It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No, it's Superdad!

I recently had a conversation with a friend who's a family law attorney. He spoke at our inaugural Upbeat Dad Community Forum that we had last month. As we spoke, as I often do, I took out my Blackberry to write down a potential topic for a blog post. The subject matter of our conversation was such that I thought I should share it with our readers. So here's that post.

He told me of the "Superdad" phenomenon in family law. "Superdad? What's that?" you might say? Well, here's what it's about.

In comic books and the movies, Superman is one of the more popular fictional characters. In everyday life, he's just a regular guy named Clark Kent. But when a heroic feat needs to be accomplished, the regular guy wearing regular clothes disappears for a moment and out comes as Superman, decked in a special outfit and cape for flying. He comes to save the day! Whether there's a person in a difficult situation or a natural disaster, Superman can do all things for all men when needed.

Now here's the relevance of all this to The Upbeat Dad. What the attorney told me was that all the time dads who are faced with the reality of divorce come into his office. As they begin the consultation to set the strategy for how they will seek to be successful in court, he asks the dads about their role in the marriage and in the household in general.

Many of the fathers present themselves as "Superdad". They take the kids to daycare and school. They take them to ball games, to the doctor and just about everywhere. In the household, they're attentive to the kids' every need. They cook, clean, help with homework and are just about everything a kid could hope for. They're Superdad!

Then come the attorney's questions:

Q: What's the name of the kids' doctor?

A: I don't know.

Q: What's the name of the kids' school teacher.
A: I don't remember.

Q: When was the last time you were at a conference with the kids' teacher?
A: Errrr, I don't remember - some time last year, I think.

Q: What are the names of your kids' friends!
A: Hmmm, let's see.

You kinda get the idea, right? In everyday life, these dads are Clark Kent. They go to work. They live their life. They hang out with the guys. They go to Happy Hour. Their wives are the backbone of the household - keeping things together while they do "guy things."

Then comes the reality of divorce - the legal ending of a relationship. Regular conversations are now less about fun and games and more about real serious issues - like division of assets, child support, alimony, custody, visitation/time-sharing. It's time to exchange the Clark Kent persona for Superdad. For a moment, in order to "save the day" he has to be what he really is not in everyday life.

You kinda see where I'm going with this? Clark Kent is the normal person. Superdad only becomes a reality for a time and season - long enough to get what he wants from a legal standpoint. Then it's back to the norm.

My challenge to fathers with this post is twofold. First, I'd like fathers to realize the very important role that they ought to play in their kid's lives. Superdad should be the norm - being involved in the daily responsibility of raising children. Second, when the reality of divorce is at hand, it may often be too late to save a marriage. But the role of parenthood is perpetual. One might be able to put on the Superdad persona and be successful in convincing those in the legal system that he is a great dad. But as the expression goes, the proof is in the pudding.

Our kids are precious. We should be their everyday heroes - Superdads, if you will. We cannot expect to put on an act for the purpose of getting what we want legally and then go back to being uninvolved in the things that mean the most to our kids. I often say that you express your love to your kids with a 4 letter word: T-I-M-E.

If you're a dad and this post has spoken to your heart and you know you need to make it right with your kids, I hope you'd make the necessary changes. If you really haven't been as involved in their lives as you should be, then regardless of how things may be in your relationship with your wife or the mother of your children, starting today, do make the conscious effort to do better as a dad. Forget what you haven't done in the past - that can't be erased. Turn over a new page and be for your kids what you ought to be.

I try to be positive in all things. This post is not meant to make anyone feel bad. I hope that it's a wake up call for those who need the message. The role of fatherhood is so important that each of us needs to be a permanent Superdad, not Clark Kent who becomes a hero for a moment and then goes back to life as usual.

Let's be the heroes that our kids can look up to. We can make a long-lasting, life-changing impact on them if we commit to being the best fathers possible.

Enjoy your day Superdad!

