Helping Fathers to Connect with Children They've Neglected

Parenthood is a bold and noble calling - one that is shared by people all over the world. Being an integral part of the process that brings a new life into our world is an honor that both fathers and mothers share. Indeed such a calling comes with a great degree of responsibility.

I recognize that not every child is born under the ideal circumstances. Unintended pregnancies occur every day for different reasons. In some cases, the pregnancies are terminated. In other cases, they go full-term and babies are born into circumstances where their parents are not quite ready for the responsibility of raising them.

From many of these situations come children whose fathers opted to become absent rather than take on the responsibility. I often say that for many men, the last conversation they have with some women is when they say, "I'm pregnant." After that, they're never seen or heard from again. And the women are left to raise the children alone.

With this post I'd like to speak to the hearts of men who have fathered children but have not followed through on their responsibility to care and provide for them. I know that it's easier to reach some than others because each situation is different. For some men, the last thing they want to hear is someone telling them what they should do regarding their children when they have been treated harshly by a family law system that seeks to operate against them and their best interests. I fully recognize this.

Yet, I also recognize the important role that fathers can play in the lives of children. So I hope that this post will touch the hearts of many and will challenge them to do the right thing on their children's behalf.

There are several indicators that tell us of the importance of the role of a father. And there are various consequences to our society when children are fatherless . Let me share some with you. In the United States alone, 24 million children do not live in a home with their biological father. Children without active fathers in their lives are more likely to:

• drop out of school
• become teen parents
• abuse alcohol and drugs
• end up in prison

In the African American community, 70% of children are born to unwed mothers. In the same community, 1 of 3 young men between age 20 and 30 is either in prison or is in some way involved in the criminal justice system. Suffice it to say that children need their fathers.


So how does one make a connection with a child who he has walked away from? And how does one get over the barriers to establishing a relationship with that child? I previously wrote Establishing a Relationship with Your Absentee Dad. The issue at hand is the opposite of that scenario - it's now about how the absentee dad can establish a relationship with his children.


Here are some steps that I believe can be taken to establish that relationship:


1. Forgive yourself and others. The starting point, in my opinion, is forgiveness. There are varied reasons that fathers effectively abandon their children. In some cases, they do not want the responsibility that comes with fatherhood. In other cases, mothers have used the children as tools - bargaining chips, if you will - to manipulate a family law system that operates in their favor.


If fathers are to establish successful relationships with the children, I believe that forgiveness is the key. Forgiving oneself for not fulfilling a responsibility is empowering. Forgiving others for what they did to cause the situation is also empowering. By forgiving, one becomes free of the chains that bind and inhibit the establishment of a good father-child relationship.


2. Reach out to the children. I can't tell you how many times I've heard of children who don't know their father speak of how much they just want to know them. Sadly, some wait a lifetime and never meet them. Yet there are other cases where the fathers have done so much wrong that the children have no desire to meet them.

I encourage fathers to assess their own situation and make every effort to reach out to the children. Also, let me say here that a humble demeanor goes a long way. Children are under no obligation to accept the person who fathered them and then left. When the children are older - particularly when they're already adults - they may have greater resistance and more indifference. As much as it lies with you, do everything to ensure that a connection can be made. So a humble demeanor in trying to establish that relationship can work wonders.

3. Don't blame others. When you've reached out to the children and are making the connection with them, it's important to just focus on you and them. If others - particularly the mothers - gave you a hard time, the kids don't need to know that. You may be 100% right and justified in placing the blame. But you don't need to say it to the kids. Just be a loving father and, in time, your care and affection for them will overcome any obstacle caused by others' negative words or actions.

When I went through my divorce 10 years ago, I had a really rough experience. Read The Awful Night 10 Years Ago That Led Me to Start The Upbeat Dad to learn more about it. I wasn't an absentee dad but certainly I could relate to what many men experience in the legal process. I really could have let my then 3 year old daughter know all that was happening and why I needed a court order just to be able to see her. But I opted to shield her from the negativity of playing the blame game. I just focused on being a loving dad and let the rest take care of itself. And I'm so glad I did. It worked wonders then and it's still working today.

4. Understand the true meaning of child support. The term child support seems to come up only in a family law context. But I believe that loving parents support their children 24/7/365. In other words, they support them in every way - financially and otherwise.

