Introducing the Upbeat Dad You Tube Channel!

At the Upbeat Dad, we are committed to sharing the message that kids need their fathers in order to become their very best. After almost a year on this journey, it’s become quite evident to me that this message is very much needed in our society. In so many ways, we see signs that when fathers are not actively involved in their kids’ lives, these kids become vulnerable to different forces that cause them to become less than their very best.


So within our organization, we are developing different strategies to “package” and share this message – so that positive change can take place on our kids’ behalf. Over the next several weeks and months, we will begin rolling out different parts of our strategy. With this post, let me say that I’m pleased to announce the launching of our You Tube channel!

On this channel, we will post videos that highlight the work that we’re doing beyond the virtual world of the internet. I often liken the blog to the air campaign in military combat – a strategy in which an area is subdued from the air; in our case, this is the blog. But it’s the ground campaign where the victory is won. The ground campaign part of our strategy will be in-person, live events and other activities that make an impact on the lives of men, women and children.

With our You Tube channel, we’ll share with you some of the work that we’re doing. Earlier this year, we launched the first phase of our ground campaign strategy with our Upbeat Dad Community Forum. Check this post – Click Here – for more information on the vision for the forum. To date, we have had two such events and they were quite successful, as men and women came out to hear professionals such as family law attorneys, family therapists and community leaders share their perspectives on matters regarding fatherhood. The word forum suggests public discussion so a significant portion of the time was spent on interaction between the audience and the professionals.

On our channel, we have posted different video clips so that you can see what it’s like to be at the forum. Do take the time to check out these clips. I strongly believe that you’ll benefit greatly from watching them. As time progresses, we’ll add different clips from future forums as well as other live events. We will also produce other videos through which we will share different aspects of our message.

Our vision is truly a global one – one which I believe will empower families across the world. My hope is that with the launching of our You Tube channel, it will become a resource, just as our blog has become. Over the past several months, we have averaged over 8,000 monthly blog hits. As I always say, each blog hit represents a life that can be touched so I like to see these numbers; they’re not numbers to me, they’re lives.

I often say that the simple message that we share can be packaged in different forms. So, to date, we have successfully launched the blog and the Upbeat Dad Community Forum. We are also quite active on social media – with our Twitter and Facebook accounts. 


If you haven’t connected with us by these means, please do so today. I believe that you’ll have an enhanced experience with our vision and mission as you interact with us using these tools. Sharing thoughts with readers and supporters like you through Facebook and Twitter is something that I thoroughly enjoy because I believe that through dialogue and exchanging ideas, we can find solutions to many of the issues that each of us encounter in our lives.

And as you will see in the coming weeks and months, there are so many more tools that we’re developing through which we will share the message. So whether it’s in the form of books, conferences, documentaries, etc., as long as the essence of the message is clear, I believe that the impact on the lives of others will be significant. So do stay tuned – we’re going somewhere with this.

The crisis of fatherhood is a global phenomenon and the lives of children hang in the balance. I hope that by watching the videos, the hearts of men would be touched so that they step up and become the dads that their kids long for. I also hope that these videos would encourage those who have experienced the horror and heartbreak of divorce and what the family law system often does to families.

As I’ve shared in blog posts such as The Story Behind the Upbeat Dad and How I Could Have Become a Deadbeat Dad, I had a very awful experience going through the legal system. On the You Tube channel, I share my experience in the clips The Story Behind the Upbeat Dad – Part 1  of 2 and The Story Behind the Upbeat Dad – Part 2 of 2.

As you check out the channel, do share the videos with others whom you feel would benefit. We never quite know just what people might be going through. Interestingly, it was 10 years ago this week that my life got turned upside down when my former wife and I separated and I was thrust into the new phase of my life – divorce and everything that came with it.

Now years later, I’ve moved on but I realize that for many, their story is just beginning – and for others, they’re in the midst of their struggles. That’s why, as I see it, everything we do at the Upbeat Dad ought to serve as a source of encouragement to others; we just don’t quite know all that others are going through.

Finally, do check the channel often because we will constantly add new videos that convey the message. At our organization, we’ll always have something fresh and new to share. So do chime in every now and then – I believe that you’ll benefit greatly.

I hope that you and your family enjoy the best that life has to offer. And if you should happen to be going through a rough patch right now, just be encouraged with the quote that many of us have heard for years: tough times don’t last – but tough people do. I’ve found that to be true.