The Upbeat Dad

Post-Divorce Parenting: Visitation vs Time-Sharing

Well, well, well, it seems that things and times are changing afterall. And it’s a change for the better, I believe. What am I talking about? Well, today’s post is about the concept of visitation versus time-sharing. It’s a concept that I’ve long thought about based on my own experience and I’m so glad to know that the courts – at least here in Florida – are finally coming around to the concept that I’ve spoken about for such a long time.

Last week I was speaking with a family law attorney who shared with me that in Florida, legally, the term “visitation” is no longer used when speaking of the time that a child spends with a parent after a divorce. The term “time-sharing” is now used. In other words, a child no longer visits his/her parent – instead (s)he spends time. To some readers, this may not seem like much but if you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you’d know that I’m a big advocate for the time-sharing concept.

Like I shared in my post The Story Behind The Upbeat Dad, I went through a divorce in the early 2000s. That legal process awakened me to the reality that many families face each day as husbands and wives fall out of love and into the family law system. It was a big eye opener indeed. There were a series of things that bothered me but the most significant of them was the term visitation. I even wrote the post From Father to Visitor about the process.

When my daughter was conceived, I was as happy as a lark. I knew of the impending responsibility to take care of her so, in a sense, I was scared that a life was going to be entrusted to my former wife and me. I didn’t know if we were really ready for all that it would take to raise a child. But I was still excited nonetheless to think that I was going to be a father. Something about that thought brought  a sense of pride to me.

My former wife and I have shared the responsibility for our daughter’s care – from even before she was born. I never missed a doctor’s appointment throughout the pregnancy. I was in the delivery room when she was born (I joke with her today that I’m the first face she saw when she was born because I was standing right there as she made her first earthly appearance). I was there every step of the way after her birth – taking her to the pediatrician, the day care, to birthday parties and just everything that a loving parent should do. We were both involved - none more than the other.

So when the marriage ended, I really had a problem with the legal term “visitation.” How did I, almost overnight, go from being “daddy” to “visitor”? I think that that term suggested that I was a 2^nd tier parent – she lives with her mother and visits me. A typical dad who went through a divorce at that time would be happy to just get the standard “every other weekend” and he’s good to go – no need for anything further. That just didn’t seem right to me, especially considering that I’ve always been close with my daughter.

I could not take on the court system by myself so I was determined to help as many people as possible before they even got to that phase. I was on a campaign to save marriages and other relationships so that people would avoid the harsh realities of the family law system. I feel for kids who really have no voice in the way the process is carried out; they just have to deal with the outcome.

The attorney who I referenced earlier told me that in Florida, time-sharing is now the rule of law – no longer visitation. In addition, the courts now try to work out a 50/50 schedule – no longer one parent being the primary custodial parent while the other gets “visits” from their kids. That’s the point that I have been making all along. I’m just happy to see that the courts came to the conclusion that the time-sharing concept is better. I really believe that kids are better for it.

Today, my daughter lives with my new wife, our son and me. When she is with me, she’s at home. When she’s with her mom, my former wife, she’s also at home. She has two homes where she is loved and cherished. That’s the message that we ought to send our kids.

Several years ago, as I reflected on this entire transitional period that I went through, I wrote the following poem:

Visitation

By Rodrick Walters

I was there when the doctor told us

That we were having a girl

Our parents were right there to hold us

We were so on top of the world;

I was right there for your christening

I was holding my bundle of joy

The preacher said, “Look, do you see him?

He’s smiling like a little boy;"

I was there when you started the first grade

You made me the proudest of dads

I really thought I had it made

Didn’t know things would turn out so bad;

Now the marriage I lived for is over

We’ve started new lives on our own

Now I struggle as I try to recover

‘Cause you live all the way across town;

I’m your father, not a visitor

This feeling is so new to me

I want to see you grow older

To be what a father should be;

I just don’t know ‘bout this system

Didn’t know it was really this bad

I don’t want you to be a victim

I just want to be your dad;

Yet I still hope for tomorrow

I know better days lie ahead

But for now I mask this sorrow

Some words are better left unsaid

My dear, I will leave you never

So you don’t have to be sad

This tie no one can sever

I’m always, forever, your dad.