Fathers have long been seen as the financiers of their children's lives while mothers provide the nurturing. Some men have then bought into the notion that paying child support equates to being a good father. And, to some extent, the legal system tends to support this view.

I encourage you to read the posts What Exactly is Child Support? and Is Paying Child Support Punishment or a Privilege? If you haven't paid child support as you ought to, begin doing it today. If you've paid it, that's great but understand that when you support your children, money is only a part of your obligation. There so much more to it than that. Support your kids all the time, in whatever they do. That's how you win their minds and hearts.

5. Let your actions do the talking. You've probably heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words." If you're really committed to establishing that relationship, taking action can speak volumes. Showing up and giving a world of promises is great. Getting a new schedule of time with the children is wonderful. But all of it is meaningless if not followed up by action.

Let your kids get to know and trust you as a loving father. Skipping meaningful time with them and then showing up with expensive presents might seem to work for a while but in the long-run, it's your presence that means more to them. If you promise to call them each night before they go do bed, do just that. If you get them on the weekends, do just that. Show up to their athletic events and school events and support them with genuine enthusiasm.

So there you have it. These tips I've shared here can work wonders in the process of establishing that relationship. You cannot change the past. You cannot undo what was done before. You can only acknowledge what occurred and try to make corrective action going forward.

I believe quite strongly that where there is life there is hope. Regardless of how bad the circumstances may have been, you can reach out and make a connection with your kids. And when you do, you'll have the opportunity to help to mold and influence their lives in a positive way. The choice is yours.

I've previously said that "father" is a term of biology but "daddy" is a term of endearment. When you give of your best and try to mend the broken fences, you'll very soon become "daddy" instead of just the man who fathered a child. It can be done. And I encourage you to say for yourself, it will be done.

Do enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

A Lesson from Humpty Dumpty for the Divorced: Can you be put back together again?

During childhood, many of us learned the nursery rhyme about Humpty Dumpty. If you might recall, it goes something like this:

Humpty Dumpty sat upon a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

You see, Humpty was an egg – a fragile egg. And when he had his fall, nothing anyone could do could put him back together. He had permanent scars that caused him to never be the same again.

As I think about the divorce experience and its effect on men, women and children, I liken it to Humpty Dumpty and his plight. Many people go through the process and never ever recover. Some do recover but it takes years. Others recover but in the process they hurt others and leave scars on them that last a lifetime.

Despite what some may think, I don’t believe that divorce is something a typical person getting married plans for. Yet it happens every day and lives are ruined as a result. I have a friend who has been married 3 times. The first was to his high school sweetheart. After a marriage of over 20 years, they decided to go their separate ways. And since then, within a few years, he married and divorced twice. Now he doesn’t even consider dating because the thought of building a new relationship that might end in disappointment is just too much for him. His heart is fragile and might never become whole again.

With all this as a backdrop, let me share this with you: there is hope. I believe, quite strongly, that where there is life, there is hope. So if you’re reading this and you find yourself in the Humpty Dumpty state, let me encourage you with these words: You can be put back together again!

I write this not as someone unfamiliar with the emotions of divorce. Ten years ago, I went through an awful, bitter divorce – one that left me severely wounded. You can learn more about the experience in these posts: 

The Story Behind TheUpbeat Dad

How I Could HaveBecome a Deadbeat Dad

The Awful Night 10Years Ago That Led Me to Start The Upbeat Dad

Suffice it to say that for a long time afterwards, I struggled to put back the pieces of my heart and my life. It wasn’t easy by any means but today, I am back together again and so much stronger and better as a result.

There are specific steps I believe are necessary on this road to recovery from divorce. Here they are:

-          Forgive Your Former Spouse and Yourself. In order to embrace life after divorce, I believe that it’s necessary to permanently close the chapter of the marriage that ended. The first stage is forgiveness. It’s a two-fold process – forgiving your former spouse and forgiving yourself. Please notice that I didn’t say that your former spouse must forgive you or himself/herself. Forgiveness has to do with you – you have 100% control over that.

In the ideal scenario, both parties would forgive but that doesn’t always happen. Also, notice that I didn’t say anything about who was right or wrong. That’s ultimately irrelevant. To move on, forgiveness is what’s important. Learn more about this very critical step with the post: Forgiveness: The Key to Healing After Divorce.