Do enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

Who’s Responsible For Your Kids’ Grades - You or Them?

The school year is in full swing for most of our kids. Some of us have kids just starting Pre-K; while others have kids who are just off to college. No matter how young or old they are, our children are the center of our lives and bring us joy – well, for the most part anyway.

The years of formal education are so critical. In some cultures, this process is so instrumental that as children are born, parents already begin to implement certain measures to ensure that they get into the best schools possible. What kids eventually become in life can generally be traced back to their childhood and the learning environment established in the home.

My daughter is now in the 8^th grade. My son is just 13 months old so he has a way to go before he enters the formal education system. With my children, I try to be mindful that now they are young and are under my care. But before long – especially with my daughter – these young ones will no longer be young ones; they’ll be off to college and then on to their chosen vocations. At that point, I can only give my words of advice; I won’t have the day-to-day influence that I now have.

So the question I’d like to ask with this post is this: Who’s responsible for your kids’ grades – you or them? I ask this question for a variety of reasons. Having been a child, who has become an adult with children, I see the different ways of looking at this question.

In my opinion, our children’s grades are a shared responsibility. They are a reflection of the learning environment that has been established in the home – and it’s the adults who establish that environment.

I remember when I was a struggling college student just hoping to get by, sometimes I looked at my grades and thought about the fact that a grade is simply a letter on a paper. Sometimes there’s an A, sometimes B, C and so on. It’s just a letter on a paper, right? But the difference between that letter being an A and a C is vast. There are a series of factors that come into play for the grade to go from one extreme to the other.

As our kids enter the formal education system, for some of them, that’s their first time in a structured learning environment. But for others, their parents have been so proactive in helping them to learn that entering the formal education environment is simply a continuation of what has been established in the home.

Did you know that, according to psychologists, 90% of brain development occurs in the first 3 years of life? What do 3 year old kids know? More than we might think. What we teach them and expose them to in those formative years will guide them throughout their lives.

The natural progression is that our kids enter pre-K, then kindergarten, then elementary school, middle school, high school and then college. As time moves along, they grow in many ways – intellectually, socially and so on. Their level of responsibility grows as well. What we expect of them at age 8 is much different from what we expect at age 18. It’s a natural progression.

Here’s the key to this whole thing: the sooner our kids learn that they are responsible for their grades, the better it is for all involved. I remember as I went through school – all the way up through high school – when I got my report card, I looked at it and then brought it home to my parents for them to sign it before I took it back to school. Why was this done? Because the school officials wanted to know that my parents were aware of how I was doing in school.

But guess what? When I went off to study at the University of Texas at Austin, it was a different environment. I didn’t have to take my grades home for my parents to sign anything. I could get straight A’s or straight F’s and as far as the university was concerned, it was up to me to do what needed to be done to get through the process.

My parents still cared and were involved so they wanted to see the report card but the university was more “hands off” than I was used to. If I failed, there are 50,000 other students studying there so it wouldn’t be a big deal from their standpoint. As I began to realize this, my mindset began to change. I began taking my grades a bit more seriously. In other words, I took responsibility for them.

And guess what? The more responsibility I took for them, the less involved my parents needed to be. They didn’t need to see my report card anymore; I was in charge of my schooling. But you know what? That didn’t happen overnight. My dad was a school principal and my mom was a teacher so from the very beginning, they helped to create an environment in the home where my siblings and I could learn.

Now Dad and Mom are retired and doing just fine. My siblings and I have become adults. Our “report cards” are now if the form of paychecks or business contracts and other tangible ways of measuring success. Our parents aren’t involved in our day to day lives are they once were. Our success is our responsibility. But our success is a direct reflection on the environment in which we were raised.

I encourage and challenge you as a parent to give your kids everything they need to succeed. I always encourage you to help them to get to the point where they take responsibility for their grades. When they do their part and we as parents do our part, that makes for a winning formula.

I hope that this post has been enlightening and insightful to you. We need to remember that raising kids isn’t a walk in the park. But if we do the best for them, things will work out. As my wife and I raise our young ones, these lessons are what we try to live by. And I believe that we will see tangible results from our efforts. I hope the same for you and yours as well; that’s what parenting is about.