Those words were written from the heart back then. Looking at it now, I smile because things have worked out just fine. And my daughter is doing great.

 If you’re a parent and somehow you find yourself in the position that I was in so long ago, just know that your kids are always your kids. I don’t know if the law in your jurisdiction uses the term “visitation” or not. I do know that if you treasure your kids as you should, nothing can change the fact that your kids are yours and you have a great responsibility for them. Visitation, to me, is when they go to visit their grandparents or other relatives. When they are with you, they are at home – even if you and the other parent don't live together.

I hope that this post has been an encouragement to you, particularly if you’re a parent who’s learning how to live without your kids in the home all the time. Just give them your love always and sooner or later, it will all work itself out. You can raise well-adjusted, successful kids even while parenting apart.

Enjoy yourself today.

The Upbeat Dad

Back to School Tips for Divorced Parents

The school year recently started for most kids. If yours aren’t back to school yet, they’re likely winding down their summer festivities to get back into the mode of waking up early and going to the bus stop and all that stuff you and I did so many years ago. Summer vacation is great and wonderful but in order for our little ones – and not so little ones – to become their best, school is where the training is done.

The years of formal education are so critical to a child’s development. Psychologists will confirm this: 90% of brain development occurs within the first 3 years of life. Then the older kids get, the harder it becomes  to learn concepts that are so easily grasped when they’re young.

As parents, one of our jobs is to create the type of environment that facilitates our kids’ learning. With this post, I’d like to share some tips that I believe will help divorced parents to work together to ensure their kids’ education is a priority.

Statistics tell us that kids from two parent households fare much better than kids of single parents. That’s not to say that kids of single parents cannot become successful; however, when two parents work together to support their kids and facilitate their development, they tend to become well-adjusted and more prepared to take on the challenges that life will present.

In the United States, just over 50% of first marriages end in divorce. Many of these marriages produced children so although the relationships are over, the former spouses are bound together for life because their kids remain. It’s one of those things that come with the territory.

Having been through a divorce, I can tell you firsthand that adjusting to the new life isn’t quite so simple. When children are in the picture, even if the divorce was messy, the former spouses have to find a way to deal with each other. One of the key areas that must be considered is the kids’ education.

Here are some tips that I believe will help divorced parents to work together as it relates to their children’s schooling:

•           Put the kids first. No matter how difficult the divorce was, remember the kids are the innocent parties and ought to be each parent’s priority. You may not like your former spouse very much but for the kids’ sake, learn to deal with them.
•          Communicate with your ex. This may be easier said than done but communication is the key. Chances are, the divorce happened due to a lack of communication in the relationship so it might be a tall order to establish this after the marriage. But it’s very necessary. The good thing with technology today is that you can correspond without even speaking. Text messaging and other forms of modern communication can work wonders.
•            Meet the teachers. It’s always important that parents get to know their kids’ teachers. This is particularly important when there is a divorce. Teachers may not need to know the details of the divorce; however, it’s good to let them know that your child has two homes. In this way, they can be sensitive to the child’s needs. It also helps them to know how best to communicate with each parent. Many teachers are accessible by email so take advantage of this means of keeping up with your kids’ development in the classroom.