-          Embrace Yourself. What do I mean by embrace yourself? What I mean is that you accept yourself as you are. This might take some work because for so many years, your entire identity has been wrapped up in your marriage. In a sense when divorce occurs, a part of you dies. In marriage, two hearts and lives become one. In divorce, as these lives go in different directions, each party has to become whole again – and that takes time.

One thing that worked for me was dating myself. How odd, right? Well, it worked wonders. I went out to dinner and sometimes to a movie and just had a ball. It was all about finding myself again and recognizing that I’m good company! Embrace yourself for who you are. Love yourself and just focus on the better days that lie ahead.

-          Don’t Be Too Quick to Enter New Relationships. During the process of courtship that leads to marriage, it takes time to get to know the other person. After divorce, it takes time to find yourself again. And in this process, having a new love interest too quickly can spoil a very necessary phase. Some people enter new relationships and end up subconsciously having unrealistic expectations of the new person to fill the void created with the divorce.

Did you know that the more people get married, the more likely they are to become divorced again? Research shows that over 75% of 3^rd marriages will end in divorce. Take time to get back in the game – courtship and so on – and eventually, the right person will come along and you’ll be truly prepared to make a lifetime commitment. Till then, love yourself and enjoy yourself.

-          Focus on the Children. If you have kids, I believe that focusing on them and their best interest is key throughout divorce and in the aftermath. When no kids are involved, no matter how messy divorce becomes, when it’s over, it’s over. When kids are involved, it goes on forever – because you have to deal with the person who you no longer get along with, just for the kids’ sake. Being a parent is a lifetime commitment and in my view, is the most important role anyone can play.

The children should be given significant consideration in each decision that you make as you move on. Whether you relocate, date, remarry, etc., each decision has potential consequences – negative and positive – on the kids. So make sure you give them adequate consideration in all you do.

-          Enjoy Your Life. Ok, this might sound cliché but since it’s the last point, I’m gonna say it anyway: Enjoy your life! Do you know that you have only one life to live? And when it’s over, it’s over. You don’t want to live out your post-divorce years as a mean, bitter person? That’s not you – you’re better than that! You may have heard it said that hurt people hurt people. When you’re healed and whole again, you can enjoy life as you never have before. Waking up each new day with a sense of hope and promise is something to live for. I recall 10 years ago at this very moment, I was at the beginning stage of my divorce. And boy was it heartbreaking. Waking up was a chore because I knew I had to deal with the reality of the situation.

Over the years, I’ve learned to embrace each new day as a gift. Now I’m happily remarried with a new son. And my daughter (from my first marriage) lives with us. You can read The Story of My Blended Family to learn about how it all came together. In all of this, I can say that my former marriage and divorce seems to fade in my memory. I’m no longer controlled by the awfully bitter emotions that so dominated my life then. Life has moved on. And I have moved on and I’m so much better for it.

I hope that this post has been an encouragement to you. It’s very real and I believe that one can benefit immensely from each of these steps. There’s so much more to it, I know but these simple steps can be implemented to get going in the right direction. Do share this with those who you think would stand to benefit. I believe that as we share with others, the positive, life-changing message can impact others in a meaningful way.

Divorce happens. Life happens. Some of it we can control; some of it we can’t. Still, we don’t have to live like Humpty Dumpty and be scarred for life. By living by some simple, key principles, the pain that comes from divorce will eventually become a key inflection point to launch us into the best years of our lives. You can be put back together again and live the beautiful life that you deserve to live.

Do enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

The Awful Night 10 Years Ago That Led Me to Start The Upbeat Dad!

This blog post has been literally a decade in the making. Please note the date it was posted: October 3, 2011. The date October 3 is quite significant to me. Why? Well that's the purpose of me writing this today.  

If I had to trace the origins of the Upbeat Dad to a particular date, without doubt, I'd say October 3, 2001. Yes, it was a decade ago today that this organization had its true birth. But, as you'll read shortly, it was not a glamorous birth with fireworks and a big celebration. On the contrary, it was the worst day of my entire life. Now, 10 years later, I look in the rearview mirror and can candidly say to you that that date was a key inflection point in getting me to where I am today as a man but more importantly, as a father.

