Back to School Tips for Divorced Parents

The school year recently started for most kids. If yours aren’t back to school yet, they’re likely winding down their summer festivities to get back into the mode of waking up early and going to the bus stop and all that stuff you and I did so many years ago. Summer vacation is great and wonderful but in order for our little ones – and not so little ones – to become their best, school is where the training is done.

The years of formal education are so critical to a child’s development. Psychologists will confirm this: 90% of brain development occurs within the first 3 years of life. Then the older kids get, the harder it becomes  to learn concepts that are so easily grasped when they’re young.

As parents, one of our jobs is to create the type of environment that facilitates our kids’ learning. With this post, I’d like to share some tips that I believe will help divorced parents to work together to ensure their kids’ education is a priority.

Statistics tell us that kids from two parent households fare much better than kids of single parents. That’s not to say that kids of single parents cannot become successful; however, when two parents work together to support their kids and facilitate their development, they tend to become well-adjusted and more prepared to take on the challenges that life will present.

In the United States, just over 50% of first marriages end in divorce. Many of these marriages produced children so although the relationships are over, the former spouses are bound together for life because their kids remain. It’s one of those things that come with the territory.

Having been through a divorce, I can tell you firsthand that adjusting to the new life isn’t quite so simple. When children are in the picture, even if the divorce was messy, the former spouses have to find a way to deal with each other. One of the key areas that must be considered is the kids’ education.

Here are some tips that I believe will help divorced parents to work together as it relates to their children’s schooling:

•           Put the kids first. No matter how difficult the divorce was, remember the kids are the innocent parties and ought to be each parent’s priority. You may not like your former spouse very much but for the kids’ sake, learn to deal with them.
•          Communicate with your ex. This may be easier said than done but communication is the key. Chances are, the divorce happened due to a lack of communication in the relationship so it might be a tall order to establish this after the marriage. But it’s very necessary. The good thing with technology today is that you can correspond without even speaking. Text messaging and other forms of modern communication can work wonders.
•            Meet the teachers. It’s always important that parents get to know their kids’ teachers. This is particularly important when there is a divorce. Teachers may not need to know the details of the divorce; however, it’s good to let them know that your child has two homes. In this way, they can be sensitive to the child’s needs. It also helps them to know how best to communicate with each parent. Many teachers are accessible by email so take advantage of this means of keeping up with your kids’ development in the classroom.

•           Maintain similar routine at each home. Kids learn best in a stable environment. When divorce happens, there is a necessary adjustment period. You can help them to re-establish some stability by maintaining the same guidelines in each home as it relates to their routine. For example, if bedtime is 8:30 PM at mom’s home, it shouldn’t be 10:00 PM at dad’s. If they are not allowed to watch TV on school nights at one home, the same policy should be adhered to at the other home. It may not be so easy but it’s something that should be aimed for. Remember, kids learn best when they have a stable, predictable routine.
•           Keep educational supplies at each home. This might seem obvious but I’ll share it here anyway. Keep pens, pencils and other educational materials at each home. The kids usually travel with them anyway but remember, they are kids. So if they forget their ruler at dad’s home, they shouldn’t be at a disadvantage as a result. Just keeping some basic supplies might make things a lot easier.
•           Attend your kids’ school functions. Throughout the school year, your kids may have different school functions to which parents may be invited – functions such as awards banquets, concerts, talent shows, graduations. They love it when they see both of their parents at these events. Perhaps dad and mom don’t get along – they might not even be on speaking terms. But when they show up, kids love it. So you don’t necessarily have to sit next to your ex at the event. Just be there and your kids will appreciate it.

I’m sure that there are many more tips that could be shared on this subject but I’ll leave it at that for now. The point of this post is to help parents understand that they have a key role to play in their kids’ education – even when the family is no longer intact. I wrote in one of my poems,

Parenthood is forever

A spouse may come and go

This bond is broken never

It’s one law nature knows.

So your role as a parent is perpetual – even when there is a divorce. By adopting some basic guidelines and principles, you can help your kids successfully cope with the changes that divorce necessarily brings.

I hope that reading this has been an encouragement to you. Your kids are to be treasured above anything or anyone else. Just do your very best for them and some way, somehow, things will work out.

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

Reflecting On Our New Arrival

Rodrick's newborn son

A week ago today, our family was thrilled to welcome a new child into the world. We already have a 14 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. Now we have another son to add to the mix! The 3 Musketeers, if you will! In the week that has passed, I'm amazed at all that's transpired. Some of it has been predictable; some of it I couldn't have seen coming. But altogether it has set the stage for what I envision to be a fulfilling experience.

As you probably know from reading this blog, I'm passionate about the institution of the family. I've achieved a few things in my life but nothing compares to the role of being a husband and father. There's such a sense of purpose that comes with raising a family – going through the process of welcoming children into the world and teaching them how to take their place in the world as productive citizens. It's not all fun and games - it's serious stuff. But it's such rewarding stuff. And here we are, doing it all over again!

Rodrick and family

As I reflect on the new birth, I'm humbled at the thought of the responsibility given to us - to successfully raise 3 children, each with a unique personality. It's a daunting task, on the one hand. On the other, it's an opportunity to put into practice the principles that are at the core of what my wife and I believe - children are precious gifts and ultimately, their success in life depends, to a great extent, on the environment in which they are raised.

Now here we are - adding a new child to our family and hoping we strike the right chords to help him and his brother and sister to live meaningful lives. There's no magic formula to successfully take the journey we're embarking on. Much of it is unchartered territory for us. But I'm fully convinced that, as the expression goes, "love will find a way." Love will help us make the right decisions as we mold these young lives.

In the week that has transpired since the new birth, I have seen a preview of what the coming months and years will be like. Remember, we have a teenager and a 2 year old. Our daughter is a high school freshman so she's been very much aware of what to expect with the new birth. She's been a trooper these past few months. As the pregnancy progressed, she has stepped up and assumed more responsibilities around the house. She has done a great job of doing her chores - like washing dishes, doing her laundry, etc. Her room isn't always as neat as it should be but still, she's done great so far.

Rodrick's teenage daughter and newborn son

She does all of this while learning to navigate her way through the challenging experience of being in high school. Her school is very competitive and it requires her to work harder than she has up to this point - lots of late nights and early mornings. And occasional weekend school activities too. She's involved in certain extracurricular activities that are demanding of her time. She's also involved in the youth group at our church. Needless to say, she has her hands full.

As parents, we know that, since the younger 2 kids need our involvement more, quite easily our daughter could become less of a priority to us. If we're not careful, we could invest all our time on the younger 2 while she drifts along. But then, wisdom says that, she needs us now more than ever. Why? Because she's at the stage where she's beginning to make life-altering decisions. Think of this - in just over 3 years, she's off to college. She's now seriously thinking about her future career. Soon she'll start dating; soon she'll be driving. So yes, she needs us to help her through this phase.

Then comes our 2 year old. My wife and I have been told by so many people that as long as the baby's in the womb, he will be ok. But when the baby's born, it's another story. So said, so done! I can tell from this moment, that the challenge of raising these kids will be more with the younger 2. If we learn how to manage the relationship between them, then they could become best friends for a lifetime. If we don't, then they could become lifetime rivals. We have such a significant role to play in this.  

When our older boy came to the hospital to see his new baby brother, he was excited! He smiled with the pride of a big brother. At this time, the baby was in the bassinet. Then the baby started crying. My wife picked him up and held him in her arms, trying to sooth him but he didn't stop. Then the 2 year old started crying, wanting her to hold him too. But she couldn't pick him up as before; after all, she just gave birth. I tried to sooth him but he wasn't having it - he just kept crying. He wasn't a happy camper at all. It's like he felt displaced by the new arrival. So I left the room with him till he calmed down a bit.

Rodrick's toddler and newborn sons

Then the day after my wife and newborn were discharged from the hospital, we went to the pediatrician for the baby's first doctor's visit. As we sat, talking to the doctor with the baby in my wife's arms, the 2 year old folded his arms, turned his back, and with a frown on his face said, "That's not fair! That’s not fair everyone!"

Now, even though he knows the baby's name and says it all the time, sometimes when he ask him the name, he says, "I don't know!" It’s just his way of trying to say he’s not ready to concede the limelight to a younger brother.

In the midst of all this, my wife and I recognize that this is all normal. We were told it would happen. Our friends and family tell us of different stories where the same thing occurred. My mom even tells me that when I was a newborn, my older brother (who's 2 years older than me), punched me in my stomach when she wasn't looking. I invaded his territory - our mom's arms - and he wasn't happy at all.  

Our 2 year old will be just fine as long as we are aware of the dynamics at work here. He actually has gotten better over the past few days as he's seen that the attention isn't all gone away from him. We make a concerted effort to make him a part of all that's going on. We try to help him know that having a new little brother is actually a good thing.

And another thing has worked wonders - from early in the pregnancy, my wife's OB-Gyn encouraged us to get a gift for him from the newborn. That way, he would be more open to embracing a little brother - call it a peace-offering if you will. We did just that - we got him a toy car. He absolutely loves it and I think we've set the stage for a great relationship between them both.

Rodrick's toddler son with gift from his newborn brother

One thing that I didn't see coming in all of this is that he and I are probably closer today than we've ever been. You see, before, everything we did was as a family. But now that my wife is the primary caretaker of the newborn, he needs me a bit more now. So we've started to do things together - one on one. We've gone for a few walks, I've read to him, I've cooked for him more than I have before. Now I'm thinking of the limitless possibilities of what we can do together - introducing him to different sports I played growing up - baseball, basketball, tennis. It's a really cool thought - he needs more of me and I'm more than happy to oblige!

Then there's our newborn. He's an adorable little guy and we're so thrilled to have him. Studies show that 90% of brain development occurs in the first 3 years. So the environment that we set around him will shape and mold him for years to come. With both our older children, it just seems like the newborn stage was short-lived. They progressed so quickly. With our new one, I want to enjoy every moment, letting him know that he's in a home where love and respect for each family member is paramount.

Rodrick's newborn son

One thing I know we need to be careful of it helping him to develop his own identity. He’s the last child and it’s easy to have expectations of him based on what we see in his older siblings. Also, I’m sure that many of his clothes will be “hand me downs” from his older brother. That might not seem like a big deal but for a baby brother, it could become a real issue. Another thing that we need to be aware of is that older siblings often feel that the younger ones are spoiled because they get away with things that the older ones don’t get away with. We just need to look out for it.

So there you have it! As I see it, this is just another opportunity to put into practice the principles that I write and talk about with the entire Upbeat Dad movement. It's less about what I might write and say; it's really about what I do. No one is perfect; my wife and I don't have the answers to everything. But I believe that as long as our actions are guided by love and by what's in the best interest of the children, then we'll be just fine.

Parenting is one of the most thrilling experiences one could have. And to have the opportunity to raise 3 kids is more than I could possibly have hoped for. It's the opportunity of a lifetime - one that we readily embrace. I do not know how things will turn out ultimately but I'm confident that, if we play our part, each of them will grow up to become successful, productive members of society who will make us proud. And that thought has me feeling pretty "upbeat" right now!

Enjoy your day,

Rodrick and his children

The Upbeat Dad

Setting the Right Priorities: Saying “No” So We Can Say “Yes” To Our Kids!

Rodrick and his son

In the recent past, something has come to my attention regarding my relationship with my kids and I thought that I’d share it here on this blog because I believe it’s a good lesson for working parents, especially dads. It’s not something that’s very easy to write because it’s somewhat a confession of my own shortcomings as a parent. At the same time, I think that it will be an encouragement to others; therefore I’ll be transparent in sharing what I hope will be a wake up call for many.

Our 14 year old daughter recently started high school. I take her to and from school daily. We leave pretty early in the mornings – by 7:15. We also have a 2 year old son. Generally, when I leave each day, he’s still sleeping. My days can be pretty demanding – with my daily responsibilities at the office and then meetings and other commitments after work. So I often don’t get home until after 8:30 pm. My son’s bedtime is 9:00. Very often I make it home after 9:00 and miss saying good night to him. It’s not out of the ordinary for my only interaction with him during a workday to be during phone calls from the office.

I’ve been noticing that he is growing so fast and doing so many new things each day. His vocabulary is expanding rapidly, his personality is coming into its own and part of me wonders just how much of his young life I’m missing. I’m busy working to provide for the family and giving my all to see that our plans come to fruition. I’m focused and determined to see the Upbeat Dad Organization continue to touch lives around the world. It’s an awesome responsibility to have the vision for a multifaceted organization and then take slow, methodical steps to see the vision realized. But as I work, I see that my frequent absence from home is taking its toll on the relationship with my son.

Most recently, I recall coming home after picking up my daughter from school one day and dropping her home. I, then, had to leave shortly for an evening meeting after being home only 10 minutes. When I told my son that I’m leaving he got so upset that he folded his arms and walked away. I tried talking to him but he was having none of it. He was visibly hurt – even at age 2. He waited all day to see me and when he finally got that chance, he was short-changed after only 10 minutes.

That whole scenario spoke so loudly to me that on my way to that meeting, it bothered me all the way. After the meeting, on the way home I began thinking about my daily life and my obligations and realized that he was absolutely right. I’ve been cheating him of the precious time that he deserves. It’s not in any way that I don’t care to spend time with him. As young and impressionable as he is, I want as much time with him as possible and I want to make every moment count.

I know that my schedule can be very demanding so what my wife and I implemented in our household is a set time – usually on a Friday evening – when we cut off the outside world and just bond as a family. No phone, TV, iPad or anything else - just us. We usually go to a restaurant or to some form of entertainment. We’ve done that consistently from the beginning of our marriage and continue to do so to this day. So each week, though I get pretty busy, I know that that allotted time for all 4 of us is on the calendar. And on the weekend, we really spend some meaningful time. It’s time throughout the week that can be a challenge.

With our son, his schedule is different from everyone else’s. He wakes up about 8:00 AM and goes to bed at 9:00 PM. My daughter and I have our time each day on the drive to and from school. Then my wife and I have our time early in the morning and when I get home at night. So the only person who gets short-changed is the youngest, most vulnerable one – our son.

It really bothered me that, as much as I share the message on the importance of fatherhood, I was losing that essential connection with my own child. And it’s not that I don’t want to build and maintain that connection; it’s just that I’m trying to juggle so many responsibilities – career and family. Still, regardless of what reasons I may have, a 2 year old routinely getting 10 minutes or even no minutes with his dad each day is not fair to him.

I was faced with the reality of this situation and had a decision to make: either keep up the same routine or make drastic and radical changes to ensure that my son and I continue to build on that essential bond between father and child.

So here’s what I did: I took an inventory of my daily and weekly obligations; then I considered the additional opportunities that are routinely presented to me for consideration – opportunities that saying “yes” to would mean saying “no” to time with my son.

I reviewed and dissected each of these things and realized that, too easily, I said “yes” to opportunities that, though good for my professional advancement, cost me that time with him. I realize that when I’m trying to build on the vision of the organization and work on other opportunities that arise, I have to put in the time. I also realize that my obligations should be first to my household and then to my career.

So what I’ve decided to do is cut out some of the evening obligations that consume my time. And, in some cases, I push back the obligations so that I can have a few hours with my son and then when he goes to bed, I can get to them. As I write this, it’s 11:30 PM. I had hoped to have it written before but time got away from me. Still, I came home to spend some meaningful time with him before bedtime. And now that he’s asleep, I can get back to this work.

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve implemented these changes. Some weeks are more challenging than others but, for the most part, the changes are allowing me to build on that special relationship. In just this short time, I’m really seeing a new degree of closeness that I think was lacking. We have a long way to go but I know we’re on the right track.

And as I recall, when my daughter was the same age, I had a similar issue. I had a job that required me to travel extensively. One day I was working locally and told her I was leaving for work. Her response was, “Daddy, are you going to the airport?” Those simple words changed my life and my perspective. Read 7Words That Changed My Life: Daddy, Are You Going to the Airport? for more about this.

Why do I share this post? Well, I believe that my story is not all that unusual. Men all across the world get up daily and go to work with the mindset that they must provide for their families. So they go out and put in long hours and then go to networking events, meetings and other places. They leave early and come home late, seeing very little of the kids. So in essence they are absentee dads living at home. (See The Absentee Dad Living at Home for a post I wrote about this very issue.)

Just like these men, I also have an obligation to provide for my family. Still, I realize that climbing the corporate ladder is not worth it when it’s at the expense of time spent with one’s family. There’s much that we can do ensure that our professional advancement is not at the expense of time with our wives and kids. I often say that we express our love to our kids by the time we spend with them.

To give a good example of this principle in action, think of President Barack Obama. I don’t get into politics here but I think it’s good to note that he makes it a point to be home by 6:30 PM each day he’s in Washington DC to have dinner with his family. Sure he works crazy hours throughout the day and late into the night. But I think it’s admirable that he ensures that his wife and 2 young daughters have his undivided attention at dinner time so that their connection remains intact.

If you find yourself in a position where you’ve lost or you’re losing that essential bond with your kids, I hope that this post has spoken to your heart. There’s much that we can do to ensure our obligations to our kids are kept. Maybe your job is flexible enough for you to work around your kids schedule so you can take them to school, go to their games, play catch in the backyard, etc. All of these things are available to us if we are diligent in creating and maintaining that bond that our kids need.

Parenthood is the role of a lifetime. As a dad, I know the importance of my involvement in my kids’ lives. So I’ve made some necessary changes to ensure that I’m very much a part of their daily routines. Not long ago our daughter was in day care. Now she’s in high school and soon will be gone off to college. Our son is 2 now and I’m sure that before long he’ll be asking to borrow the car keys to go out. They aren’t young forever so, as the expression goes, we have to “make hay while the sun shines,” and enjoy meaningful time with them while we can.

We have more control than we think. Sometimes, when we say “no” to some things, we say “yes” to so much more – time with the kids. Do make the changes you need to. And share this post with those who you know would stand to benefit from its message. Our kids deserve our very best. And I believe that, with the case I’ve sought to present here, many men and women will look within and do the right thing and make changes in their kids’ best interest.

Keep these thoughts at the forefront of your mind and do what you know you need to do. You’re well on your way to being just the type of parent that your kids deserve.

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

Preparing Parents for the High School Years!

Rodrick's daughter, now a High School freshman

This fall semester, my daughter started high school. Let me say that again…MY DAUGHTER STARTED HIGH SCHOOL! I can’t believe it! It might sound cliché but it really does seem like yesterday that my little girl was in day care. Now she’s a high schooler! Unbelievable!

I must admit that I have mixed emotions about this entire experience. You see, to me, she’s my child – my baby. And she’ll always be. But guess what? When she leaves this school, it’s off to college and quite possibly, she will no longer live with us at home on a permanent basis. My wife and I marvel at the fact that our daughter is becoming an adult – right before our very eyes.

With all this said, I can only imagine the emotions that parents like us are feeling all across the world right now, as our little kids are growing up. We have a sense of pride, yet we know that as life takes its natural course, they grow up and begin to chart their own path in life. It’s bittersweet, no doubt.

Think about this for a moment. If your kids just started high school, like ours, over the next four years here’s what’s likely to happen. They will: 

• Decide what area of work they would like to pursue as adults
• Become increasingly into their friends and less into you
• Learn to drive
• Go on their first date
• Be exposed to the temptations of sex, drugs and alcohol

With this post, I don’t have the pretense that I know it all and have the solutions to the issues that parents face. I’m just a husband and father learning as I go along. Yet, I believe that life has taught me some very important lessons that have equipped me to help guide our daughter through these critical years.

It wasn’t very long ago that I, too, was a high school freshman with my eyes set on what life had to offer. And somehow, I’ve made it this far. It hasn’t been smooth sailing by any means. Still, I believe that the challenges I’ve encountered will help me to effectively parent our child through the next 4 years.

Here are some tips that we can give to our kids. I believe they will help them to successfully get through high school and on to college or to face life’s other challenges. This list is by no means meant to be exhaustive. If there are additional areas you think should also be emphasized, feel free to leave a comment on this post. So here’s the list:

1. Set Goals. One of the most important and effective tools that one can develop in life is the art of goal-setting. I have heard it said that goals are a magnet to success; I totally agree with that. It’s never too early – or too late, for that matter – to learn this life-changing art. As your kids begin this phase, encourage them to set goals for their high school years. Here are some that they can start with:

• Get on the honor roll and join the National Honor Society
• Maintain a grade point average of a certain amount (4.0 would be ideal but if not that, it should be something that requires them to work diligently)
• Make the varsity team during their freshman or sophomore year
• Become class presidentGet a full scholarship to their dream university

These goals can help to motivate them and challenge them to stay on track. Encourage them to write them down. They should review this list often, especially when they are tired and exhausted and want to quit. Ask anyone who has learned to perfect the art of goal-setting – in their lives, in general, or in business. You’ll find that the impossible becomes very possible with the simple process of writing down the things that one desires and then pursuing them. This is indeed heavy duty stuff!

2. Manage Time. In many ways, high school serves as a preview of what the working world will be like. Unlike college, high school is very strict and rigid when it comes to time. For instance, when I was in college, I had no more than 3 classes each day, and I chose the times I wanted them. If I wanted afternoon classes, I chose them and just slept late. But in high school, kids have to get up early – sometimes, ridiculously early hours. Then they go to school and are in class all day. And if they’re involved in extra-curricular activities, they have to find time to do those activities, while keeping up with their studies. This mirrors what happens in the real world. It requires effective time management if one wants to succeed. If our kids can master this skill, then they’re well on their way.

3. Choose Friends Wisely. If you’re like many people, some of the closest friends and strongest influences that you have are with those who you meet in high school. The old saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.” Smart kids somehow seem to attract other smart kids. And those who goof off and waste time seem to attract like-minded kids. It’s important that our kids make wise choices when making friends because they will have an influence on them for a lifetime. Do your best to ensure that these friends and their parents have the same value system that you try to instill at home. Before long, when your kids go off to college or to face other challenges in life, you won’t have as much input in this process so while you’re able, help them to maintain high standards in choosing friends.


4. Get Involved in Extra-curricular Activities. If I could return to high school today, one of the first things I would do is become involved in activities that were not required in order to graduate. I remember during my senior year, I applied for so many scholarships. One of the main things that was asked of me was what activities I was involved in outside of the classroom. I struggled to name any. I wasn’t involved in sports, drama club, band or anything. My grades were fine but it became increasingly apparent to me that these activities were highly regarded. 

When I got to college, from my first semester until I graduated, I was always involved in such activities. And you know what? I became so much more well-rounded. My communication and leader ship skills were honed – much more than they were when I was sitting in the classroom. It doesn’t really matter what type of activity it is – sports, cheerleading, clubs, yearbook committee, etc. Kids learn so much about what it takes to succeed in life as they become involved. Ask them what they want to be involved in. Then make every effort to facilitate their involvement. Believe me, this works wonders.

5. Communicate Openly. Perhaps the most important lesson that parents of teens can learn is that communication is a two way street. As our children grow older, they begin to frame their own world – they choose friends, go to parties and really spend a lot of time away from home. When we learn to not only convey our expectations of them but also listen to them, then we have in place a system that facilitates open and honest communication. Issues will arise, no doubt. 

As much as we like to think our kids are immune to the traps that many others fall into, we should be aware that the issues they face are real. If we can foster open communication with them about matters such as sex, drugs and alcohol, then they will be more informed when they make choices in these areas. They may not always make the choices that we would make or that we would want them to make but if they have a standard against which to measure their thoughts and actions, then they will more likely make the right choices.

Well, that's about it. Like I said, this list is by no means exhaustive. But I think it’s a good start.

You know, when I took my daughter to her first day of school, it really hit me that the next time I take her to a new school, it will be when I drop her off to her college dorm. And quite possibly, it will be months before I see her again. She’s growing up. My wife and I really only have 4 more years with her in the house on a daily basis so we ought to make the most of it.

Parenting is the role of a lifetime, isn’t it? It comes with different phases and different challenges. If you’re in the phase of parenting a high schooler, just know that others, like me, are in the same boat and we’re cheering you on as you go through the process. We’re all learning together; we make mistakes but we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and continue trying to be the best parents that our kids deserve.

I wish for you and your family the very best as you go through these transformative years. Just lovingly care for your kids and someway, somehow, you will make it and so will they. Soon they’ll embark on the next phase – adulthood! That’s something to look forward to!

Enjoy your day,

The Upbeat Dad

Upbeat Dad of the Month: Greg Battersby

Greg Battersby

One of the things I enjoy most about my work is that, on occasion, I have the privilege of getting to meet fascinating individuals who embody the message that we try to share at the Upbeat Dad Organization. When dads are actively engaged in their kids’ lives, great things happen. And when those great things result in increased opportunities to share a positive message on fatherhood, that’s icing on the cake, as the expression goes. Today’s post is about such a dad. It is with special privilege that I say that our Upbeat Dad of the Month is Greg Battersby.

I had the privilege of interviewing Greg and I left that conversation quite impressed with his story. An intellectual property attorney based in Westport, Connecticut, Greg has been married for 42 years. The marriage has produced 2 sons, the pride and joy of his life. Both adults now, his sons are pursuing their life callings but it was during their formative years that the uniqueness of this story began.

Early in Greg’s career, he was a successful attorney with a large firm based in New York City. He was climbing the corporate ladder and making great strides in the ultra-competitive market that New York is. His wife is an educator. They were a young family – 2 professionals and 2 kids – living the American dream. From the outside looking in, one would think that this life was all that one could hope for.

An age-old expression says, “The reward for hard work is more hard work.” And Greg was getting rewarded – both financially and with more work. With the increased workload, he was beginning to realize that the demands of his career were starting to take their toll on his family life. He would routinely work 12 hour days and not be able to spend meaningful time with his sons. The words of the song Cats in the Cradle rang in his head. If you don’t know it, Cats in the Cradle is a song about a working dad who was always so busy that his son grew up in his home but they never made a connection. And later in life, he looked back with regret.

Greg dreamed of being a constant presence in his sons’ lives – doing things such as coaching Little League baseball and other activities that meant much to them. On the one hand, he was living the life that many would envy but deep within, there was an emptiness that could only be filled by being the kind of dad that would have a close bond with his kids.

Greg and son, Adam, during Little League practice

After talking through this dilemma with his wife, they came to the conclusion that he needed to make the critical decision to take a different path to success – one that included not only work in the corporate arena but also meaningful time with the family. He resigned from his high-paying job in New York City and the family relocated to Westport, Connecticut. There Greg worked with a smaller firm – one that allowed him to continue his successful law career but also gave him the flexibility to be the kind of dad he felt his sons deserved.

What has transpired since then is something made for the movies! He became a Little League baseball coach, just like he dreamed. His son Adam was quite gifted and really took a liking to the sport. With his dad coaching him and giving him tips along the way, Adam developed a passion for the game.

Now here’s the kicker. Greg noticed that Adam was very good in the batting cage, as he swung at different pitches. But that success didn’t always translate to the field. He would occasionally struggle when he batted in real games where pitchers threw different pitches at different times. A concerned father, Greg wanted to help his son make the transition to the field from the controlled environment that the batting cage is.

To use the catch-phrase, a light bulb went off in his head! He thought about how helpful it would be to have a machine that could throw different baseball pitches interchangeably. Baseball players could attest to the fact that you hit a fastball differently than how you hit a curve ball, or a slider, etc. Greg thought that a machine that could simulate different pitches that one could encounter in a game situation would be helpful. That machine didn’t exist so, to work he went.

He assembled a team of experts to develop such a machine. After 2 years of research and development, a prototype was created. And being the intellectual property attorney that he is, he patented his invention – with 13 patents altogether. This brilliant idea simply came from the concern of a loving dad who wanted to see his son perform better on the baseball field. And out of it was born a ground-breaking business concept.

Batter using ProBatter pitching simulator

Greg wanted to get the product into the hands of major league teams.  He got his big break when, in 1999 at the baseball winter meetings, the ProBatter pitching simulator was introduced. The Boston Red Sox team was impressed and wanted to learn more about it. Sporting gear companies such as Wilson and Rawlings took interest as well.


Greg knew he had a hit on his hands but in order to capitalize on it fully, he had to start a company that would develop and market the product. ProBatter Sports LLC was established in 1999. The company found an investor who helped to fund the cost of developing and producing the pitching simulator. In the years since its founding, the company has experienced a meteoric rise to success. Several major league baseball teams including the legendary New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox organizations use the product to help their batters develop. Over 20 NCAA college teams use it as well and the product is used in more than 200 batting cages and training centers throughout the country and abroad.

With the patented technology, the company has also developed for other sports – namely softball and cricket. It has contracted with the British national cricket team to help to develop their batsmen (yes, batsmen is the proper cricket term!) The cricket market is limitless and with increased opportunities in places such as Dubai, India, England  and Australia, the potential for a huge global presence in this sport is limitless.

The most beautiful conclusion to this story is this: Adam, the son who Greg just wanted to help to become a better player on the baseball field has since graduated from college and started working with the company. He started as a junior salesman, rose up the ranks and is currently the President of the company founded on his behalf. He runs the day to day operations as ProBatter Sports LLC explores new ways to capitalize on the niche that it has developed.

Adam Battersby, now President of ProBatter Sports LLC

Greg continues to work as an attorney as the co-founder of the IP law-firm Grimes & Battersby LLC with offices in Norwalk, Connecticut and New York City. His wife, Susan, continues her career in the school system, now as a high school housemaster. His other son, Damian, is a successful veterinarian who is married to another veterinarian. A fitting reward for such a dedicated husband and father.

Greg’s advice for dads regarding their kids is, “Enjoy them. They’re young for a short period of time. Young kids understand one thing - time. It’s all about the time (you spend with them).” He added, “I would choose my relationship with my sons over having a $100 million company. My kids can say, ‘My dad never missed my (Little League) games.’”

Greg and sons, Adam and Damian

In a world that is dominated by the so-called rat race, where people are willing to do just about anything to get to the top of the corporate ladder, it’s quite refreshing to learn of someone such as Greg Battersby. He made the difficult choice to give up advancement in a large firm for the opportunity to be an engaged, active dad. And years later, his sacrifice has been well worth it. Not only was he an involved dad but in the process he also established a global sporting brand, one that has limitless potential. And he still has the privilege of practicing law, the career he has loves all along.

I yearn to see the day when stories such as this are the norm – a man who chose a strong relationship with his kids over his career. The reality is that when we make such choices, we don’t really have to give up our careers. As his example shows, the career situation often takes care of itself. When we do the right thing for our kids, things just work themselves out in our favor and in our kids’ favor.

Today, Greg can proudly look on his sons’ achievements with knowledge that, along with his wife, he played a vital role in their success. For this he ought to be applauded. An Upbeat Dad he truly is.

Have a great day.

.

Greg with wife, sons and daughter-in-law

The Upbeat Dad