Do enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

Remembering 9/11/01 and the Families Affected

If I should ask you, "Where were you approximately 8:45 AM EST on Tuesday, September 11, 2001?" no doubt you could pinpoint your exact location and then tell of how you found out about the historic events of that day. What occurred on 9/11 lives on as one of those moments in time where everyone can reflect on their whereabouts when they heard the news.

Now, 13 years later, we pause and ponder the significance of the events of that day. Some reflect with tears; others reflect with pride in how the nation has bounced back. Regardless of what we recall, each of us knows that something significant happened on 9/11/01. The well-coordinated series of terrorist attacks then shook many of us to the core. We knew that our world wouldn’t be quite the same again.

At the time, I worked as an auditor with a large investment firm in Florida. A few months before the attacks, our company had acquired another investment firm – one that was based in one of the Twin Towers in New York - the South Tower to be exact. I recall watching the unfolding events with some co-workers in our downtown Fort Lauderdale office. We saw the first tower fall; and then the second. Many cried knowing not only that thousands of our fellow citizens would perish but also that several of our fellow employees would perish as well.

As it turned out, we did lose several dozens from our company in the tragedy. A week later, we held a memorial service at a church across the street from our Florida office. And because our New York office was destroyed in the attacks, most of the surviving employees were transferred to our office. I got to learn of many firsthand accounts of the events of that day. It became less of an event that I witnessed on TV; it was much closer to home as I learned of the day-to-day lives of some coworkers who lost their lives.

With this post, I’d like to think of all the families affected by the events of that day. Family is the primary institution at the core of the American experience – even more, the human experience. Each day, across the world, people wake up, leave their loved ones to go to work. And when work is done, they return home to those they love the most.

September 11, 2001 started out as just another day. As usual, thousands of people flocked to their daily work in Manhattan and Washington DC, leaving their families behind. Husbands and wives, fathers and mothers all left home to simply go to work. That morning, others headed to the airports to make cross-country trips. Some were business travelers while others were just traveling for personal reasons. It was just another ordinary day.

Then all of a sudden, without any warning, tragedy struck. First there was what many thought to be a freak accident with the crash of an airplane in one of the Twin Towers. Then many of us watched in horror as the second plane hit the second tower. Then a plane hit the Pentagon in Washington DC. Then another plane went down in a field in Pennsylvania. No doubt, we were under attack.

For the next several hours, thousands of frantic phone calls were made as family members and friends tried to see if their loved ones were ok. I can’t imagine the feeling of not being able to reach any family member at such a time, knowing they might have been victimized by the unfolding events. But for many, that was their reality. And sadly, for over 3,000 families, their loved ones were not ok; they were innocent casualties of these vicious attacks.

For the families left behind, they had to cope with the loss of their loved ones. Hope became despair; hearts were broken; tears were shed. How could this happen? How could such a series of coordinated attacks really happen here in the United States of America? Husbands and wives were lost. Fathers and mothers, sons and daughters, sisters and brothers – all gone as a result of this senseless tragedy.

As the nation and the world mourned, it was the families of those who perished who felt it the most. They had to live with the daily reality of the death of their loved ones – all gone in an instant. No time to say goodbye; no time for anything. Their lives got turned upside down on 9/11 and they would never be the same again.

I cannot imagine the pain and suffering that each one has felt. But I do know that the pain has been very real. I have a particularly soft place in my heart for the children who lost parents that day. Sadly many of these children have little or no memory of “daddy” or “mommy” because they were so young at the time. They were forced to grow up fatherless and motherless – all because of the acts of terror.

Now, 10 years later, we pause and reflect on that day. Many, who thought that they wouldn’t make it, have made it. Many, who became so weak from the tears that they shed, have become so much stronger. The attacks that were meant to destroy a nation and to shake our psyche have made the nation stronger. Family members who were greatly wounded by their loss have healed from their hurt and have picked up the pieces and moved on.

Certainly tears are still shed, particularly as we reflect on this 13 year milestone. However, the collective resolve of the surviving family members to live victorious lives in the face of tragedy is something that millions have grown to admire.

The 9/11 Commission - that investigated the events that culminated on that fateful day – was formed as a result of the insistence by the families. And many of the recommendations of the Commission have been implemented, thus averting many similar plots. They lost loved one and have helped to ensure that others would not be lost in a similar way. In the face of tragedy, these families responded in ways that would have made their loved ones proud.

If you lost family, friends or other loved ones in the tragic events of that day, please know that they did not die in vain. They’re gone but not forgotten. Their lives continue to touch ours – even today.