•           Maintain similar routine at each home. Kids learn best in a stable environment. When divorce happens, there is a necessary adjustment period. You can help them to re-establish some stability by maintaining the same guidelines in each home as it relates to their routine. For example, if bedtime is 8:30 PM at mom’s home, it shouldn’t be 10:00 PM at dad’s. If they are not allowed to watch TV on school nights at one home, the same policy should be adhered to at the other home. It may not be so easy but it’s something that should be aimed for. Remember, kids learn best when they have a stable, predictable routine.
•           Keep educational supplies at each home. This might seem obvious but I’ll share it here anyway. Keep pens, pencils and other educational materials at each home. The kids usually travel with them anyway but remember, they are kids. So if they forget their ruler at dad’s home, they shouldn’t be at a disadvantage as a result. Just keeping some basic supplies might make things a lot easier.
•           Attend your kids’ school functions. Throughout the school year, your kids may have different school functions to which parents may be invited – functions such as awards banquets, concerts, talent shows, graduations. They love it when they see both of their parents at these events. Perhaps dad and mom don’t get along – they might not even be on speaking terms. But when they show up, kids love it. So you don’t necessarily have to sit next to your ex at the event. Just be there and your kids will appreciate it.

I’m sure that there are many more tips that could be shared on this subject but I’ll leave it at that for now. The point of this post is to help parents understand that they have a key role to play in their kids’ education – even when the family is no longer intact. I wrote in one of my poems,

Parenthood is forever

A spouse may come and go

This bond is broken never

It’s one law nature knows.

So your role as a parent is perpetual – even when there is a divorce. By adopting some basic guidelines and principles, you can help your kids successfully cope with the changes that divorce necessarily brings.

I hope that reading this has been an encouragement to you. Your kids are to be treasured above anything or anyone else. Just do your very best for them and some way, somehow, things will work out.

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

Reflecting On Our New Arrival

Rodrick's newborn son

A week ago today, our family was thrilled to welcome a new child into the world. We already have a 14 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. Now we have another son to add to the mix! The 3 Musketeers, if you will! In the week that has passed, I'm amazed at all that's transpired. Some of it has been predictable; some of it I couldn't have seen coming. But altogether it has set the stage for what I envision to be a fulfilling experience.

As you probably know from reading this blog, I'm passionate about the institution of the family. I've achieved a few things in my life but nothing compares to the role of being a husband and father. There's such a sense of purpose that comes with raising a family – going through the process of welcoming children into the world and teaching them how to take their place in the world as productive citizens. It's not all fun and games - it's serious stuff. But it's such rewarding stuff. And here we are, doing it all over again!

Rodrick and family

As I reflect on the new birth, I'm humbled at the thought of the responsibility given to us - to successfully raise 3 children, each with a unique personality. It's a daunting task, on the one hand. On the other, it's an opportunity to put into practice the principles that are at the core of what my wife and I believe - children are precious gifts and ultimately, their success in life depends, to a great extent, on the environment in which they are raised.

Now here we are - adding a new child to our family and hoping we strike the right chords to help him and his brother and sister to live meaningful lives. There's no magic formula to successfully take the journey we're embarking on. Much of it is unchartered territory for us. But I'm fully convinced that, as the expression goes, "love will find a way." Love will help us make the right decisions as we mold these young lives.

In the week that has transpired since the new birth, I have seen a preview of what the coming months and years will be like. Remember, we have a teenager and a 2 year old. Our daughter is a high school freshman so she's been very much aware of what to expect with the new birth. She's been a trooper these past few months. As the pregnancy progressed, she has stepped up and assumed more responsibilities around the house. She has done a great job of doing her chores - like washing dishes, doing her laundry, etc. Her room isn't always as neat as it should be but still, she's done great so far.

Rodrick's teenage daughter and newborn son

She does all of this while learning to navigate her way through the challenging experience of being in high school. Her school is very competitive and it requires her to work harder than she has up to this point - lots of late nights and early mornings. And occasional weekend school activities too. She's involved in certain extracurricular activities that are demanding of her time. She's also involved in the youth group at our church. Needless to say, she has her hands full.

As parents, we know that, since the younger 2 kids need our involvement more, quite easily our daughter could become less of a priority to us. If we're not careful, we could invest all our time on the younger 2 while she drifts along. But then, wisdom says that, she needs us now more than ever. Why? Because she's at the stage where she's beginning to make life-altering decisions. Think of this - in just over 3 years, she's off to college. She's now seriously thinking about her future career. Soon she'll start dating; soon she'll be driving. So yes, she needs us to help her through this phase.