Ok, so what happened on that date? Well, it was a Wednesday. My marriage was in its 5th year and clearly we were having our challenges. My then wife had traveled out of town with our daughter 2 weeks before. Our daughter's 3rd birthday came and went without me getting to even send her wishes over the telephone.

The night before they left to travel out of town, we were in a marathon counseling session. The thought of divorce and separation was never an option for me. And particularly when I consider that a young child was in the home, I was fully committed to making the relationship work. But I learned the very difficult lesson that it takes 2 parties committed to a relationship to make it work. Otherwise, it becomes an exercise in futility. 

In the 2 weeks that they were away, there were a number of things that appeared strange to me. First, the out of town trip was supposed to be for only 3 days. There was so little communication between my former wife and me that for days, I had no idea where she and my daughter were. When I called her workplace, I was told that she no longer works there. Now, I knew something was terribly awry.

That Wednesday morning I was at work when I got a surprise call from my former wife. We hadn't spoken in days. She told me that she's back in town and wanted to bring our daughter by the office to say hello. The whole thing seemed strange to me - especially when I consider that I learned from a mutual friend of ours that she had come back in town a few days before.

I thought that my daughter seeing me for a few minutes while I was at work after not seeing me for 2 weeks wasn't the best thing for her. So I just asked that they come home that night or at least meet me after work so my daughter and I could bond. There was never a discussion about separation or divorce or anything of the sort. So although that 2 week period was odd, to say the least, in my view, we weren't separated.

Well, I didn't know what my ex's intentions were but I told her where we could meet that evening after work if she didn't want to come to the house. Our brief conversation ended with her telling me that she'd call me back. I never heard from her so that evening I went to the place where I suggested we'd meet. She didn't turn up.

So that night I was at home alone, as I had been for the previous 2 weeks. A cousin of mine was visiting from overseas and late that night he and some other cousins stopped by the home to say hello. We talked and laughed and had a really nice time. Then I got on the piano and started playing while we collectively sang. It was such a wonderful, beautiful family time.

At approximately 11 PM while we were singing, I thought I heard the doorbell ring. I paused. Then I heard the ring again followed by a knock on the door. We stopped singing and then I went to the door to see who it was. When I opened it, there were police officers. "Police officers? Why? What was this about?" I wondered.  

That night I was served with an injunction for protection against domestic violence – a restraining order, if you will. It was filed that morning by my then-wife shortly after she called me at work. I got to read a lengthy document that was filed with the court that day with different allegations of domestic violence. I was not allowed to contact her in any way - by phone or through another person. I couldn't go within 500 yards her. If I did, I'd be immediately arrested. Wow! I was numb.

  

I took a deep breath and said to the officers, "We have a 3 year old daughter; what does the paperwork say about her?" "No contact either," they replied. I read about how my daughter needed legal protection from me. The thought of the whole thing was just sickening. 

The officers told me, "Your wife got the house." "What does that mean?" I replied. "That means you have to leave NOW! We'll give you 20 minutes." Thankfully my cousins were there with me. We took whatever we could in the time given to us - clothes and some other stuff. We had a court hearing scheduled 2 weeks from that date so I had to figure out where to live and what to do until then.

That night was simply horrible. I went to my cousins' home afterward, trying to figure out what to do. As the reality of what just happened began sinking in, I started to cry. And boy did I cry like a baby – practically all night.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think it possible that such a situation could take place - not in the United States of America. There was never ever a hint of domestic violence in our home at any point. That issue was never brought up or considered in any counseling session. It was never, ever an issue at any point. So how could I have been kicked out of the home late at night for something that never happened without even having a chance to give my side of the story? Was that even possible?

The worst thing is that before I could even answer to any of the awful allegations, I would have been out of the house 2 weeks already. The whole thing was indescribable. I never knew such a thing was possible - yet, it was my reality. I learned the very hard way that what I experienced was just some legal maneuvering that many individuals do in an attempt to gain the upper hand at the beginning of the process to end a marriage.

My sister and her family welcomed me into their home while I adjusted to this new phase of life and tried to work through the legal process. A few days later, I received divorce papers. By that point, I was already so numb I just took it in stride. Two weeks later was the initial court hearing.