Whether or not you were directly impacted by what occurred on September 11, 2001, do commit to loving your family members and friends more each day. And let them know how much they are cared for. Tomorrow is promised to no one – young or old. Live your life in such a way that your spouse, children and others know how much you care for them. That’s really what life is all about.

Let the unfortunate events that occurred 13 years ago cause each of us to continually embrace the gifts of live and family even more. That would be quite a fitting tribute to the families affected by 9/11.

Do enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

   

The Upbeat Dad: More Than a Blog, It's a Mission and a Movement

Would you believe that we're closing in on another year since we launched the Upbeat Dad blog? It was the first week of October 2010 that we hit the "air waves.". And what a thrilling ride it's been since then!


The most significant part of the experience for me has been connecting with you, our readers. This is because, despite all that I write about, without you, the matters that I share wouldn't be quite the same. I treasure the privilege of sharing thoughts that make a difference in the lives of others. That's what this whole thing is about.

As we close in on another year since our launch, it has become increasingly clear to me that our vision is expanding daily. As time goes on, new components to the vision become evident and that's a thrill to know. In my view, our kids are the ultimate beneficiaries of the work that we're doing so to me, it's the job of a lifetime.

Anyone who's close to me can tell you that since the mid '90s I've had a vision to make a difference in the world through the mediums of speaking and writing. When divorce hit my home in 2001, for a while I thought my dream was over. It was just too much to deal with. 


Little did I know that the very difficult period of adjusting to life after that marriage was my audition for the job I have now - particularly as it relates to my role as a dad. To me, recovering from the divorce was a lesson in survival. But the lesson was well learned and I've recovered just fine.

As I began sharing our message through the blog, I quickly knew we were on to something. The need for this message is evidenced in so many ways. Here in the United States, there's a crisis in the home - our fathers are missing. And as a consequence, children become vulnerable in innumerable ways. Statistics show us that these kids are at a significant disadvantage compared to kids who have loving, involved dads present in their lives.

On this blog, I've shared different posts that are geared towards helping dads of all types to learn how to become upbeat dads. And I think that this medium is quite effective. At the same time, I've also come to realize that the Upbeat Dad is not a blog but rather a movement.

The message is clear - kids need their dads. So how do we share the message? The answer to that question is the journey of my life.


I've heard it said that the reward for hard work is more hard work. And believe me, hard work is what we're doing. It's quite fulfilling; so in a sense, it's not work to me. But it's very involved - more than I could really say here. Suffice it to say, it consumes me - and I love every minute of it!

Here's what we've accomplished thus far. We've successfully launched the blog. As I write this, we're over 60,000 hits. Readers all over the globe are engaged in what we're sharing. On social media - Facebook and Twitter, we've made a number of connections as we share the message. Interacting with others through these mediums is something that I thoroughly enjoy. I've connected with many of you through these innovative tools.

Then we successfully launched the Upbeat Dad Community Forum. We've had 2 such events thus far. And there's much more to come in this area. Bringing together experts such as family attorneys and family therapists with members of the general public to address matters on fatherhood is very much needed and quite effective.

As we carry out these tasks, other windows of opportunity are opening up. I've had a number of radio interviews thus far - including on BBC radio. And I've had a number of speaking engagements, particularly as of late. I recently spoke at a conference in Miami to close to 300 county officials and employees on the subject: The Importance of a Father's Influence on a Child's Life. I anticipate doing more such engagements as time goes on.

Now here's the highlight of this post: Behind the scenes, we have assembled a team of highly skilled professionals to take our vision to the next level. We've invested much time, money and effort to ensure that we continually "package" the message to share through different mediums.

And it's not just about sharing the message - it's about actively being a part of the solution to the fatherhood crisis. I learned early in my career as an accountant that whenever I identify a problem, instead of running to my boss to tell of the problem, I should think of a solution even before uttering a word. So now, I try to think of solutions instead of just talking about the problems. In my view, this is key as we carry out our vision.

In the coming weeks and months you'll hear more about what we're now doing behind the scenes. So stay tuned because, believe me, it's all about making a difference in a significant way.

