Cats in the Cradle: A Life Lesson for Working Parents!

As we get back to work this week, I thought I’d do a post that puts into perspective our need to balance work with our family time. For many of us parents, especially fathers, the holiday season is the only time throughout the year that we spend quality time with our kids. And unfortunately for others of us, not even during the holiday season do we spend quality time with our kids. We may be loving parents but because life requires so much from us, including our time, quality time seems as elusive as the almighty dollar that we perpetually chase.

As I thought of writing this post, one song came to mind – Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. If you haven’t heard it before, here are the lyrics:

Cats in the Cradle

By Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Do you get the point of this song? I first heard it during my college days and I sang along but I never really got the message embedded in the lyrics. It wasn’t until the early 2000s when I heard a US Congressman giving his retirement speech that I really understood the message the song was sending. I don’t remember the Congressman’s name or the entirety of his speech. But what I do recall is that he said that he wanted to spend more time with his family. His kids were growing up without him while he was working for the American people.

Then he said something to this effect, “I hear the lyrics of the song ‘Cats in the Cradle’ and I think about my own children and tears come to my eyes.” That’s not the exact quote but I hope you understand the point. I then took the time to listen to the song and realized the painful story that it told. The father loved his son but he also loved his work. So he was always working to achieve more and accumulate more.

But in the process, he prioritized these ideals over spending quality time with his son. And in the end, the boy became a man and though he loved his dad, he didn’t make time for him either. The line "He'd grown up just like me. My boy was just like me," tells us that this cycle was generational - the father's father didn't make quality time for him either. So he became just like his dad. He repeated the cycle. Then the son learned the same thing and became just like his father and grandfather. Isn't this heartbreaking?

Why do I share this today? Well, for starters, today’s Monday – the first day of the work week. Secondly, in this time of economic crisis, I know many of us are conscious of keeping our jobs and working to make the most money possible. And this is commendable. Yet, in the process, we need to learn to strike a balance.

When my daughter was 2 years old, I traveled quite a bit for work. I’d be home on the weekends but typically on Sunday afternoons, I’d fly out to conduct seminars and not return home until the weekend. One week I was doing a local seminar in Miami. As I was leaving home one morning, I said, “I’m going to work now sweetheart. See you when I get home.” She replied, “Daddy, you’re going to the airport?” That really shook me up and almost broke my heart. She got to the point where she equated me going to work with me going to the airport.

That experience had such an effect on me that within a couple of months, I resigned from my position and took a local job – one that I didn’t enjoy quite as much but it allowed me to spend daily quality time with her while I pursued my professional goals.

Perhaps you can relate to this lesson today. It’s one that I think every working parent should learn. I realize that we need to work to provide for our families. And our work often entails that we travel or otherwise spend much time away from our families. Still, as parents, we need to make the necessary time for our children.

I don’t get into politics on this blog but you might appreciate this brief political reference. I recently heard President Barack Obama say that, when he’s in Washington D.C, provided that he has no evening functions to attend, he’s always home for dinner with his family. He typically gets back to work after dinner but that quality time around the dinner table is special, as it allows him to maintain that daily bond with his daughters. Whether or not you agree with his politics, I hope you appreciate this gesture by him as a parent.

No matter what may be going on in our lives, let’s try to structure our activities so that our children know that they’re essential parts of our lives. If they live with us, let’s carve out that quality time daily and on the weekends. If they live away from us, let’s ensure that we call, text, email or otherwise contact them daily so that they know they’re always on our minds.

The word ‘love’ is a noun but it’s also a verb; a verb suggests action. So let’s put our love for our kids into action. If we do this, then the song, “Cats in the Cradle” will simply be entertainment for us, rather than our personal testimonies as parents.

Have a great day.

The Upbeat Dad