Fathers’ Day Special with Award-Winning Documentary Filmmaker Doug Block of HBO's The Kids Grow Up

Doug Block and his daughter Lucy

 At the Upbeat Dad, we’re all about sharing the positive message that fathers everywhere have a special role to play in the lives of their children. So on this Fathers’ Day, let me first say Happy Fathers Day to dads everywhere. Fatherhood is an honor and a privilege and on this day, I applaud all those who’ve accepted the responsibility and are making a meaningful impact on their children’s lives.

I’m thrilled to share the story of a dad who’s so embraced his role, that he has captured a lifetime of memories with his child and is now sharing them with the world. It is with great pleasure that I share the story of award-winning documentary film maker, Doug Block, and his film, The Kids Grow Up, which debuts on Fathers’ Day, June 19, 2011 on HBO2. The film chronicles his journey as the father of an only child – a daughter named Lucy. The story captures the evolution of a young, innocent child on roller skates to a responsible young lady going off to college to chart her own path in life.

Doug is no ordinary film maker. He has won numerous awards including: Emmy, Peabody, Sundance Grand Jury Prize and Independent Spirit. His film, 51 Birch Street, about his parents’ 54 year marriage, was named one of the Ten Best Films of 2006 by the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times and the Ebert & Roeper Show.

Doug's daughter Lucy

I had the privilege of interviewing Doug in preparation for this post. I also had the privilege of screening The Kids Grow Up and I must say the story is quite fascinating. And the more I watched the film, the more apparent it became to me that his experience as a father is not all that out of the ordinary. It’s a story about a loving dad who absolutely adores his child. Still, somehow, these stories do not often make it to the big screen. But he presents their journey together in such a compelling way that it endears the audience to embrace his approach.

Here’s what some critics have had to say about it:

“Remarkable” – A.O. Scott, NEW YORK TIMES (Critics’ Pick)

“Intimate, funny, deeply affecting” - Ann Hornaday, WASHINGTON POST

“Powerful…funny… irresistible” – Andrew O’Hehir, SALON.COM

“One of the best non-fiction films of the year.” - BOX OFFICE MAGAZINE

Having watched it, I tend to agree with these critics. Here are my thoughts:

The Kids Grow Up tells a powerful story. Quite often, parents who feel they were denied something during their childhood tend to overcompensate when they have their own kids to ensure that their kids don’t grow up with the same regrets they had. Such is the case of Doug. He grew up in a loving home with his parents and two sisters. Yet, he never developed the close bond with his dad and that bothered him quite a bit. He decided that when he grew up, if he should have kids of his own, he’d ensure that he’s actively involved in their upbringing in every way possible, including developing a strong bond.

Doug with Lucy and wife Marjorie

He met and married Marjorie, a single mother of a son. Their blended family came together in a relatively smooth way. Still he longed for a biological child of his own. His dream came true in the early 90s when Lucy was born to them. Like many parents of his generation, Doug believed in capturing family memories on video-camera. But he’s no ordinary dad making home movies – he’s a documentary film maker, so his perspective is different from that of many others. For instance, he interviewed her at least once a year to get a sense of who she was and who she was becoming.

Still, for him, it was more about capturing the story of her life than making a film that others around the world would see. When I spoke with him, he said that when she was almost 10 years old, he initially had the idea of making a film about her. But then, it was just a thought. Still, as she got older, he began thinking about her “leaving the nest” for college and then on to her own endeavors. He told me, “As she entered her senior year (of high school), I realized that she would soon be gone. Nothing really prepares you for her leaving.”

It was at this moment that he decided to produce a film about their journey together. He said, “Families are at the core of films made in Hollywood. I wanted to do a film that shows dads in a positive light. I wanted to present a different image of fathers than what you generally see.”

The film begins with a carefree four year-old Lucy talking and playing. Then as the feature progresses, her development is captured through each stage of life – from the grade school age to her traveling to  France to study for a year and then to her going off to school on the West Coast – miles away from her home in New York.

Young Lucy playing

Doug captures an interesting cross-generational family dynamic. His father is shown as an aging man reflecting on his life in its entirety. He raised and cared for his middle-class family, which for many dads is as good as it gets. Yet, as he reflects, he acknowledges that his single biggest regret is that he didn’t develop a closer relationship with his kids. Then there was Doug capturing and cherishing every moment with his child – pouring out his love to her. 

That’s quite a contrast between father and son. Still, as the film progresses, one sees that Doug and his dad have made peace with that issue. And although his father passed away before the release of the film, he did get to view the completed project before it hit the big screen. So, in a sense, his reward is that, by sharing his regret, he is sharing with others the importance of establishing a bond with your kids.

Another interesting dynamic in the film is that Doug’s stepson, Josh, who was a boy when Marjorie and Doug married, grew up and became a loving husband and father – so much so that he and his wife took turns taking a year off after the birth of their child to bond with him. The cross generational dynamic regarding the role of fatherhood makes the film quite intriguing in my view.

The highlight of the film is the range of emotions that Doug, Marjorie and Lucy experience as Lucy prepares to head off to college. At least for a moment, Lucy seems frustrated by the fact that she’s going away to school and her dad appears to be more fixated on making a film about her than being her dad while she’s getting ready to “leave the nest.” She says, “Instead of experiencing me going away to college, you’re just trying to film it.” By the end of the film as the family travels to the West Coast to see Lucy off to her studies, the emotions have subsided and each of them reflect in a positive way, on this transition – from a child living at home to an independent college student away from home.

Lucy on her way to college

When asked about the making of the film, Doug says, “My daughter Lucy has always had a natural camera presence and I couldn’t help but think there was a funny and fascinating documentary to be made about parenting over the long haul from a father’s perspective. Yet, lurking underneath the footage was a more bittersweet story about a baby boomer parent struggling with aging and loss and learning how to let go and a look at three generations of fathers.”

I encourage you to tune in and watch The Kids Grow Up. It debuts on HBO2 on Fathers’ Day, Sunday, June 19, 2011 at 5:15 PM EST. It also airs on the same channel the following dates and times:

-          Wednesday, June 22 at 9:30 PM EST

-          Saturday, June 25 at 6:20 AM EST

-          Thursday, June 30 at 3:30 PM EST

It also goes on sale on July 19. Click Here for more information. Do make the effort to watch it. I think you’ll find it entertaining, while sharing a powerful message. Doug’s advice to others dads is, “Appreciate the time you have with your kids. One minute they’re the size of a peanut, the next minute they’re off to college. And nothing prepares you for letting go.”

On this day when we celebrate the joy of fatherhood, I applaud Doug Block for being an Upbeat Dad – one who recognizes the very influential role that he plays in the life of his child. The film ended with Lucy going off to college. When I interviewed him, she already graduated. I believe that her success in her studies so far away from home, is due, in large part, to the loving environment established at home. Without that compass to guide them, many kids leave for college and don’t graduate because the foundation of love and support were not sufficiently established. So when they stumbled, they didn’t have the proper foundation to land on their feet.

Isn’t this what parenthood is all about – lovingly preparing the next generation to make a positive contribution to the world? On this Fathers’ Day, let the story of Doug Block and his family inspire you. I often say that you display your love for your kids with a 4-letter word : T-I-M-E. He grew up with something missing in the connection between his dad and him. And he endeavored to make every moment count in his relationship with his daughter. He has sown positive seeds of love and support. And because of that, today he’s a proud dad reaping dividends that will last a lifetime. That’s love at work – being passed from one generation to the next.

Theatrical poster of The Kids Grow Up

Enjoy your day. And if you’re a dad, have a wonderful and happy Fathers’ Day!

The Upbeat Dad

Fathers’ Day Giveaway and Guest Blogger: Christina McGhee of Divorce and Children, LLC

This coming Sunday is Fathers’ Day here in the US. Last month we celebrated moms and how special they are. This month, it’s our turn – dads. It takes a special man to not only be a participant in the conception of a child but also in the raising of that child. And this weekend we celebrate all the wonderful fathers who embrace this role of a lifetime.

It’s a privilege for me to introduce a great friend of mine to our readers. When I launched The Upbeat Dad last October, one of the first persons I connected with on Twitter was Christina McGhee of Divorce and Children LLC. Since then, we’ve correspondent quite a bit and I just love her passion for families affected by divorce when kids are involved. This is her life’s work and through her organization she has touched so many lives.

Christina is the author of Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids. I’ve read the book and it’s really filled with nuggets to help parents navigate the unchartered waters that are presented when divorce hits home. I wrote a review of the book and highly recommend it to dads and moms who want to raise happy, healthy kids from separate homes.

I’m honored to share this post by Christina on keeping special days such as Fathers’ Day special for kids although their parents live separately. I strongly encourage you to not only read it, but also to pass it on to others who would benefit from it.


I’m excited to say we’re doing a giveaway of the book! Many of our readers and followers are dads who have been impacted by divorce and separation. So I think that this book can be a useful resource to help both dads and moms learn how to effectively raise happy, well-adjusted kids even when their relationships don't quite work out.

Now here’s how it works. Just simply post a Happy Fathers' Day greeting to your dad, your husband, brother or that someone special and we’ll submit your name for a random drawing. If you’re reading this after the special day, then that's fine as well. What matters is your kind thoughts and words and celebrating the wonderful dads in our lives.

Please make your submissions by one on the following:

-          leave a Comment to this post here on the blog

-          send a tweet to @theupbeatdad

-          post a message on our Facebook page

Be sure to leave your name with your submission - just your first name is fine. We’ll close the submission period on Tuesday, June 21. Then on Thursday, June 23, we’ll announce the winner in the Comments section of this post. We'll also announced it by Twitter and on our Facebook page. If you're the winner, please send your mailing address to: info@theupbeatdad.com. We'll then get the book to you ASAP! 


Do send a greeting in this giveaway because I believe that they encourage each of us to celebrate the special dads in our lives. Remember this is a random drawing - not a competition - so feel free to send a greeting to your loved one as we celebrate Fathers' Day.

Enjoy reading this post by Christina McGhee. And I hope that you and yours have a wonderful Fathers’ Day.

The Upbeat Dad

Little things matter: keeping special days special for kids
by Christina McGhee, author of PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids. 

“It’s not always the big things we do for our children that make the most difference.  Sometimes it’s the subtle things we do over time that reflect integrity in our children’s eyes.”

My husband is an amazing Dad. So when Fathers’ Day rolls around I usually get just as excited as my kids about making the day extra special. The thing I love most about Father’s Day - that indescribable mixture of self-pride and excitement my kids get when they give my husband that special something they either created or picked out. The days before Fathers’ Day are usually just as rewarding.  Our home becomes filled with secret whispers, sneaking around and a multitude of not so subtle hints. All the grandeur of this occasion is typically followed by a tremendous amount of boasting about how their clever plotting and planning left Dad totally clueless (wink, wink).  For them, doing something special for Dad matters a lot.

As Fathers’ Day approaches here in the states, I can’t help but wonder how many children will lose the experience of making their Dad feel special simply because their parents don’t live under one roof anymore. Professionals regularly remind us of the big boxes to tick, “Don’t fight in front of the children,” “Don’t speak badly of your ex” and “Always put your children first.”  Yet, what about those smaller boxes such as special days and family events? What do you do about those?

It’s not hard to understand how those special days can be quite painful for us as parents. For some, they serve as agonizing reminders of old hurts or stir up heartbreaking feelings of loss.  While it’s easy to get caught up in the “I don’t owe my ex anything” mentality, keep in mind you do owe your kids something – the opportunity to love and cherish both of their parents.  Certainly it’s not to say that those feelings aren’t justified or that you’re not completely entitled to feel them.  However, remember it isn’t about your ex; it’s about your children. 

No matter how you slice it, separating your feelings about special days from the needs of your children is important.  When you commit to staying focused on your children, you have the opportunity to:

•          Send a clear message that it’s okay to love both of parents

•          Support the importance of family in your children’s lives

•          Teach them the meaning of doing for others

•          Help them embrace change while maintaining values

Tips for keeping special days special for kids

Plan ahead

Some parents already have arrangements in place regarding how special days will be handled.  If you don’t have something worked out, consider talking to you ex about the situation.  Take out a calendar and make note of where special days fall during the year.  Consider what’s important to your kids and think through what you could do to alleviate possible tension around those dates.

If it’s important to your ex to be with the children on their birthday, then offer to switch days or adjust the schedule.  If Fathers’ Day is on your weekend, suggest making arrangements for the children to spend the day or weekend with Dad. It might also be helpful to think about situations that involve events with extended family such as Aunt Marge’s annual summer barbeque or Grandpa’s family reunion.

Follow your children’s lead

Talk with children ahead of time about what they would like to do for Dad/Mom on their special day. Listen to their ideas about how they would like to honor their parent and follow their lead.  Remember, it’s okay to set appropriate boundaries around what you can and can’t do. 

Be mindful that younger children will need more guidance about how to make the day special.  Although older children are more capable and independent, they will probably need a reminder and your support.  Consider asking what their plans are for that day and if they need any help.  Although it may not seem like much, in the long run, it will mean something to your teen.

Keep gestures appropriate

Make sure you are supporting good choices and keep gestures for the other parent appropriate.  If your children want to buy Dad a shirt, don’t help them pick out the ugliest, cheapest shirt you can find and wrap it with glee.  Likewise don’t go to Macys and help your children pick out something for Mom that’s two sizes too small.  Fantasize about it all you want but for your children’s sake, steer clear of temptation.

If money is an issue, consider lower budget options such as helping children make homemade gifts, framed photos, special cards or baking Mom or Dad’s favorite dish.

If your ex isn’t supportive

Unfortunately no matter how hard you try to do right by your children, you have no control over the choices your ex makes.  If your ex isn’t willing to help the children, you can still offer them the chance to feel good about the day. Plan a trip to the zoo, declare you require an obscene number of hugs for Father’s Day, take kids shopping and let them help you pick something out or cook your favorite meal together. 

If your ex won’t adjust the schedule or there’s significant distance between your two homes and you can’t be with your children on the day, let kids know you will celebrate the next time you are together.

Over the next week, I invite you to think about how special events have been celebrated in the past with your children.  What can you do this year to help special days stay special for your children?

If you have a story to share about how you’ve handled Father’s Day, please leave a comment. We’d be delighted to hear what worked for your family. 

Christina McGhee, is the author of PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids and co-creator of the award winning children's DVD program about divorce, Lemons 2 Lemonade: How to handle life when things go sour between Mom and Dad.

Learn more about her at divorce and children or follow her on Facebook and Twitter

Blended Family Tip: Plan Activities Around Kids’ Schedule with Other Parent

This week my 12 year old daughter left to spend the summer with her mom in the northeast. The school year ended last week so she’s free to just relax and enjoy life – as carefree as ever. She’s very much looking forward to some downtime the next couple months.

Last weekend, before she left, our family had a getaway – a mini vacation of sorts. We went to the west coast of Florida and took a little break to spend some quality time together. It’s as good a time as we’ve had in quite a while.

That got me thinking about something. What if we took that same trip this coming weekend - after my daughter already left? It certainly wouldn't be the same. Then I wondered about other families like ours - those that have a child who's a member of 2 households - and particularly when the households are in different states. How do you include the kids in your family activities when they're often away with their other parent?

When my former wife and I divorced almost 10 years ago, our daughter became like so many other kids who have seen their happy home become two homes, with her going back and forth between both of them. Because our divorce was a very unpleasant process, I knew the importance of letting our daughter know that despite what happened between her parents, she has always been and will always be loved and cherished.

Over the past several years since the divorce, quite a number of life changes have occurred for our daughter: my ex-relocated to her home state with her; then our daughter came to live with me; then I got remarried; then our son was born. You can read about how it all came together in The Story of My Blended Family. But these are significant changes and she had to adjust to each of them.

Through it all, I’ve done my best to ensure that with all the changes taking place around her, my daughter would always feel loved and very much a part of each of her households. So as much as possible, I try to plan special activities around her schedule. Special family getaways like the one last weekend are timed so that she can be a part of them.

Understandably, there are times when that's not feasible but it's an ideal to aim for. For example, with her away for the summer (till August), if we have a July 4^th Independence Day activity, it would happen without her. But as much as possible, we try to plan special activities with her in mind. My wife and I talked about having a Labor Day barbecue in September after my daughter returns, where we’d invite family and friends. If we do it for the 4^th of July holiday, she’d miss it. It’s all about making her know that she’s a priority in all we do.

Why do I share this? Because I believe that kids from blended families are particularly vulnerable. It's easy for parents to take for granted the fact that the kids have to adjust to the changing circumstances. Since I went through the divorce, I have tried, as much as possible to have our daughter have as normal a life as one could have - even with divorced parents.

I recall times when she would say, "All my cousins have their mom and dad at home; why do I have to go back and forth between two homes?" What's a dad to say in response to that? Well, here we are years later and her perspective has changed so much. She appreciates the collective efforts by her mom and me to make her life as smooth and carefree as possible. Interestingly, last weekend while we were on our trip she said, "I'm the luckiest girl alive! I have 2 homes where everybody loves me. I’m here now having the time of my life and I’m going to my mom next week to have more fun." What a difference in perspective!

If you're a parent of kids who have 2 homes, please do your best to create the environment where they feel that they're an integral member of each household. Plan your family activities around their schedule as much as possible. Let them know that their happiness is your top priority. If they feel insecure about the changes taking place around them, encourage them with kind words and follow up with kind deeds. Be consistent in displaying your love for them. That does wonders for their self-esteem.

Kids are a joy and a wonder. And those of us who have the privilege of being parents are fortunate. When our marriages and other relationships don't quite work out, let's remember that our role as parents is the role of a lifetime - nothing can undo that. Let's do our best to assure them of our unchanging love - both by our words and deeds. By including them in our activities, that lets them feel valued and appreciated. And that's what parenthood is all about.

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

NBA Star Dwyane Wade: A World Champion Dad!

The NBA Finals are heating up as the Miami Heat and Dallas Mavericks square off in a rematch of the 2006 Finals. I’m a Miami resident so I’m kinda biased as to who I’d like to win the series. But as a basketball fan, I just like to see two dynamic teams with talented players display their talents to a worldwide audience. Miami boasts its Big 3 – Dwyane Wade, Lebron James and Chris Bosh, while Dallas boasts Dirk Nowitski, Jason Kidd, Jason Terry and a deep, well-balanced team.

Wade, the shooting guard for the Heat, is a perennial all-star. This is his 8^th season. He’s performed at a high level since he first entered the league out of Marquette. He led Miami from a 2-0 deficit in the 2006 Finals to win 4 games in a row and win the championship, being named the Most Valuable Player (MVP) in the process. The world got to see what we in Miami have known for quite some time – Dwyane Wade is a superb player.

Now here is where you ask the question – what does this have to do with The Upbeat Dad? As Paul Harvey might say, “Here’s the rest of the story.” Wade is undoubtedly one of the top 5 players in the NBA. Yet, if you follow him closely, you’d learn that, more than loving his work as a professional athlete, he loves being a dad. How do I know? Read on.

Last November, in the post NBA Star Dwyane Wade’s Got His Priorities Straight , I shared how I admire the fact that, though he’s a superstar athlete, his role as a father seemed to be a greater priority to him. At the time, he was in the midst of a legal battle with his former wife for custody of their two young boys. For a professional athlete who has so much going on, the fact that he’d even consider undertaking such a pursuit is to be admired.

On Wade’s Twitter account, his bio simply states, “I’m a father first and everything else after that.” As you might see as you read this, on our blog, with well over 30,000 hits so far, that post is by far our most read to date. How did that happen? Well, after I wrote it, it seemed to be quite popular among our readers. Then I thought to send it out to Wade himself. He not only read it, but he replied saying thanks and then he retweeted the post. That means he sent it out to all his Twitter followers – currently well over a million people. That was a wonderful and much appreciated gesture on his part. Even more wonderful, is what has occurred since then.

In March 2011, in the heart of the basketball season, Wade was awarded full custody of his sons. And he didn’t miss a beat. They came to live with him from his native Chicago and he put all the pieces in place for them to have a smooth transition to living with him in Florida. Understandably, he travels quite a bit, leading the team into the playoffs and now, to the brink of a championship. But still, he’s not the stereotypical deadbeat absentee dad that athletes are sometimes perceived to be. He’s developed a system whereby his boys are in a loving, stable environment while he continues to pursue his career goals.

Now, here’s the highlight of this post. During the Finals, each of the stars of the Heat and Mavericks recorded a brief video with them holding the Larry Obrien championship trophy and saying what winning a championship means to them. In game 3, Wade’s video aired and when I saw it, I quickly grabbed my Blackberry and emailed his quote to myself – it was that special. Here’s what he said, “It's the best feeling besides seeing my sons born.” With all eyes of the basketball world watching, he let everyone know that even greater than being a champion athlete is being a champion dad. And because of his track record, it’s clearly evident that those aren’t simply words to him – it’s a portrayal of his life as a father.

So often we read of stories of absentee dads. So often we learn of African American athletes who are sued for not paying child support. Yet, here is one who consistently performs at a high level and is in full demand for interviews, endorsement deals and so many other things. But through it all, his kids are his primary focus. For a celebrity who lives in the limelight to embrace such a philosophy is really something to admire.

As a Heat fan, of course I’d like to see them win the championship. But particularly so because Dwyane Wade has chosen to “be a father first and everything else after that” – even if “everything else” includes multiple NBA championships. Being a dad is that important.

I hope that in your own life, you would learn from his example. Whether or not you’re a basketball fan, I trust that you learn the life lesson embedded within this post. In the grand scheme of things, it’s irrelevant if the Heat or the Mavericks win the championship. What matters is that our priorities are straight – our kids come first. We each have our responsibilities – in and out of the home. But as parents, if we place our kids first and “everything else after that” the rewards for them and for us can be greater than we might imagine. We can impact the world for generations to come.

So, regardless of who you’d like to see win the series, please join me in celebrating Dwyane Wade’s pursuit to be a champion dad!

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad

How to Develop a Positive Co-parenting Relationship with Your Ex

This Sunday I’m scheduled to be a guest on the show Co-parenting Matters. The term ‘co-parenting’ may be new to some so let me define it before proceeding further. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as follows: “An arrangement in a divorce or separation by which parents share legal and physical custody of a child or children.” It’s essentially learning to parent along with the other parent when a relationship has ended.

You see, when people get together, they never really plan to end up apart. But, you know what? Life happens. And when it does, sometimes people end up going their separate ways. It’s been my experience that the more intense a relationship is, the more deeply wounded the parties can potentially be when it ends. But, as I often say, no matter how difficult a breakup is, when there are no children involved, when it is over, it is over. So if the persons choose to never see each other again, that works just fine. The pain subsides in a relatively short time and they move on with their lives.

Put children in the equation, and there’s a bit more to consider. People who once were in love – to the point that they committed to love each other “till death do us part” – are no longer in love. Yet, they still have a bond that connects them perpetually – a child that they love. This can make it quite complicated and challenging in many ways.

I went through a divorce almost 10 years ago. You can read of this in The Story Behind The Upbeat Dad. The entire process – the legal aspect, in particular – took its toll on me. And as many divorcees can tell you, when attorneys become involved it can get messy. In my case, suffice it to say, it wasn’t pretty. But guess what? Because of our little 3 year old daughter, we knew we’d be connected forever. No more “you go your way and I go mine” like happened in each of our former relationships.

Here is something that many who have been through an unpleasant divorce with kids can tell you: the person who causes you so much grief and heartache is a direct connection to the person or persons who bring you so much joy. My daughter was and still is an absolute angel. She’s a 12 year old, well adjusted, wonderful child. But, at least during the divorce, my ex and I were just not on the same page – and that made it so hard.

In the years that have ensued since, as the pain and hurt from the divorce has subsided, my former wife and I have developed a positive working relationship. We came to the realization that life goes on and we could spend forever talking about the past and blaming each other for what went wrong; or we could work together to be the best parents to our daughter. It hasn’t been easy but time has taught us well that it’s so much better this way.

Here are co-parenting tips that I think will help any parent who has been through a divorce or separation: 

• Partnership concept: The other parent should be your partner – not a competitor. There’s no need to try to “out-parent” the other party. As a dad, you can only be that – a dad. The same applies to moms. Just focus on being the best dad or mom you can be and not on trying to outdo the other parent. (S)he is your partner – not a competitor.

• Words Matter: The words you use when speaking to your kids about your ex matter very much. Even if the ex did the most horrible things, do not speak negatively of them in the kids’ presence. It can ultimately work against you. Kids are much smarter than we might think. And if we degrade their other parent in their presence, their innate tendency is to defend that person. That may not happen initially but eventually it often gets to that point.

• Respectful Communication. Aretha Franklin’s signature career song is R-E-S-P-E-C-T. This word is a key to developing meaningful communication with your ex. So that means, no more yelling and screaming. No reminding the other person of the wrong that they may have done. The sooner there is respectful communication, the sooner there is progress in the relationship. You may need to send text messages or emails because phone calls can sometimes conjure unpleasant emotions. Whatever the means of communication, just try to do it with respect.

• Contact with Kids: Ensure that whenever the kids are with you, that your ex has 24/7 ability to contact them. Parental alienation is a big issue that often arises when divorce hits home. Many men, in particular, become discouraged by this issue. It’s not out of the ordinary for the family court to turn a blind eye to the alienation that occurs during and after a divorce. Kids need to feel that wherever they may be physically, they are no more than a phone call away from their dad or mom.

• Notification of “Need to Know” Matters: When couples are happily married, there are certain “need to know” things that they don’t hesitate to let their spouse know as it relates to the kids. A few examples are: school-related matters, healthcare, sports, etc. But somehow, when divorce hits the home, some feel that the other parent no longer needs to be notified. That’s unfortunate because it’s the kids who end up being disadvantaged. For example, if your child is struggling in school with a subject and you talk to the teacher about it, wouldn’t it be a good idea to coordinate a plan of action with your ex? Such communication may not always be practical but it’s an ideal that should be aimed for.

There are many more tips that I could share on this matter but I’ll leave it at that for now. Your kids deserve to have the love and guidance of their dad and mom even if there’s a divorce. Parenthood is a perpetual bond that literally is “till death do us part.” Husbands and wives can go their separate ways but parenthood is perpetual. When parents learn the benefits of working in a cooperative manner with their ex, it makes it easier and less stressful on everybody.

I hope that this post has been helpful. If it applies to you, try to implement what you’ve learned. If you know of others who could use the lesson, do share it with them. I believe that it can have a lasting impact if put into practice.

Enjoy your day.

The Upbeat Dad