And let me add this here: I'm based in the United States but the more I get into this work, the more I recognize the global nature of what we're doing. A friend of mine from the UK was here visiting this weekend and he shared with me that one of the root causes of what we saw with the recent riots and fires was partly due to the fact that many of the kids who were involved in the chaos do not have fathers or father figures. So for some, they display their frustration with issues they encounter in life in counterproductive ways. And one of those ways is disregard for authority and the potential consequences for their actions.


In my view, this is another opportunity to share the message and become a part of the solution. That's what our work is all about - even in unpleasant circumstances.

The platform that I have to share this message is something I'll never take for granted. The lives of many are impacted by what we do and that, to me, is an awesome responsibility. I'm all for doing what needs to be done to ensure that others benefit. And when I think of the innocent kids whose lives are affected by the different issues that we identify, I'm driven even more to do something meaningful on their behalf.

Thanks for tuning in and for sharing our work with others. We're doing meaningful work together and believe me when I say that our labor is not in vain. Stay tuned for more - we're going somewhere good with this.

All the very best to you and yours.

The Upbeat Dad

Why We're Postponing Our Son's First Birthday Party

Rodrick's son

Earlier this month our son turned 1 year old. Now if you ask me how it happened so fast, I'd say I have no idea. It's really so true when people say that time flies when you're having fun. I also have a tween - a 12 year old who officially becomes a teenager next month. She's the only child from my first marriage. She resides with my wife and me. During the summertime and holidays she goes to her mom - my ex - who relocated to her home state after the divorce.

My wife and I were excited to see our not so newborn little son reach his first major milestone by turning 1. It's really a cause for celebration. So we thought that a party was in order.

Now here's the kicker - and the basis for me writing this post. We made a decision together to postpone his birthday party until our daughter returns from her summer break. Although that would be at least 3 to 4 weeks after his birthday, we very much wanted her to be a part of it. So on his birthday, we just went out for a very informal dinner - just the 3 of us.

Here's why we made this decision: We're a closely knit family so while our daughter spends a lot of time with her mother, she's also a vital part of our household. Without her, our blended family isn't quite complete.

I wrote about The Story of My Blended Family to share how I went from being a divorced/single father to a happily married father of 2. My wife and daughter, in my view, are the model of how a stepparent/stepchild relationship should be. They genuinely love and respect each other and have a bond that is so close that many people mistakenly believe that they're biologically related. They're that close.

Whenever our daughter's away, to my wife and me, her presence is missed. But still, we love the fact that she has 2 homes where she's loved and always welcome. I'm sure that to my ex, the sentiments are the same; our daughter really has the gift to light up a home.

While she's been away for the summer, her brother has become an expert at creeping. And now he's in the last part of that phase as he's trying to graduate to the walking phase. He's developing so fast that it's amazing to think that not too long ago, he was a little 5 lb 8 oz newborn bundle of joy.

When he was born last year, his big sister was also away. I ensured that she was kept abreast of the whole process - especially the very long labor. And when he was born, she was the first person who was not in the delivery room to hear the news that he was born.


So now that he's 1 year old, I also believe it's important that she's a key part of his birthday celebration. She told me that she wants to help plan his party. So now that she has returned, the planning has begun.

Why do I share this post? Well, I believe that embedded within it is something that all families - particularly blended families - can learn from. Kids are wonderful and special. They love to know that they're treasured in every way.

With the 2 scenarios that I just described - the birth and first birthday of our son - quite easily, if we handled them differently, our daughter could have felt left out of a major occurrence in the family. She could have felt like an outsider looking in on a happy celebration. But she's at the core of it all, so in my view, those two very significant events wouldn't be quite the same without demonstrating to her that she's a part of it all.

I wonder how many parents in a similar situation would take the same approach. In particular, I wonder how many stepmothers would postpone their firstborn's first birthday party so that their stepdaughter can be a part of it. Believe me, children know when their well-being is at the forefront of their parents' minds. So kudos to my wife for her role in this. It really speaks volumes about her.

If you're a part of a blended family, I encourage you to think through situations like this that present themselves all the time. Sibling rivalry can be an issue. And especially when siblings don't share both parents, if not handled properly, a lot of resentment and animosity can develop.

Please ensure that every decision you make, you think about what message is being sent to the kids. They know more than we give them credit for at times.

I hope that this post has spoken to your hearts. And if it encourages you to make some changes in your approach to parenting, please implement those changes quickly. Your kids will know and appreciate the effort on your part.

Do enjoy your day.

Rodrick and his family

The Upbeat Dad