Then comes our 2 year old. My wife and I have been told by so many people that as long as the baby's in the womb, he will be ok. But when the baby's born, it's another story. So said, so done! I can tell from this moment, that the challenge of raising these kids will be more with the younger 2. If we learn how to manage the relationship between them, then they could become best friends for a lifetime. If we don't, then they could become lifetime rivals. We have such a significant role to play in this.  

When our older boy came to the hospital to see his new baby brother, he was excited! He smiled with the pride of a big brother. At this time, the baby was in the bassinet. Then the baby started crying. My wife picked him up and held him in her arms, trying to sooth him but he didn't stop. Then the 2 year old started crying, wanting her to hold him too. But she couldn't pick him up as before; after all, she just gave birth. I tried to sooth him but he wasn't having it - he just kept crying. He wasn't a happy camper at all. It's like he felt displaced by the new arrival. So I left the room with him till he calmed down a bit.

Rodrick's toddler and newborn sons

Then the day after my wife and newborn were discharged from the hospital, we went to the pediatrician for the baby's first doctor's visit. As we sat, talking to the doctor with the baby in my wife's arms, the 2 year old folded his arms, turned his back, and with a frown on his face said, "That's not fair! That’s not fair everyone!"

Now, even though he knows the baby's name and says it all the time, sometimes when he ask him the name, he says, "I don't know!" It’s just his way of trying to say he’s not ready to concede the limelight to a younger brother.

In the midst of all this, my wife and I recognize that this is all normal. We were told it would happen. Our friends and family tell us of different stories where the same thing occurred. My mom even tells me that when I was a newborn, my older brother (who's 2 years older than me), punched me in my stomach when she wasn't looking. I invaded his territory - our mom's arms - and he wasn't happy at all.  

Our 2 year old will be just fine as long as we are aware of the dynamics at work here. He actually has gotten better over the past few days as he's seen that the attention isn't all gone away from him. We make a concerted effort to make him a part of all that's going on. We try to help him know that having a new little brother is actually a good thing.

And another thing has worked wonders - from early in the pregnancy, my wife's OB-Gyn encouraged us to get a gift for him from the newborn. That way, he would be more open to embracing a little brother - call it a peace-offering if you will. We did just that - we got him a toy car. He absolutely loves it and I think we've set the stage for a great relationship between them both.

Rodrick's toddler son with gift from his newborn brother

One thing that I didn't see coming in all of this is that he and I are probably closer today than we've ever been. You see, before, everything we did was as a family. But now that my wife is the primary caretaker of the newborn, he needs me a bit more now. So we've started to do things together - one on one. We've gone for a few walks, I've read to him, I've cooked for him more than I have before. Now I'm thinking of the limitless possibilities of what we can do together - introducing him to different sports I played growing up - baseball, basketball, tennis. It's a really cool thought - he needs more of me and I'm more than happy to oblige!

Then there's our newborn. He's an adorable little guy and we're so thrilled to have him. Studies show that 90% of brain development occurs in the first 3 years. So the environment that we set around him will shape and mold him for years to come. With both our older children, it just seems like the newborn stage was short-lived. They progressed so quickly. With our new one, I want to enjoy every moment, letting him know that he's in a home where love and respect for each family member is paramount.

Rodrick's newborn son

One thing I know we need to be careful of it helping him to develop his own identity. He’s the last child and it’s easy to have expectations of him based on what we see in his older siblings. Also, I’m sure that many of his clothes will be “hand me downs” from his older brother. That might not seem like a big deal but for a baby brother, it could become a real issue. Another thing that we need to be aware of is that older siblings often feel that the younger ones are spoiled because they get away with things that the older ones don’t get away with. We just need to look out for it.

So there you have it! As I see it, this is just another opportunity to put into practice the principles that I write and talk about with the entire Upbeat Dad movement. It's less about what I might write and say; it's really about what I do. No one is perfect; my wife and I don't have the answers to everything. But I believe that as long as our actions are guided by love and by what's in the best interest of the children, then we'll be just fine.

Parenting is one of the most thrilling experiences one could have. And to have the opportunity to raise 3 kids is more than I could possibly have hoped for. It's the opportunity of a lifetime - one that we readily embrace. I do not know how things will turn out ultimately but I'm confident that, if we play our part, each of them will grow up to become successful, productive members of society who will make us proud. And that thought has me feeling pretty "upbeat" right now!

Enjoy your day,

Rodrick and his children

The Upbeat Dad

Setting the Right Priorities: Saying “No” So We Can Say “Yes” To Our Kids!

Rodrick and his son

In the recent past, something has come to my attention regarding my relationship with my kids and I thought that I’d share it here on this blog because I believe it’s a good lesson for working parents, especially dads. It’s not something that’s very easy to write because it’s somewhat a confession of my own shortcomings as a parent. At the same time, I think that it will be an encouragement to others; therefore I’ll be transparent in sharing what I hope will be a wake up call for many.

Our 14 year old daughter recently started high school. I take her to and from school daily. We leave pretty early in the mornings – by 7:15. We also have a 2 year old son. Generally, when I leave each day, he’s still sleeping. My days can be pretty demanding – with my daily responsibilities at the office and then meetings and other commitments after work. So I often don’t get home until after 8:30 pm. My son’s bedtime is 9:00. Very often I make it home after 9:00 and miss saying good night to him. It’s not out of the ordinary for my only interaction with him during a workday to be during phone calls from the office.

I’ve been noticing that he is growing so fast and doing so many new things each day. His vocabulary is expanding rapidly, his personality is coming into its own and part of me wonders just how much of his young life I’m missing. I’m busy working to provide for the family and giving my all to see that our plans come to fruition. I’m focused and determined to see the Upbeat Dad Organization continue to touch lives around the world. It’s an awesome responsibility to have the vision for a multifaceted organization and then take slow, methodical steps to see the vision realized. But as I work, I see that my frequent absence from home is taking its toll on the relationship with my son.

Most recently, I recall coming home after picking up my daughter from school one day and dropping her home. I, then, had to leave shortly for an evening meeting after being home only 10 minutes. When I told my son that I’m leaving he got so upset that he folded his arms and walked away. I tried talking to him but he was having none of it. He was visibly hurt – even at age 2. He waited all day to see me and when he finally got that chance, he was short-changed after only 10 minutes.

That whole scenario spoke so loudly to me that on my way to that meeting, it bothered me all the way. After the meeting, on the way home I began thinking about my daily life and my obligations and realized that he was absolutely right. I’ve been cheating him of the precious time that he deserves. It’s not in any way that I don’t care to spend time with him. As young and impressionable as he is, I want as much time with him as possible and I want to make every moment count.

I know that my schedule can be very demanding so what my wife and I implemented in our household is a set time – usually on a Friday evening – when we cut off the outside world and just bond as a family. No phone, TV, iPad or anything else - just us. We usually go to a restaurant or to some form of entertainment. We’ve done that consistently from the beginning of our marriage and continue to do so to this day. So each week, though I get pretty busy, I know that that allotted time for all 4 of us is on the calendar. And on the weekend, we really spend some meaningful time. It’s time throughout the week that can be a challenge.

With our son, his schedule is different from everyone else’s. He wakes up about 8:00 AM and goes to bed at 9:00 PM. My daughter and I have our time each day on the drive to and from school. Then my wife and I have our time early in the morning and when I get home at night. So the only person who gets short-changed is the youngest, most vulnerable one – our son.

It really bothered me that, as much as I share the message on the importance of fatherhood, I was losing that essential connection with my own child. And it’s not that I don’t want to build and maintain that connection; it’s just that I’m trying to juggle so many responsibilities – career and family. Still, regardless of what reasons I may have, a 2 year old routinely getting 10 minutes or even no minutes with his dad each day is not fair to him.