I knew the marriage was clearly over. I was only interested in seeing my daughter and remaining as involved in her life as I always was. When I got the legal clearance to see her, when she saw me, after she ran into my open arms and hugged me, she said, "Daddy, I'm sorry I yelled at you; can you come home now?" What a tear jerking moment.

For the next 10 months, at least once a month, I was in court dealing with the formal ending of that marriage. I learned firsthand how biased the family law system can be. I shared my experience in the post How I Could Have Become aDeadbeat Dad. It was really biased and in my view, my daughter would have been the loser if I had not been proactive throughout the process. She needed (and still needs) her dad and mom to become her very best. The judge didn’t appear to see it that way so I had to do what I thought was in her best interest.

My focus when that chapter began was my daughter. And as the legal proceedings went on, she remained my focus. As it turned out, I really went through the wringer, as the expression goes. I lost everything – savings, the house and its effects, etc. I only had my car and my clothes. I lived with my sister and her family for 18 months as I got back on my feet.  

On the night of Wednesday, October 3, 2001, my life got turned upside down. But it set me on a new path. The Upbeat Dad originated with the painful experience that began that night. And as time has transpired, I’ve become more fortified in my stance to be a loving dad regardless of the circumstances.

I now know from firsthand experience why so many families are ripped apart by the family law system. I learned why so many dads end up bitter after dealing with a system that seems to function in an oppressive way. Yet, here we are 10 years later. My daughter lives with me. And I now have a wonderful wife and a new young son.

My story could have turned out so different. Some have gone through less than what I've gone through and ended up worse. I also know that some have gone through worse than I have. The simple fact of the matter is that families all over the world go through their challenges and unfortunately, kids are often the true casualties when the dust settles. 

A year ago this week, I launched the Upbeat Dad blog for the sole purpose of empowering others – men, women and children – with the message that kids need their dads. Our vision goes way beyond the blog. We’ve already launched the next phase with our Upbeat Dad Community Forum. And in the coming weeks and months, we’ll roll out more of what we’ve been working on behind the scenes for much of the past 10 years. It’s all about the family and I believe that dads, moms and kids will benefit immensely.

I hope that this post has been enlightening and encouraging to you. In one of my poems I wrote:

Don’t be fooled by the smile that I wear

For each smile you see has cost me a tear.

I smile a lot these days but the smiles have come after some very real pain. I don’t mind being transparent and sharing because I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s had such a challenging experience. I hope that the story in its entirety – not just the setback but also the comeback – will encourage others.

Do share this with those who you feel would benefit from this testimonial. Life has a way of throwing us lemons. We always have a choice of whether to suck on the lemon and be bitter or figure out a way to become better. I’m glad I made the better choice – my daughter is so much better for it. Now my reward is having her, my wife and my son in my life. Oh, and by the way, another reward is The Upbeat Dad and its mission. How satisfying!

It started out ugly but it’s turned into a beautiful story. I believe that many more such beautiful stories will result when people opt to make the better choice for their kids. That’s the essence of why I share this. 

Do enjoy your day and please always and forever be “upbeat” for your kids.

The Upbeat Dad

How to Effectively Parent Your Teens

Last weekend our daughter finally crossed that long elusive threshold - she's now officially a teenager! It's been a long time coming. She's looked forward to reaching that milestone for quite some time now. Now it's finally here! So, then, now what?

Well, believe it or not, I'm a former teen. It seems like a distant memory but not long ago, I got to that exciting, yet scary phase of life. I know that these next several years will be a time of transition for each of us - for my daughter, her mom, her stepmom (my wife) and for me.

I'd love to think of myself as a wise adult who's always had it together but the fact is that when I was a teen, I was a child who did childish things. Those years, however, prepared me to become a man. And though I've had my challenges along the way, I think I've done just fine.The lessons I learned about that time period, I believe, have helped to prepare me for this window that's just now opened for me - parenting a teen.

This is an entirely new experience for me so I greatly anticipate what these next few years will bring. Think about this, over the next 7 years, if things take their normal course, here's what I'll be dealing with. My daughter will:

- go to high school
- get her driver's license
- go on her first date
- go to her high school prom
- go off to college

And that's just skimming the surface of what lies ahead. Sounds exciting, doesn't it?

