tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post3648981077123620241..comments2023-10-07T19:38:18.589-04:00Comments on The Upbeat Dad!: Should You Relocate After Divorce When Kids Are Involved?Rodrick Waltershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14558455294120234819noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-63282227420555783682017-03-26T11:40:03.756-04:002017-03-26T11:40:03.756-04:00Im in the exact same situation. Only my ex left th...Im in the exact same situation. Only my ex left the UK and moved to Spain after me trying to block the move in court for 3 years.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-85707577368264951772014-03-10T20:21:24.386-04:002014-03-10T20:21:24.386-04:00Aww, this was a great read until the spam kicked i...Aww, this was a great read until the spam kicked in. <br /><br />:(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-19843974884060771902014-01-07T13:04:25.326-05:002014-01-07T13:04:25.326-05:00I have found your site by accident... I am happy i...I have found your site by accident... I am happy i did... my story is much more complicated then yours mentioned above... my wife left me three months pregnant and moved to Malta... after a period of stress and frustration... she begged me to go to her... saying she was sorry for the abuse and that our daughter would need a father.. I would like to say that the two years of marriage we had were full of abuse, name calling etc... in any case i did love her and said for the sake of the baby, i agreed to relocate to her... a year and a bit has passed our daughter is one year old. and she has once again asked for a divorce.. in the one year i have been with her in Malta id like to say, i have been the primary carer for our daughter: putting her to sleep, feeding her changing her etc.. Being in a foreign country (im from Cyprus (2 hours by plane) and given the hostile, unforgiving and manipulative nature of my wife.. i question wether to stay in the country of return to my home country where my family and friends and life i grew up in is.. She has already blackmailed me with the baby, and does not return my calls. I love my daughter with all my heart... but i do not feel i can communicate with my ex wife, or that she even sympathizes that i relocated for her... Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-64242358868079935322014-01-05T00:03:22.264-05:002014-01-05T00:03:22.264-05:00I found your comments to be very enlightening and ...I found your comments to be very enlightening and similiar to my current situation which has been pretty awful. So first, sorry to hear your going through this pain. It does completely drain you regardless ofmwhich side of the coin your on. Im currently seperated from my husband going thru a divorce. He basicaly had a midlife crisis, laid off from his job, and hated our marriage so he met someone in anither state and conviently began job searching in that specific state and used the job relocation as an excuse to leave his family and live another life, apparently, a better life without his family. He syas he wss able to do this because I stayed in our home and took care ofnour young children, all the while he ws figuring out his new found freedom and decided he liked it, and would not commit to working on the mwrriage or when he would return home to his family. I supportednhim thru this job relocation knowing it was completely temporary. Them as soon as he ws settled there he wanted a divorce and has gone so long as 12 weeks without seeign his children. He has completely chosen to live 16 hours away from them and thinks its acceptable to see them every 4 weeks, at best. This is not parenthood in my opinion. I have had to beg him to come visit after being away for 4 weeks, begged him to come home for fathers day and have always given him prority seeing the kids when he has been willing to fly back home. He thinks its accetable to pay nearly $800 a month to see them once a month for a few days, rather then living closer to them. He has a temp. Job and temp living arrangements and im sure will arrange to kive for away for jis own selfish reasons, all the while telling our children he is away for work and work keeps him away. They want to know why they can't see uim more and why he cant live closer? What do I say? He would have me move closer to him, takifng kids away from family and friends and the only home they have known, because he would then be able to stay where he is, but cause massive upheaval for the kids. Long and short if you really wan tto be a parent to your children on at least a day to day, or weekly basis, dont give up the fight, an adult can process and cope with these life changes so much better then children who should be enjoying their childhood vs. Wondering when they will see their absent parent again. I wish uou the best and hope your other half sees how this is effecting yiur children<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-14485096085884802162013-12-18T12:54:12.560-05:002013-12-18T12:54:12.560-05:00hi - i have 2 daughters aged 10 and 12 and have be...hi - i have 2 daughters aged 10 and 12 and have been very close with them since our divorce 6-7 years ago. They have lived with me 3 days a week since we divorced and our relationship is better than ever (children).<br /><br />I live 5 miles from their mother so there is no issue about travel or anything however i recently met someone , fell in love and after 2 years with her, considering moving in with her 30 miles away. My kids love her but MY big issue is that i will no longer have sleepovers with my daughters except for alternate weekends , currently they sleep over7-8 days a month during the week and these will become 'visits' if i move in with my girlfriend.<br /><br />I am having a lot of trouble deciding if i should seek out my personal desires with the impact on my kids time with me...wondering if any other dads out there have had this to consider......Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-59247390072988626962013-11-13T13:35:34.176-05:002013-11-13T13:35:34.176-05:00Wow imagine , a divorced women actually having con...Wow imagine , a divorced women actually having consequences for the divorce she probably asked for.....;(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-24829987923389822632013-11-12T15:13:35.085-05:002013-11-12T15:13:35.085-05:00I am a divorced Father of an eleven year old son a...I am a divorced Father of an eleven year old son and a seven year old daughter. I moved from where we lived when my son was three months old in order for my wife to reunite with her side of the family which she really did not know because she was a product of a divorce. Now all these years later we are divorced and where I reside is twenty minutes from my kids. I see them one or two nights a week, every other weekend and extra days during vacations, special events and holidays. I have been contemplating a move to another state for work and a change in life . I worry about the effect in not being available as much to my children. I know there is the phone, Skype, etc. for everyday communication, yet I know if I make this move it will not be the same. However, I also know that if I make this change it would be better for me personally- meaning I would be happier, therefore a happier Father in general. This is really difficult and tormenting. I have approached the subject with my son in an abstract way ( I may move to someplace warmer someday- do not like cold weather.).<br />Curious to see how others may have dealt with this...... I am fully prepared to have them anytime I can afford airfare for them-- which would be 6-7 times a year plus summer vacations...community stewardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00035514614379764224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-31467685316186320242013-10-12T08:30:02.585-04:002013-10-12T08:30:02.585-04:00Hi,
Amazing how your case just likes mine. I marri...Hi,<br />Amazing how your case just likes mine. I married an American woman, and after few years came to US to live here for 4 years, but realized my ex does not want to go back to my country. I am here already 11 years most of the time never enjoyed living here, far away from family, friends, and supportive environment. I am a father for 3 amazing kids, love them so much. I got divorce 3 years ago, but what do you do with the fact that i am in the US for almost 11 years, feeling lonely now, especially after the divorce, but want to go back home?! I mean, do i really need to spend now all my life (at least for the next 14 years - until my little one will be 18) far away from home, and family? Find a new woman where i live, seem to be hard and challenging. I Never missed any child support payment, pay by myself tuition for all kids, health insurance. etc., etc. it is a no win situation either way. But sometimes in life you have to make a very hard decisions, so after many years when you look back, you know you did the right think for your kids’ sake, but also some for yourself. I will be happy to hear from you more about your situation, and what are your plans? Did u decide already, or you still don’t know what to do? Does your ex-husband agree for you to take the kids to Sweden? One thing for you - Don’t let any depression or hard times to break you!! Eventually you will be out of it and find a new life. Your happiness is not less important than your kid’s happiness. I will be glad to hear back from you.<br />All the best<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-67398284948959289562013-10-12T08:10:09.098-04:002013-10-12T08:10:09.098-04:00Are you kidding?? do u really think the court will...Are you kidding?? do u really think the court will let you take your kids out of states and out of their father? you will have to stay in the states with your new husband, unless their dad agree to your move. 0% it will happenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-40996744175326029392013-09-25T12:48:54.142-04:002013-09-25T12:48:54.142-04:00I have a 12 year old son and I have not been with ...I have a 12 year old son and I have not been with his mother since he was one years old. I have recently fought tooth and nail to have shared custody and things are going great. However, I have been re-married for 2 years and eventhough my wife loves my son, she misses her country. I miss her country as well, since I lived there for a year when we first met. I have so much more opportunity there and she wants to start a family, but only there. his is due to the free health care and better child services that the country provides.She is miserable living here and it is hurting our relationship. All in all moving back to her home country would be an unbelievable thing for us. But what about my 12 year old son. I think that he needs me now more than ever. I am thinking that we should stay here for 2 more years until he goes to Highschool. At that time we will have a strong relationship and he is olde enough to visit me in the summers and I can come to the states in the winters. What are your thoughts?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-53608134550654733342013-09-09T12:22:37.922-04:002013-09-09T12:22:37.922-04:00Hi:
If you are already sharing custody, why is it...Hi:<br /><br />If you are already sharing custody, why is it a given that the children have to relocate with your ex? In other words, why can't *she* be the one who is with them every second weekend and on vacations? Or why can't her new partner move 400km to where you are?<br /><br />Those questions are a little rhetorical (and bitter), but you might want to ask them anyway.<br /><br />If she does end up moving away with your daughters, if you make efforts you will always have a strong bond with your daughters. In addition to your regular visits, skyping with them every few days may seem kind of lame, but I find it works very well.<br /><br />Good luck with everything.<br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-17826201497986091102013-09-08T19:14:42.813-04:002013-09-08T19:14:42.813-04:00I am a recently separated father of 2 girls one 5 ...I am a recently separated father of 2 girls one 5 and the younger one 2. My ex has found a new partner who lives 400km away and wants to move there with our two daughters to be with him. She can find a similar job there to the one she has now. We are currently working this out between ourselves instead of going to court where we are unable to pay for the lawyers. We currently jointly share our children one week with the mother the other week with me. If this moves takes place I will only be able to have my daughters every second weekend and at vacation times. As a father I am worried that the bond I have with both girls will fade with time, does anyone have any suggestions how to keep our bond strong if the move does take place?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-45136384676390746712013-08-29T14:14:38.362-04:002013-08-29T14:14:38.362-04:00I am a mother of two wonderful kids, ages 2 and 7....I am a mother of two wonderful kids, ages 2 and 7. I have lived in the US for 12 years to be with my American husband. To be honest, I have never enjoyed living here, I feel isolated, lonely and have missed my friends and family for years. My husband is well-aware of this, yet he has never made any effort to move. I have batted depression and feel that I need to be a happy person in order to make my kids happy. This has been one of the main reasons for our separation. He knows that I have been wanting to move for years and that I have been unhappy yet he has chosen to not help me. <br /><br />It's been over a year since we separated and I am still unsure what to do. I am from Sweden and want nothing more than to move back. I will be able to get government assistance, get my master's degree, and raise my children in what I consider to be a much safer and better place to raise them than America. I just don't see how I can afford living in America as a single mom with a child in daycare and one in aftercare, even with his financial help and with my ok income. I also want to be where I have family and a support system. Even after so many years in America, I feel that I have no one. I truly feel trapped and don't know what to do. <br /><br />My husband says he is ok with me moving back to Sweden, but I fear what it will do to him and the kids. How can I make the decision for them to grow up without their father in their life other than on summer holidays just for my own happiness? Am I being selfish, or should I pursue my own dreams? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-81387308896131485772013-08-20T13:37:30.003-04:002013-08-20T13:37:30.003-04:00The points raised in the article are valid ones. I...The points raised in the article are valid ones. I believe that contact with the children often becomes a problem after divorce, particularly when the divorce is an acrimonious one. I have read that men often view 'wife and children' as a kind of package deal, and find it hard to disentangle their relationship with their children from their failed relationship with their former spouse. My own experiences tend to highlight this. As a noncustodial father, after several years of bitter legal fighting, now that the divorce is over, I personally am tempted to relocate far away. This may seem selfish, but it is intensely painful to be relegated to seeing your child every two weeks, and have most of your parental influence removed by the court. Seeing the child merely opens old wounds and every parting is painful. It is actually easier to just not see the child and then the memories become hazy and they become an abstraction, not a constant, painful reminder of what you lost. When I go a period of time without seeing my child, the price I pay is in the dreams I have when I sleep, and a constant doubt and guilt. However when I see the child, there is the pain of doing it, the stress of the arguments with the ex and the misery of the parting and the realisation that you are no longer really an important part of your child's life. It is a hard thing to bear. <br />There are multiple articles on the web of course about the so-called 'dead-beat dads'. The implication is that anyone who doesn't see his kids every week and remains fully integrated in their lives, is somehow a failure. I do not agree with this viewpoint because very often, as in my case, the mother does not encourage the relationship or even, actively tries to prevent it. I now understand why emotionally and financially drained, battle-weary dads just decide to walk away. It is very tempting to start a new life and never, ever be forced to speak to the ex again. The arguments become too tiring. Dads who do so, in such a situation, whilst continuing to honor their financial obligations, I feel are doing so out of a desire to move on with their lives when they are helpless to see any other path that will allow them peace. If relocation is a part of that moving on, either through opportunity or choice, then its for the individual to decide what makes them happy. There are no points in life for spending a miserable fifteen years of your life, being where you don't want to be, if you feel you will be happier elsewhere. Fathers who have been forced by the legal system into being merely 'income providers' already lost the majority of their parenting time and the bulk of their bond with their children. Coming to this realisation is not an easy or quick process. For me, at least, it has happened in stages. The first stage was when my ex took the child and moved away. You spend a while trying to adjust to this. Then when the legal process starts, the lies and the wrangling and (in my case) my ex's unsuccessful attempts to get 'orders of protection' and 'full custody', the bitterness increases and the contact decreases. Whilst the fighting goes on, its natural to fight back, and indeed anger gives you energy. However, once the dust settles and the fighting is over, for me at least, it has become increasingly difficult to continue to make the effort. I just feel tired of fighting - so, for me, if I was offered a chance to relocate anywhere on the planet, I would certainly consider it. It comes down to personal choice - but I don't believe it any more noble to stay than I consider it a bad thing to go, however society does not widely support this viewpoint.<br />Johnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-81186187142977405792013-08-15T17:00:57.474-04:002013-08-15T17:00:57.474-04:00I would caution against claiming that men are the ...I would caution against claiming that men are the problem. My son's mother has been found to have narcissistic and borderline personality disorder. She was just found in contempt of court for lying to the court and stealing $9k in money, yet the court refuses to do anything to help my son. She is the primary parent because she is the mother. The bias against fathers is horrendous in this society. My son is being abused by his mother, used as a weapon and treated horribly. After years of trying to be an active father, I am at a point of giving up. Neither his mother nor the courts seem to care about him or allowing a relationship between me and him. I feel like moving away and maybe saving him from being put in the middle all the time. If the courts will not stop the abuse, what is a father supposed to do?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-87339593798417545842013-08-08T20:10:36.928-04:002013-08-08T20:10:36.928-04:00I live in the same town as my son right now and dr...I live in the same town as my son right now and drive 45 minutes to work each day. He stays with his mom and I see him on Wednesdays and every other weekend. I could move across the street from work and still see him on Wednesdays and every other weekend but I'm not sure how he will feel about me moving 45 minutes away instead of being 10 minutes from him. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-30056064075459196122013-08-07T11:01:20.041-04:002013-08-07T11:01:20.041-04:00My wife moved to her hometown 600 miles from where...My wife moved to her hometown 600 miles from where we lived and the only hometown the kids knew. She said she wanted to be closer to her family. My kids are 17, 15 and 12. I followed her, giving up a good job, to be close to the kids. She allowed me to move in with her until I found work and moved out. She was so incredibly mean to me that I had to move back before I could find a home. I moved back with my dad and was out of work for a year (yes, there was no work at even Home Depot or Walmart). The kids loved there schools, Church and friends. They did not want to leave. The only reason I moved was to rebuild our family as she said she would work on it. I know realize she just wanted to stall me until she reached the 6 month residency requirement so she could file there and not in our home state. After a year, the kids have friends and are not sure they want to come back. I think they will but I am not sure if I should proceed with a custody fight or move closer to them. I could work to make a good place for them to come back to when they decide (I think they will) and to visit friends and family, or move there until the youngest graduates. I would have to find work there and a place which would take time, I am working here though.Jeffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12851776139544851455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-60644553540254726752013-07-18T22:20:14.303-04:002013-07-18T22:20:14.303-04:00If your ex moved with the child, you would pack yo...If your ex moved with the child, you would pack your bags the same day to be with your child?? Really? You were the one moving to be with your family depriving your child from having 2 parents growing up. You expect your ex to move to your city but does your ex have support there? It's time to put the child first when you have a child...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-26538354771785878842013-07-14T10:01:32.085-04:002013-07-14T10:01:32.085-04:00I snapped packed and left my emotionally abusive ...I snapped packed and left my emotionally abusive husband.I took the kids 6 and 10 8 hours away to another state where my family is .I need their support through this difficult time plus it would be much easier and cheaper to bring up my kids here .i would never be able to survive on the east coast where my ex lives.but my ex loves the kids a lot and is devastated and my older one can't stop crying coz will miss dada and old school.Im considering moving back but I'm scared to do that bcoz life is more expensive and I will not have the great support my family would give me and the kids.i don't want to fall under my ex control again when he would know that he would be the only one around to help me.But I still want my kids to enjoy his frequent company ??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-3060075021617626632013-07-11T05:42:32.808-04:002013-07-11T05:42:32.808-04:00I'm British and lived in Spain with my British...I'm British and lived in Spain with my British ex and three children. When I got separated from my ex, I moved back to Britain for the support of my family and old friends and - critically - because I could not find any employment in Spain that would actually cover both my maintenance and my living costs. Now I have a good job back in Britain (which at least means the children benefit from a good amount of maintenance), but don't see them nearly as often as I like because of the limited annual leave I get - to spend a weekend out in Spain with them can take up to 4 days of leave (Thursday, Friday, Monday, Tuesday) in the winter months because of limited flights to the region of Spain where they live. They stay with me for half of each of the three school holidays (Christmas, Easter, Summer) which is lovely, but I find the long gaps in-between very hard. I try to speak to them on the phone frequently, but they have a lot going on (out with friends/sports activities/playing in the garden or park etc) that I don't get hold of them often as I like. It is hard! I record video messages to them on DVD sometimes and send them out, which I know they appreciate, but I long for a job with enough money and flexible leave that I can get out see them more often between the holidays.Neil Grattonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17091756355959636365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-53480225918049596742013-06-25T23:12:33.896-04:002013-06-25T23:12:33.896-04:00Good to see a lot of people facing the same challe...Good to see a lot of people facing the same challenges. Moved to the midwest because the exwife wanted to be by her family with our young children. We soon divorced and I have no one here, feeling isolated, miss my family, friends and support on the west coast. My relationship with the ex is not healthy, we still cannot communicate after 3 years a part. She says I'd be abandoning my kids if I move, yet she does little to make anything easy for any of us. Shes a very irresponsible person that does little to improve or take care of herself, but continues to grind me for more child support and extra monies for everything. I love my kids, but I feel unhealthy in this situation. I struggle with the thought of moving away from my kids, but I feel trapped in a miserable life, which isn't good for my kids either. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-5863795614214749522013-06-12T20:02:28.160-04:002013-06-12T20:02:28.160-04:00I too live in a city in Canada very far from where...I too live in a city in Canada very far from where my family and close friends live and where I grew up (other side of the country). I would never have chosen to live here but this is where my wife is from and she definitely will not move. We have a 4 year-old daughter and now we are getting a divorce (somewhat mutual I suppose although I wanted to keep working on it). I have only a few friends here and only see my family once a year. I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that I'll be living here for the next 15 years at least for my daughter's sake. I love my daughter more than anything but at the same time it really hurts to think of what I'm giving up. My parents are getting older and I'm losing the connection to my home. But what else can I really do? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-70666048555594595202013-06-11T22:57:20.972-04:002013-06-11T22:57:20.972-04:00My ex and I have 50/50 custody of our boys 12, 9, ...My ex and I have 50/50 custody of our boys 12, 9, and 8. I am thinking about relocating to another state some 24 hrs away. I want to do this for work. My ex says it is abandonment if I leave. I would still be able to see the kids just that they would have to fly out in the summer and back at the end of summer. I really see nothing wrong with this, except that the 12 yo wants to live with me and mom is holding onto him tightly. She seems to think that it is wrong to break up the kids. I am not so sure it would impact them that much. The other two would have more mom time and vice versa. I am confused and really unsure as to what to do. My family lives in the other state and here I have no one other than my children. I live as far away from her as I can right now. She still broods a fair amount of anger towards me and lets the boys know it. Just lost I guess. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-3772908191488434612013-05-10T16:46:14.777-04:002013-05-10T16:46:14.777-04:00My wife and I are divorced now and I am thinking a...My wife and I are divorced now and I am thinking about moving to a part of the state where I have family instead of staying where she has family, a place I never would have moved to unless it involved my wife and her family. We have discussed me moving with my son to another area of the state, about 5 hours or so drive away, and he would attend school there 4 days a weeks and be able to be with his mother the other three days where she lives. He cried at first but then thought it would be pretty cool to do this. He and I have a special bond, I might even say a stronger bond than he has with his mom because she doesn't really spend much time with him even when they are together. What to do? Move to where I have family and get a new start, get out of this small area where everyone knows everyone? Or, stay here and have all the time in the world with my son but have to deal with my ex more often and her friends and family. Our son is 12 and will be starting middle school next year so the move to another school isn't as bad as moving in the middle of a grade or school year. What do you think? Anyone who has an opinion is welcome, please be respectful. Thanks.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09704047123250958655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219803351075030577.post-63643212603716376132013-05-05T02:38:20.199-04:002013-05-05T02:38:20.199-04:00have you considered going to court or talking to t...have you considered going to court or talking to the father after your acceptance letter to the nearest school? I'd take the proof that I've applied to many schools and then take the acceptance letter(s) as proof that I am not doing this to be devious. I'd say you want to make a better life for your child and that was the only opportunity you had-which is to go to a school far away. You have to be sincere and apologetic and stern about it. You do not want to change your major just because he doesn't care about your needs or hates you. Let it be clear that you will be back in a few years and in between on break if possible and want the children to have a sufficient relationship with their father, and that you're not trying to take them away-it's for a purpose that you're moving and temporarily. Good luck with both your career and children. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com