I was faced with the reality of this situation and had a decision to make: either keep up the same routine or make drastic and radical changes to ensure that my son and I continue to build on that essential bond between father and child.

So here’s what I did: I took an inventory of my daily and weekly obligations; then I considered the additional opportunities that are routinely presented to me for consideration – opportunities that saying “yes” to would mean saying “no” to time with my son.

I reviewed and dissected each of these things and realized that, too easily, I said “yes” to opportunities that, though good for my professional advancement, cost me that time with him. I realize that when I’m trying to build on the vision of the organization and work on other opportunities that arise, I have to put in the time. I also realize that my obligations should be first to my household and then to my career.

So what I’ve decided to do is cut out some of the evening obligations that consume my time. And, in some cases, I push back the obligations so that I can have a few hours with my son and then when he goes to bed, I can get to them. As I write this, it’s 11:30 PM. I had hoped to have it written before but time got away from me. Still, I came home to spend some meaningful time with him before bedtime. And now that he’s asleep, I can get back to this work.

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve implemented these changes. Some weeks are more challenging than others but, for the most part, the changes are allowing me to build on that special relationship. In just this short time, I’m really seeing a new degree of closeness that I think was lacking. We have a long way to go but I know we’re on the right track.

And as I recall, when my daughter was the same age, I had a similar issue. I had a job that required me to travel extensively. One day I was working locally and told her I was leaving for work. Her response was, “Daddy, are you going to the airport?” Those simple words changed my life and my perspective. Read 7Words That Changed My Life: Daddy, Are You Going to the Airport? for more about this.

Why do I share this post? Well, I believe that my story is not all that unusual. Men all across the world get up daily and go to work with the mindset that they must provide for their families. So they go out and put in long hours and then go to networking events, meetings and other places. They leave early and come home late, seeing very little of the kids. So in essence they are absentee dads living at home. (See The Absentee Dad Living at Home for a post I wrote about this very issue.)

Just like these men, I also have an obligation to provide for my family. Still, I realize that climbing the corporate ladder is not worth it when it’s at the expense of time spent with one’s family. There’s much that we can do ensure that our professional advancement is not at the expense of time with our wives and kids. I often say that we express our love to our kids by the time we spend with them.

To give a good example of this principle in action, think of President Barack Obama. I don’t get into politics here but I think it’s good to note that he makes it a point to be home by 6:30 PM each day he’s in Washington DC to have dinner with his family. Sure he works crazy hours throughout the day and late into the night. But I think it’s admirable that he ensures that his wife and 2 young daughters have his undivided attention at dinner time so that their connection remains intact.

If you find yourself in a position where you’ve lost or you’re losing that essential bond with your kids, I hope that this post has spoken to your heart. There’s much that we can do to ensure our obligations to our kids are kept. Maybe your job is flexible enough for you to work around your kids schedule so you can take them to school, go to their games, play catch in the backyard, etc. All of these things are available to us if we are diligent in creating and maintaining that bond that our kids need.

Parenthood is the role of a lifetime. As a dad, I know the importance of my involvement in my kids’ lives. So I’ve made some necessary changes to ensure that I’m very much a part of their daily routines. Not long ago our daughter was in day care. Now she’s in high school and soon will be gone off to college. Our son is 2 now and I’m sure that before long he’ll be asking to borrow the car keys to go out. They aren’t young forever so, as the expression goes, we have to “make hay while the sun shines,” and enjoy meaningful time with them while we can.

We have more control than we think. Sometimes, when we say “no” to some things, we say “yes” to so much more – time with the kids. Do make the changes you need to. And share this post with those who you know would stand to benefit from its message. Our kids deserve our very best. And I believe that, with the case I’ve sought to present here, many men and women will look within and do the right thing and make changes in their kids’ best interest.

Keep these thoughts at the forefront of your mind and do what you know you need to do. You’re well on your way to being just the type of parent that your kids deserve.

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad