What Will They Say of You When It’s Your Time to Go?

Today I attended the funeral service of a lady. She lived a full and remarkable life and touched many lives along the way. Now she’s passed on and only the memories remain. Despite the occasion, it was a nice gathering of family and friends as we celebrated her life and legacy.

As I generally do when I attend such a service, I did quite a bit of reflecting on the big picture of life.  That was particularly easy to do today when a poem entitled "The Dash" was read during the service. And it really got me thinking. Here's the meaning of it: on tombstones, they generally write the date of birth, then a dash, then the date of death. 

The essence of the poem was that everyone is born and everyone dies but it's how we spend our "dash" that determines the quality of life that we live and how we will be remembered. The lives that we touch along our journey will forever be impacted by how we spend our “dash."

As I pondered the thoughts generated by the poem, I started thinking about just how when people pass on, all the best things are said about them. It seems that as people pay tribute to them at their funerals, they speak of them as if they were the most angelic beings to have ever lived. It's just common practice to speak of those who die that way. 


This brings to mind a story my dad told me several years ago. A man in our old community in Jamaica died. At his funeral, as the wonderful tributes were shared at the service, his wife and kids sat in the front row listening to the words of comfort. 

After one of the tributes, the widow asked one of the kids to go and look in the casket to see whose body was in it because she didn't know the man they were talking about. She certainly couldn't relate to the "angel" that others portrayed him to be.

That's a funny story but it also makes a powerful point that I think we can all benefit from. As dads, whether we should pass on as old men or as young men, it's our families - our wives and kids - who know us best. So although others may have a certain perception of us, it's those who live with us and see the quality of our lives who can truly attest to the persons we really are.

As you may know, the Upbeat Dad organization was founded on the principle that kids need actively-involved, loving fathers to become their best. The role of fatherhood is such a noble and influential calling. It's a precious gift that some of us are fortunate to have. 


Having the opportunity to shape, mold and influence the lives of those who will lead the next generation is a privilege that ought not be taken for granted. And it's an opportunity that's loaded with rewards for us and for our kids.  

On this blog I write about fatherhood from multiple perspectives. I share my own journey about being a married dad of one child, then a divorced/single dad and now a married dad of two children. Because of the power of the internet, I'm able to share thoughts with people all over the world and truly make a connection with them. That’s as wonderful an experience as I could hope for – touching the lives of many whom I’ll likely never meet.

But can I tell you something? All that I do regarding my public persona would be totally meaningless and futile if my wife and kids cannot attest to the life that I live at home. Because when the computers shut down and the lights go out, it's those who remain in my life perpetually who can tell who I really am. 

So if I am a loving, caring husband and father and make my wife and kids my top priority in all things, then I’ll know that anything else that might come along is only a bonus. My home is my first responsibility; then comes everything else.

I have no plans to leave this earth any time soon. I have too much life to live and too much more to give. I also want to continue building a successful marriage and enjoying every moment with my wife. And guiding my kids into becoming the best that they can be is a passion of mine. But I also know that tomorrow is promised to no one.


A cliché that is often used says, "Live each day as if it was your last." I want to know that whenever my last day should come - whether I'm young or old - regardless of what others may say of me, my wife and kids would honestly say that I lovingly cared for them with every fiber of my being. 

My challenge with this post is to encourage you to put first things first. It's great to live the lifestyles of the rich and famous. It's wonderful to climb the corporate ladder and achieve success in our careers. But in such a pursuit, let's not forget that our families come first. 

How tragic it would be if we achieve our life goals and become known around the world as a result of our accomplishments, yet we lose our special connection to our families in the process? How disheartening would that be? I’d call that becoming a successful failure.

I'll close this post with my poem A Lasting Legacy from my book Poems of Inspiration: A Daily Dose of Self-Motivation:

A Lasting Legacy

May I seek to serve my fellow man,

and give of myself and do all that I can.

May I love and give a helping hand—

that's the foundation on which I stand.

For what is my life if not to live?

And what is my purpose if not to give?

When my life has ended I cannot relive

the moments I now have to love and forgive.

Each day as I awaken and watch the sunrise

and offer my life as a sacrifice,

may I teach all I know, and give good advice—

displaying integrity with no compromise.

Whenever I come to the end of my days

and I go to my final resting place—

when the sun goes down and I finish this race,

may I leave this world a better place.

This is my vow to humanity—

a vow that will last all eternity.

For my children and all who will come after me,

may I leave a lasting legacy.

I hope that whenever your last day should come, despite the great accolades that you may receive from others, those who know you best – those in your household – would speak of your goodness with true sincerity.  That's what really matters when all is said and done.

Let these thoughts lead and guide you as you live your life each day.

The Upbeat Dad

Establishing a Bond Between Dads and Kids

Today was just one of those long days that we have every now and then. This morning I had an early meeting so I had to leave home about 6:30 AM. And I didn’t get home until 10 PM. When I left home, my 10 month old son was sleeping and certainly at the hour that I returned home, he was sleeping as well.

So I missed my daily highlight. What’s that, you ask? Well, each day, as I get home and unlock the door and step into the house, with the sounds that opening the door makes, my son is alerted to the fact that I’m home. So by the time I walk into the room, the big smile is already as wide as you might imagine. At that point, he’s usually in my wife’s arms. Then he begins giggling and wrestling his way to try to get to me. When he gets down, it’s a full sprint to me – well, as much “sprint” as you can get by creeping. These moments are what life is all about. It’s more precious than I could describe in a blog post. It’s just something that I live for.

I recall when my 12 year old daughter was at that stage. It was an absolute delight to come home every  day to her “upbeat” greeting. Then when she went to daycare, it was the same thing. Later on when she was able to walk and talk, just hearing her say, “Daddy” and running to leap into my arms was just something to live for.

The bond between a mother and child is so natural. First, it’s the mother who carries the child for 9 months. Then at birth, it’s generally the mother who nurtures and brings that baby along. And particularly when the mother breastfeeds the child, that bond is strengthened. It’s just natural for a mother and child to bond.

The bond between a father and child is different. It’s also natural but it’s something that generally requires a bit more effort. The father has to be a constant presence in the life of that child and needs to be really engaged for that bond to be formed. He has to know the child’s personality and do the necessary things to establish the lifetime connection.

My wife is an absolutely wonderful mother. She nurtures our son, reads to him and teaches him as much as a 10 month old can learn. She does all those special things that make him feel special. She spends so much more time with him than I do. For me, if I am not a proactive parent, I could easily become a bystander to his growth and development. But I’m committed to being a father who is always engaged in my kids lives – regardless of how busy I may become.

Within the Upbeat Dad organization, one initiative that we’re currently working on is empowering fathers who might be considered deadbeat dads to become actively involved in the lives of their children – upbeat dads, if you will. In the coming months, you’ll hear a lot more about what we’re now doing “behind the scenes.”

As I’ve been working on this project, it came to mind that my son is now at the stage where he recognizes people and chooses whether or not he wants to go into their arms. I wonder how many babies would refuse to go into their dads’ arms because to them, he’s a total stranger. How many fathers are missing their kids grow up because they’re climbing the corporate ladder and conquering the world? Read Cats in the Cradle: A Lesson for Working Parents for more on this. I also wonder how many kids grow up knowing more what others say about their dad than knowing their dads for themselves.

These are questions that ought to make us think. In the United States alone, 24 million kids live a home without their biological father. Many of these kids do not know and will never know who their dad is. Other kids do know their dads but to them, he’s just another person who they know – there’s no kind of bonding that was ever formed.

And what about the absentee fathers living at home? I wrote a blog post about this issue – Click Here to read it. These dads may be physically present but they get up early and work late. They may be at home but are otherwise engaged that they miss their kids growing up. Or perhaps they travel for work and are home on the weekends but prefer to hang out with their friends instead of bonding with their kids. 

Studies show that when kids do not have actively engaged fathers, they are at a competitive disadvantage. I share statistics periodically on this blog that support this statement in every way. And as our organization is working on its initiatives, I’m learning more and more that kids without fathers have a challenging road to travel.

Bonding with kids doesn’t have to be something complex. It doesn’t have to be costly. I often say that kids know you love them by the time you spend with them. You can sit at home and literally do nothing other than spending time with them and entering into their world. Certainly you can take them out to do fun activities. Go to Disney World, if you will. The possibilities are endless. But however complex or simple the activities may be, spending meaningful time forming that bond is what it’s all about.  

This year my parents celebrated their 47^th wedding anniversary. I am so fortunate and blessed that they both have been actively involved and engaged in my life as well as my siblings. I learned how to be a father by watching my dad and seeing how he lovingly cared for us while instilling in us discipline. So as I became a father 12 years ago, it was natural for me to bond with my daughter. Now with a young son, nothing has changed. Being a father is a privilege that I’ll never take for granted.

In When Good Fathers Go Bad, I wrote about dads who effectively divorce their kids when their marriages end. More kids need fathers who are committed to their well-being regardless of the challenges that arise. When I divorced almost 10 years ago, despite the challenges that I encountered throughout the legal ending of that union, in my view, nothing changed in terms of being a dad. And now that I’m happily remarried with a young son, I just continue to be the father that I have always been. Fatherhood is perpetual because whether or not the relationships that produce kids work out, the role of being a father never ends.

If you’re a dad, I hope that you do the little things along the way to let your kids know they’re the apple of your eye, as the expression goes. Climbing the corporate ladder is great. But being a dad and influencing your kids’ lives in a positive way is even greater. As you provide for them, do ensure that you become the kind of dad who has an unbreakable bond with his kids. That’s something worth living for.

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

  

How I Could Have Become a Deadbeat Dad

“What a total deadbeat!”

Those words were said of me by my former wife’s attorney during a court hearing almost 10 years ago as I was going through my divorce. But why did he say that?

Well, in the midst of the most turbulent chapter of my life, I was sinking deep and quickly. I didn’t plan for the nightmare that I was experiencing – the divorce and all the emotional and financial turmoil that comes with a very ugly court case. Sleepless nights after being served with divorce papers, attorney fees, custody evaluations and everything else that came with the unpleasant process had me perpetually behind the 8-ball, as the expression goes.

Her attorney just felt that I should have just been content to pay child support and maintain all the bills of the former marital home while seeing my daughter every other weekend for visits. When I wasn’t complying with his ideal, that’s when the dreaded “d” word was said of me: deadbeat! In a sense, he was implying that I should just focus on the financial aspect of the case and forget about maintaining a strong presence in my daughter’s life.

I had long been familiar with the term deadbeat dad. My image had always been of a rough guy who's impregnated a woman and disappeared - then years later he’s found and is dragged kicking and screaming into court to pay child support. Then when he doesn't pay, he's jailed for being a deadbeat who doesn't support his child. That's the image I've always had. Perhaps that’s the image you have. Well, let me share with you how I could easily have become one.

Here I was - a professional, a Certified Public Accountant. I got married and 2 years later our daughter was born. I never missed a doctor’s appointment while she was in the womb. I was fully engaged in everything concerning her - at home, at her daycare and so on. She was Daddy’s little girl – my world and the sunshine of my life.

Then came the demise of the marriage. It just didn't work out, much to my dismay. The thought of divorce and seeing my daughter going from house to house spending time with each parent just wasn't something I envisioned. I grew up with two happily married parents. In my view, divorce was something others did - but not me. "Till death do us part" was my vow. The challenges and obstacles could always be worked out, in my view.

Yet divorce hit our home. And it hit it hard. The emotional part was just awful. I couldn’t eat. I lost 30 lbs in the first month of this new chapter of my life. The only time I was at peace was when I slept. Every waking moment was like torture. 

The pain I felt wasn't just for me. I was an adult - I knew what was happening. But my daughter was a little three year old child. She was confused by all that was going on. She cried. She blamed herself for the fact that Daddy wasn't living at home anymore. The first time I saw her after the separation she said, "Daddy, I'm sorry I yelled at you - can you come home now?" That really broke my heart. It was like something out of a movie. But it was very real. 

The family law system was so one-sided that it was hard to believe. My attorney was great. She really was. It wasn't her fault. It's just that the system itself was broken and I just had to grit my teeth and bear it. She and I have kept in touch over the years and we have a very good friendship to this day. The thing that concerned me most about my experience was that people who have never met my daughter were making these life-altering decisions that impacted her life in a significant way. And despite my best efforts, I could do very little about it.

The financial aspect of all this was like nothing I encountered before. I couldn’t afford to live anywhere – literally. If not for my sister and her family, I'm not sure what I would have done. They housed me for 18 months - throughout the divorce and the immediate aftermath.

In addition, the legal fees and other divorce-related costs were sky high. My other bills were still there - with less money to pay them. And the concept of paying child support was new to me. In the past, our daughter was just a part of the household so by default she was supported. Whatever she needed was provided – from diapers and formula as a baby to costs like clothes and daycare fees as a three year old. Now I had to come up with a child support check. That was a very new concept. And considering that the check was almost as much as the mortgage of the marital home, it's little wonder I had no money to even consider renting an apartment.

With the financial woes, I seriously contemplated filing bankruptcy – it was that bad. I was working as an auditor with a large corporation but with my expenses tripled and my discretionary spending money so much lower, I just couldn't manage. Loans and gifts from family members and friends were the only thing that helped me to stay afloat.

Do you notice that when you hear advertisements by companies that help people with bad credit issues, they include divorce along with things such as foreclosures, repossessions and late payments? I was experiencing the reality of why this was the case. Divorce can destroy your life - emotionally and financially. If you really believe in the institution of marriage, it’s just not something you plan and budget for. But somehow divorce happened and I just really had to pick up the pieces.

Through all the turmoil, I made it. Yes, I made it. Now that whole chapter is a distant memory. The marriage ended. The house is gone. The attorneys have been paid. The only remaining connection to that relationship is the most important one - our daughter. She doesn't know - and likely never will know - just how much was endured on her behalf.

I learned firsthand why so many dads walk away from the family law system discouraged. I know men personally who got so tired of the one-sided nature of the court process and how it can negatively impact them that they just opted to leave the country with no intent to ever return. They cut off support to the kids and all communication with them. In other words, they allowed the judicial process to get the better of them and make them become deadbeat dads.


Believe me when I tell you that not every father who is a deadbeat has always had that mindset. I don’t like the fact that many of them adopt the philosophy of becoming uninvolved in the lives of their children. They refuse to support them financially and otherwise as a means of getting back at their exes and the judicial system. I don’t agree with their approach but I can totally relate to the circumstances that lead them in that direction.  I have said on many occasions that I think the court helps to create deadbeat dads. The obstacles to maintaining one’s rights as a father are so great that some can't be bothered to try to endure it.

If you're a dad dealing with family law issues, my encouragement to you is to keep focused on your kids. Focusing elsewhere - on the house, cars, investments, etc - might give you temporary relief but in the end, it's your kids that really matter. I lost everything from that marriage - home, savings, 401K and more. But still I won the heart of my daughter and she’s so much better for it – and I’m so much better as well. 

Today, we’re as close as we have always been. She's a happy, well-adjusted 12 year old who lives with my wonderful new wife and me. And now she has a little 10 month old brother who she just adores. We’ve got a happy blended family of four and things are just fine. You can read about how it all came together in The Story of My Blended Family by The Upbeat Dad. Believe me when I tell you that life gets better in time.

I share this post to really become transparent and share my personal experience on this matter. In one of my poems I wrote, “Don’t be fooled by the smile that I wear; because each smile you see has cost me a tear.” It hasn’t been an easy road but for my daughter’s sake, I’d do it all over again. If the family law system is broken, that should never cause a dad to walk away from his kids. That’s not something that one should even contemplate. But many do, and it’s the kids who suffer.

Your kids need you to be Daddy – their provider and protector. No court or any ex should change your mindset towards your innocent little ones. Let’s commit to standing up and doing our best for them. They're worth it in every way.

  

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

    

Fathers’ Day Reflections

Fathers’ Day was this weekend and I do hope that each of you had a wonderful time with your families. In the perfect world, families are together with moms and dads happily raising their kids. But in reality, this utopia doesn’t really exist, does it? In today’s world, over 50% of first marriages fail. Many of these marriages produced kids who have to adjust to the breakup of their happy home. Also, many kids are born to single moms with the dads rarely, if at all.

So as I reflect on these issues, I consider myself quite fortunate – blessed, if you will. Nine years ago at this point, I was in the middle of the most difficult period of my life – my divorce. My little 3 year old daughter was caught in the middle of the very unpleasant process. Fathers’ Day that year had special meaning to me – because for the first time, I had a significant challenge to my rights as a father.

My firsthand experience with the family law system really opened my eyes to what so many families face. And as a dad, I learned why so many say that the system is against men. You can learn of my experience through various posts on this blog such as: The Story Behind the Upbeat Dad and The Great Oxymoron: Family Law.

Yet today I can look back and only smile. That which I saw as a nightmare was really my training to become a better dad and to encourage others to do likewise. As difficult as the process was, it wasn’t meant to kill me – but rather, to make me stronger.

A phrase I have coined since then is: That which I thought was the death of me became the key to my victory. I’m happily remarried to a wonderful woman – a true partner for life. My daughter is a happy, well-adjusted 12 year old who lives with us. And we have a little 10 month old son who just brightens our lives. Things aren’t perfect with us but I can honestly say that this is as good as I’ve ever had it.

I share different aspects of my journey and experience on this blog for a particular reason. I strongly believe that if we become transparent – and show our trophies as well as our scars – others will be encouraged as they deal with their own challenges. If I were to present my story only as a happily married father of 2, the impact of my message would be minimized. When I can tell of the stress and the heartache that I’ve experienced through the demise of a marriage, I can reach some who I couldn’t otherwise reach. The highs and the lows of life are really meant for us to share our stories with others. That way we can make a stronger connection and increase our effectiveness.

As I thought about writing this post, the song Lucky Man by the country duo of Montgomery Gentry came to mind. I have learned to really appreciate different forms of music and one that’s just special to me is country. Perhaps it’s because I grew up in the country in Jamaica. Perhaps it’s because the simplicity as well as the complexity of life are echoed in those songs. I share Lucky Man here because I believe that it helps us to appreciate that which we have even more:

Lucky Man

By Montgomery Gentry

(Click Here to see the video on YouTube)

I have days where I hate my job,
This little town and the whole world too
And last Sunday when the Bengals lost
Lord it put me in a bad mood

I have moments when I curse the rain
Then complain when the sun's too hot
I look around at what everyone has
And I forget about all I've got

[chorus]
But I know I'm a lucky man
God's given me a pretty fair hand
Got a house and piece of land
A few dollars in a coffee can
My old truck's still runnin' good
My ticker's tickin' like they say it should
I've got supper in the oven
A good woman's lovin 
And one more day to be my little kids dad
Lord knows I'm a lucky man

Got some friends that would be here fast
I could call 'em any time of day
Got a brother who's got my back
Got a momma who I swear's a saint
Got a brand new rod and reel
Got a full week off this year
Dad had a close call last spring
It's a miracle he's still here

[chorus]

But I know I'm a lucky man
God's given me a pretty fair hand
Got a house and piece of land
A few dollars in a coffee can

My old trucks still runnin' good
My ticker's tickin' like they say it should
I've got supper in the oven
A good woman's lovin'
And even my bad days aint that bad
Yeah I'm a lucky man
I'm a lucky, lucky man

Get the message? However bad things may ever get, we have much to be thankful for.

If you’re a dad, I hope that you had a wonderful Fathers’ Day weekend with your kids. But even if you didn’t, just know that bright days lie ahead if you continue to lovingly care for them as you should. Things just seem to work out fine for those who do. As a dad, you’re a lucky man – you’re alive and you have a chance to impact the world for good as you raise your kids.

Enjoy your day today. And in every way, keep focused on being the best dad you can be. Your kids deserve nothing less.

The Upbeat Dad

Fathers’ Day Special with Award-Winning Documentary Filmmaker Doug Block of HBO's The Kids Grow Up

Doug Block and his daughter Lucy

 At the Upbeat Dad, we’re all about sharing the positive message that fathers everywhere have a special role to play in the lives of their children. So on this Fathers’ Day, let me first say Happy Fathers Day to dads everywhere. Fatherhood is an honor and a privilege and on this day, I applaud all those who’ve accepted the responsibility and are making a meaningful impact on their children’s lives.

I’m thrilled to share the story of a dad who’s so embraced his role, that he has captured a lifetime of memories with his child and is now sharing them with the world. It is with great pleasure that I share the story of award-winning documentary film maker, Doug Block, and his film, The Kids Grow Up, which debuts on Fathers’ Day, June 19, 2011 on HBO2. The film chronicles his journey as the father of an only child – a daughter named Lucy. The story captures the evolution of a young, innocent child on roller skates to a responsible young lady going off to college to chart her own path in life.

Doug is no ordinary film maker. He has won numerous awards including: Emmy, Peabody, Sundance Grand Jury Prize and Independent Spirit. His film, 51 Birch Street, about his parents’ 54 year marriage, was named one of the Ten Best Films of 2006 by the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times and the Ebert & Roeper Show.

Doug's daughter Lucy

I had the privilege of interviewing Doug in preparation for this post. I also had the privilege of screening The Kids Grow Up and I must say the story is quite fascinating. And the more I watched the film, the more apparent it became to me that his experience as a father is not all that out of the ordinary. It’s a story about a loving dad who absolutely adores his child. Still, somehow, these stories do not often make it to the big screen. But he presents their journey together in such a compelling way that it endears the audience to embrace his approach.

Here’s what some critics have had to say about it:

“Remarkable” – A.O. Scott, NEW YORK TIMES (Critics’ Pick)

“Intimate, funny, deeply affecting” - Ann Hornaday, WASHINGTON POST

“Powerful…funny… irresistible” – Andrew O’Hehir, SALON.COM

“One of the best non-fiction films of the year.” - BOX OFFICE MAGAZINE

Having watched it, I tend to agree with these critics. Here are my thoughts:

The Kids Grow Up tells a powerful story. Quite often, parents who feel they were denied something during their childhood tend to overcompensate when they have their own kids to ensure that their kids don’t grow up with the same regrets they had. Such is the case of Doug. He grew up in a loving home with his parents and two sisters. Yet, he never developed the close bond with his dad and that bothered him quite a bit. He decided that when he grew up, if he should have kids of his own, he’d ensure that he’s actively involved in their upbringing in every way possible, including developing a strong bond.

Doug with Lucy and wife Marjorie

He met and married Marjorie, a single mother of a son. Their blended family came together in a relatively smooth way. Still he longed for a biological child of his own. His dream came true in the early 90s when Lucy was born to them. Like many parents of his generation, Doug believed in capturing family memories on video-camera. But he’s no ordinary dad making home movies – he’s a documentary film maker, so his perspective is different from that of many others. For instance, he interviewed her at least once a year to get a sense of who she was and who she was becoming.

Still, for him, it was more about capturing the story of her life than making a film that others around the world would see. When I spoke with him, he said that when she was almost 10 years old, he initially had the idea of making a film about her. But then, it was just a thought. Still, as she got older, he began thinking about her “leaving the nest” for college and then on to her own endeavors. He told me, “As she entered her senior year (of high school), I realized that she would soon be gone. Nothing really prepares you for her leaving.”

It was at this moment that he decided to produce a film about their journey together. He said, “Families are at the core of films made in Hollywood. I wanted to do a film that shows dads in a positive light. I wanted to present a different image of fathers than what you generally see.”

The film begins with a carefree four year-old Lucy talking and playing. Then as the feature progresses, her development is captured through each stage of life – from the grade school age to her traveling to  France to study for a year and then to her going off to school on the West Coast – miles away from her home in New York.

Young Lucy playing

Doug captures an interesting cross-generational family dynamic. His father is shown as an aging man reflecting on his life in its entirety. He raised and cared for his middle-class family, which for many dads is as good as it gets. Yet, as he reflects, he acknowledges that his single biggest regret is that he didn’t develop a closer relationship with his kids. Then there was Doug capturing and cherishing every moment with his child – pouring out his love to her. 

That’s quite a contrast between father and son. Still, as the film progresses, one sees that Doug and his dad have made peace with that issue. And although his father passed away before the release of the film, he did get to view the completed project before it hit the big screen. So, in a sense, his reward is that, by sharing his regret, he is sharing with others the importance of establishing a bond with your kids.

Another interesting dynamic in the film is that Doug’s stepson, Josh, who was a boy when Marjorie and Doug married, grew up and became a loving husband and father – so much so that he and his wife took turns taking a year off after the birth of their child to bond with him. The cross generational dynamic regarding the role of fatherhood makes the film quite intriguing in my view.

The highlight of the film is the range of emotions that Doug, Marjorie and Lucy experience as Lucy prepares to head off to college. At least for a moment, Lucy seems frustrated by the fact that she’s going away to school and her dad appears to be more fixated on making a film about her than being her dad while she’s getting ready to “leave the nest.” She says, “Instead of experiencing me going away to college, you’re just trying to film it.” By the end of the film as the family travels to the West Coast to see Lucy off to her studies, the emotions have subsided and each of them reflect in a positive way, on this transition – from a child living at home to an independent college student away from home.

Lucy on her way to college

When asked about the making of the film, Doug says, “My daughter Lucy has always had a natural camera presence and I couldn’t help but think there was a funny and fascinating documentary to be made about parenting over the long haul from a father’s perspective. Yet, lurking underneath the footage was a more bittersweet story about a baby boomer parent struggling with aging and loss and learning how to let go and a look at three generations of fathers.”

I encourage you to tune in and watch The Kids Grow Up. It debuts on HBO2 on Fathers’ Day, Sunday, June 19, 2011 at 5:15 PM EST. It also airs on the same channel the following dates and times:

-          Wednesday, June 22 at 9:30 PM EST

-          Saturday, June 25 at 6:20 AM EST

-          Thursday, June 30 at 3:30 PM EST

It also goes on sale on July 19. Click Here for more information. Do make the effort to watch it. I think you’ll find it entertaining, while sharing a powerful message. Doug’s advice to others dads is, “Appreciate the time you have with your kids. One minute they’re the size of a peanut, the next minute they’re off to college. And nothing prepares you for letting go.”

On this day when we celebrate the joy of fatherhood, I applaud Doug Block for being an Upbeat Dad – one who recognizes the very influential role that he plays in the life of his child. The film ended with Lucy going off to college. When I interviewed him, she already graduated. I believe that her success in her studies so far away from home, is due, in large part, to the loving environment established at home. Without that compass to guide them, many kids leave for college and don’t graduate because the foundation of love and support were not sufficiently established. So when they stumbled, they didn’t have the proper foundation to land on their feet.

Isn’t this what parenthood is all about – lovingly preparing the next generation to make a positive contribution to the world? On this Fathers’ Day, let the story of Doug Block and his family inspire you. I often say that you display your love for your kids with a 4-letter word : T-I-M-E. He grew up with something missing in the connection between his dad and him. And he endeavored to make every moment count in his relationship with his daughter. He has sown positive seeds of love and support. And because of that, today he’s a proud dad reaping dividends that will last a lifetime. That’s love at work – being passed from one generation to the next.

Theatrical poster of The Kids Grow Up

Enjoy your day. And if you’re a dad, have a wonderful and happy Fathers’ Day!

The Upbeat Dad