The road that lies ahead is actually exciting, in a sense. Yet, it's also daunting, as I think about the reality of it. So as I consider my role in this new phase of her life, I want to share some thoughts on parenting teens. As I write this, I recognize that I'm in the audience as well. So I'll be giving tips to myself to be implemented over these coming years.Here are some tips that I believe will work wonders:

1. Recognize the changes taking place in your teen. The teen years are the necessary transition period between childhood and adulthood. Life is about growing and evolving as time goes on. Our kids have an inner mechanism built in to enable them to become who they really are. So give them the space to become who they naturally are.

2. Give them their space. Quite likely, not long after the teen years, most of our kids will either go off to college or move out to live independently. So as they prepare to take on the world, we need to give them the tools to succeed and then allow them to develop their skills.

3. Keep the lines of communication open. Knowing how to talk to your teen is an acquired art form that few master. Just know that, to your teens, you're a parent. Not everything in their life will be an open book to you. Still, as a parent, you need to know as much as possible. Keeping the lines of communication open is key. Encourage open and honest dialogue without being judgmental.

4. Monitor their online activities. This tip is so crucial in today's world of social media and technological advances. As a loving parent, you need to give your teens space to become their true selves. At the same time, you don't want them to go astray. They may not think it's cool but if they're on Facebook and other social media, you need to become their "friend" or " follower". In our world, kids are exposed to so much. So we need to be protective of them while allowing them to blossom into what they can become.

5. Know the company they keep. People are known by the company they keep. So what kind of friends do your kids have? Do you approve of them? Are they the ideal type of influences you want on your kids? What are your kids' friends parents like? Do they share the values that you establish in your household? Do they allow underage drinking at family gatherings? Simple things like these will clue you in about just who's influencing your kids.

6. Note the changing nature of your conversations. As time progresses, the dialogue between you and your kids necessarily changes. Initially, it's a parent to child conversation. Over time, it evolves into adult to adult dialogue. Speak to your kids with respect, while still being a parent.

7. Allow them to make mistakes. Remember when you were a teen? You made mistakes, right? It is ok for them to err. But we should be in tune with them and their activities so that we can still parent them through each phase. Some of the best lessons are learned from our slip ups. So don't judge them or be too harsh. Be always ready to embrace the teachable moments that present themselves when they make mistakes. It'll help them to grow immensely.

8. Teach them to embrace their individuality. Peer pressure is one issue that every teen encounters at one point or the other. "If everybody does it, then what's wrong with it?" they might say. The stereotypical comeback to that is, "If everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" Unfortunately, peer pressure would cause some to jump off that bridge. The more our kids celebrate their uniqueness, the less they give in and compromise their standards just so they can be accepted. They can choose to fit in with the "flock" like just another seagull or they can chart their own course like a mighty eagle.

9. Teach them to effectively manage money. Money is a tool that is used universally. "Needs" as well as "wants" are satisfied by it. Many men and women have failed in life as a result of their inability to effectively manage their finances. 


My daughter's 8th grade class recently went on a field trip that was more valuable than I could have imagined. She went to an establishment that's set up to teach kids about life and responsibility. She had a job and was given a budget to manage her household. She and her other classmates learned that it's not quite so easy buying clothes and fun gadgets for the kids while buying groceries and paying the mortgage, rent, car note, utility bills, credit cards and all. She came home that day and hugged me, saying, "Thanks Daddy - now I know what you have to go through." Let's hope she's now ready to learn of all that it takes to effectively manage finances.

10. Love them unconditionally. No matter what should ever occur in your life or your kids' lives, do everything to love them unconditionally. If they bring home straight A's, it's easy to love them and celebrate. But what about when the D's and F's come home? What if they get hooked on drugs or begin abusing alcohol? What if you have to deal with the dreaded teen pregnancy issue? Yes,  love them. 


You don't have to condone their every activity but part of the "parenting contract" is that you love them no matter what. Love gives you just the right words to say when your patience is tested. Commit that come what may, you'll lovingly support your teens. They're yours after all.

So there you have it. These tips are for you and me as we raise our not so little ones. It's an exciting road that lies ahead. It won't necessarily be all glamour. But if love leads the way then it'll be a beautiful ride.

All the best to you and yours.

The Upbeat Dad

Introducing the Upbeat Dad You Tube Channel!

At the Upbeat Dad, we are committed to sharing the message that kids need their fathers in order to become their very best. After almost a year on this journey, it’s become quite evident to me that this message is very much needed in our society. In so many ways, we see signs that when fathers are not actively involved in their kids’ lives, these kids become vulnerable to different forces that cause them to become less than their very best.


So within our organization, we are developing different strategies to “package” and share this message – so that positive change can take place on our kids’ behalf. Over the next several weeks and months, we will begin rolling out different parts of our strategy. With this post, let me say that I’m pleased to announce the launching of our You Tube channel!

On this channel, we will post videos that highlight the work that we’re doing beyond the virtual world of the internet. I often liken the blog to the air campaign in military combat – a strategy in which an area is subdued from the air; in our case, this is the blog. But it’s the ground campaign where the victory is won. The ground campaign part of our strategy will be in-person, live events and other activities that make an impact on the lives of men, women and children.

With our You Tube channel, we’ll share with you some of the work that we’re doing. Earlier this year, we launched the first phase of our ground campaign strategy with our Upbeat Dad Community Forum. Check this post – Click Here – for more information on the vision for the forum. To date, we have had two such events and they were quite successful, as men and women came out to hear professionals such as family law attorneys, family therapists and community leaders share their perspectives on matters regarding fatherhood. The word forum suggests public discussion so a significant portion of the time was spent on interaction between the audience and the professionals.

On our channel, we have posted different video clips so that you can see what it’s like to be at the forum. Do take the time to check out these clips. I strongly believe that you’ll benefit greatly from watching them. As time progresses, we’ll add different clips from future forums as well as other live events. We will also produce other videos through which we will share different aspects of our message.

Our vision is truly a global one – one which I believe will empower families across the world. My hope is that with the launching of our You Tube channel, it will become a resource, just as our blog has become. Over the past several months, we have averaged over 8,000 monthly blog hits. As I always say, each blog hit represents a life that can be touched so I like to see these numbers; they’re not numbers to me, they’re lives.

I often say that the simple message that we share can be packaged in different forms. So, to date, we have successfully launched the blog and the Upbeat Dad Community Forum. We are also quite active on social media – with our Twitter and Facebook accounts. 


If you haven’t connected with us by these means, please do so today. I believe that you’ll have an enhanced experience with our vision and mission as you interact with us using these tools. Sharing thoughts with readers and supporters like you through Facebook and Twitter is something that I thoroughly enjoy because I believe that through dialogue and exchanging ideas, we can find solutions to many of the issues that each of us encounter in our lives.

And as you will see in the coming weeks and months, there are so many more tools that we’re developing through which we will share the message. So whether it’s in the form of books, conferences, documentaries, etc., as long as the essence of the message is clear, I believe that the impact on the lives of others will be significant. So do stay tuned – we’re going somewhere with this.

The crisis of fatherhood is a global phenomenon and the lives of children hang in the balance. I hope that by watching the videos, the hearts of men would be touched so that they step up and become the dads that their kids long for. I also hope that these videos would encourage those who have experienced the horror and heartbreak of divorce and what the family law system often does to families.

As I’ve shared in blog posts such as The Story Behind the Upbeat Dad and How I Could Have Become a Deadbeat Dad, I had a very awful experience going through the legal system. On the You Tube channel, I share my experience in the clips The Story Behind the Upbeat Dad – Part 1  of 2 and The Story Behind the Upbeat Dad – Part 2 of 2.

As you check out the channel, do share the videos with others whom you feel would benefit. We never quite know just what people might be going through. Interestingly, it was 10 years ago this week that my life got turned upside down when my former wife and I separated and I was thrust into the new phase of my life – divorce and everything that came with it.

Now years later, I’ve moved on but I realize that for many, their story is just beginning – and for others, they’re in the midst of their struggles. That’s why, as I see it, everything we do at the Upbeat Dad ought to serve as a source of encouragement to others; we just don’t quite know all that others are going through.

Finally, do check the channel often because we will constantly add new videos that convey the message. At our organization, we’ll always have something fresh and new to share. So do chime in every now and then – I believe that you’ll benefit greatly.

I hope that you and your family enjoy the best that life has to offer. And if you should happen to be going through a rough patch right now, just be encouraged with the quote that many of us have heard for years: tough times don’t last – but tough people do. I’ve found that to be true.

Do enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad