Over the past several years, here in the United States, we
have seen a spike in incidents of senseless violence. Random shootings
routinely make headlines and each time, the more senseless the acts appear to become.
Our hearts ache each time we hear of innocent lives being taken from us by a
troubled person who seems intent on causing harm to others.
Remember the shootings at Columbine High School in Columbine,
Colorado? Remember how much that incident shook us to the core? In hindsight,
it seems like that was the beginning of series of random shootings in which the
only “wrong” the victims did was being in a place where the shooters were. The
more we hear about these incidents, the more deplorable the acts seem. No place
seems safe – the workplace, places of worship, schools, shopping malls and
political events have all become crime scenes in the most senseless of ways.
Most recently, in the small community of Newtown,
Connecticut, at Sandy Hook Elementary School, 26 people were randomly shot and
killed by a lone gunman. Among the dead were 20 students – ages 6 and 7, the
school principal, the school psychologist and 4 teachers.
I often try to think about the relevance of current events
to the responsibilities of men. I think of how these issues affect our roles as
husbands and fathers and then I seek to share words that would spur us to
action, as we embrace our roles in our families. I’m very aware of the fact
that many kids do not live with their fathers due to a variety of reasons. That
might make implementing some of these guidelines I share here a challenge.
Still, I believe that whether our kids are physically with us all the time or
not, there are things that we can do – and ought to do – to help ensure that
their well-being is top priority.
As men, first and foremost, we have an obligation to protect
our families. Our wives and children depend on us to be providers and
protectors. Some might interpret this to mean that we ought to all go out and
purchase guns. That’s the least of what I’m saying. The gun-rights issue has
its place but that’s not a topic I believe ought to be highlighted on this
blog. The gun control debate can be controversial and divisive and I think I
can share a positive message on responsible fatherhood without getting into
that subject here.
It is important that we reinforce the message that many of
us tell our kids: don’t talk to strangers. Strangers can be warm and
kind-hearted but some can also be abductors and killers. Unfortunately, we have
gotten to the point where we have to teach kids, whose natural instinct is to
trust, not to trust certain others because it could be to their detriment.
Another area in which I think we can help our kids is in
helping them to recognize potentially dangerous situations. This is
particularly important for parents of teens and young adults. I remember how,
as a teen I yearned for the freedom to make my own rules and do as I please.
When I went off to college, I did just that – made my own rules and did
whatever I pleased. I admit that I drank alcohol before reaching the legal drinking
age. I partied and had myself a ball. I stayed out late at night – sometimes
into the “wee” hours of the morning, not thinking of any potential negative
consequences.
Now, as a 40 something year old father of a teen daughter
and 2 young boys, my perspective is so much different. Did you know that a
disproportionate number of fatalities occur in those late hours? If we think
about it, it makes logical sense. People are more prone to party, drink and
drive at night, particularly on Fridays and Saturdays. Parents of teens and
young adults probably spend many a night worrying because of their kids being
out because a lot of bad things happen at night.
I believe it’s wise to educate our kids about these issues
that are so very real. Perhaps as you read this you can think of different
incidents in your own life where you exercised bad judgment and put yourself at
risk of also being an innocent victim. The types of incidents that make
headlines are like what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary but far more common
are the ones that occur every day that we might only hear about in our local
markets, if at all. We owe it to our kids to educate them about the dangers of
the world we live in so that they can be cautious as they go about their daily
lives.
Having said all of this, I recognize that tragedies, such as
those that we have become all too familiar with, will occur. The children of
Sandy Hook simply went to school – one that had security measures in place –
and still that incident took place. People go to work or to the movie theatre
or to the mall or to their places of worship and while minding their own
business, they still become innocent victims.
As much as we might not like to think about it, each day we
put ourselves and our kids in the way of potential harm by simply living normal
lives. We cannot entirely eliminate the possibility of being victims of
violence. I believe, however, that there are steps we can take to decrease the
likelihood of being among those who are either victims or family members of
victims of such violence.
Collectively we mourn with the families affected by the many
incidents of violence that we have become so familiar with. There are things we can control and others we
simply can’t. I believe a wise approach is to teach our kids about the dangers
of the world we live in and encourage them to avoid situations in which they
become more vulnerable to such awful acts. One thing I often say is, “All you
can do is all you can do.” Beyond that, we just trust and hope that the steps
we take keep us and our families, out of harm’s way as much as possible.
I’ll close this post with the words of singer, James Taylor.
The words are simply:
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel
Things are gonna be just fine
If you only will
Do shower your families with love. And do your best to
protect them in all instances. Such is the responsibility of a loving, caring
father.
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