your own choice to forgive. Believe me, it’s better that way. Don’t rob yourself of the benefits that forgiveness can give. You deserve the best that life has to offer. Please don’t let anyone or any situation ever cause you to become less than you’re capable of being.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Promise yourself that, starting today, you’ll forgive, forget and move on. In doing so, you’ll reap more rewards than you could imagine. And you deserve nothing less.</span></div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-65090697639197853892014-03-09T12:29:00.000-04:002016-10-13T11:14:01.541-04:00It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No, it's Superdad!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I recently had a conversation with a friend who's a family law attorney. He spoke at our inaugural <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/02/special-edition-upbeat-dad-community.html">Upbeat Dad Community Forum</a> that we had last month. As we spoke, as I often do, I took out my Blackberry to write down a potential topic for a blog post. The subject matter of our conversation was such that I thought I should share it with our readers. So here's that post.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">He told me of the "Superdad" phenomenon in family law. "Superdad? What's that?" you might say? Well, here's what it's about.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-4NIq4t8eu2wATtpJXuqQ9ERHNw7LxSOGl0LAqAE_w8ejYVGgB89wPwJUMQFj0wURQpWQPZCIbkUt6ONsKwgrKwTIHoaWQNMlehs0ddcyN_zwZoilftOg8RptRESb3lWjl696yos_fWQ/s1600/Superman1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-4NIq4t8eu2wATtpJXuqQ9ERHNw7LxSOGl0LAqAE_w8ejYVGgB89wPwJUMQFj0wURQpWQPZCIbkUt6ONsKwgrKwTIHoaWQNMlehs0ddcyN_zwZoilftOg8RptRESb3lWjl696yos_fWQ/s1600/Superman1.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In comic books and the movies, Superman is one of the more popular fictional characters. In everyday life, he's just a regular guy named Clark Kent. But when a heroic feat needs to be accomplished, the regular guy wearing regular clothes disappears for a moment and out comes as Superman, decked in a special outfit and cape for flying. He comes to save the day! </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Whether there's a person in a difficult situation or a natural disaster, Superman can do all things for all men when needed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now here's the relevance of all this to The Upbeat Dad. What the attorney told me was that all the time dads who are faced with the reality of divorce come into his office. As they begin the consultation to set the strategy for how they will seek to be successful in court, he asks the dads about their role in the marriage and in the household in general.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrw0Rh7l5C2qI_hBqrLDMUNtLPke8W9_9gmy63JtLIBGI5xLJnCuGQu4YVP0WYv5rC59Qxqw4w9FMWO4BJbM_QHV99Y84J1cqJgwRVexZlhicq4yqOgB827umbQzq9O8Ds6sA6srbXvHA/s1600/Father+taking+son+to+school.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" q6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrw0Rh7l5C2qI_hBqrLDMUNtLPke8W9_9gmy63JtLIBGI5xLJnCuGQu4YVP0WYv5rC59Qxqw4w9FMWO4BJbM_QHV99Y84J1cqJgwRVexZlhicq4yqOgB827umbQzq9O8Ds6sA6srbXvHA/s320/Father+taking+son+to+school.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Many of the fathers present themselves as "Superdad". They take the kids to daycare and school. They take them to ball games, to the doctor and just about everywhere. In the household, they're attentive to the kids' every need. They cook, clean, help with homework and are just about everything a kid could hope for. They're Superdad!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then come the attorney's questions:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Q: What's the name of the kids' doctor?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A: I don't know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Q: What's the name of the kids' school teacher.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A: I don't remember.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Q: When was the last time you were at a conference with the kids' teacher?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A: Errrr, I don't remember - some time last year, I think.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Q: What are the names of your kids' friends!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A: Hmmm, let's see.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You kinda get the idea, right? In everyday life, these dads are Clark Kent. They go to work. They live their life. They hang out with the guys. They go to Happy Hour. Their wives are the backbone of the household - keeping things together while they do "guy things."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then comes the reality of divorce - the legal ending of a relationship. Regular conversations are now less about fun and games and more about real serious issues - like division of assets, child support, alimony, custody, visitation/time-sharing. It's time to exchange the Clark Kent persona for Superdad. For a moment, in order to "save the day" he has to be what he really is not in everyday life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You kinda see where I'm going with this? Clark Kent is the normal person. Superdad only becomes a reality for a time and season - long enough to get what he wants from a legal standpoint. Then it's back to the norm.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My challenge to fathers with this post is twofold. First, I'd like fathers to realize the very important role that they ought to play in their kid's lives. Superdad should be the norm - being involved in the daily responsibility of raising children. Second, when the reality of divorce is at hand, it may often be too late to save a marriage. But the role of parenthood is perpetual. One might be able to put on the Superdad persona and be successful in convincing those in the legal system that he is a great dad. But as the expression goes, the proof is in the pudding.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Our kids are precious. We should be their everyday heroes - Superdads, if you will. We cannot expect to put on an act for the purpose of getting what we want legally and then go back to being uninvolved in the things that mean the most to our kids. I often say that you express your love to your kids with a 4 letter word: T-I-M-E.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you're a dad and this post has spoken to your heart and you know you need to make it right with your kids, I hope you'd make the necessary changes. If you really haven't been as involved in their lives as you should be, then regardless of how things may be in your relationship with your wife or the mother of your children, starting today, do make the conscious effort to do better as a dad. Forget what you haven't done in the past - that can't be erased. Turn over a new page and be for your kids what you ought to be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I try to be positive in all things. This post is not meant to make anyone feel bad. I hope that it's a wake up call for those who need the message. The role of fatherhood is so important that each of us needs to be a permanent Superdad, not Clark Kent who becomes a hero for a moment and then goes back to life as usual.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Let's be the heroes that our kids can look up to. We can make a long-lasting, life-changing impact on them if we commit to being the best fathers possible.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Enjoy your day Superdad!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Upbeat Dad</span><br />
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-32274231771195341392014-02-16T15:59:00.000-05:002016-10-13T11:47:21.554-04:00Post-Divorce Parenting: Visitation vs Time-Sharing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Well, well, well, it seems that things and times are changing afterall. And it’s a change for the better, I believe. What am I talking about? Well, today’s post is about the concept of visitation versus time-sharing. It’s a concept that I’ve long thought about based on my own experience and I’m so glad to know that the courts – at least here in Florida – are finally coming around to the concept that I’ve spoken about for such a long time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Last week I was speaking with a family law attorney who shared with me that in Florida, legally, the term “visitation” is no longer used when speaking of the time that a child spends with a parent after a divorce. The term “time-sharing” is now used. In other words, a child no longer visits his/her parent – instead (s)he spends time. To some readers, this may not seem like much but if you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you’d know that I’m a big advocate for the time-sharing concept.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Like I shared in my post </span><a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2010/10/story-behind-upbeat-dad.html"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Story Behind The Upbeat Dad</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, I went through a divorce in the early 2000s. That legal process awakened me to the reality that many families face each day as husbands and wives fall out of love and into the family law system. It was a big eye opener indeed. There were a series of things that bothered me but the most significant of them was the term visitation. I even wrote the post </span><a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2010/10/visitation.html"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">From Father to Visitor</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> about the process.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX3AnbvWSYUGW6w1WolFw0pqI4YqbksWbCdXp3I34v8AqjWhn3ElomqixtozgjnAJJt30jG2BlfRf3RQWaki5LhDnpE5IklsVWUvsn3-V81BpHO4a087s1R4r1QYVbocNGzxW1OS36W_wk/s1600/fatheranddaughter1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX3AnbvWSYUGW6w1WolFw0pqI4YqbksWbCdXp3I34v8AqjWhn3ElomqixtozgjnAJJt30jG2BlfRf3RQWaki5LhDnpE5IklsVWUvsn3-V81BpHO4a087s1R4r1QYVbocNGzxW1OS36W_wk/s320/fatheranddaughter1.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX3AnbvWSYUGW6w1WolFw0pqI4YqbksWbCdXp3I34v8AqjWhn3ElomqixtozgjnAJJt30jG2BlfRf3RQWaki5LhDnpE5IklsVWUvsn3-V81BpHO4a087s1R4r1QYVbocNGzxW1OS36W_wk/s1600/fatheranddaughter1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When my daughter was conceived, I was as happy as a lark. I knew of the impending responsibility to take care of her so, in a sense, I was scared that a life was going to be entrusted to my former wife and me. I didn’t know if we were really ready for all that it would take to raise a child. But I was still excited nonetheless to think that I was going to be a father. Something about that thought brought<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a sense of pride to me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My former wife and I have shared the responsibility for our daughter’s care – from even before she was born. I never missed a doctor’s appointment throughout the pregnancy. I was in the delivery room when she was born (I joke with her today that I’m the first face she saw when she was born because I was standing right there as she made her first earthly appearance). I was there every step of the way after her birth – taking her to the pediatrician, the day care, to birthday parties and just everything that a loving parent should do. We were both involved - none more than the other.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So when the marriage ended, I really had a problem with the legal term “visitation.” How did I, almost overnight, go from being “daddy” to “visitor”? I think that that term suggested that I was a 2<sup>nd</sup> tier parent – she lives with her mother and visits me. A typical dad who went through a divorce at that time would be happy to just get the standard “every other weekend” and he’s good to go – no need for anything further. That just didn’t seem right to me, especially considering that I’ve always been close with my daughter.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I could not take on the court system by myself so I was determined to help as many people as possible before they even got to that phase. I was on a campaign to save marriages and other relationships so that people would avoid the harsh realities of the family law system. I feel for kids who really have no voice in the way the process is carried out; they just have to deal with the outcome.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The attorney who I referenced earlier told me that in Florida, time-sharing is now the rule of law – no longer visitation. In addition, the courts now try to work out a 50/50 schedule – no longer one parent being the primary custodial parent while the other gets “visits” from their kids. That’s the point that I have been making all along. I’m just happy to see that the courts came to the conclusion that the time-sharing concept is better. I really believe that kids are better for it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Today, my daughter lives with my new wife, our son and me. When she is with me, she’s at home. When she’s with her mom, my former wife, she’s also at home. She has two homes where she is loved and cherished. That’s the message that we ought to send our kids.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Several years ago, as I reflected on this entire transitional period that I went through, I wrote the following poem:</span></div>
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<em><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Visitation</span></b></em></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">By Rodrick Walters</span><span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I was there when the doctor told us</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">That we were having a girl</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Our parents were right there to hold us</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">We were so on top of the world;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I was right there for your christening</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I was holding my bundle of joy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">The preacher said, “Look, do you see him?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">He’s smiling like a little boy;"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I was there when you started the first grade</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You made me the proudest of dads</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I really thought I had it made</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Didn’t know things would turn out so bad;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Now the marriage I lived for is over</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">We’ve started new lives on our own</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Now I struggle as I try to recover</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">‘Cause you live all the way across town;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I’m your father, not a visitor</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">This feeling is so new to me</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I want to see you grow older</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">To be what a father should be;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I just don’t know ‘bout this system</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Didn’t know it was really this bad</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I don’t want you to be a victim</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I just want to be your dad;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Yet I still hope for tomorrow</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I know better days lie ahead</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">But for now I mask this sorrow</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Some words are better left unsaid</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">My dear, I will leave you never</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">So you don’t have to be sad</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">This tie no one can sever</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I’m always, forever, your dad.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Those words were written from the heart back then. Looking at it now, I smile because things have worked out just fine. And my daughter is doing great.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQuUV1G7y42hE4vlZZIz9C55W4ctf73dppaKRYA2nStgsNpHKXfkPnxnvrHTWuD1wTNw-3chTWIr1zrgDNgCnRbn7Ljj8M0N02eQYh9EfQn4pHVjCK41mXAO9_MGMhEOCuj7WL6KBtPGa0/s1600/mom_and_child_playing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQuUV1G7y42hE4vlZZIz9C55W4ctf73dppaKRYA2nStgsNpHKXfkPnxnvrHTWuD1wTNw-3chTWIr1zrgDNgCnRbn7Ljj8M0N02eQYh9EfQn4pHVjCK41mXAO9_MGMhEOCuj7WL6KBtPGa0/s320/mom_and_child_playing.jpg" width="320" /></a> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you’re a parent and somehow you find yourself in the position that I was in so long ago, just know that your kids are always your kids. I don’t know if the law in your jurisdiction uses the term “visitation” or not. I do know that if you treasure your kids as you should, nothing can change the fact that your kids are yours and you have a great responsibility for them. Visitation, to me, is when they go to visit their grandparents or other relatives. When they are with you, they are at home – even if you and the other parent don't </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">live together. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hope that this post has been an encouragement to you, particularly if you’re a parent who’s learning how to live without your kids in the home all the time. Just give them your love always and sooner or later, it will all work itself out. You can raise well-adjusted, successful kids even while parenting apart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Enjoy yourself today.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Upbeat Dad</span><br />
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-45598079881016729952013-09-01T09:55:00.000-04:002016-10-13T11:16:42.820-04:00Back to School Tips for Divorced Parents<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The school year recently started for most kids. If yours aren’t back to school yet, they’re likely winding down their summer festivities to get back into the mode of waking up early and going to the bus stop and all that stuff you and I did so many years ago. Summer vacation is great and wonderful but in order for our little ones – and not so little ones – to become their best, school is where the training is done.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The years of formal education are so critical to a child’s development. Psychologists will confirm this: 90% of brain development occurs within the first 3 years of life. Then the older kids get, the harder </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">it becomes to learn concepts that are so easily grasped when they’re young.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As parents, one of our jobs is to create the type of environment that facilitates our kids’ learning. With this post, I’d like to share some tips that I believe will help divorced parents to work together to ensure their kids’ education is a priority.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Statistics tell us that kids from two parent households fare much better than kids of single parents. That’s not to say that kids of single parents cannot become successful; however, when two parents work together to support their kids and facilitate their development, they tend to become well-adjusted and more prepared to take on the challenges that life will present.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the United States, just over 50% of first marriages end in divorce. Many of these marriages produced children so although the relationships are over, the former spouses are bound together for life because their kids remain. It’s one of those things that come with the territory.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Having been through a divorce, I can tell you firsthand that adjusting to the new life isn’t quite so simple. When children are in the picture, even if the divorce was messy, the former spouses have to find a way to deal with each other. One of the key areas that must be considered is the kids’ education.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here are some tips that I believe will help divorced parents to work together as it relates to their children’s schooling: </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Y9eMYOciDN84CvcxV7f3pb5iQXgG-1hxLhG-TD-pm98L1n7mle_tT6q3CPf1Q9iSThvtfE5LUQoJRulNo8AXHXZQmI8bGZLHzGzGEXFtrCzZ79veKJF6WLx2meeY67NHmxzFi42c3CA/s1600/boy-back-to-school.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Y9eMYOciDN84CvcxV7f3pb5iQXgG-1hxLhG-TD-pm98L1n7mle_tT6q3CPf1Q9iSThvtfE5LUQoJRulNo8AXHXZQmI8bGZLHzGzGEXFtrCzZ79veKJF6WLx2meeY67NHmxzFi42c3CA/s320/boy-back-to-school.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b>Put the kids first</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. No matter how difficult the divorce was, remember the kids are the innocent parties and ought to be each parent’s priority. You may not like your former spouse very much but for the kids’ sake, learn to deal with them.</span></span></li>
<li style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Communicate with your ex.</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> This may be easier said than done but communication is the key. Chances are, the divorce happened due to a lack of communication in the relationship so it might be a tall order to establish this after the marriage. But it’s very necessary. The good thing with technology today is that you can correspond without even speaking. Text messaging and other forms of modern communication can work wonders.</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b>Meet the teachers.</b> It’s always important that parents get to know their kids’ teachers. This is particularly important when there is a divorce. Teachers may not need to know the details of the divorce; however, it’s good to let them know that your child has two homes. In this way, they can be sensitive to the child’s needs. It also helps them to know how best to communicate with each parent. Many teachers are accessible by email so take advantage of this means of keeping up with your kids’ development in the classroom.</span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b>Maintain similar routine at each home.</b> Kids learn best in a stable environment. When divorce happens, there is a necessary adjustment period. You can help them to re-establish some stability by maintaining the same guidelines in each home as it relates to their routine. For example, if bedtime is 8:30 PM at mom’s home, it shouldn’t be 10:00 PM at dad’s. If they are not allowed to watch TV on school nights at one home, the same policy should be adhered to at the other home. It may not be so easy but it’s something that should be aimed for. Remember, kids learn best when they have a stable, predictable routine.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b>Keep educational supplies at each home.</b> This might seem obvious but I’ll share it here anyway. Keep pens, pencils and other educational materials at each home. The kids usually travel with them anyway but remember, they are kids. So if they forget their ruler at dad’s home, they shouldn’t be at a disadvantage as a result. Just keeping some basic supplies might make things a lot easier.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b>Attend your kids’ school functions.</b> Throughout the school year, your kids may have different school functions to which parents may be invited – functions such as awards banquets, concerts, talent shows, graduations. They love it when they see both of their parents at these events. Perhaps dad and mom don’t get along – they might not even be on speaking terms. But when they show up, kids love it. So you don’t necessarily have to sit next to your ex at the event. Just be there and your kids will appreciate it.</span></li>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I’m sure that there are many more tips that could be shared on this subject but I’ll leave it at that for now. The point of this post is to help parents understand that they have a key role to play in their kids’ education – even when the family is no longer intact. I wrote in one of my poems,</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Parenthood is forever</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A spouse may come and go</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It’s one law nature knows.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So your role as a parent is perpetual – even when there is a divorce. By adopting some basic guidelines and principles, you can help your kids successfully cope with the changes that divorce necessarily brings.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hope that reading this has been an encouragement to you. Your kids are to be treasured above anything or anyone else. Just do your very best for them and some way, somehow, things will work out.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Enjoy your day.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Upbeat Dad</span></div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-22486964712427325652012-12-06T14:05:00.000-05:002012-12-06T14:36:12.970-05:00Reflecting On Our New Arrival<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcv0Rz5AT07_djoMUM8WmJPM2f5Ef7Hi70bsWJRo7z6SrJ3298uX8HG3OMZ_X2GOcXDfonGwMvy97oL2nM1O6l6U_X1LzOirVRRzc0W-iwzmk6YXe-x4mVH221whSSCnI3aGaTZcy357Th/s1600/IMG_20121206_112505.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcv0Rz5AT07_djoMUM8WmJPM2f5Ef7Hi70bsWJRo7z6SrJ3298uX8HG3OMZ_X2GOcXDfonGwMvy97oL2nM1O6l6U_X1LzOirVRRzc0W-iwzmk6YXe-x4mVH221whSSCnI3aGaTZcy357Th/s320/IMG_20121206_112505.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick's newborn son</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">A
week ago today, our family was thrilled to welcome a new child into the world.
We already have a 14 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. Now we have
another son to add to the mix! The 3 Musketeers, if you will! In the week that
has passed, I'm amazed at all that's transpired. Some of it has been
predictable; some of it I couldn't have seen coming. But altogether it has set
the stage for what I envision to be a fulfilling experience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">As
you probably know from reading this blog, I'm passionate about the institution
of the family. I've achieved a few things in my life but nothing compares to
the role of being a husband and father. There's such a sense of purpose that
comes with raising a family – going through the process of welcoming children
into the world and teaching them how to take their place in the world as
productive citizens. It's not all fun and games - it's serious stuff. But it's
such rewarding stuff. And here we are, doing it all over again!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6TLIY6M4jaZ0qLkYbVBSl21TwUjWjQfJT1Bhvqt3d_cijRJs1oyOdsumOZ2PM2iqVQ7rOUlvkvM6-gO0ZYORMd7zTJOfr7dAqVmXpursRsO_Ij7ahmu2qgz6IFMDAH3vDuQAnkrx6gJDV/s1600/IMG-20121129-00120.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6TLIY6M4jaZ0qLkYbVBSl21TwUjWjQfJT1Bhvqt3d_cijRJs1oyOdsumOZ2PM2iqVQ7rOUlvkvM6-gO0ZYORMd7zTJOfr7dAqVmXpursRsO_Ij7ahmu2qgz6IFMDAH3vDuQAnkrx6gJDV/s320/IMG-20121129-00120.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick and family</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">As
I reflect on the new birth, I'm humbled at the thought of the responsibility
given to us - to successfully raise 3 children, each with a unique personality.
It's a daunting task, on the one hand. On the other, it's an opportunity to put
into practice the principles that are at the core of what my wife and I believe
- children are precious gifts and ultimately, their success in life depends, to
a great extent, on the environment in which they are raised.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Now
here we are - adding a new child to our family and hoping we strike the right
chords to help him and his brother and sister to live meaningful lives. There's
no magic formula to successfully take the journey we're embarking on. Much of
it is unchartered territory for us. But I'm fully convinced that, as the expression
goes, "love will find a way." Love will help us make the right
decisions as we mold these young lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">In
the week that has transpired since the new birth, I have seen a preview of what
the coming months and years will be like. Remember, we have a teenager and a 2
year old. Our daughter is a high school freshman so she's been very much aware
of what to expect with the new birth. She's been a trooper these past few
months. As the pregnancy progressed, she has stepped up and assumed more
responsibilities around the house. She has done a great job of doing her chores
- like washing dishes, doing her laundry, etc. Her room isn't always as neat as
it should be but still, she's done great so far. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxNG3ANE00JY0xyjfPD7v2ifgSdQToBFaQGWaLbpyHlNbymptrigdOJ0QEEbF9NO-wY2G92B_ybu4oEe6C0bBYOfR2D3O66GTC5JHq34-t7gjUgH8dCy-3fqKyJnBTAf0bgSaY9EJe_arW/s1600/IMG-20121202-00183.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxNG3ANE00JY0xyjfPD7v2ifgSdQToBFaQGWaLbpyHlNbymptrigdOJ0QEEbF9NO-wY2G92B_ybu4oEe6C0bBYOfR2D3O66GTC5JHq34-t7gjUgH8dCy-3fqKyJnBTAf0bgSaY9EJe_arW/s320/IMG-20121202-00183.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick's teenage daughter and newborn son</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">She
does all of this while learning to navigate her way through the challenging
experience of being in high school. Her school is very competitive and it
requires her to work harder than she has up to this point - lots of late nights
and early mornings. And occasional weekend school activities too. She's involved
in certain extracurricular activities that are demanding of her time. She's
also involved in the youth group at our church. Needless to say, she has her
hands full. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">As
parents, we know that, since the younger 2 kids need our involvement more,
quite easily our daughter could become less of a priority to us. If we're not
careful, we could invest all our time on the younger 2 while she drifts along.
But then, wisdom says that, she needs us now more than ever. Why? Because she's
at the stage where she's beginning to make life-altering decisions. Think of
this - in just over 3 years, she's off to college. She's now seriously thinking
about her future career. Soon she'll start dating; soon she'll be driving. So
yes, she needs us to help her through this phase. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Then
comes our 2 year old. My wife and I have been told by so many people that as
long as the baby's in the womb, he will be ok. But when the baby's born, it's
another story. So said, so done! I can tell from this moment, that the
challenge of raising these kids will be more with the younger 2. If we learn
how to manage the relationship between them, then they could become best
friends for a lifetime. If we don't, then they could become lifetime rivals. We
have such a significant role to play in this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">When
our older boy came to the hospital to see his new baby brother, he was excited!
He smiled with the pride of a big brother. At this time, the baby was in the
bassinet. Then the
baby started crying. My wife picked him up and held him in her arms, trying to
sooth him but he didn't stop. Then the 2 year old started crying, wanting her
to hold him too. But she couldn't pick him up as before; after all, she just
gave birth. I tried to sooth him but he wasn't having it - he just kept crying.
He wasn't a happy camper at all. It's like he felt displaced by the new
arrival. So I left the room with him till he calmed down a bit.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8fJ2WFppXNXoIu13pvBMIaDNcPjJopG3RxOCHxK0UERA7YkzkOGSO-JmPZdiaDP_hJ3hPDBQkxEgPUggaLZWVdYBeqUyN0RhW7eXtay-uWNcGRnLY3i4cBrh9KKMGyn5G7wnwPUVgTcCE/s1600/IMG-20121204-00192.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8fJ2WFppXNXoIu13pvBMIaDNcPjJopG3RxOCHxK0UERA7YkzkOGSO-JmPZdiaDP_hJ3hPDBQkxEgPUggaLZWVdYBeqUyN0RhW7eXtay-uWNcGRnLY3i4cBrh9KKMGyn5G7wnwPUVgTcCE/s320/IMG-20121204-00192.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick's toddler and newborn sons</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Then
the day after my wife and newborn were discharged from the hospital, we went to
the pediatrician for the baby's first doctor's visit. As we sat, talking to the
doctor with the baby in my wife's arms, the 2 year old folded his arms, turned
his back, and with a frown on his face said, "That's not fair! That’s not
fair everyone!" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Now,
even though he knows the baby's name and says it all the time, sometimes when
he ask him the name, he says, "I don't know!" It’s just his way of
trying to say he’s not ready to concede the limelight to a younger brother.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">In
the midst of all this, my wife and I recognize that this is all normal. We were
told it would happen. Our friends and family tell us of different stories where
the same thing occurred. My mom even tells me that when I was a newborn, my
older brother (who's 2 years older than me), punched me in my stomach when she
wasn't looking. I invaded his territory - our mom's arms - and he wasn't happy
at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Our
2 year old will be just fine as long as we are aware of the dynamics at work
here. He actually has gotten better over the past few days as he's seen that
the attention isn't all gone away from him. We make a concerted effort to make
him a part of all that's going on. We try to help him know that having a new
little brother is actually a good thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">And
another thing has worked wonders - from early in the pregnancy, my wife's
OB-Gyn encouraged us to get a gift for him from the newborn. That way, he would
be more open to embracing a little brother - call it a peace-offering if you
will. We did just that - we got him a toy car. He absolutely loves it and I
think we've set the stage for a great relationship between them both. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7ZZbKsPyLWceDGydGTC9QDHdl1LfENNk9mv3bA6qRU6ywgz-bbxWNgeGexafMVs6f3ZH4XBe49cSmfi7eGUWUmCXAHJMeXj_Quq68r_XAoluaMKZeNuQmN4RinGSODUVicGRiXCqP6pYy/s1600/IMG-20121202-00172.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7ZZbKsPyLWceDGydGTC9QDHdl1LfENNk9mv3bA6qRU6ywgz-bbxWNgeGexafMVs6f3ZH4XBe49cSmfi7eGUWUmCXAHJMeXj_Quq68r_XAoluaMKZeNuQmN4RinGSODUVicGRiXCqP6pYy/s320/IMG-20121202-00172.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick's toddler son with gift from his newborn brother</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">One thing that I didn't see coming in all of this is that he and I
are probably closer today than we've ever been. You see, before, everything we
did was as a family. But now that my wife is the primary caretaker of the
newborn, he needs me a bit more now. So we've started to do things together -
one on one. We've gone for a few walks, I've read to him, I've cooked for him
more than I have before. Now I'm thinking of the limitless possibilities of
what we can do together - introducing him to different sports I played growing
up - baseball, basketball, tennis. It's a really cool thought - he needs more
of me and I'm more than happy to oblige!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Then
there's our newborn. He's an adorable little guy and we're so thrilled to have
him. Studies show that 90% of brain development occurs in the first 3 years. So
the environment that we set around him will shape and mold him for years to come.
With both our older children, it just seems like the newborn stage was
short-lived. They progressed so quickly. With our new one, I want to enjoy
every moment, letting him know that he's in a home where love and respect for
each family member is paramount. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilzuJ9K-AQmAaW_5WixXwJBjxpD25rczKM9RuOMPFdygZ5Bl1LfJSF-Kx52Ehe2XZSk11SS1aQp3BFUzVngI-87H9-F3gQmv7wiDXYCqWOLZ5BlS0axrgl96lRV-BInbcHaBwONOk0lDvk/s1600/IMG-20121130-00122.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilzuJ9K-AQmAaW_5WixXwJBjxpD25rczKM9RuOMPFdygZ5Bl1LfJSF-Kx52Ehe2XZSk11SS1aQp3BFUzVngI-87H9-F3gQmv7wiDXYCqWOLZ5BlS0axrgl96lRV-BInbcHaBwONOk0lDvk/s320/IMG-20121130-00122.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick's newborn son</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">One
thing I know we need to be careful of it helping him to develop his own
identity. He’s the last child and it’s easy to have expectations of him based
on what we see in his older siblings. Also, I’m sure that many of his clothes
will be “hand me downs” from his older brother. That might not seem like a big
deal but for a baby brother, it could become a real issue. Another thing that
we need to be aware of is that older siblings often feel that the younger ones
are spoiled because they get away with things that the older ones don’t get
away with. We just need to look out for it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">So
there you have it! As I see it, this is just another opportunity to put into
practice the principles that I write and talk about with the entire Upbeat Dad
movement. It's less about what I might write and say; it's really about what I
do. No one is perfect; my wife and I don't have the answers to everything. But
I believe that as long as our actions are guided by love and by what's in the
best interest of the children, then we'll be just fine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Parenting
is one of the most thrilling experiences one could have. And to have the
opportunity to raise 3 kids is more than I could possibly have hoped for. It's
the opportunity of a lifetime - one that we readily embrace. I do not know how
things will turn out ultimately but I'm confident that, if we play our part,
each of them will grow up to become successful, productive members of society
who will make us proud. And that thought has me feeling pretty
"upbeat" right now!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Enjoy
your day,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick and his children</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt;">The
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-50166523421873707322012-10-08T14:23:00.002-04:002012-10-08T15:34:44.786-04:00Setting the Right Priorities: Saying “No” So We Can Say “Yes” To Our Kids!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick and his son</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the recent past, something has
come to my attention regarding my relationship with my kids and I thought that
I’d share it here on this blog because I believe it’s a good lesson for working
parents, especially dads. It’s not something that’s very easy to write because
it’s somewhat a confession of my own shortcomings as a parent. At the same
time, I think that it will be an encouragement to others; therefore I’ll be
transparent in sharing what I hope will be a wake up call for many.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our 14 year old daughter recently
started high school. I take her to and from school daily. We leave pretty early
in the mornings – by 7:15. We also have a 2 year old son. Generally, when I leave
each day, he’s still sleeping. My days can be pretty demanding – with my daily
responsibilities at the office and then meetings and other commitments after
work. So I often don’t get home until after 8:30 pm. My son’s bedtime is 9:00.
Very often I make it home after 9:00 and miss saying good night to him. It’s
not out of the ordinary for my only interaction with him during a workday to be
during phone calls from the office. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve been noticing that he is
growing so fast and doing so many new things each day. His vocabulary is
expanding rapidly, his personality is coming into its own and part of me
wonders just how much of his young life I’m missing. I’m busy working to
provide for the family and giving my all to see that our plans come to
fruition. I’m focused and determined to see the Upbeat Dad Organization
continue to touch lives around the world. It’s an awesome responsibility to
have the vision for a multifaceted organization and then take slow, methodical
steps to see the vision realized. But as I work, I see that my frequent absence
from home is taking its toll on the relationship with my son.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgZipsi7wz31fuX01fXT9XHaTXQF5SYmgF4YLt_3u-XEmOg2lOcc2ElwTkJBY_gB_P3HCnzDLy8jL46C2Xj3UgC9vrk3QzKw8TxA1H5irTx9qe7UwcD-3izGEe-dfHbaOKazTgLyqLeQyi/s1600/Pouting_Boy_tilted.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgZipsi7wz31fuX01fXT9XHaTXQF5SYmgF4YLt_3u-XEmOg2lOcc2ElwTkJBY_gB_P3HCnzDLy8jL46C2Xj3UgC9vrk3QzKw8TxA1H5irTx9qe7UwcD-3izGEe-dfHbaOKazTgLyqLeQyi/s320/Pouting_Boy_tilted.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most recently, I recall coming home
after picking up my daughter from school one day and dropping her home. I,
then, had to leave shortly for an evening meeting after being home only 10
minutes. When I told my son that I’m leaving he got so upset that he folded his
arms and walked away. I tried talking to him but he was having none of it. He
was visibly hurt – even at age 2. He waited all day to see me and when he finally
got that chance, he was short-changed after only 10 minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That whole scenario spoke so loudly
to me that on my way to that meeting, it bothered me all the way. After the
meeting, on the way home I began thinking about my daily life and my
obligations and realized that he was absolutely right. I’ve been cheating him of
the precious time that he deserves. It’s not in any way that I don’t care to
spend time with him. As young and impressionable as he is, I want as much time
with him as possible and I want to make every moment count. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know that my schedule can be very
demanding so what my wife and I implemented in our household is a set time –
usually on a Friday evening – when we cut off the outside world and just bond
as a family. No phone, TV, iPad or anything else - just us. We usually go to a
restaurant or to some form of entertainment. We’ve done that consistently from
the beginning of our marriage and continue to do so to this day. So each week,
though I get pretty busy, I know that that allotted time for all 4 of us is on
the calendar. And on the weekend, we really spend some meaningful time. It’s
time throughout the week that can be a challenge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With our son, his schedule is
different from everyone else’s. He wakes up about 8:00 AM and goes to bed at
9:00 PM. My daughter and I have our time each day on the drive to and from
school. Then my wife and I have our time early in the morning and when I get
home at night. So the only person who gets short-changed is the youngest, most
vulnerable one – our son. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlJiNPE4ufXrFUscQ5QSMkoSGsHdks24Te4uJVUM0Vu84z6i7qDrJf_tr0Dr2wIKmvhyphenhyphenZJPil0aIGYOYkNvwcRqj1it-OFzg_XiMbYu6nTSYRaMNbSI9y_SM3yZeHJ-Lt0m1Pnn0aQ0KEm/s1600/Man+thinking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlJiNPE4ufXrFUscQ5QSMkoSGsHdks24Te4uJVUM0Vu84z6i7qDrJf_tr0Dr2wIKmvhyphenhyphenZJPil0aIGYOYkNvwcRqj1it-OFzg_XiMbYu6nTSYRaMNbSI9y_SM3yZeHJ-Lt0m1Pnn0aQ0KEm/s320/Man+thinking.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It really bothered me that, as much
as I share the message on the importance of fatherhood, I was losing that
essential connection with my own child. And it’s not that I don’t want to build
and maintain that connection; it’s just that I’m trying to juggle so many
responsibilities – career and family. Still, regardless of what reasons I may
have, a 2 year old routinely getting 10 minutes or even no minutes with his dad
each day is not fair to him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was faced with the reality of this
situation and had a decision to make: either keep up the same routine or make
drastic and radical changes to ensure that my son and I continue to build on
that essential bond between father and child. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So here’s what I did: I took an
inventory of my daily and weekly obligations; then I considered the additional
opportunities that are routinely presented to me for consideration –
opportunities that saying “yes” to would mean saying “no” to time with my son.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I reviewed and dissected each of
these things and realized that, too easily, I said “yes” to opportunities that,
though good for my professional advancement, cost me that time with him. I
realize that when I’m trying to build on the vision of the organization and
work on other opportunities that arise, I have to put in the time. I also
realize that my obligations should be first to my household and then to my career.
</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what I’ve decided to do is cut
out some of the evening obligations that consume my time. And, in some cases, I
push back the obligations so that I can have a few hours with my son and then
when he goes to bed, I can get to them. As I write this, it’s 11:30 PM. I had
hoped to have it written before but time got away from me. Still, I came home
to spend some meaningful time with him before bedtime. And now that he’s
asleep, I can get back to this work.<span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_mlWlNL_yf0_9ZOszV3Wc9ZoPbbzOS57bC6xjZ7WN9CdzOOHO6dfEEdxbBI6n8Wc4jO0qoLJUwFWuJebbC18FDvwqFxhLMCx1wgvl4oUqsM-MEgfd5TUSYaMekLsa8jlI6d2U68SFgIxb/s1600/father_son.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_mlWlNL_yf0_9ZOszV3Wc9ZoPbbzOS57bC6xjZ7WN9CdzOOHO6dfEEdxbBI6n8Wc4jO0qoLJUwFWuJebbC18FDvwqFxhLMCx1wgvl4oUqsM-MEgfd5TUSYaMekLsa8jlI6d2U68SFgIxb/s320/father_son.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s been a few weeks since I’ve
implemented these changes. Some weeks are more challenging than others but, for
the most part, the changes are allowing me to build on that special
relationship. In just this short time, I’m really seeing a new degree of
closeness that I think was lacking. We have a long way to go but I know we’re
on the right track.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And as I recall, when my daughter
was the same age, I had a similar issue. I had a job that required me to travel
extensively. One day I was working locally and told her I was leaving for work.
Her response was, “Daddy, are you going to the airport?” Those simple words
changed my life and my perspective. Read <i><a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/05/7-words-that-changed-my-life-daddy-are.html">7Words That Changed My Life</a></i></span><i style="background-color: #fefdfa; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/05/7-words-that-changed-my-life-daddy-are.html">: Daddy, Are You Going to the Airport?</a> </i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">for more about this.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why do I share this post? Well, I
believe that my story is not all that unusual. Men all across the world get up
daily and go to work with the mindset that they must provide for their
families. So they go out and put in long hours and then go to networking
events, meetings and other places. They leave early and come home late, seeing
very little of the kids. So in essence they are absentee dads living at home.
(See <i><a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/03/absentee-dad-living-at-home.html">The Absentee Dad Living at Home</a></i>
for a post I wrote about this very issue.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just like these men, I also have an
obligation to provide for my family. Still, I realize that climbing the
corporate ladder is not worth it when it’s at the expense of time spent with
one’s family. There’s much that we can do ensure that our professional
advancement is not at the expense of time with our wives and kids. I often say
that we express our love to our kids by the time we spend with them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To give a good example of this
principle in action, think of President Barack Obama. I don’t get into politics
here but I think it’s good to note that he makes it a point to be home by 6:30 PM
each day he’s in Washington DC to have dinner with his family. Sure he works
crazy hours throughout the day and late into the night. But I think it’s
admirable that he ensures that his wife and 2 young daughters have his
undivided attention at dinner time so that their connection remains intact.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you find yourself in a position
where you’ve lost or you’re losing that essential bond with your kids, I hope
that this post has spoken to your heart. There’s much that we can do to ensure
our obligations to our kids are kept. Maybe your job is flexible enough for you
to work around your kids schedule so you can take them to school, go to their
games, play catch in the backyard, etc. All of these things are available to us
if we are diligent in creating and maintaining that bond that our kids need.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Parenthood is the role of a
lifetime. As a dad, I know the importance of my involvement in my kids’ lives.
So I’ve made some necessary changes to ensure that I’m very much a part of
their daily routines. Not long ago our daughter was in day care. Now she’s in
high school and soon will be gone off to college. Our son is 2 now and I’m sure
that before long he’ll be asking to borrow the car keys to go out. They aren’t
young forever so, as the expression goes, we have to “make hay while the sun
shines,” and enjoy meaningful time with them while we can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have more control than we think.
Sometimes, when we say “no” to some things, we say “yes” to so much more – time
with the kids. Do make the changes you need to. And share this post with those
who you know would stand to benefit from its message. Our kids deserve our very
best. And I believe that, with the case I’ve sought to present here, many men
and women will look within and do the right thing and make changes in their
kids’ best interest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Keep these thoughts at the forefront
of your mind and do what you know you need to do. You’re well on your way to
being just the type of parent that your kids deserve.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy your day.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Upbeat Dad</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-4434352234720660772012-09-21T13:16:00.000-04:002012-09-21T17:10:38.232-04:00Preparing Parents for the High School Years!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhARRTBO233giNnD0r31QG_yh9SzdDgLbnyiilxzpEt__txDk4agX2BAUkAXdoH_oXVp8qvy6FKD84uDbw6ImFtlc0iRlZrII4C0kHkDOPgmftDS-d_iD66jySiSRFQFAHU0lXc99eDC26f/s1600/Christina+in+HS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhARRTBO233giNnD0r31QG_yh9SzdDgLbnyiilxzpEt__txDk4agX2BAUkAXdoH_oXVp8qvy6FKD84uDbw6ImFtlc0iRlZrII4C0kHkDOPgmftDS-d_iD66jySiSRFQFAHU0lXc99eDC26f/s320/Christina+in+HS.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rodrick's daughter, now a High School freshman</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This fall semester, my daughter started high school. Let me
say that again…MY DAUGHTER STARTED HIGH SCHOOL! I can’t believe it! It might
sound cliché but it really does seem like yesterday that my little girl was in
day care. Now she’s a high schooler! Unbelievable!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I must admit that I have mixed emotions about this entire
experience. You see, to me, she’s my child – my baby. And she’ll always be. But
guess what? When she leaves this school, it’s off to college and quite
possibly, she will no longer live with us at home on a permanent basis. My wife
and I marvel at the fact that our daughter is becoming an adult – right before
our very eyes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With all this said, I can only imagine the emotions that
parents like us are feeling all across the world right now, as our little kids
are growing up. We have a sense of pride, yet we know that as life takes its
natural course, they grow up and begin to chart their own path in life. It’s
bittersweet, no doubt.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Ex6j0_TLWBAtgRDmQrjpZI1kcuOIEWAtkekRaSMvbIr0FF2gIwiF1WWnRHHJeCvIbcd_J1AQwmOk4vvN7otO-FEcAxYiyVN4jOGtrRk-puTLRT3ivotAx7IUze4_YEMHbM3fmyjYbMbJ/s1600/highschoolers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Ex6j0_TLWBAtgRDmQrjpZI1kcuOIEWAtkekRaSMvbIr0FF2gIwiF1WWnRHHJeCvIbcd_J1AQwmOk4vvN7otO-FEcAxYiyVN4jOGtrRk-puTLRT3ivotAx7IUze4_YEMHbM3fmyjYbMbJ/s320/highschoolers.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Think about this for a moment. If your kids just started
high school, like ours, over the next four years here’s what’s likely to
happen. They will: </span><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Decide what area of work they would like to
pursue as adults</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">B</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">ecome increasingly into their friends and less
into you</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Learn to drive</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Go on their first date</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Be exposed to the temptations of sex, drugs and
alcohol</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With this post, I don’t have the pretense that I know it all
and have the solutions to the issues that parents face. I’m just a husband and
father learning as I go along. Yet, I believe that life has taught me some very
important lessons that have equipped me to help guide our daughter through these
critical years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It wasn’t very long ago that I, too, was a high school
freshman with my eyes set on what life had to offer. And somehow, I’ve made it
this far. It hasn’t been smooth sailing by any means. Still, I believe that the
challenges I’ve encountered will help me to effectively parent our child
through the next 4 years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here are some tips that we can give to our kids. I believe they
will help them to successfully get through high school and on to college or to
face life’s other challenges. This list is by no means meant to be exhaustive.
If there are additional areas you think should also be emphasized, feel free to
leave a comment on this post. So here’s the list:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQA71U-l0-X0t3qG0Nh0j4Qw0AEIl4AFjjPmkEQ2X8vJdDpokoHUsnYdghd7tzs4pgjn4VR675glxnzhzA35sBJ6Yk4Fp1hLedqMbOF6xAP1sbBPrF7aGAZ0izbyozGjw0jDvTEtdy35eh/s1600/teen_boy_reading_book.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQA71U-l0-X0t3qG0Nh0j4Qw0AEIl4AFjjPmkEQ2X8vJdDpokoHUsnYdghd7tzs4pgjn4VR675glxnzhzA35sBJ6Yk4Fp1hLedqMbOF6xAP1sbBPrF7aGAZ0izbyozGjw0jDvTEtdy35eh/s320/teen_boy_reading_book.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b>1. </b></span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Set Goals.</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">
One of the most important and effective tools that one can develop in life is
the art of goal-setting. I have heard it said that goals are a magnet to
success; I totally agree with that. It’s never too early – or too late, for
that matter – to learn this life-changing art. As your kids begin this phase,
encourage them to set goals for their high school years. Here are some that they
can start with:</span><br />
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<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Get on the honor roll and join the National Honor Society</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Maintain a grade point average of a certain amount (4.0 would be ideal but if not that, it should be something that requires them to work diligently)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Make the varsity team during their freshman or sophomore year</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Become class president</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Get a full scholarship to their dream university</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">These goals can help to motivate them and challenge them to stay on track. Encourage them to </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">write them down. They should review this list often, especially when they are tired and e</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">xhausted and want to quit. Ask anyone who has learned to perfect the art of goal-setting – in </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">their lives, in general, or in business. You’ll find that the impossible becomes very possible with </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">the simple process of writing down the things that one desires and then pursuing them. </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">This is indeed heavy duty stuff!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2pAmSrpMgkImG7bbApqNFRgESHxoz4oljEusq93wMEuqFS-c1clA91PhgzzPffL3LuaRrPwzBp0aKrLYby3luHORR4oA8uG35aa-yTM5l7oqnb5Z2vO6oQgzYUO-rSnsSHh_Rc4M3mAf2/s1600/highschool+students.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2pAmSrpMgkImG7bbApqNFRgESHxoz4oljEusq93wMEuqFS-c1clA91PhgzzPffL3LuaRrPwzBp0aKrLYby3luHORR4oA8uG35aa-yTM5l7oqnb5Z2vO6oQgzYUO-rSnsSHh_Rc4M3mAf2/s320/highschool+students.jpg" width="320" /></a><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">2. Manage
Time</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">. In many ways, high school serves as a preview of what the working
world will be like. Unlike college, high school is very strict and rigid when
it comes to time. For instance, when I was in college, I had no more than 3
classes each day, and I chose the times I wanted them. If I wanted afternoon
classes, I chose them and just slept late. But in high school, kids have to get
up early – sometimes, ridiculously early hours. Then they go to school and are
in class all day. And if they’re involved in extra-curricular activities, they
have to find time to do those activities, while keeping up with their studies. This
mirrors what happens in the real world. It requires effective time management
if one wants to succeed. If our kids can master this skill, then they’re well
on their way.</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">3. Choose
Friends Wisely</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">. If you’re like many people, some of the closest friends and
strongest influences that you have are with those who you meet in high school.
The old saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.” Smart kids somehow
seem to attract other smart kids. And those who goof off and waste time seem to
attract like-minded kids. It’s important that our kids make wise choices when
making friends because they will have an influence on them for a lifetime. Do
your best to ensure that these friends and their parents have the same value
system that you try to instill at home. Before long, when your kids go off to
college or to face other challenges in life, you won’t have as much input in this
process so while you’re able, help them to maintain high standards in choosing
friends.</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b>4.</b> </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Get
Involved in Extra-curricular Activities</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">. If I could return to high school
today, one of the first things I would do is become involved in activities that
were not required in order to graduate. I remember during my senior year, I
applied for so many scholarships. One of the main things that was asked of me
was what activities I was involved in outside of the classroom. I struggled to
name any. I wasn’t involved in sports, drama club, band or anything. My grades
were fine but it became increasingly apparent to me that these activities were
highly regarded. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqNfgJuM7PE4cPO9HOb64B-fdWwi7ngbS66AtzZGEyPSqO2wuY67s94ShyTDQ_AK6SOqLl0lUHeVdjdp8PqvobjEGC-IKSTYJlbAgaTPqASggc94WBZnPNnxEDG5anaZ2yONVSkmU4DiZ9/s1600/Highschool+sports.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqNfgJuM7PE4cPO9HOb64B-fdWwi7ngbS66AtzZGEyPSqO2wuY67s94ShyTDQ_AK6SOqLl0lUHeVdjdp8PqvobjEGC-IKSTYJlbAgaTPqASggc94WBZnPNnxEDG5anaZ2yONVSkmU4DiZ9/s320/Highschool+sports.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">When I got to college, from my first semester until I
graduated, I was always involved in such activities. And you know what? I
became so much more well-rounded. My communication and leader ship skills were
honed – much more than they were when I was sitting in the classroom. It
doesn’t really matter what type of activity it is – sports, cheerleading,
clubs, yearbook committee, etc. Kids learn so much about what it takes to
succeed in life as they become involved. Ask them what they want to be involved
in. Then make every effort to facilitate their involvement. Believe me, this
works wonders.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b>5. </b></span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Communicate
Openly</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">. Perhaps the most important lesson that parents of teens can learn
is that communication is a two way street. As our children grow older, they
begin to frame their own world – they choose friends, go to parties and really
spend a lot of time away from home. When we learn to not only convey our
expectations of them but also listen to them, then we have in place a system
that facilitates open and honest communication. Issues will arise, no doubt. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpCdsp8uOWN-XD-xV-fDCTDQVKwylnsxmvucwnSRI4t0Jy0ogqasDHK8SH9QZnCC53wJKTPK9EmNToDMFzZtti1UQmMDuofA4uU07ORGgsrc4uS-dz4DZ59UijOsgJT2yb-vSHqurkyjqy/s1600/parents-talking-with-teenager.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpCdsp8uOWN-XD-xV-fDCTDQVKwylnsxmvucwnSRI4t0Jy0ogqasDHK8SH9QZnCC53wJKTPK9EmNToDMFzZtti1UQmMDuofA4uU07ORGgsrc4uS-dz4DZ59UijOsgJT2yb-vSHqurkyjqy/s1600/parents-talking-with-teenager.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">As
much as we like to think our kids are immune to the traps that many others fall
into, we should be aware that the issues they face are real. If we can foster
open communication with them about matters such as sex, drugs and alcohol, then
they will be more informed when they make choices in these areas. They may not
always make the choices that we would make or that we would want them to make
but if they have a standard against which to measure their thoughts and
actions, then they will more likely make the right choices.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, that's about it. Like I said, this list is by no means
exhaustive. But I think it’s a good start.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You know, when I took my daughter to her first day of
school, it really hit me that the next time I take her to a new school, it will
be when I drop her off to her college dorm. And quite possibly, it will be
months before I see her again. She’s growing up. My wife and I really only have
4 more years with her in the house on a daily basis so we ought to make the
most of it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Parenting is the role of a lifetime, isn’t it? It comes with
different phases and different challenges. If you’re in the phase of parenting
a high schooler, just know that others, like me, are in the same boat and we’re
cheering you on as you go through the process. We’re all learning together; we
make mistakes but we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and continue trying
to be the best parents that our kids deserve.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wish for you and your family the very best as you go
through these transformative years. Just lovingly care for your kids and
someway, somehow, you will make it and so will they. Soon they’ll embark on the
next phase – adulthood! That’s something to look forward to!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy your day,</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUg68gJkJ8RMzide0bp-f-ukCtGHOSFWAYwsV67z_b-6JJZEAN0ki9IBalu1Aymmm-NtGVbkheRu0jzBXQHy0EN3qIfCGTaKeONX1d76FN-4w_rcpCg1RbjkD8M-KVV75PwwjofkEDtrSb/s1600/family-with-teenagers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUg68gJkJ8RMzide0bp-f-ukCtGHOSFWAYwsV67z_b-6JJZEAN0ki9IBalu1Aymmm-NtGVbkheRu0jzBXQHy0EN3qIfCGTaKeONX1d76FN-4w_rcpCg1RbjkD8M-KVV75PwwjofkEDtrSb/s400/family-with-teenagers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Upbeat Dad</span></div>
</div>
Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-77618124444854467502012-08-03T01:04:00.001-04:002012-08-03T09:18:54.841-04:00Upbeat Dad of the Month: Greg Battersby<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Greg Battersby</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of the things I enjoy most about my work is that, on
occasion, I have the privilege of getting to meet fascinating individuals who
embody the message that we try to share at the Upbeat Dad Organization. When
dads are actively engaged in their kids’ lives, great things happen. And when
those great things result in increased opportunities to share a positive
message on fatherhood, that’s icing on the cake, as the expression goes.
Today’s post is about such a dad. It is with special privilege that I say that
our Upbeat Dad of the Month is Greg Battersby.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had the privilege of interviewing Greg and I left that conversation
quite impressed with his story. An intellectual property attorney based in
Westport, Connecticut, Greg has been married for 42 years. The marriage has
produced 2 sons, the pride and joy of his life. Both adults now, his sons are
pursuing their life callings but it was during their formative years that the
uniqueness of this story began.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Early in Greg’s career, he was a successful attorney with a
large firm based in New York City. He was climbing the corporate ladder and
making great strides in the ultra-competitive market that New York is. His wife
is an educator. They were a young family – 2 professionals and 2 kids – living the
American dream. From the outside looking in, one would think that this life was
all that one could hope for.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An age-old expression says, “The reward for hard work is
more hard work.” And Greg was getting rewarded – both financially and with more
work. With the increased workload, he was beginning to realize that the demands
of his career were starting to take their toll on his family life. He would
routinely work 12 hour days and not be able to spend meaningful time with his
sons. The words of the song <i>Cats in the
Cradle</i> rang in his head. If you don’t know it, <i>Cats in the Cradle</i> is a song about a working dad who was always so
busy that his son grew up in his home but they never made a connection. And
later in life, he looked back with regret.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Greg dreamed of being a constant presence in his sons’ lives
– doing things such as coaching Little League baseball and other activities
that meant much to them. On the one hand, he was living the life that many
would envy but deep within, there was an emptiness that could only be filled by
being the kind of dad that would have a close bond with his kids.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Greg and son, Adam, during Little League practice</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After talking through this dilemma with his wife, they came
to the conclusion that he needed to make the critical decision to take a
different path to success – one that included not only work in the corporate
arena but also meaningful time with the family. He resigned from his high-paying
job in New York City and the family relocated to Westport, Connecticut. There
Greg worked with a smaller firm – one that allowed him to continue his
successful law career but also gave him the flexibility to be the kind of dad
he felt his sons deserved.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What has transpired since then is something made for the
movies! He became a Little League baseball coach, just like he dreamed. His son
Adam was quite gifted and really took a liking to the sport. With his dad
coaching him and giving him tips along the way, Adam developed a passion for
the game.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now here’s the kicker. Greg noticed that Adam was very good
in the batting cage, as he swung at different pitches. But that success didn’t always translate to the field. He would occasionally struggle when he batted in real games where pitchers threw different pitches at different times. A concerned
father, Greg wanted to help his son make the transition to the field from the
controlled environment that the batting cage is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To use the catch-phrase, a light bulb went off in his head!
He thought about how helpful it would be to have a machine that could throw
different baseball pitches interchangeably. Baseball players could attest to
the fact that you hit a fastball differently than how you hit a curve ball, or
a slider, etc. Greg thought that a machine that could simulate different
pitches that one could encounter in a game situation would be helpful. That
machine didn’t exist so, to work he went.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He assembled a team of experts to develop such a machine. After
2 years of research and development, a prototype was created. And being the
intellectual property attorney that he is, he patented his invention – with 13
patents altogether. This brilliant idea simply came from the concern of a
loving dad who wanted to see his son perform better on the baseball field. And
out of it was born a ground-breaking business concept.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Batter using ProBatter pitching simulator</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Greg wanted to get the product into the hands of major
league teams. He got his big break when,
in 1999 at the baseball winter meetings, the ProBatter pitching simulator was
introduced. The Boston Red Sox team was impressed and wanted to learn more
about it. Sporting gear companies such as Wilson and Rawlings took interest as
well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Greg knew he had a hit on his hands but in order to
capitalize on it fully, he had to start a company that would develop and market
the product. <a href="http://www.probatter.com/">ProBatter Sports LLC</a> was established in 1999. The company found an
investor who helped to fund the cost of developing and producing the pitching
simulator. In the years since its founding, the company has experienced a
meteoric rise to success. Several major league baseball teams including the
legendary New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox organizations use the product to
help their batters develop. Over 20 NCAA college teams use it as well and the product is used in more than 200 batting cages and
training centers throughout the country and abroad.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With the patented technology, the company has also developed
for other sports – namely softball and cricket. It has contracted with the
British national cricket team to help to develop their batsmen (yes, batsmen is
the proper cricket term!) The cricket market is limitless and with increased
opportunities in places such as Dubai, <span style="line-height: 115%;">India, England </span><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span>and Australia, the potential for a huge
global presence in this sport is limitless.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The most beautiful conclusion to this story is this: Adam, the
son who Greg just wanted to help to become a better player on the baseball
field has since graduated from college and started working with the company<span style="line-height: 115%;">. </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">He started as a junior salesman, rose up the ranks
and is currently the </span>President of the company founded
on his behalf. He runs the day to day operations as ProBatter Sports LLC
explores new ways to capitalize on the niche that it has developed.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Adam Battersby, now President of ProBatter Sports LLC</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Greg continues to work as an attorney as the co-founder of
the IP law-firm <a href="http://www.gandb.com/">Grimes & Battersby LLC</a> with offices in Norwalk, Connecticut and
New York City. His wife, Susan, continues her career in the school system, now
as a high school housemaster. His other son, Damian, is a successful
veterinarian <span style="line-height: 115%;">who is married to another veterinarian</span>. A fitting reward for such a dedicated husband and father.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Greg’s advice for dads regarding their kids is, “Enjoy them.
They’re young for a short period of time. Young kids understand one thing -
time. It’s all about the time (you spend with them).” He added, “I would choose
my relationship with my sons over having a $100 million company. My kids can
say, ‘My dad never missed my (Little League) games.’”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In a world that is dominated by the so-called rat race,
where people are willing to do just about anything to get to the top of the
corporate ladder, it’s quite refreshing to learn of someone such as Greg
Battersby. He made the difficult choice to give up advancement in a large firm
for the opportunity to be an engaged, active dad. And years later, his
sacrifice has been well worth it. Not only was he an involved dad but in the
process he also established a global sporting brand, one that has limitless
potential. And he still has the privilege of practicing law, the career he has
loves all along.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I yearn to see the day when stories such as this are the
norm – a man who chose a strong relationship with his kids over his career. The
reality is that when we make such choices, we don’t really have to give up our
careers. As his example shows, the career situation often takes care of itself.
When we do the right thing for our kids, things just work themselves out in our
favor and in our kids’ favor.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today, Greg can
proudly look on his sons’ achievements with knowledge that, along with his wife,
he played a vital role in their success. For this he ought to be applauded. An
Upbeat Dad he truly is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Have a great day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Greg with wife, sons and daughter-in-law</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Upbeat Dad</span></div>
</div>Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-13854833668536621502012-07-22T03:28:00.000-04:002012-07-24T16:14:29.384-04:00Why Penn State Should Suspend Its Football Program<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">-- BE SURE TO READ THE ADDENDUM AT THE END OF THIS POST --</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">If you live in the United States or
you’re even remotely in tune with the news in the country, you’ve likely heard
of the scandal at Pennsylvania State University. In late 2011, former Assistant
Head Coach and Defensive Coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, was charged with 48
counts of sexual abuse of boys of different ages. In June 2012, he was found
guilty on 45 of the 48 counts and faces a lengthy prison sentence, one which
will be handed down in September 2012.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Before we go further, let me give
you a “heads up:” this post is somewhat lengthier than a typical one that I
write on this blog. The reason is that I think it’s important to first share
some background information on the case and how things have progressed to this
point, in the event that you’re not familiar with it. I’ll first lay out the facts
and then share why I have come to the conclusion that the program should be
temporarily suspended.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Sandusky coached at Penn State for a
30 year period beginning in 1969. During his tenure, he was quite successful
working alongside legendary coach Joe Paterno to lead the Nittany Lions’
football program to multiple winning seasons and bowl appearances. Their team
won the national championship twice in the 1980s. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg79MEE6WW5QXY-2AadqhpONNiPnHSn5sNijp7NW-1WT7TVPw8D8p3jAXwciJSBDICxgqe96rD6GskiyUSktuZRZZ0FwDs53gh9tddzc3PchjH40L2R18rx1EbBkNM7mAxW1UKmsibbSxDS/s1600/The_Second_Mile_logo.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg79MEE6WW5QXY-2AadqhpONNiPnHSn5sNijp7NW-1WT7TVPw8D8p3jAXwciJSBDICxgqe96rD6GskiyUSktuZRZZ0FwDs53gh9tddzc3PchjH40L2R18rx1EbBkNM7mAxW1UKmsibbSxDS/s1600/The_Second_Mile_logo.gif" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">In 1977, Sandusky founded The Second
Mile, a Pennsylvania non-profit organization serving underprivileged and
at-risk youth. In 1998, he came under investigation by the campus police,
following a claim by a mother that her son had been molested by him in the
showers on campus. He officially retired shortly after this investigation, and
was awarded "both an unusual compensation package and a special
designation of 'emeritus' rank that carried special privileges, including
access to the university’s recreational facilities." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">After retirement, Sandusky hosted
many summer football camps and was active in The Second Mile. On November 4,
2011, a grand jury that had been convened in 2009, indicted him on 40 counts of
sex crimes against young boys. The indictment came after a lengthy
investigation that explored allegations of him having inappropriate contact
with an underage boy over the course of four years, beginning when the boy was
ten years old. The boy's parents reported the incident to police in 2009. The
grand jury identified eight boys that had been singled out for sexual advances
or sexual assaults by him, taking place from 1994 through 2009. At least 20 of
the incidents allegedly took place while he was still employed at Penn State. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">In December 2011, Sandusky was
charged with an additional 12 counts of sexual crimes against children, bringing the total number of counts to 52. Four of these counts were later dropped. The
grand jury's second presentment charged him with an additional count of
involuntary deviant sexual intercourse and two additional counts of unlawful
contact with a minor. The additional victims were participants in The Second
Mile and were between the ages of 10 and 12 at the time of the sexual assaults.
</span></div>
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOam94qLKxzA1l5XGTG4CMN5bTPfHv18NfBQwYa4NuwdpCmkxDL9aiI1MsTOv5DbD11MPrvFfrPCv6JSUdlOLdvvx5ykqnehXLdi_8p1IFtus_mMCyaxChv5bnlfgVCO2-1XCqUwwY7rcQ/s1600/sandusky+arrest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOam94qLKxzA1l5XGTG4CMN5bTPfHv18NfBQwYa4NuwdpCmkxDL9aiI1MsTOv5DbD11MPrvFfrPCv6JSUdlOLdvvx5ykqnehXLdi_8p1IFtus_mMCyaxChv5bnlfgVCO2-1XCqUwwY7rcQ/s320/sandusky+arrest.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: xx-small;">Jerry Sandusky under arrest</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">Now the story has come to the surface and the public has
learned about the shameful acts that occurred at Penn State. It’s certainly a
“black-eye” on one of the most prestigious, respected universities in the
country, if not the world. It’s known not only for its elite football program
but also for its academics. Yet despite repeated claims by different victims
and eyewitness accounts of what was happening, the“powers that be” at the
University opted to, in effect, give Sandusky a license to carry out his crimes
against children with little or no consequence.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">In early July 2012, the report by a special investigative
council headed by former FBI Director Louis Freeh was released. The report
states that four “of the most powerful people" at Penn State "failed
to protect against a child sexual predator harming children for over a decade.”
The four were: Coach Joe Paterno, Athletic Director Tim Curley, Senior Vice
President for Finance and Business Gary Schultz (who oversaw the Penn State
police department), and former University President Graham Spanier.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHYOquR2XSrCeiQRujmdA7ZO6PO_UCOmUjd6KQK9mmOixjK8sBEoTDYIuWK8Kn-oqFBjb96nkRucNhsYcfEf-YBLWqQwedpRyrPRV7FIFCxYPEBE0pIy-tTkJv4EJJamIHYtbNkMbf071y/s1600/louis-freeh-p1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHYOquR2XSrCeiQRujmdA7ZO6PO_UCOmUjd6KQK9mmOixjK8sBEoTDYIuWK8Kn-oqFBjb96nkRucNhsYcfEf-YBLWqQwedpRyrPRV7FIFCxYPEBE0pIy-tTkJv4EJJamIHYtbNkMbf071y/s200/louis-freeh-p1.jpg" width="168" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: xx-small;">Former FBI Director Louis Freeh</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The Freeh report states that by allowing Sandusky to retire in 1999 as a “valued member of the Penn State football legacy,” he was allowed to continue to sexually abuse without interference. Through being able to leverage the "visibility of Penn State, combined with his ability 'to continue to work with young people through Penn State'", he was essentially facilitated in being able to continue with his core method of “grooming" boys as "targets for his assaults”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Upon Sandusky retiring in 1999, no
restrictions were placed upon him continuing to bring boys to the showers on
campus. Freeh's report is very specific on this matter: Paterno, Curley,
Schultz, and Spanier "empowered Sandusky to attract potential victims to
the campus and football events by allowing him to have continued, unrestricted
and unsupervised access to the University's facilities and affiliation with the
university's prominent football program. Indeed, the continued access provided
Sandusky with the very currency that enabled him to attract his victims".</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I know very little about Penn State personally. I only know of their storied football program and its reputation for excellence. Paterno’s coaching tenure at the university began in 1950 and he became head coach in 1966. In late 2011, shortly after the story broke, he was fired for knowledge of, and lack of participation in stopping, Sandusky’s actions. Shortly after his firing, he was diagnosed with cancer and died in only a matter of months, in January 2012.Some say that “Joe Pa,” as he was affectionately called, was Penn State. The names were – and to a certain degree, still are – synonymous.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Ok, so here’s the point of this
post. Until now, I have tried to present the facts as they are known. For the
remainder of this writing, I will share my opinion on just what I believe should
happen going forward. Considering all that has occurred in this case, in an
effort to rebuild the public trust, Penn State should temporarily suspend its
football program. This is more than football – it’s a human tragedy. So I think
that, in the process of restoring the integrity of its program, it should “call
timeout” and then take its program in a new direction. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJMNwsW0CcjWXx0vJVR5m6Z14G0MggKK5O0v7jlOfyjP2YeT-96S-FK_HJ5O-YnRgcN4FYBACatRrLK0k_1Lk5HTwQQLLNB1djdTD9Fz1HI2GVrdIzgE2lrycgTcZgd1cyCInvMK5mrzcR/s1600/Penn+State+logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJMNwsW0CcjWXx0vJVR5m6Z14G0MggKK5O0v7jlOfyjP2YeT-96S-FK_HJ5O-YnRgcN4FYBACatRrLK0k_1Lk5HTwQQLLNB1djdTD9Fz1HI2GVrdIzgE2lrycgTcZgd1cyCInvMK5mrzcR/s320/Penn+State+logo.jpg" width="207" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">You may or may not agree with my
approach and either way, it’s fine. Just so that you understand the reason for
my conclusion on this matter, let me share with you my perspective. As you may have read on this blog, I am the father of 2 children – a teen daughter and a son
who’s almost 2. I went through a divorce 10 years ago and I got a dose of
reality about what the family law system often does to the relationship between
dads and their kids. This experience caused me to develop a heart of compassion
for the innocent children all over the world who are effectively abandoned by
their dads – particularly when marriages and other relationships fail.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I decided, after my own plight, to
dedicate my life to the cause of children. I guess the best term that could be
used to describe me in this campaign is a child advocate. I wrote the post <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/02/diary-of-child-advocate.html">Diary of a Child Advocate</a> to share the reason for my passionate support of
children. See also the post <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/03/spotlight-on-child-abuse.html">Spotlight on Child Abuse</a>. So with this campaign in mind, I started the Upbeat Dad Organization,
not so much for fathers but for the innocent children who they help to bring
into this world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhut5ZbrY0PYbyI49pfbqGJoBDBDOOMlNQs0sDw9pJZw77gP_gSECJlTtsPz7tETJEZpHrPQR4TRsHuye2A24ktUUV39blax6vc_XBtjPvfnKV-JmDZ0ZM7PACAalm3BtJoHt_vCS8SNwrz/s1600/sad+child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhut5ZbrY0PYbyI49pfbqGJoBDBDOOMlNQs0sDw9pJZw77gP_gSECJlTtsPz7tETJEZpHrPQR4TRsHuye2A24ktUUV39blax6vc_XBtjPvfnKV-JmDZ0ZM7PACAalm3BtJoHt_vCS8SNwrz/s320/sad+child.jpg" width="256" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The Carpenters sang, “Bless the
beasts and the children; for in this world they have no voice, they have no
choice.” That is certainly true. I believe that our most vulnerable citizens
are children. They come into the world through no choice of their own. And
throughout their childhood, decisions are made by adults on their behalf that
are totally out of their control. If the decisions are to their detriment, then
they are powerless to stop them. In all of this, although I’m a father, I do
not side only with fathers – or with mothers. I try to side with the children,
the ones who have no voice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">So with this as the backdrop, here
comes Jerry Sandusky. He has a non-profit organization through which he helps at-risk
and underprivileged children. He becomes a mentor and a hero to them – a
father-figure, if you will. He develops bonds with them and they trust him
fully. We’re not talking about the stereotypical molester lurking in the woods
awaiting an unsuspecting potential victim. We’re talking about a respected
citizen - a married man and a retired football coach with 6 adopted children
and several foster children. On the surface, he’s someone who parents would
love to have their children around. </span><br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Then this same Jerry Sandusky is the
one who used his position of authority in the lives of many boys to sexually,
psychologically and emotionally abuse them. He used his non-profit entity as a
means of access to these boys and then he took pleasure in their sexual
exploitation on Penn State’s campus. Some have used the words “monster” or
“evil” to describe him and based on his actions, it’s hard to argue against
that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Now, some might argue that those
crimes were committed by Sandusky alone and he is getting his just reward –
life behind bars. Why then would some advocate, as I do, that the university
should suspend football? Joe Paterno and other officials didn’t molest the boys
– it was Sandusky alone. Well, this is where I make my strongest point. These
officials represent the university and its football program. They knew that a
pedophile was in their midst. All of this is factual, based on the evidence
presented in the court case and in the Freeh report. Conversations took place;
emails and other correspondence about the criminal behavior went back and
forth. Yet nothing of any consequence was done to stop it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWZyvMsSrFjYzNdsLRXiuRJNytDs4e5IBfukAk0UuDMKfr5pujaPXhVCkY-OjEng33shElsLPSihGWyTh47lXVaG8UyGiE4vj23sR8nZlxgwr_J3V_h1Kyyc6SOGEfbxCveGUmfto1Pwu0/s1600/SexOffenderDanger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWZyvMsSrFjYzNdsLRXiuRJNytDs4e5IBfukAk0UuDMKfr5pujaPXhVCkY-OjEng33shElsLPSihGWyTh47lXVaG8UyGiE4vj23sR8nZlxgwr_J3V_h1Kyyc6SOGEfbxCveGUmfto1Pwu0/s320/SexOffenderDanger.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Did you know that in most – if not
all – states in the US, a sex offender is required to be registered in the city
where (s)he lives? Such individuals cannot just live where they want to or go
anywhere they please. They are known to be a threat to the safety of the
general public, and thus, their movements must be monitored. In no case can a
known sexual predator – especially a pedophile – have unlimited access to
little children. Yet school officials knew that a sexual predator with a liking
for boys was in their midst – using the school’s facilities for his awful acts
and they chose to “look the other way.” And as they did, more and more boys
were victimized. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Why would the Paterno and company take
such a stance? Why would they remain silent while the young, vulnerable
children suffered? Why would the claims of the victims be repeatedly
overlooked? It doesn’t make much sense, does it? Well, based on the Freeh
report, it appears that a calculated decision was made to keep silent and deal
with the matter internally. One suggestion, based on the report, was that
Sandusky should get counseling. They wanted to ensure that he was treated
humanely. So they wanted humane treatment for him while he continued his
inhumane acts. How disturbing! </span> </div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">In the eyes of the officials, the reputation
of the school and its football program were at jeopardy if Sandusky was to be
revealed as a pedophile. Certainly the university could stand to lose millions.
“How so,” you might ask? Well, for starters, potential recruits might not
commit to play their collegiate career at an institution where such a scandal
could take place. Especially as the years went on, the potential fallout from
such a revelation could have been huge. Sanctions could have been imposed and
officials fired. The negative publicity could have been a long-lasting stain on
the reputation of a respected institution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">So, in the years of silence – at
least 14 – Penn State football continued. In those years, the program
prospered. They made bowl appearances. Paterno continued his legendary tenure,
becoming more of an icon with each passing day. A statue was even erected in
his honor in front of the football stadium. Penn State football maintained its
glamorous image without the stain of a child sex scandal – making millions in
the process.</span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbbJj_m-J-GoLgEIH5AMmwsJOF3L4koBbCoIhWKsrX9xkRg-yAzX5gSN-vBJIk3SeoLdQ81MZb07KFuUeABxzMPt-ZD6BEMYCfDLV2Vnt8u993fRyrx1ofleo0LErBSOE7oV7o_dHO4na4/s1600/Sandusky+Alamo+Bowl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbbJj_m-J-GoLgEIH5AMmwsJOF3L4koBbCoIhWKsrX9xkRg-yAzX5gSN-vBJIk3SeoLdQ81MZb07KFuUeABxzMPt-ZD6BEMYCfDLV2Vnt8u993fRyrx1ofleo0LErBSOE7oV7o_dHO4na4/s320/Sandusky+Alamo+Bowl.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Sandusky after Alamo Bowl victory in 1999</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">It is quite evident that the school
officials, through their actions, put money and reputation ahead of the interests
of the innocent children that they knew Sandusky was harming. He was the
criminal but, by their willful silence, they effectively became accessories to
the crimes. By “sweeping the problem under the rug,” the awful behavior by the
pedophile continued for well over a decade. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Now the scandal that they sought to
avoid has caused them to become a national disgrace. Sandusky faces a maximum
sentence of 442 years in prison and a minimum of 60 years under Pennsylvania
sentencing guidelines - at his age, effectively a life sentence. The legendary
Joe Paterno was fired in disgrace, and unfortunately died in the midst of the
criminal proceedings. Other school officials have either been fired or have resigned.
</span> </div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Famous alumni such as Todd
Blackledge, Franco Harris and Matt Millen have come forward to condemn the
actions by the university. And with the conviction of Sandusky and the release
of the Freeh Report, the institution now has a permanent stain on its once
impeccable reputation. Some argue that it’s the worst scandal in the history of
US sports. That might very well be a true assessment. </span> </div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I just think that with all that
occurred – particularly the lack of institutional control – the school should
suffer the consequences of its actions. As the victims continue to heal and the
school begins the process of trying to regain the public’s trust, I believe
that Penn State football should take the bold step of suspending its football
program for at least one or two seasons. That, in my view, will demonstrate the
school’s commitment to rectify the obvious lack of good judgment that so many
of its representatives displayed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: xx-small;">Statue of Paterno</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The
university has already begun to implement various measures to signify its
commitment to restore its reputation. Most recently – this morning, in
fact - current university President Rodney Erickson announced the removal of
the 900 lb statue of Paterno outside of the football stadium on campus. In a
statement, he wrote, "I now believe that, contrary to its original
intention, Coach Paterno's statue has become a source of division and an
obstacle to healing in our university and beyond. For that reason, I have
decided that it is in the best interest of our university and public safety to
remove the statue…" He added that, had the statue remained in its current
location, it would “be a recurring wound to the multitude of individuals across
the nation and beyond who have been the victims of child abuse."<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I applaud such efforts by the
institution to try to regain the public’s trust. Children were abused for many
years under their watch. More will need to be done over time in order for Penn
State to once again be synonymous with excellence and integrity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The best thing that any adult can do
for a child is to protect his or her best interest. As grownups, we have the
responsibility to care for and nurture those within our care. We ought to not
only say these words but to live them out in our actions. I am disappointed in
Sandusky’s behavior but I’m more disappointed in the other officials who did nothing
of consequence to protect the innocent, vulnerable ones.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">In the grand scheme of things,
football is of very little importance. Children are precious gifts to us and
they deserve our very best. So, for this reason, I believe Penn State should do
the honorable thing and demonstrate their commitment to these ones who “have no
voice.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisJHiYb26PY00FfSTodOvVei5s3dUe6VpCmkKelD3xuZisOtVBXVNVBB6p5GiD9VQMRbYgH73UeiY_DuKrUiE0cX6Ef6YCkX_Xl_gZ7_SgWWC4l15vJIGEsaAr4gBcYQpJAfznLee8xugB/s1600/sad-child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisJHiYb26PY00FfSTodOvVei5s3dUe6VpCmkKelD3xuZisOtVBXVNVBB6p5GiD9VQMRbYgH73UeiY_DuKrUiE0cX6Ef6YCkX_Xl_gZ7_SgWWC4l15vJIGEsaAr4gBcYQpJAfznLee8xugB/s200/sad-child.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I’m just one person with an opinion.
Will this plea get to the ears of the “powers that be” at the university? Who
knows? But I hope that as you’ve read this, it has caused you to become more
aware of the responsibility that we all share to protect children. You or I may
not be at Penn State but we live in our own neighborhoods; we go to the parks,
to the malls and to different places of worship. We can be advocates for children
within our own sphere of influence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Let us commit to being the
caretakers of those who will one day lead the world long after you and I are
gone. It’s a noble calling to intercede for these innocent ones in our midst.
In so doing, we will help to ensure that something as awful as what occurred at
Penn State will never occur again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I welcome your thoughts on what I’ve
shared. I don’t expect that every reader will agree with my recommendation. I
do, however, hope that you would understand my perspective and, at a minimum,
agree with me that we owe it to all children to always look out for their best
interest. Remember, “they have no voice; they have no choice,” so it’s up to us
to do what’s right on their behalf. Only our very best is good enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Keep these thoughts in mind as you enjoy
your day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The Upbeat Dad<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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ADDENDUM (Tuesday, July 24, 2012)<u></u><u></u></div>
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Less than 24 hours after this article was written and posted, the NCAA handed down unprecedented sanctions against Penn State for its role in the child abuse scandal. I thought I’d add the following addendum to this blog post to bring it to a fitting conclusion:<u></u><u></u></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_vYVllZd0jVzA3b0HKoQ8UMvWbZTCu6FfGRiBwBB-xdeqTBgVxpCaGomIQLGIGgZaErMjCb0WR_mXU87B6KjSRlxsfP8VBj1PLzpsWpV37_hRlu0Q9WY4CVisjH7ZCMu-eY5lDm7AFzZu/s1600/NCAA+President+Mark+Emmert.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_vYVllZd0jVzA3b0HKoQ8UMvWbZTCu6FfGRiBwBB-xdeqTBgVxpCaGomIQLGIGgZaErMjCb0WR_mXU87B6KjSRlxsfP8VBj1PLzpsWpV37_hRlu0Q9WY4CVisjH7ZCMu-eY5lDm7AFzZu/s320/NCAA+President+Mark+Emmert.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">NCAA President, Mark Emmert</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">On Monday, July 23, 2012, the NCAA hit Penn State with a $60 million sanction, a four-year football postseason ban and a vacation of all wins dating to 1998. The career record of Joe Paterno will reflect these vacated records, dropping him from 409 wins to 298 and making him now 12<sup>th</sup> in all time wins among NCAA football coaches. He was previously 1<sup>st</sup>.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">The university also will have six bowl wins and two conference championships erased and also must reduce 10 initial and 20 total scholarships each year for a four-year period. The athletic program also will be put on a five-year probation and must work with an athletic-integrity monitor of the NCAA's choosing. Any current or incoming football players are free to immediately transfer and compete at another school.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">The NCAA said the $60 million was equivalent to the average annual revenue of the football program. It also ordered Penn State to pay the penalty funds into an endowment for "external programs preventing child sexual abuse or assisting victims and may not be used to fund such programs at the university. NCAA president Mark Emmert said, "In the Penn State case, the results were perverse and unconscionable. No price the NCAA can levy will repair the grievous damage inflicted by Jerry Sandusky on his victims."<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSuYCZAiGfw52dzPCKeygcsWUJr4Ef1owYSWTENUvnjtC4g3g2MvF1gNYrgsPgQEh32MYaprjjuBOK7de-oReUImNrjP2QKfWiLddkzjKb7dMyPN8agsHv3F0kxnn9CYw4i1ga6afayP6E/s1600/Penn+State+President+Rodney+Erickson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSuYCZAiGfw52dzPCKeygcsWUJr4Ef1owYSWTENUvnjtC4g3g2MvF1gNYrgsPgQEh32MYaprjjuBOK7de-oReUImNrjP2QKfWiLddkzjKb7dMyPN8agsHv3F0kxnn9CYw4i1ga6afayP6E/s320/Penn+State+President+Rodney+Erickson.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodney Erickson, Penn State President</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Penn State president Rodney Erickson said, "We had our backs to the wall on this." He said the school accepted the penalties to avoid the so-called "death penalty" that could have resulted in the suspension of the football program for at least one year. "We did what we thought was necessary to save the program."<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">In this post, I called for Penn State to do something radical to turn the page from this dark chapter and move forward. As it turns out, they didn’t opt to suspend their football program; instead, the NCAA has implemented penalties that are likely far worse than a self-imposed 1 or 2 year suspension. According to many experts, it will likely be 5 to 10 years before Penn State could possibly return to the ranks of elite football programs.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I believe that these severe sanctions have sent a strong message and will accomplish the purpose for which I wrote this article. Penn State prospered for over a decade while trusting, vulnerable children were traumatized by the horrible acts. I applaud NCAA leadership for being the “voice” for these children. Erickson said, "The tragedy of child sexual abuse that occurred at our university altered the lives of innocent children. Today, as every day, our thoughts and prayers continue to be with the victims of Mr. Sandusky and all other victims of child abuse."<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Let’s hope that, from this very public case, the message sent will not only change the culture at Penn State that allowed child abuse to occur but also any place where this issue exists. Children are wonderful and precious gifts and they deserve to live at peace in this world, without fear of being powerless victims who “have no voice.”</span></div>
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</div>Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-45487831462732114712012-07-19T10:11:00.000-04:002012-08-07T11:16:48.813-04:00The Storm and The Calm: A Lesson for Divorced Parents<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK6i4PFogG-k_XVY00c8GZssNX4SOka_KLwVvBlB23j0BrXeJM7FGSr93J0AWQAdXepB-LRl4CoNpROt2m0-yfvZnh5VVsddOVs-eVJ8VcW_VuPCeL6umk03IelP1aD5fA01rLRWim3oFo/s1600/Calm+after+the+storm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK6i4PFogG-k_XVY00c8GZssNX4SOka_KLwVvBlB23j0BrXeJM7FGSr93J0AWQAdXepB-LRl4CoNpROt2m0-yfvZnh5VVsddOVs-eVJ8VcW_VuPCeL6umk03IelP1aD5fA01rLRWim3oFo/s320/Calm+after+the+storm.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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A couple of weeks ago I was contacted by a gentleman who
attended one of our <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/02/special-edition-upbeat-dad-community.html">Upbeat Dad Community Forums</a>. He has been
going through a challenging time in his marriage and most recently, he and his
wife separated. They have two young children, both under 5 years old. He wanted
to get my perspective on his situation and to know of any insight that I could
share. </div>
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As we sat and spoke, it became increasingly clear to me that
he was living the life that I lived 10 years ago at this point. The situations
are somewhat different but the similarities were striking. He invested his all
into a relationship and now he’s seeing it crumble in front of his eyes. And in
the midst of it all are his young children. I can certainly relate to that
feeling – wanting a relationship to work
out but knowing quite well that it is likely over. </div>
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He is currently separated and based on what he shared with
me, I really doubt that there’s any hope of saving that marriage. I wish that I
could talk to his wife to see if there’s any hope of salvaging that
relationship. I’m always for reconciliation, especially when there are kids
involved – young kids, in particular. But this one, I think, is likely over. I told
him that if they should go to the next step and file for divorce, things could
get worse before they get better. There’s no telling just what might occur, especially
if there are unreasonable demands made by either party. It can be an
emotionally – and financially - draining experience for sure.<br />
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After about 2 hours of sitting and speaking with him, I
realized something quite significant. As we started out the conversation, his
perspective was that there was doom and gloom ahead. By the time we finished
speaking, he had developed a different perspective – one of hope and optimism. I
believe that, based on my own experience, I was able to let him know that,
though he’s walking through a storm presently, if he maintains the right perspective,
then inevitably, the calm will come.</div>
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I have shared my story on this blog in various posts,
including <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2010/10/story-behind-upbeat-dad.html">The Story Behind The Upbeat Dad</a> and <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/10/awful-night-10-years-ago-that-led-me-to.html">The Awful Night 10 Years Ago That Led Me to Start The Upbeat Dad</a>. Please read those posts to get a perspective on the
journey I’ve taken. As you read, I hope that you understand the source of the
passion that I have developed for seeing fathers engaged in the lives of their
children.</div>
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Here’s the most important point I can make with this post: regardless
of the difficulties that arise in a divorce, when there are kids involved, if
we adopt the right mindset, things will ultimately turn out for our good and
the good of our children. After the storm comes the calm, and life goes on.</div>
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I have seen couples fight for the assets acquired in their
marriages – the house, the cars, the investments, the 401K, etc. I have also
seen them fight for custody of their children and in the process, stoop to low
depths to get their way. And I can tell you that in just about all of the
cases, the persons who made decisions in the best interest of the children
ultimately found themselves in a better position. <br />
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As I told the gentleman, I’m not an attorney so I can’t give
legal advice. I can only give advice based on my own experience and the
principles that I believe will put him in the most favorable position. So I told
him to have the right focus. He and his wife have accumulated some assets –
house, cars, and other material things. I believe that he should seek to divide
these assets evenly. That’s the ideal, I believe. But sometimes in family
court, things don’t quite work out that way.</div>
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I then told him, that when it comes to the kids, he should
not compromise on the one factor that matters most – time with them. His wife
wants him to have them every other weekend. The whole thing about “every other
weekend,” I think is just wrong. Young kids cannot develop a close bond with a
parent when they see him/her on what amounts to every 2 weeks. In my view, kids
share the DNA of their parents 50/50 so when marriages end, the time shared
between parents should also be 50/50.<br />
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I also advised him that, at no point, should he say anything
negative regarding their mother in their presence. Some parents think that by
saying the worst things about the other parent, that will give them an
advantage in the eyes of the children. That might work in the short-run but, in
time, it generally backfires. Children are smarter than we think. No matter how
young they are, they know when the love of a parent is genuine. You may have
heard the saying “love conquers all.” I have found that to be true, especially
as it relates to the affection towards one’s children during divorce. </div>
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One thing that stood out to me when I spoke with him was
that he was going through inner turmoil. I recall that feeling but guess what?
I was far removed from those emotions. It was a distant memory. Ten years ago
this month my divorce was finalized and, believe me, at that time, I thought
the world was coming to an end. I was living through a nightmare that seemed to
get worst by the minute. The storm was raging then and even got worse in the
next couple years after that.</div>
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But here we are today. Those emotions are all gone. Life has
moved on. It doesn’t matter that I lost the house and just about all the
material things we acquired. My focus was on my then-3 year old daughter.
Today, I’m happily married to a wonderful woman and we have a gorgeous little
almost 2 year old son. And my daughter is now 13 and she lives with us. The
calm has come and I appreciate it so much more because I have the relative
experience of the storm to put it all in perspective.<br />
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If you’re currently experiencing divorce and its effects, be
encouraged. As the saying goes, “tough times don’t last – tough people do.”
Keep focused on your kids and somehow things will all get aligned in your favor
and theirs. </div>
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As I wrote this post, I was listening to Jimmy Cliff’s
Greatest Hits. I think that a fitting way to conclude these words of
encouragement come from the chorus of his song <i>Better Days are</i>. Check out these lyrics: <br />
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Better days are
coming by and by</div>
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Don’t you get
downhearted, don’t you cry</div>
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Troubles will be
over, all our joys come over</div>
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Better days are
coming by and by.</div>
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Encouraging huh? Indeed better days are coming. Better
days are here for me and for so many others who have walked the road you’re
walking now. And they will be for you too. Just hang in there because after the
storms of life, comes the calm. We cannot always control the storms but if we
keep focused despite the raging winds, we’ll come through on the other side
just fine. Keep your head up and stay encouraged. </div>
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I hope that this was just that “picker upper” that you
needed to make it through today. Now go out and make it a wonderful day!</div>
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The Upbeat Dad</div>
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</div>Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-74875759937134411072012-07-09T12:57:00.001-04:002012-07-09T14:09:40.842-04:00Onward to the Next Frontier: The Vision of the Upbeat Dad Organization!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In October 2010, I launched the Upbeat Dad blog simply for
the purpose of empowering dads to become actively engaged in the lives of their
children. I didn’t quite know what the response would have been but I just had
an overwhelming desire to help others through this medium. If even one person
would stand to benefit from this work, then to me, it would be worth it.</div>
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Today, over 20 months later, I have written 214 blog posts. We
have well over 200,000 hits on the site, with readers on every continent except
Antarctica – not sure if they have internet there anyway! I’ve had the
privilege of having positive exchanges with members of our audience from all
over the world through the blog, our <a href="http://www.facebook.com/theupbeatdad">Facebook</a> page and on our <a href="https://twitter.com/">Twitter</a> feeds. I
have had several interviews with different media sources including the <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/02/bbc-interview-to-highlight-global.html">BBC</a>. We
have had two <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/02/special-edition-upbeat-dad-community.html">Upbeat Dad Community Forums</a> to date. I have spoken at different
conferences including the Head Start in Miami and The Divorce Expo in
Detroit. So it’s been an eventful almost two years!</div>
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As the vision has unfolded, I have come to the realization
that the Upbeat Dad concept is more about a cause than anything. In its true essence,
it’s a positive force for change. The underlying theme that’s been echoed by
others with whom I’ve interacted as I’ve carried out this work is that the message
is so needed. So with that, I have sought to put in place an infrastructure to
address many of the issues that have been identified.</div>
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All of this has led to the forming in late 2011 of the
Upbeat Dad Organization, Inc., a non-profit corporation whose mission is to
empower fathers and to support families. As this phase of the vision is
unfolding, I am realizing more and more how much work there is to do. Well,
maybe I shouldn’t call it work – it’s more fun than anything. But the
possibilities of what might be accomplished are endless. It’s all for the
purpose of helping dads to play their part in the raising of their children.</div>
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Some men become fathers but don’t quite know how to be dads.
The term <i>father</i> is a term of biology.
But <i>dad</i> is a term of endearment. Then
there are men who deeply desire to be involved in the lives of their children
but because of various obstacles that dominate the family law system, their
efforts seem futile. There are so many issues that are prevalent when it comes
to the matter of fatherhood. So we have developed a systematic approach to
address many of these issues. There is certainly no “one size fits all” solution
to these issues. So step by step we are tackling the problems that we’ve
identified.</div>
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I haven’t written quite as many blog posts recently. I do
plan to get back to writing more frequently, ideally at least one or two per
week. I recognize the importance of these posts, as I believe they give practical
solutions to the different issues that men deal with. But behind the scenes,
there’s quite a bit of work being done. Let’s just say that the blueprint for a
masterpiece is being assembled. And it’s my opinion that that masterpiece will
be for your benefit. </div>
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I believe that the cause for which the organization has been
formed is great. In the coming weeks, months and years, you’ll begin to see the
vision unfold to a greater extent than it has to this point. We have formed
strategic alliances with various organizations including the Miami Dolphins. We
will have more public events – ones that will function as the ground war in a
military operation. We have engaged the services of a team of consultants whose
responsibility is to help us develop certain modules to effect change in
different parts of our society, including the corporate arena, the educational
system, the prison system, the political system, the legal system and more.</div>
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The purpose of this post is to really affirm our commitment
to practicing what we’ve preached since we launched this site almost two years
ago. I hope that you have a glimpse of where we are going with this. I often
say that it’s the cause of a lifetime. Having been through a divorce and now
having the privilege of raising a new family, along with my daughter from my
first marriage, I know just how fortunate and blessed I am. So I seek to
empower others to take the “upbeat” approach and do the right thing for their
kids.</div>
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I think that we’re embarking on an exciting phase of the
vision. So do stay engaged with us. And share any of our posts with others who
you think will benefit from what we seek to share. More than anything, I
believe that children will have more a promising future when their dads are
actively involved in their development. So the purpose behind all that we do
will be to help these dads to have that positive impact.</div>
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Do enjoy your day. And stay tuned – the best is yet to come!</div>
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The Upbeat Dad</div>
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Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-39910801808749003622012-05-15T12:04:00.002-04:002012-05-15T12:19:16.805-04:00The Great Parenting Dilemma: Letting Go Is Hard To Do<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhANGJOnyPfJyM8lCelBaravxSVJx7gFqmxQmbi1cGiCzmFJaCN-msmZw6agkuEwN40d0qmu0FfOU1Q2qOBJdbmwuH_oBcN6GAlrVObiFlEGuKj6_hiCQNu-3BkhJJI-yhTCUiMr5ay170/s1600/cover+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhANGJOnyPfJyM8lCelBaravxSVJx7gFqmxQmbi1cGiCzmFJaCN-msmZw6agkuEwN40d0qmu0FfOU1Q2qOBJdbmwuH_oBcN6GAlrVObiFlEGuKj6_hiCQNu-3BkhJJI-yhTCUiMr5ay170/s320/cover+pic.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps you’ve heard the song, “Breaking up is hard to do.” Well,
from a parent’s perspective, I say, “Letting go is hard to do.” I heard someone
say several years ago, “Kids aren’t for keeps – you have them, you raise them,
then you send them off into the world to find their calling.” What a profound
and true statement that is! We don’t get to keep them forever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is the time of year when parents and kids alike are
gearing up for graduation and all that such a milestone entails. Parenting has
innumerable rewards and this has got to be one of them – seeing our children
grow up to take the next step towards adulthood.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At the same time, this milestone comes with its drawbacks.
You see, it’s a sign that the time to let go is inching closer and closer. By
that I mean, as our children grow up and get closer to adulthood, as parents we
need to begin the process of letting them become adults in their own right. And
that, my friend, has its challenges.</span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCcQSN8dQffGzX36yqdahMqDC3v8CbslvT_NPNEf1g13IljjQKVKYSUPITaVl-gwL8AjdKcbEkrxsbMqPrethMquPyaQvmkfaR0Ysx8wT2g31A_lD1hQ62Vjp57Cwyp_a2-dvjx58FGvc/s1600/Tina+8th+grade+dance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCcQSN8dQffGzX36yqdahMqDC3v8CbslvT_NPNEf1g13IljjQKVKYSUPITaVl-gwL8AjdKcbEkrxsbMqPrethMquPyaQvmkfaR0Ysx8wT2g31A_lD1hQ62Vjp57Cwyp_a2-dvjx58FGvc/s320/Tina+8th+grade+dance.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick's daughter</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My daughter is 13 years old. She’s an 8<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> grader
and is truly a joy and a wonder. Next year, it’s high school for her so we should
have her at home for another 4 years at least. Sounds cool, right? Well let me
tell you – this past weekend, she went to her 8<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> grade dance. She
was dressed to impress with formal attire and looking so much like a young
lady. My wife and I beamed with pride as we saw her. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But as we took her to the dance, it dawned on me that the
next major milestone is her high school prom – and more likely than not, she’s
not going to want us to take her. She’ll likely have a date to come to the
house and pick her up. Perish the thought! Then after that it’s graduation and
then off to college for her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, you know what? When I dropped her to the dance, she
didn’t even want me to get out of the car and walk her to the door like I did
when she went to her 6<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> grade dance. She’s developing her own
identity and coming into her own so having her dad walk her to the door just
might cramp her style! As I drove away after dropping her off, I found myself
fighting back the tears. Not sure exactly why but I guess the significance of
the moment got to me – my little baby’s not a little baby anymore.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today, parents all across the world are experiencing similar
emotions. Some might even call my reaction ridiculous because, after all, my
daughter will be home for another 4 years. I’ll get to go through the high
school years and see her blossom through it all. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAk2CBZAtCAm9G1vn9BI_40JL2dAYPy5TVyzOXyzT6Asp23gT0kbPcmRV5iTbYvQpWdazgxruY150g-tV4ZiTcY6ID9-VQWyxMd57k4mSeVEEXpZ-4aurmSLMIJsfmbE6xNXP1DGP7zd0/s1600/Son-and-Mom-Graduation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAk2CBZAtCAm9G1vn9BI_40JL2dAYPy5TVyzOXyzT6Asp23gT0kbPcmRV5iTbYvQpWdazgxruY150g-tV4ZiTcY6ID9-VQWyxMd57k4mSeVEEXpZ-4aurmSLMIJsfmbE6xNXP1DGP7zd0/s1600/Son-and-Mom-Graduation.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But what about those who are seeing their “babies” graduate
from high school and off to college or to face life’s other challenges? What
about those who are seeing their kids graduate from college and off into the
real world, never again to return home – except for brief visits? I can’t
imagine that – yet, I know in seemingly no time, I’ll be in the shoes of those dads
and moms – proud, yet heartbroken at the thought of seeing their young ones
grow up and moving on without them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If we do our job well, we’ll prepare our children to take
their place in the world. That’s the goal of parenting, in my view. There’s a
proverb that says, “Train up a child in the way he should go so that when he is
old, he will not depart from it.” It’s an honor and a privilege to raise and
train children. The responsibility to guide and mold young lives is an awesome
one. Parenting is not for the faint of heart – it’s a challenging but rewarding
experience.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So when is the right time to let go? When is it ok to detach
ourselves enough so that our kids can grow up on their own? The easy answer is
to say, “When they move out” – like when they go off to college or start
working and get their own place. But it’s not quite that easy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I recall that as my siblings and I grew up, my parents had
to begin letting go of each of us, one by one. When my sister graduated from
high school and went off to college, she never returned home to live. She was
always away at school – even throughout the summer months. She got her 4 year
degree in 3 years and after graduation she moved to another state to pursue her
graduate studies and then her life’s dreams. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMzaVlmds5Drt3jDxj1Io14_V2ZKXEigQwBfOugI_JUn_dNXWWCdfdFWbGnTcBh5w8TuFAUpFzn2NbkKGcxg5Qrfgg9Lyi3jy-9srS13NedMBPa5o9SCM0D4YUM_eT64tVhqUw0yRRskc/s1600/daughter-leaving-home.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMzaVlmds5Drt3jDxj1Io14_V2ZKXEigQwBfOugI_JUn_dNXWWCdfdFWbGnTcBh5w8TuFAUpFzn2NbkKGcxg5Qrfgg9Lyi3jy-9srS13NedMBPa5o9SCM0D4YUM_eT64tVhqUw0yRRskc/s320/daughter-leaving-home.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know it wasn’t easy for my parents to see their only
daughter, who happens to be the oldest, leave the “nest,” never to return other
than for visits. But as time has transpired, they’ve accepted the fact that
they did their job and therefore they just had to let her be herself. And she’s
made them proud. She has a PhD and is a college professor, and an entrepreneur.
They prepared her for the world and she’s conquering it day by day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My 2 brothers and I have also made our own impact on the
world. Our parents laid a solid foundation and saw us off to college. And now,
we’re each pursuing our life’s calling and I’m sure our parents are proud of
our accomplishments as well.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still, I recall that as I went off to college and then on to
the real world, there were times I felt that I wished my parents would just let
go completely and let me do what I wanted. I felt that as of age 18, I was an
adult who should be allowed to make my decisions and live with the consequences
– positive or negative. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, the path to life as an independent adult wasn’t all
smooth sailing. There were many challenges along the way. And, to be honest, at
times I needed to swallow my pride and go back to Dad and Mom for help –
financial and otherwise. And being the loving parents that they are, they were
right there to help.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSTTZnYWmMLI-JrFlQdPzelnQNVDHNbkpJlBOqCznDh4tYoNOeD4n3wpdk8iOT8nm-dtqQRI7BcHuVB0rJnuhY2ujTFwZf_Sv1HPGW9enXfY6cXEBR1R8AOUY8v4EZj-ISl53_AgoLIac/s1600/Parents+with+adult+son.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSTTZnYWmMLI-JrFlQdPzelnQNVDHNbkpJlBOqCznDh4tYoNOeD4n3wpdk8iOT8nm-dtqQRI7BcHuVB0rJnuhY2ujTFwZf_Sv1HPGW9enXfY6cXEBR1R8AOUY8v4EZj-ISl53_AgoLIac/s320/Parents+with+adult+son.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The reality is that as parents, we never fully let go. I
often say, “Once a parent, always a parent.” It’s the role of a lifetime. It is
a delicate balancing act to know how to effectively parent while knowing just how
and when to let go. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As far as the timing goes, I think it’s important to know
your children and deal with each accordingly. Some kids would simply fall flat
on their faces if the letting go occurs too soon. Others’ growth would be
stifled if it occurs too late. Much like a mother eagle, we have to teach our
young ones how to fly and then know when to let them go to fly on their own.
It’s a delicate balancing act but if we’re attentive, we can be successful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you’re a parent who is dealing with this issue now, be
encouraged. Just know that you’re not alone. You might not feel needed quite as
much when your kids grow up. But that’s part of the process. When my daughter
didn’t want me to walk her to the door when I took her to the 8<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
grade dance, it wasn’t the best feeling. But that’s a sign that she’s growing
up. It wasn’t too long ago that I dropped her off at the daycare center while
she clung to my leg, in tears, not wanting me to leave. So she’s a big girl now
– on her way to womanhood. Of that I should be proud. Still, it’s not so easy
to deal with.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My encouragement to you is to remain constant in your love
for your kids. Keep the lines of communication open and help them to make the
transition to adulthood. Recall your own journey and apply the lessons you
learned as you deal with your own children. The love of a parent is perpetual
and though it may not seem like it, knowing how and when to let go is a part of
the process of showing your love for them.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-R7saN5VLQxp6qO2rpn1se7NelPvFemQZL4TSvoiG4FIMemibncYI3-4xD0IGngZsDax5pq25Xw2JnYOJjAXbllqfGE_1cfu9jS_X8B4_IU6KqCGjEnDw4WNu-Y3BCa8FMNXGepoi9bU/s1600/Tina+8th+grade+dance+with+Daddy+and+Nathan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-R7saN5VLQxp6qO2rpn1se7NelPvFemQZL4TSvoiG4FIMemibncYI3-4xD0IGngZsDax5pq25Xw2JnYOJjAXbllqfGE_1cfu9jS_X8B4_IU6KqCGjEnDw4WNu-Y3BCa8FMNXGepoi9bU/s400/Tina+8th+grade+dance+with+Daddy+and+Nathan.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Rodrick and his kids</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Kids aren’t for keeps, indeed. But as time goes on, we learn
to treasure the time we invest in them. And, if we do our job right, we’ll reap
the dividends for a lifetime.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Enjoy your day,</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Upbeat Dad</span></div>
</div>Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-81003214886992246402012-02-09T14:01:00.000-05:002012-02-09T16:46:12.502-05:00Is Technology Tearing Your Family Apart?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Each week, my wife, my 2 kids and I try to plan a time when it's just us - no phone, no TV, no iPad, no one or nothing else - just us, enjoying each other. We do different activities: sometimes it’s eating at a restaurant; other times it’s having a family game night; sometimes it’s going to the beach, or to a museum or some other place that we decide to visit. The important thing is that it’s just our uninterrupted time to create special memories together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Recently, on one of these occasions, we went to dinner at a local restaurant. As we sat, there was another family of 4 seated nearby - a dad, a mom, a boy and a girl. The contrast between our 2 families was striking. Here’s what we saw: the mom was texting on her iPhone, the son was playing a game on his Gameboy, the daughter was watching a movie on her iPad and the dad was just sitting there, seemingly with no one to talk to.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In that restaurant, among the many patrons, there sat 2 families of 4 – with 2 different levels of connection. One was functioning as a family while the other was functioning as a disjointed group of individuals. The contrast was amazing.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTj_CipYE6GZYuEuU2wqILyPM10Gyi7-Q5gMSIu5vGqpK60xssoq-23cRukiNxhYKihAMjWAggGrVoSC4DXHMJSXIxuBwrKjgwYKCWtF4-UjAuFlmHXgOAZXj6fdQA2h0baSgTMz05h9c/s1600/family+on+phones+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTj_CipYE6GZYuEuU2wqILyPM10Gyi7-Q5gMSIu5vGqpK60xssoq-23cRukiNxhYKihAMjWAggGrVoSC4DXHMJSXIxuBwrKjgwYKCWtF4-UjAuFlmHXgOAZXj6fdQA2h0baSgTMz05h9c/s400/family+on+phones+(2).jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The institution of family is as old as humanity itself. Fathers, mothers and children from different generations have established relationships that have transcended time. Many of us today grew up in an era where the family was the focal point of everything we did. All plans and activities revolved around the family - holidays, vacations, entertainment. I mean everything!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over the past few decades, technological advances have fundamentally changed the way that society functions. Believe it or not, there was a time when not every home had a television and radio. Now, it’s commonplace to have those items. And since the early 1980s, personal computers have changed our lives in so many ways. Out went the typewriters and in came word processors. Out went board games and in came computerized games.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then came the internet. The World Wide Web gives us instant access to data that, in years past, would have taken hours or days or even weeks to get to. Now even our mobile phones can immediately give us information effortlessly by surfing the Web. Then came a string of products led by tech giant, Apple. The iPod, iPhone and iPad have been game-changers in an already competitive market. Suffice it to say, we’re in the midst of a technological revolution. And what a revolution it is!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_QwJJREpgKN2Nisrr2LmhnbCmloKYZTA0O0l2qEanrApXSkw1hMuhXJyXrrF-QAyK9G4qzot0USc4dPzIYQQDD-KFy5BWpBb9vV5RyeyJWs3DZAlJRPtcyQHZzF955yKqPOvtXT-qU9g/s1600/Technology-Downfalls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_QwJJREpgKN2Nisrr2LmhnbCmloKYZTA0O0l2qEanrApXSkw1hMuhXJyXrrF-QAyK9G4qzot0USc4dPzIYQQDD-KFy5BWpBb9vV5RyeyJWs3DZAlJRPtcyQHZzF955yKqPOvtXT-qU9g/s1600/Technology-Downfalls.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Having said all of this, I come back to the family. All the technology in the world, advanced though it may be, cannot replace the fulfilling relationships that families can have together. The warmth of a smile or the different ways that love is expressed in the home are irreplaceable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most children today, at least in the United States, do not know what it’s like to live in a home without a computer. But for so many of them, growing up in a home without a dad is commonplace. In the African American community, for instance, 70% of babies are born to unwed mothers. The value of the traditional family structure seems to have taken a backseat to practically everything else.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In our homes, technology is a wonderful thing. It allows us to explore and go into areas that, before, seemed unimaginable. But we have to be so careful because the things that have been created for our enjoyment, can be the very same things to tear us apart. Interpersonal communication can almost come to a halt when the iPod, iPad and iPhone are going simultaneously.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUQcoo8niskER_HwXlSwJjrQU9i2O8Boi-B6qutYWNG9wXCJRb3gOI0QrGvhg1Fq0DzrVsSGPhKtYfXPqtfd3WGTFzXcLvWfyJhJ13q9a8Kqg9JTsgr6iGvnWEClYuHO-LDQiZ8zddlgw/s1600/Little+boy+on+IPad.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUQcoo8niskER_HwXlSwJjrQU9i2O8Boi-B6qutYWNG9wXCJRb3gOI0QrGvhg1Fq0DzrVsSGPhKtYfXPqtfd3WGTFzXcLvWfyJhJ13q9a8Kqg9JTsgr6iGvnWEClYuHO-LDQiZ8zddlgw/s320/Little+boy+on+IPad.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We don’t have to give in to the forces of change that technology brings. We have more control than we might think. For instance, I have a “no headphones” policy whenever we drive in the vehicle – whether with just our family or if I have my nieces, nephews or cousins with us. It doesn’t matter who it is. If the entire vehicle cannot be a part of what one person is listening to, then it isn’t worth listening to. So my compromise is that, when I’m in the car with the kids, I listen to what they like. It doesn’t matter that it’s not quite my musical taste – what matters is that we’re connected.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I grew up in a small town in Jamaica in the early 1970s. At that time, television was a luxury to have in most homes in our community. And it wasn’t the 24/7 availability that we have today. Television signed on at 4 PM and signed off at 11 PM. The rest of the time, watching it wasn’t an option – unless, of course, we enjoyed staring at a blank screen. And there was no Gameboy or iPad or any other fancy gadget to take up our time. So we learned to play games and interact with each other.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I long for days when the focal point of all we do in our homes is the family. Working parents can so easily lose touch with their kids, all in the name of ‘making a living.’ The life they make often comes at the cost of valuable time with their kids. See the post <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/search/label/Cats%20in%20the%20Cradle">Cats in the Cradle: A Life Lesson for Working Parents</a> for more on this subject.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As parents, let’s endeavor to create an environment in our homes where the family comes first. Whether you’re married or single, as a parent, you have control over the role that technology plays in your family. I implore you not to let your kids be more connected to their gadgets than they are to you. You have more control than you think.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Establish guidelines that will emphasize the importance of the family unit. And spend time with your kids. Have fun enjoying the marvels of technology with them. Just keep focused on the value that exists in each family member. No genius can invent anything that compares to the priceless gift of family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After reading this, perhaps you may need to make some changes in the way your home functions. I encourage you to implement those changes because the end result of a more closely knit family is worth it. You deserve it – and so do your family members. So do what you need to do. Believe me, this investment will pay dividends for a lifetime!<u></u><u></u></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy your day,<u></u><u></u></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Upbeat Dad</span><br />
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<img src="http://i43.tower.com/images/mm100555220/plug-in-drug-television-computers-family-life-marie-winn-paperback-cover-art.jpg" /> <img src="http://www.phibetaiota.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/cover-alone-together.jpg" /><br />
<br /></div>Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-40741987746988418292012-01-17T12:00:00.000-05:002012-01-17T13:20:24.104-05:00Helping Blended Families Deal With Sibling Rivalry<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Parenthood
is the gift that keeps on giving. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured
out, it presents a new challenge as well as a new opportunity to impact our
children’s lives. Some see it as a burden; I choose to see it as something to
embrace.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have a
teen daughter and a son who’s almost a year and a half old. Managing the
responsibility of raising these two, along with my wife, isn’t always easy. But
let’s just say I do a lot of on-the-job training. My daughter is from my former
marriage and my son is from my new marriage. You see, we have a blended family.
And this family is my life. Knowing that I have a new opportunity to live
happily-ever-after in a new relationship is something that I readily embrace.
And I’m willing to do all it takes to make this one last a lifetime!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You may have
heard the term “sibling rivalry” used to describe the relationship that often
develops between brothers and sisters. The reasons that cause the rivalry to
develop are many but one thing is for certain – it is a reality that many
families face.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikX6P3UFl80DpLIaLDjXhTWl10M6w2pMw-D6wcOzyaZxC2N2nUVo2A0aYnC73bMMysnPnW9_ZL__iKxGTrp3Gt3l6F1OSy1O7jFiJVrenncngzuSvwowGnhjFBk9cV3Ke6zO_gR3qOKmg/s1600/Blended+stepfamily.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikX6P3UFl80DpLIaLDjXhTWl10M6w2pMw-D6wcOzyaZxC2N2nUVo2A0aYnC73bMMysnPnW9_ZL__iKxGTrp3Gt3l6F1OSy1O7jFiJVrenncngzuSvwowGnhjFBk9cV3Ke6zO_gR3qOKmg/s1600/Blended+stepfamily.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The nature
of blended families is such that when you have stepbrothers and stepsisters,
the relationships can be worse than the traditional rivalry between siblings.
Kids with different dads or different moms can easily find themselves in
competition. It just comes with the territory.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What can we
do as parents to help to minimize the effects of this phenomenon when there is
a blended family? That’s the purpose of this post. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">About 2
years ago, when my wife and I told our daughter that she had a baby brother on
the way, she was less than thrilled. You see, years before, I was a single dad.
It was just she and me living our lives and making the most of it. When I
started dating the person who would become my wife, my daughter felt that the
attention and affection that was always directed towards her would now be
redirected to someone else.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The dating
process that eventually led to marriage was one of the challenges that put to the
test the skills that I had developed as a parent. You can read more about this
in: The Story of My Blended Family. Our “blending” wasn’t something that
happened overnight. We had to put certain measures in place to ensure that each
person would be happy in this new union.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb_98aodi88K6HOy-UhEWbvPYTysDzyvMjpF-mbNba2OdgI9objp5gjgY2k7zsE_LLVwFIxYK67P1FN2x5mxoEbk56aHg0Rn-SwHNW5qZOmMl_xY-HcpcyYamRBpBzgtvtAm42yeU9ZYU/s1600/stepchildren.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb_98aodi88K6HOy-UhEWbvPYTysDzyvMjpF-mbNba2OdgI9objp5gjgY2k7zsE_LLVwFIxYK67P1FN2x5mxoEbk56aHg0Rn-SwHNW5qZOmMl_xY-HcpcyYamRBpBzgtvtAm42yeU9ZYU/s320/stepchildren.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So almost a
year into the marriage, when my daughter learned that a baby was on the way,
she said to me, “All this time, I had your heart to myself. Now you got
married and your heart got divided in two – she got one half and I got the
other. So now that you’re having more children, my half is just gonna get
smaller and smaller.” I was dumbfounded. Just when I thought I had it all
figured out, I had a new challenge on my hands.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Since that
time, my wife and I have been so conscious of the fact that our daughter needs
the assurance that all will be fine, regardless of the number of children we
have. The important thing is that the love for her is unconditional. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now our
daughter has a totally different outlook on her role in the family. She’s a big
sister and she has fully embraced that role. She lovingly plays her part in her
little brother’s growth and development. Sometimes it’s changing diapers; other
times it’s feeding; and other times it’s just playing with him because they
both have a great time. I know it’s just the beginning of their relationship
but I think they’re off to a good start. And as long as we as parents do our
job, they should grow closer as time goes on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When blended
families come together, I believe that parents ought to help children learn
that their new brothers or sisters might have different moms or dads but they
are just as valued in the family. Sometimes the rivalry that develops in a
traditional family comes from parents displaying preferences for one child over
others. In a blended family, that can be disastrous. It’s not unusual for
marriages to breakup because the kids didn’t embrace their new siblings.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYwQOkWIBsXdq4OdEOpiAWKWA3ewKfAQUoxwC2cHYg0AQQbYiMcMTMkxxTAdxxmki7nhWgSVCDJM_Pz-AFQ6r3h4MS_5iJzxNR6R8Pde9ryc8QpbhTMxfgXJtwVADBqo6bCS150jy2YVI/s1600/Teenager+and+baby+brother.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYwQOkWIBsXdq4OdEOpiAWKWA3ewKfAQUoxwC2cHYg0AQQbYiMcMTMkxxTAdxxmki7nhWgSVCDJM_Pz-AFQ6r3h4MS_5iJzxNR6R8Pde9ryc8QpbhTMxfgXJtwVADBqo6bCS150jy2YVI/s320/Teenager+and+baby+brother.jpg" width="256" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In my case,
the two siblings are 12 years apart and the younger one was born in the
marriage. But what about cases where older kids see their parents get married?
That can certainly be a challenge. Some kids have a hard enough time accepting
a new mom or dad. Dealing with a new sibling takes things to a different level.
They may have to share rooms. They may have to start doing things with another
person when they were used to having their space and doing their own thing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Parents can
help their kids to navigate this unchartered territory by implementing a few
measures:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Have a
talk</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">. Before the families come together, it’s good to have a talk and let
each child know what’s happening. Listen to them express their concerns and
help them weigh the pros and cons of having someone else to call brother or
sister. Then assure them that they can always share their thoughts with you as
the family comes together.</span></span></div>
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</span></span><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Give them
time</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">. Adjusting to a new situation is part of the routine that kids learn.
They learn to meet new friend. They learn to adapt to new schools. So joining a
blended family is just another thing that they can get used to. In each
changing situation, they need time to adjust. Don’t be pushy and try to force
them into accepting the new relationship. Give them time and let them learn to
see that the new relationship with another sibling is a good thing.</span></span></div>
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</span></span><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Plan “get
to know you” activities.</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> Think of activities that kids like to do and bring
them together to enjoy some time getting to know each other. For younger kids,
it can be time at a place like Chuck E. Cheese’s. For older kids, it can be
going to the mall or the movies or maybe to an athletic event. Just let them
get to know each other while doing something they love.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIQ35OtuL58l-JzNLSVIzHC67CM962nJDMO894Eey854gm431VUeR-APgD_T39VeuzKO8b1GMmZ7llzU1ffX4M7rK9rIRyfGgKJiyJ4xs6qiU9f2xh7qGl6oMy0SRk_v0chdCGTyf8U_E/s1600/dad-talking-to-daughter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIQ35OtuL58l-JzNLSVIzHC67CM962nJDMO894Eey854gm431VUeR-APgD_T39VeuzKO8b1GMmZ7llzU1ffX4M7rK9rIRyfGgKJiyJ4xs6qiU9f2xh7qGl6oMy0SRk_v0chdCGTyf8U_E/s320/dad-talking-to-daughter.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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</span></span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Always
listen.</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;"> This is a very important point. Kids like to know that their cares
and concerns are of importance. So establish and open door policy where you
allow them to respectfully share their thoughts. This boosts their self esteem
and helps them adjust to the new situation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope that
these tips are helpful as you deal with your own situation. They can work
wonders when implemented.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Parenting has
its challenges, no doubt. This is one area where parents can make a real
positive impact that lasts a lifetime. Blended families are special in their
own way. And kids who get a new brother or sister can learn to enjoy life in a
whole new way. It’s up to us to help create the environment that will help them
thrive in the new family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy your
day.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUzzy4B7rW9IEE252h5fh2haT6yJuddyLGLd5Jy8DAztQJq1ZpYCEMeHjTNBLotkEN5fEH91tyFBYunyiMmxR25DPbpDAT43TQX1CIfw6H6aB06hqlggsjyWLoEM1ibPLjBGbtoAk1gYw/s1600/Siblings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUzzy4B7rW9IEE252h5fh2haT6yJuddyLGLd5Jy8DAztQJq1ZpYCEMeHjTNBLotkEN5fEH91tyFBYunyiMmxR25DPbpDAT43TQX1CIfw6H6aB06hqlggsjyWLoEM1ibPLjBGbtoAk1gYw/s320/Siblings.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Upbeat
Dad</span></div>
<br /></div>Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-88024820245759598192011-11-30T09:30:00.005-05:002011-11-30T12:08:45.236-05:00Dads, This Holiday Season Give Your Kids What They Long For: Your Presence!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid9oj4ByaGHOXhcGMiz7TZuM2wSNUh-JqOf5KA8XBFkSMJlPL3SVJskub2qoxwfjUNOyHAK0zAbReIkXinU_yMi7h1xGm2r_XJpREgEXmNAhmUcfFElG2A8MdbnNq1o9ajGrkCc25G0xk/s1600/Father-son-christmas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid9oj4ByaGHOXhcGMiz7TZuM2wSNUh-JqOf5KA8XBFkSMJlPL3SVJskub2qoxwfjUNOyHAK0zAbReIkXinU_yMi7h1xGm2r_XJpREgEXmNAhmUcfFElG2A8MdbnNq1o9ajGrkCc25G0xk/s320/Father-son-christmas.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, the holiday season is upon us again. My, my time flies does it? Seems like yesterday we were talking about new years resolutions. Now it’s season’s greetings all over again. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you dare drive by a mall anytime over the next few weeks, chances are, you’ll be in bumper to bumper traffic. Holiday shopping is the order of the day – and retailers are counting on a record-breaking shopping season.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All over the world, dads and moms find particular delight in getting the gifts that their kids have longed for. For some, it’s that new techy gadget everybody’s talking about - the iPad, iPhone or Wii. That would really make their Christmas dreams come true! For others, it’s some other hot new thing that is the talk of their school or neighborhood. This is just that time of the year when boys and girls of all ages can hardly sleep at night because they know their moms and dads are going to get them a special gift that they’ve longed for.</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"> </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3vnna2z-PlpQMIYApA3FonVuev5jE91t_8inCoJ5ZQEfTL-mUDD2rdkQRKKMak_Pa6MK9rIpdyhBDi7Sad_qhkmyi46XoKoizX5QL_kKFNqlzjiryU8teZwHaWj0qMKPEQnoQNbWgdmM/s1600/Sad+boy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3vnna2z-PlpQMIYApA3FonVuev5jE91t_8inCoJ5ZQEfTL-mUDD2rdkQRKKMak_Pa6MK9rIpdyhBDi7Sad_qhkmyi46XoKoizX5QL_kKFNqlzjiryU8teZwHaWj0qMKPEQnoQNbWgdmM/s320/Sad+boy.jpg" width="233" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">With this as the backdrop, I come back to the real world for a moment. You see, in the fantasy world, kids' dreams come true; they not only get the special gifts they've longed for, but they also come from happy homes where they get the love and emotional support that they desire. In the real world, however, more than 50% of all first marriages end in divorce. And when kids come from such marriages, their happy homes become broken homes and more often than not, they spend relatively little time with their dads.</span><br style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;" /><br style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Did you know that in the United States, approximately 24 millions kids live in a home without their biological father? The reasons for this are unique to each situation but the bottomline is that these kids do not enjoy the daily involvement of their dads in their lives.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">This Christmas and holiday season, with all the joyful celebrations that abound all over the world, my heart and mind are with these children – the ones who, due to no fault of their own, don’t have their dads. So my Christmas wish for these kids is this: instead of the very costly presents that they are often showered with, I’d love to see them get the present that has lifetime implications – the presence of their father in their lives.</span><br style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><br style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I know the difference that a father’s loving hand makes. My father has always been – and continues to be – a positive influence in my life. Earlier this year, my parents celebrated 47 years of marriage. My father has been an integral part of my development and that of my siblings from our births.</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk9wBHMrMlA1b7wrbI1Dvoj5IcfxoT98U1GTEoai6Gyk2bGQAIm6cBWiR_dfjk9RWAVZiXCf68QSI-sFt11JCC33xIuW0Pn8-TiBH6ysDg6jMFWuzWAkOZWyE2DNmByZ5L6PborAP81Pk/s1600/kids-lag-in-math.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk9wBHMrMlA1b7wrbI1Dvoj5IcfxoT98U1GTEoai6Gyk2bGQAIm6cBWiR_dfjk9RWAVZiXCf68QSI-sFt11JCC33xIuW0Pn8-TiBH6ysDg6jMFWuzWAkOZWyE2DNmByZ5L6PborAP81Pk/s320/kids-lag-in-math.jpg" width="320" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also know from going through the formal education system that children without fathers in the home just don't perform quite as well as others. And as life progresses, these children become adults and they face a world that, in many ways, is dominated by males, without having the positive influence of the most essential male in the life of a child - their dad.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The repercussions of this can be significant. Did you know that a disproportionate number of prisoners grew up without a father? Did you also know that not having a father present in ones life increases the likelihood of dropping out of school, becoming a teen parent, ending up in poverty? This is just the reality of the situation.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With this post, I appeal to fathers - absentee fathers, in particular - to make it a priority to connect with your kids. Make your present to them this holiday season your presence in their lives. I've written a number of posts on this blog to help. For this topic, read <a href="http://www.theupbeatdad.com/2011/11/helping-fathers-to-connect-with.html">Helping Fathers Connect with Children They've Neglected</a> to learn some tips on establishing that bond.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also appeal to those who I refer to as the absentee dad living at home. This father is the workaholic type who's always so busy working and getting ahead that his kids grow up under his roof but see him as a stranger. He leaves early in the morning and comes home late at night. The weekends are spent on the golf course or with his buddies. Then when all he cares about is over, he makes time for the kids - whatever little time is left.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7xPjfGRE-lH4iDTRYC9efqO9TlWdb8CIIio0a-CEgWRof2JOx_4Efvs8SW8NncuIXqD9kZeWpd2FWCnao2NXciG1jTFTnqIp5ZusvDwgHpEJmNjt1qqlUHiodd2vfObWTHypJCVEXRCM/s1600/dad-and-child+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7xPjfGRE-lH4iDTRYC9efqO9TlWdb8CIIio0a-CEgWRof2JOx_4Efvs8SW8NncuIXqD9kZeWpd2FWCnao2NXciG1jTFTnqIp5ZusvDwgHpEJmNjt1qqlUHiodd2vfObWTHypJCVEXRCM/s320/dad-and-child+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've said repeatedly that we show our kids we love them with the 4 letter word: T-I-M-E. Time spent with them is more precious than any techy gadget. Right now, I can hardly remember any gift I got for Christmas as a child. But you know what I remember? Playing sports with my dad. I remember going for our family Sunday afternoon drives to no place in particular. I remember going to Luby's cafeteria as a family during my teen years. These are the memories that live with me and encourage me to create similar memories with my own kids.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This post would not be complete without acknowledging the role that family law plays in the issue at hand. I believe that the way that the system functions tends to alienate dads from their kids. At least in the United States, courts seem to focus more on the financial support of fathers than the emotional support that bonding with one's child brings. I'm not unfamiliar with the emotional toll that this brings. I've experienced it firsthand and I know it's not easy to deal with.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;" /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;">The environment that the family law system has created, in my view, lends itself to abuse by women who care little about the relationship between father and child. I still insist, however, that despite the innumerable obstacles that are encountered along the way, the love of a father prevails over any legal or other obstacle that might arise. It's love that gives a dad the strength to deal with a biased legal system just so that in the end, he maintains a strong relationship with his kids.</span></span><br />
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<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuCKT4axoJS4JWQQYixwl2-PlNgsAPyFbGFlAIdeHWryBLAAcnPNoqrZgPuC1Wh5YOYzPPF5XjRUCJF0D_NJKICrnyH8TsUvoG5nThS9Pu-gzLYs1lrgL4yAZ-zy9J7HbLVTTMhXDaGnE/s1600/Black-dad-with-child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuCKT4axoJS4JWQQYixwl2-PlNgsAPyFbGFlAIdeHWryBLAAcnPNoqrZgPuC1Wh5YOYzPPF5XjRUCJF0D_NJKICrnyH8TsUvoG5nThS9Pu-gzLYs1lrgL4yAZ-zy9J7HbLVTTMhXDaGnE/s320/Black-dad-with-child.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fatherhood is a wonderful institution. Those of us fortunate enough to be dads should embrace the role wholeheartedly. Kids don't ask to be conceived. They have no choice about the homes they're born into or the circumstances that led to their conception. They come into the world as vulnerable as can be. But with the right guidance by loving parents and others, they can grow to become the best they can be.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you're a dad and this post has spoken to your heart, starting today, do something to help your kids enjoy a closer, more memorable relationship with you. Get them all the gifts you want this holiday season. But just know that no amount of material presents can equate to your presence in their lives.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm rooting for you as you take these steps. And I dare say, the world is rooting for you as well. Loving, actively-engaged dads involved with their kids is something that's welcomed and celebrated the world over.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let's do the right thing and become the dads that our kids deserve. That would truly make this holiday season the most wonderful time of the year.</span></div><br />
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enjoy your day.</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDWJuyJEVtYsjoAxkRQzWW7IcCoAjVIR4GpkYvmce6otDKBlc-5gfh7IwX6Y1aBepw59v89CWDaIm7Wt50RxMmnqES5tz0F284nYhtc2a0piYDw2NS_wiyvrPjsI9eyQmKWxphD2ae_xs/s1600/xmas_nyc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDWJuyJEVtYsjoAxkRQzWW7IcCoAjVIR4GpkYvmce6otDKBlc-5gfh7IwX6Y1aBepw59v89CWDaIm7Wt50RxMmnqES5tz0F284nYhtc2a0piYDw2NS_wiyvrPjsI9eyQmKWxphD2ae_xs/s320/xmas_nyc.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">The Upbeat Dad</span><br />
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</span></div></div>Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.com1